VARIOUS SCRAWLED THINGS, THE MAJORITY OF WHICH ARE DONE IN GLITTER GEL PEN, COLOURS SWITCHING SO EVERY FEW WORDS, A NEW STRAND OF THE RAINBOW IS INTRODUCED:
(tws, all of which are only vaguely implied or touched upon: addiction, dissociation, alcoholism, abuse, trauma, missing person)
Written on the second page of a 1960′s, Andy Warhol inspired journal that Caleb gave Lana for her birthday. The cover is black, with four block pansies, no detail on the petals: red, yellow, orange and blue. Tommy was great at wood-shop and all kind of crafting and he helped to add a lock like the diaries you find in Claire’s. It was Lana’s most prized possession from the age of seven. The list was titled ‘THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPYYYYY’ with a smiley face besides it, eyes like hearts.
When it is summer and the windows are open and the curtains CRINKLE.
saying CRINKLE. Crinkle crinkle
A butter fly who landed on my knee on Thursday. I named him Gilbert but I think he was Winkle better. I! can! NOt! PICK!
Moms lipsticks. The red is coolest. My mom is VERY pretty. VIC TOR I A. Her name sounds like a lion. Our names both end in A which I think is like a friendsip bracelet and best friends wear those. We are BEST FRIENDS.
Movies where people hold hands.
Dad listening to his records
Listening to dads music through the d
When dad shows me his music.
PBJ teddy bears.
Tommy showed me how to skip a stone across the pool. It ploped first but I made two bounces. He was proud of me I think
LUCKY CHARMS!!!
I found the leprecorn on my cereal box. Ivan helped me. His breath smelled bad but that is okay. Caleb is very mean about it but I think Ivan can be nice sometimes even if he smells. I think people shout when they are sad so that is okay to. It is scary but I want to shout somet (scribbled until barely legible with a flower drawn besides it. The flower has a smiley face)
Pink seashells.
My dream where the sun had eyelashes! (drawing of said sun besides this)
AQUARIYUMS!!!!
pirates and mermaids (sereously)
Caleb promised I a
I am not a ghost becos
I am real be
When people talk to me and look at me and say my name. Smiles are cool but why do they smell? WEIRD but I LOVE THEM!
STRAWBERRYS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scrawled in frantic red Biro and then folded up until it was barely the size of a crumb. Lana drops these pieces of paper into a shoebox and then slides it beneath her bed. She’s been collecting them for the past six months.
tyler. said he looked thin this time. didn’t see them (sleeves). eyes blank weird. didn’t look at him right (? always like this). end of mason ave. tall house ford with shattered windshield. DON’T KNOCK. (scary). didn’t see him again.
Another. The writing starts neat before suddenly becoming illegible.
tyler second time. better? bought eggs. DINER DOWN THE STREET FROM THE WILKINS. caleb ate eggs. smiled this time. better? stole money from tyler’s wallet don’t call tyler any more
This is the largest piece in the shoe box. It’s still folded to the size of a cube.
I think he called but maybe it was Danny again. I Googled how to find a phone box but I’m bad at this stuff. I might ask Benji but it’s embarrassing. It sounded like his breath. Maybe that’s crazy but I know his bre. I miss I wish shoeboxes had psychic powers. I wish you could tell me he’s oka
In the brief time that Lana attended therapy, she was given a worksheet to take home with her. It was laid out like a table where she had to write a thing that happened, the way it made her feel, and the things it made her think about herself. She was asked to write about seeing Jensen Peters and ‘Knoxville’ Chambers for the first time in over a year. In the first box, she simply wrote ‘SAW J + K’. In the second, she wrote:
I don’t know what I felt. Bloop. I don’t know why it matters. Blorp. They smell like whiskey. I hear beanbags wh (scribbled until barely legible)
I don’t feel real wh (again)
This is dumb and I wish I could add a sound effect to paper because it would be cool if this farted when people read it. Look up at me when you read this I’m going to make a fart with my mouth. You’ve. Been. Punk’d! (in the rest of the box, Lana drew a very poor sketch of a Siamese cat with double D breasts)
Lana has an origami swan neatly hidden in her bedside drawer. She slid a sheet of blue card in there before setting it inside so that it looked like a pond. If plucked up and held to the light, it becomes obvious something has been written on this swan before it was folded. Smoothed flat, paper creased, a dream has been written out in such small font, it’s almost as if it’s intended for no-one to read. Intended to stay secret.
I sat on the moon. It was a crescent like a sideways smile. Those are my favourite moons so I knew this dream would be a good one. If I stretched my legs I could touch stars with my toes. I nearly fell off twice because I wanted to touch them so bad. They were warm and I was cold. The second time a hand touched my knee so I’d stop stretching. I couldn’t look in it’s eyes because I knew it was an angel. I don’t know how. In my dreams you can’t look at angels. It breaks the rules. It was really nice. I thought I loved sitting on the moon but it was nicer when he it was there. It had gold hair which meant it couldn’t stay because the moon is silver which is a stupid rule. I got really sad it had to go but I understood. We sat together for a really long time. The stars all hummed because they knew I had an angel with me. I think they were singing. It was a really nice song. I’m trying to hum it now. I think they stopped when it left but I woke up before I knew. I’m glad I woke up before the angel went. Next time I might look at it’s eyes because I think they might be blue.
