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Where is everyone...

#BNStarter #Qwertyuiop.#I feel like Squidward in the episode where he breaks the time machine and he's.... Alone. A l o n e .

Nothing lasts. You think it’s going to. You think, ‘Here’s something I can hold on to,’ but it always slips away.

#QWERTYUIOP.#LEIGHANN.

Hello.

#BNStarter.#I wrote sterter at first.#I'm not sure how she feels.#Qwertyuiop.

I'll Love You for a Thousand More (2021) || Russell & Amy

For a moment, it was as though she had forgotten how to breathe. There were so many things going on around, her, and the only thing she could focus on, was trying to catch her breath. With bridesmaids shuffling around her trying to get last minute preparations done, her mother a few feet away trying to compose herself before anything had even happened, and Delaney skipping along the dark grey and white tiles happily invested in the details of her tool-filled flower girl dress, the only thing Amy could think about was remembering how to inhale. Allowing herself to look up at the floor to ceiling mirror lining the wall in front of her for the first time in hours, the breath she had managed to gain back, was knocked out of her again. Brown eyes followed the intricate patterns of lace lined sleeves meeting at an elegant white-satin bodice. Her slender fingers involuntarily went to tuck a strand of freshly curled hair behind her ear, out of sheer habit, trying to avoid the growing smile on her face. As cliche as it sounded, and as far from Amy as it sounded, she felt.... She felt like a princess.

"Mommy, where's Daddy? I want to show him my dress, it has flowers on it!" A voice spoke. Amy looked over to find one of the bridesmaids holding a one year old Delaney in her arms. Though it wasn't Delaney speaking herself, the words alone were enough to get Amy to smile - genuinely - but the sight of seeing her daughter was even more of a reason. Watching as the eight year old glided past the adults with the proper posture Amy herself carried, the now twenty-four year old turned to face her daughter with open arms. Pulling away slightly for a moment, Amy brushed matching blonde hair out of her small face. "You look beautiful, Delaney," she finished, smiling at the girl who she saw so much of Russell in every day. Delaney crinkled her nose for a brief moment, before smiling her father's smile and looking around in awe.

Sighing, Amy stood back up from her bent over position. She didn't have much more of a moment to herself before another voice chimed in behind her. "Amy," the bride to be turned around to find her mother wiping away a stray tear a few feet behind her, "You look beautiful." With that, Amy felt another genuine smile spread across her porcelain face, closing the small gap between her mother and herself in a hug. "I love you, mum," she whispered, lightly shutting her eyes and burying her face in her mother's shoulder.

"Now you have something blue, something new, something old, and something borrowed, right?" Another voice turned up off to the side, Chloe, bringing both Amy and her mom back from the moment. Looking over, Amy scrunched up her own face, much like how Delaney had done, for a moment in thought. "Yes," Amy pointed to a hair pin with a small blue accent tucked away in her hair. "Yes," she followed that with pointing to the dress itself as something new, "yes," her finger landed on the veil she wore, which belonged to her mother accounting for both the old and borrowed attributes. Chloe opened her mouth to speak again, but didn't have a chance to when there was a knock at the door. The room in one of the grounds' many traditional buildings became silent, knowing very well who and what that knock meant. "It's time," Chloe's smile reached from ear to ear, opening the door to reveal a suited Jason on the other side.

"Let's go, ladies," Chloe orchestrated, directing all of the girls in the wedding to their places to being the traditional walk down the aisle walk. Before Amy could have a second to think, the once crowded room with the people who kept her comfortable and calm, were slowly beginning to leave the room in their place of walking in the practiced order down to the make-shift alter outside. With one last look from Delaney, the crowd had emptied, and it was only Jason and Amy left. There was silence between them, and only awkward, giddy smiles were exchanged. They both shared the common feeling of not believing the moment had finally come.

"This is the last time I'll get to call you Amy Williams," Jason looked down at the ground, his smile exuding as he offered his arm, "So let's not make it sappy because then I'll cry or something, Amy Williams." He finished, Amy taking his arm with a smile. "Thank you, Jason, for everything," his little sister got out, tremor in her voice. Jason was the only man in her life, up until now. Russell was to take his place, and the idea both frightened and excited her. "Please don't let me fall," she added, keeping light of the situation, in fear if she didn't, she would begin to cry. Jason gave a small laugh, before leading her out of the room and to the lonely end of the aisle.

She knew that she would have some sort of reaction once she had begun the walk. However, she never would have thought that her heart would drop, and her knees would go weak before she even took the first step. But watching Delaney finish up her pedal-spewing walk, and looking at Russell stand on the other side with his larger than life smile, had an effect on her that she never would have expected. Swallowing, she could already feel the tears well up in her eyes, and the smile she had fought for so many years was prominent, unafraid to be seen. The only thought that now took place in her mind, was this was the longest walk to forever she could have imagined.

#Qwertyuiop.#Sobbing.#It's still a turd para. I'm sorry.#I'm still in a writing funk. Wah.

Slowly Sinking, Wasting, Crumbling Like Pastries. || Closed.

The second time had been when she had seen her mother cry for the first time, at the age of eleven. Under the circumstances, she had given herself a lot of credit for not crying sooner than she had, but witnessing her mother have a moment of weakness brought a sense of sadness in the small girl, feeling overly apologetic over not being able to help aid in having that picture perfect family her mom had always hoped for. When Amy was fourteen, the third finger of the countdown went up. Her cat, Mittens, had died of old age. Those who knew Amy as she was today would never have guessed that she had an emotional breakdown for a cat. Her hard exterior made that almost satirical, and fake.

With the fifth finger on her hand saved for a future occasion, left the fourth; sitting in the San Diego State Hospital beside her lifeless figure of a brother. It was the first time she had visited Jason since she had first gotten the news, nearly a week and a half ago. Before today, Amy couldn’t bring herself to even think about going to see him. In her mind, if she avoided it, it would simply go away. That was far from the case, though. In fact, the longer she put it off, it seemed like the heavier things got. Not to mention as well, after last night’s event, the blonde couldn’t help but feel more alone. Surely the company of a comatose Jason was better than no company at all.

Dainty hands were neatly laced in a lap covered by a pale yellow floral print skirt that draped down to the bare ankles of Amy Williams. Her steady breathing was far out of tune with the heavy beeping noise of one of the many monitors hooked up to the five-foot-ten boy sprawled out on the washed out box mattress in front of her. She had been sitting there for over an hour, in silence. Her mother and Chloe had gone out for a bit, allowing the youngest Williams to have some sort of closure with the situation. Though she hadn’t said a single word, or let alone made a single sound, just being beside Jason’s pale, fragile body made her feel drained. It was as if the sea-foam green walls were designed to make everyone visiting others in the hospital feel as though they needed to be in the hospital as well.

Swallowing heavily, Amy began to tap her thumb lightly against the other as her hands remained folded. “Do you remember...When we made that castle of cards when we were kids?” She spoke, her soft voice carrying through the empty room. Not expecting an answer, she let her eyes drop from Jason’s peace-ridden face, down to the foot of the bed. “We had gotten to the last two cards at the top, and one of the base sets at the bottom gave out so the whole castle fell,” Amy continued, letting out a shaky breath as she did so. “Well my last base card just gave out,” she finished with a mumble, lightly shutting her eyes as the feeling of heavy tears began to collate in her eyes. The only difference between now, and the other few times she had broken down, was before today’s occasion, she had tried so hard to not let the tears out. She had done everything she could to keep from feeling week and inferior. This time, it was much different. Allowing her head to fall into her hands which were now elbow-propped on the edge of the bed, Amy began to cry.

“Everything is just falling a-apart, Jason,” she spoke through her sharp breaths and constant whimpers, “You’re the only person I ha-have. Please… Please don’t g-go…” Letting a hand fall from her face to the bed, she carefully took hold of Jason’s. Her eyes stung, and her throat felt as though it were being restricted. “I’m sorry we didn’t always get along, I’m sorry I snapped your guitar strings when I was eight. I’m sorry that I told Mum you broke her teapot when I was the one who broke it… I’m sorry I wasn’t always supportive when I sh-should have been,” the girl shook her head as more violent tears forced their way out. “But I… I don’t h-have anyone else anymore… I don’t have Chloe, I don’t have Mum, and I don’t have Russ, I… I need you, Jason…” Amy could feel the immense headache brought on by the emotion, already beginning, as she continued to let everything out. Since her childhood, Amy was skilled in keeping her feelings inside, but she always had Jason around to keep her sane for doing so. Now, she really had no one, and the fact that the only person she knew was never going to let her down was slowly sinking waste deep, it killed her. “I… can’t do this on my own… Please… Wake up…” The small girl shook her head, hiding away in the arm of her brother as though she knew she was never going to get the chance to again.

#Qwertyuiop.#Is it bad that I may have teared up a bit?#Why do I love Amy so much through all of her irrelevancy.