#quitting k

[rusticcottage]

QK - Day Three

Dude, today is a mixed bag.

Positives today

Woke up without the typical grogginess that accompanied my habit

Looked forward to caffiene

Listened to music and sang along, got goosebumps

Walked 1.2 miles with my dogs in the AM

Did a one hour hot yoga class in public and survived

Ate a banana for breakfast, and a sandwich for lunch

Been on top of my water intake

Was able to get out of the house 3x today

Cravings are tolerable; in the background more today, but they can go f themselves

Thought about my childhood and the family I was given and felt sad, let myself cry, then moved on. Did not run away or try to mask

Binged on SWU youtube videos to see that my WD and my life is not the worst out there - there are people who've survived worse and recovered from harder substances than me. Everyone says sobriety > addiction

Being in yoga today brought tears to my eyes; was so proud of myself. Haven't done that in over a year, maybe 1.5 years

Put a load of laundry in

Struggles today

Lack of "happy" feelings

Slow to move around

Hard to focus on tasks

House is untidy and I get tired when I try to clean up after myself

Hard to read a book

Hard to journal for too long

Checking my phone frequently, like I am just looking for something and IDK what it is I am seeking

Worried I will never feel joy again

Looked at nature, sunset and did not feel anything

Dogs annoyed me

Sores inside of my mouth; tender to touch, inflammed lips. Chapstick application hurts my lips

Not feeling productive and getting sick of it. I want to get shit done again, come on

All in all, I am feeling my best since quitting today. Feverish chills, lethargy, and muscle aches and pains are minimal compared to the last two nights. Got 8.5 hour of sleep in. Doing my best to stay focused on the progress today versus day before, versus day one. I did this to myself and this is what it takes to get off this shit. Never again will I let an addiction get the best of me like this, in fact all of the suffering teaches me what damage this trash did to my body and how my body is doing its best to bounce back from all the substance abuse I subjected it to.

[rusticcottage]

Quitting Kratom - Day One

Woke up with the same brain fog as I've experienced in the last year, since I used the day before. Already withdrawing and needing to dose. This time, though, I went for the coffee pot and chugged it down. Followed that with prescription meds.

No anxiety, but also no concentration in the morning. Around 11 am I started to feel small traces of disassociation from my body, kind of like the feeling you have when you're battling a flu or cold pathogen. Very sore and kind of feverish.

Around Noon, I stopped working. Truly could not sit still in my office chair and focus on the content. Felt very irritable sitting there, so I migrated over to the couch and put on a show.

I decided to walk the dogs for 30 mins about 1.5 hours later. Took another pill.

I came back to my couch and had the The Mick playing in the background, and also debating whether to take a gummy or not. I end up taking a gummy and it kicked in 30 mins later - now I am feeling anxious. Nice work.

I haven't pooped all day and had only two chocolate cookies. I barely drank any water. I feel pretty weak and a loss of appetite. The cravings started to come online around 11 am, but I dove into the subreddit and talked myself out of breaking my desire to end this dependency.

I forced lasagna down my throat and headed to bed around 730 pm to scroll on my phone, surrounded by my dogs.

Fell asleep around 1030 pm. No RLS or insomnia, thanks to prescription meds.