Five Times James Was Different, and One Time He Wasn’t
Lily Evans knew her mother had told her to never cry in public (which was really awful advice on its own), because then the bullies would have won, but it was a bit different when the bully was your sister. At the very least, she thought it would give you the right to sit behind a tapestry and cry.
The tapestry was warm as it brushed against her skin, and oddly comforting to her as she brushed the tears out of her eyes, trying to regain her composure, then staring at the letter in her hands and bursting into fresh tears.
Then Lily heard a whistle. A whistle, that she could only describe as jaunty, that was getting louder and louder. Someone was walking her way.
Lily stiffened, then got very close to the wall, curling herself into a ball and getting as small as possible. If it had been a seventh year, they probably wouldn’t have noticed the small bump quivering in the tapestry. Unfortunately, James Potter was just a first year, and small enough to see her.
“Is someone there?” He asked, not stopping to get an answer before he ripped the tapestry away from her.
Lily sprang up. “James!” She didn’t know much about him, other than the fact that Sev hated him somehow, despite only knowing him for a month, and that he was already extremely popular.
“N-no!” She thought miserably about how lame he must have thought she was, stuttering and sobbing.
“It’s fine if you are,” he said, smiling to show her he didn’t mind. “But who did this to you? Was it Snape? Because I swear, I’ll—”
He glared, and she blushed.
His glare softened, though he still looked angry at the fact someone had hurt her.
“Just forget it. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I guess so. But you should come to dinner with me. Everything looks better on a full stomach.”
Lily rubbed at her eyes again. “Thanks, James. A lot of boys would run away at the sight of a girl crying.”
He puffed out his chest. “I’m not like other boys.”
“Sure,” Lily giggled, as they walked to the Great Hall.
“Right. Like I said, Evans, don’t listen to your sister. Whatever she said, you’re worth ten of her.” Then he disappeared, joining his friends for dinner, leaving Lily by herself.
In a sudden wave of happiness, she tossed the letter into the bin, then went in for dinner herself, feeling silly for crying now. A boy she had never even spoken to had said she was worth ten of Petunia, and even though she knew he was just trying to cheer her up, it left her feeling miles better, and altogether, different.
Lily had seen James doing a lot of strange things (most memories of which she had exiled to the back of her mind), but this was different, stranger than anything Lily had witnessed before.
He was crying. Not bawling, thank god, but tears were definitely spilling out of his eyes, and he wasn’t even trying to brush them back.
“What’s this all about? I’m sensing this is a bit more important than ‘I’ve gotten my foot stuck in a trash bin again’.”
By all accounts, this isn’t normal. Lily doesn’t even know how he found her house, or why he showed up at her door looking like a lost puppy, begging her for help, or why he’s suddenly breaking down.
“Sirius showed up at my house a couple days ago, no explanation.”
Lily shrugged. “Shouldn’t you be excited about that?”
James sighed. “I think he’s run away. He’s in awful shape, he’s refusing to talk to anyone. Not even me.”
“Oh.” Lily knew that Sirius hated his family, but to run away, that was a hugely different thing, nothing that she knew how to deal with.
“I don’t really understand. What exactly are you asking me to do, James?”
“Just help.” James looks at her, his dark, tear-stained hazel eyes silently pleading with her, and he suddenly becomes so much more real to Lily.
“Of course I’ll help you. It’s Sirius, I’m not going to let him suffer.” Lily smiles at the way James’ face lights up, glowing with relief and joy.
She takes his hand gently, and leads him out the door. “And James, I’m not going to let you suffer either.”
She shouldn’t have come here. She really shouldn’t have come here, and she should have known better, but James had challenged her, and no matter how much trouble it got her in, Lily Evans did not back down from a challenge.
“Coming to the match tonight, Evans?” James had asked, leaning too close to her as she packed up after Transfiguration.
“I suppose. Why, are you going to make an even bigger fool of yourself than usual? Because if so, then I’ll definitely come.”
He assumed a look of fake anguish. “I’ll have you know that I never set out to make a fool of myself.”
“Trust me, you don’t have to try to make it happen.”
They both chuckled, and James handed her her last textbook.
“Anyways, you should come. There’ll be cool stuff happening. Awesome, even.”
“Bet you won’t,” he said, a smile beginning to form on his face.
And so she had gone. Not only gone, but dressed herself head to toe in red and gold and made a huge sign, just to show to James that she had come.
And even though she heavily suspected that this was another ploy to ask her out, it was also a joke now, and a challenge.
If he did ask her on a date (for the trillionth time) Lily thought, very secretly, to herself that she might say yes, just to see the look on his face.
It was a great game, too. Mary and Marlene refused to sit next to the “red and gold” monstrosity, so Lily sat next to a group of fourth years, shouting and cheering for the Gryffindor team.
She had forgotten what games were like without James asking her out every second (that was actually why she had stopped going to most of the matches). They were extremely fun, getting to dress up and scream yourself hoarse for your house, and seeing McGonagall nearly faint every time Sirius made an off color comment when announcing, which was often.
But as the game drew on, Lily started to get a little anxious. James hadn’t even acknowledged her, and the game was almost over.
Then the game really was over, and James jumped off his broom and started giving high fives to the rest of the team, before waving at Lily in the crowd.
Later that night, much later than she should have been up, Lily sat in a plush chair in the common room, listening to the crackle of the fire. The only other person in the room was Sirius, passed out on the couch with a broomstick in one hand and a bottle in the other. She was also beginning to close her eyes, when Lily heard footsteps coming down the stairs of the boy’s dormitory.
“Evans? Why are you still up?”
“Why are you still up?” Lily asked, then betraying her own cause by yawning. “I was going to stay up, watch the fire. Make sure it doesn’t burn us.”
“Or, you could just put it out.” He flicked his wand and the flames instantly went out.
“Fine, you got me. I couldn’t sleep.”
James shrugged. “No shame in that. I wish Sirius here couldn’t sleep sometimes. Is this even sleep? Or passing out?”
“Who can blame him? It was a great party. And a great game.”
The conversation felt easy, more relaxed than most of the conversations she had with girls in their year.
Lily had to stop herself from yawning again. “When?”
“I said there would be cool stuff happening. Last time I checked, winning definitely counts as cool.”
“Oh,” she said, feeling something indescribable rising in her chest. He hadn’t been planning to ask her out at all. That’s a relief, she told herself, but she only sighed.
“Come on, we’ve got class tomorrow.”
He helped her up, and began leading her to the girl’s dormitory, before patting her on the back, which was awkward enough, then told her goodnight.
Lily climbed up the stairs and got into her bed, feeling sleep begin to wash over her.
She had been foolish to think James would ask her out again. He had moved on from her, like a normal person should. He had accepted that she didn’t like him. She should have been happy that he was finally leaving her alone. But, Lily thought, before succumbing to sleep, that things might be different now.
Lily has had boyfriends before, if you can even call them that, because she’s not so sure if going on a date or two means dating. But James, in that aspect and every other aspect, is different.
She told him this once, when the common room was empty and they were stuck there alone (James had dropped Divination, for unknown reasons, though Lily knew it involved a dog and Earl Grey Tea, and Lily had opted out of another year of Ancient Runes).
He had laughed, not the cruel laugh she had once characterized him by, but a warm, gentle laugh that seemed to fill the garnet tinted room with sunlight and gave Lily no doubt that he was different.
“What do you mean I’m different, Evans?” They were sprawled out, lying on a particularly old couch that Peter had accidentally been thrown at once, but James sat up to look at her.
Lily wished she hadn’t said it. The words sounded unlike her and needy, something she had tried to fight against her whole life. Petunia was the one who flirted and spoke poetry and begged for attention. Lily was supposed to be witty and unattainable; at least, that’s what she tried to be.
He grabbed her hands and pulled her up, so that they were sitting up and facing each other.
“Am I good different or bad different?”
She threw a throw pillow at him. “Stop sounding like you’re the hero of a romance novel.” Then she paused.
“Good different, obviously.”
James puffed out his chest in his usual arrogant way, but his eyes focused on hers, completely engaged in her.
“You know what I mean, Potter. All my friends, they’ve got these constant boy problems. He didn’t walk her home, he was a jerk, he wants to sit with his friends at breakfast. But you know, you’re not like that.”
She expected him to bat his eyelashes, put on a show about how he’s not like other guys, but instead, a subtle blush rose in his cheeks.
“Right back at you, Evans.”
Being with James is easy, Lily thinks afterwards, which is something she never thought she’d say. Her first year self, or ever herself last year, would be screaming at her. But she’s changed, and so has James, and they’ve changed together, turning from enemies to rivals to friends to a couple so smoothly it’s like Lily has found a puzzle piece, one that matches her so perfectly that she never wants to let go.
“Come here, Evans,” James had mumbled sleepily, flopping down, taking her hands again and bringing her down with him so that Lily was almost laying completely on him.
They haven’t even been dating for a year, but the way he pulled her in so easily, so comfortably, makes her feel like there’s no one who knows her better. So instead of pulling away, like she might have done with anybody else, Lily let James wrap his arm around her and closed her eyes, because he’s different.
There were nice days, and then there were nice days. Today was one of those. Finals had just finished, and the seventh year Hogwarts students were basking in glory of never having to take another school exam. Most of them were by the lake, sleeping or just sitting on the shade under trees, and the Marauders were no different.
Remus and Peter were still somewhat worried, checking their answers with each other, but soon gave up, following Sirius’ lead and instead joking and talking lazily. James and Lily sat together, Lily’s head resting comfortably on James’ lap as she closed her eyes and began to doze off.
It was serene, the five of them quietly enjoying each other’s company. So of course, it couldn’t last.
Severus Snape strolled their way, coming from a gathering of the school’s most prominent death eater wannabes. He wore all black and had attempted to make his look as if his greasy hair had been purposefully slicked back.
He stopped at the tree the friends had claimed as their own years ago, seething at the sight of James and Lily, who looked so easy and good together it made him sick.
“If it isn’t Hogwart’s golden couple,” he cackled, delivering a glare he thought was good enough to match the one Sirius was giving him.
“Bugger off, Snivellus,” Sirius sneered, already getting up, ready for a fight.
“Perfect Potter and his perfect little mudblood girlfriend,” Snape taunted, trying to see if Lily would open her eyes, so he might see them looking at him again.
Instead, she opened them and looked at James, silently questioning what was going on, and instead of springing up and pulling out his wand, he squeezed her hand and said something that Severus couldn’t hear. Whatever it was, it make her smile like he was some sort of hero.
“I’d be careful. You don’t want to be tainting your blood like that,” he said, enunciating every word before spitting out, “Lily.”
And then Potter’s other two cronies were up and had their wands out and shouting furiously at him, but Severus didn’t care. All he saw was Lily and James, making ridiculous faces at each over. Then Lily pushed herself up and kissed him, tracing a finger over his cheek.
Then James got up, and Severus got excited, but the words that came out of his mouth were very, very different than what he expected.
“Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail,” he started, using those ridiculous nicknames for his friends. James stared at Severus, an expression full of hatred displayed across his face, then looked back at Lily, who watched the two of them intently.
“He’s not worth it, guys. Don’t give him what he wants.”
Then James was tackled by Lily, who looked like she was crying as she kissed him.
And Severus ran, for he saw the way his Lily was looking at Potter. Just through being his girlfriend, she had changed him into someone better, someone Severus somehow hated more.
She had turned him into someone different.
Some people wait years to get married. James and Lily were not those people.
They couldn’t have been, even if they wanted to. They didn’t have the time.
“If Voldemort kills us tomorrow,” James had told her one night, the summer after they got out of Hogwarts, “then I want to die being married to you.”
They were lying on her bed, and Lily was introducing James to her favorite movie genre, low budget horror movies.
Lily threw another handful of popcorn into her mouth. “Sure.”
She kept a straight face for all of ten seconds, then burst out laughing.
“Sure?” James said, snorting and nearly choking on his popcorn. “I’m the man of your dreams, and all I get is ‘sure’?”
“Man of my nightmares is more like it,” she said, taking the bowl of snacks away from him, and causing a wrestling session loud enough for Lily’s father to call up suspiciously and ask what they were doing.
Two months later, they were still wrestling over food, albeit wedding cake.
“If it’s good, then let me try it.” She said, trying to grab the plate.
“It’s good, so I’m keeping it for myself.”
Their tussle ended when the cake fell on the floor, and with an apology to the bakery.
From the second she had met him, James had been a whirlwind. Lily wanted to ride a Ferris wheel? They skipped an entire day of class to go to every theme park within a hundred mile radius. Remus was a secret werewolf? James turned into a stag.
Wedding planning was no different. After that one summer night, they were tasting cakes, picking a venue, finding a caterer, sending invitations. Lily had dreamed about her wedding day since she was a little girl, and this was not remotely like the grand ball she had imagined. That had been Petunia’s wedding. But, Lily thought, their’s would be so much better.
“So we’ll invite the boys,” Lily said, one night as they were eating dinner in their brand new house, sitting among the boxes, “and our parents.”
James paused, his fork halfway to his mouth. “And Sirius says he booked the garden. We’ve got the cake. We’ve got treacle tart. We’ve got the food.”
“I’ve got a dress.” Lily said, then smiled. “Did we just plan a wedding?”
James reached across the table and they high-fived. “We just planned a wedding.”
It was a small wedding, to be sure. But James had enough money to put in the gardens that Lily had visited as a child, and to get a seven layer cake, and to get some nice decorations.
And then, because Lily and James were not people to wait around, the wedding rolled around just a few weeks after, and it was just as hectic as a wedding planned in four months should be.
Sirius was still nursing a hangover from the bachelor party. Peter and Remus were running back and forth, trying to keep James calm and set up chairs at the same time. Lily was blissfully unaware of this as she put on her dress, though the occasional loud crashing and cursing gave her some idea.
And then, before anyone of them was fully ready, the organ music swelled, and James makes a face so panicked that Sirius, his best man, had to lead him down the aisle.
“James, what are you doing?” He muttered, trying to put on a smile as they passed Lily’s crazy old grandmother, who’s whacking her neighbor with her giant purse.
“I’m marrying Lily Evans.”
“I know. We all know. We’re here for your wedding.”
James paled. “What if she runs out?”
“Mate, she’s not. Trust me, if she was sane, she would would have already flown the coop by now.”
When they reach the altar, the music cuts out, leaving James with only his thoughts. He looked out at the guests. There weren’t many, but it was almost better this way, because this way, he could see everyone. Marlene and Mary, winking at him. Alice and Frank, who were holding hands and whispering to each other. Remus and Peter, who were giving him the thumbs up. His parents, who were both crying, and Lily’s mother, who was sobbing doubly hard.
For a moment, he forgets how muggle ceremonies work and wonders where her father is, but then the music starts back up and he remembers he’s going to walk her to him.
The doors opened, and Lily Evans walked out. He had expected her to look amazing (she always looked amazing, after all), but she looks incredible to him. She had done something to her hair so that it curled and bounced as she walks, and she was carrying a bundle of fresh flowers they picked from their garden that morning, and she was wearing shoes that make her look five inches taller.
And her dress. James didn’t know a lot about fashion (although Sirius could probably help him out), but this dress looked very expensive and very, very good. The sleeves and bodice were made of lace, and the skirt was made of something that made her look like she was floating.
“Watch it, Potter.” She whispered as she comes to stand next to him.
He winked, and then suddenly, all the nervousness was gone. She was no longer an unattainable beauty. She was the woman who showed him how to cook bacon and eggs so that he could make it for Remus, the one he went shopping and gardened with, the one who showed him bad muggle horror movies and only laughed a little when he dropped the popcorn. And that somehow made him love her more.
They raced through the standard vows the wheezy-voiced minister told them to say, and then suddenly the ceremony is almost over. The minister had a coughing fit before excitedly clapping his hands and squeaking, “You may now kiss the bride!”
Then it was a sort of mad scramble to each other.
“Everything’s always a competition with you, Evans,” he muttered before she latched herself onto him, grabbing his face.
They kiss, and it’s gentle, nothing like what they used to do at Hogwarts, but Sirius still whooped and clapped, as do Sirius and Remus, and then James and Lily broke apart, standing there and grinning at each other.
“Potter,” she told him as he wrapped his arm around her waist.
“You said ‘Everything’s always a competition with you, Evans’, but you can’t call me Evans anymore. It’s Potter.”
She laughed at the face he made, and James remembered why he loved making her laugh. Lily’s laugh was soft, and it always felt like an inside joke, something that was shared only between the two of them.
Then they rushed off, to take pictures and smash cake into each other’s faces and to bet on how drunk Sirius could get by the time dinner was over.
Most men say that their wives change their lives, for better or worse.
“Getting married is forever, Prongs. Imagine Lily, age forty, nagging at you to clean your socks. Is that what you want?” Sirius had said once, in fifth year, after James had finished one of his long winded spiels about the girl of his dreams.
But James had not minded the thought of that then, and he certainly didn’t mind picturing it now. Lily, still looking as just as pretty, teasing him about how little he helped around the house. The two of them, sitting next to each other, flicking their wands and watching socks fold themselves, wondering about what their children were doing at Hogwarts.
James was not like most men. Being a wizard definitely helped with that. But as Lily, his wife, slips her hand into his, leaning into him as he twirls her around on the dancefloor as one of her ridiculous muggle rock songs plays, pieces of cake still smudged around her face, he knows that his wife had definitely changed his life.
