#trauma implied

[everybody-hates-griefer]

Tf happened to mee in headspace 😭🥀 Man I miss my old appearance

(I know my art is shitty don’t bring it up or I’m blocking you, ok?)

[interyuurei]

"When I woke up and the dark wasn't gone yet, and the dark seemed so big, then she sang soft and made the dark small again. That is the best of all things we can do for one another: Make the dark small."

I need the dark to be small, I need softness and safety, to live not just survive. I need to be able to fall apart and know it's okay to, know that I won't be discarded. Know that nothing worse will be allowed to happen to or touch me, know I'm loved. And I need to not feel like I am bracing for harm and betrayal at every moment, to not wonder what's going to be asked of me with that kindness as leverage next. I need to be able to breathe, to figure out how to relax, I just need home. A house is just a house, places don't make homes to me, I've had housing taken away from me or weaponized against me too many times.

I just need it all to get better or just end. If this is all there is for me, I just want it to be done and over with quickly. I'm tired of false hope and chasing the carrot at the end of the stick. And I want to reach the end cuddled up in the arms of someone soft and sweet, I don't want to be alone. I can't be.

[odball]

I want to have sex I want to trust someone enough for that but anytime I get close to it I panic cause I don't want them to remind me of what happened to me I don't want to mix them up in my mind with my past :(

[melodymogai]

I don't really use specific labels, cause there aren't any that i've seen that match me very well except for the ace bit i think ceptusexual I would love to hear more specific identities if you'd like to tell me some! 🍀

Okie!!

(if you ever want to try and find a specific label, I’m your guy 😁😎 I know lots of little labels)

Also! I hadn’t heard of ceptusexual, that’s a cool label!!

(Btw, I have not looked through my label hoard in a while so some of these may no longer apply?? I’m just copy and pasting the terms and definitions-)

(I wound up not putting all definitions, but if you want one, just ask-)

(There’s probably more labels than this, but these are the ones I found on our phone that’re mine \_(•_•)_/ <- he’s supposed to be shrugging-)

my orientation related labelsssss (most of them anyways-)

Romantic

Acoromantic :

Demiromantic

Duoromantic : Describes a person who has two or more well-defined orientations that they switch between (e.g., cupioromantic and frayromantic).

Noviromantic : Describes a person who experiences a complicated romantic attraction (or lack thereof) such that they do not feel it can be described in a single term.

Propeestromantic : Describes a person whose identity feels like a mix of many (any more than two) aromantic spectrumidentities that all are a part of one identity.

Requi(es)romantic : Describes a person who feels little to no romantic attraction due to mental or emotional exhaustion. The exhaustion may or may not have been caused by bad experiences of romance in that person's past [But a demi version, because this is only sometimes.]

Schromantic : Describes a person who is aromantic and alloromantic at the same time, or some mix of the two.

Thymromantic : Describes a person who feels romantic attraction which varies depending on emotional state.

Inritoromantic : a romantic orientation that intensifies or changes due to a trigger. This could be certain movements, sounds, colors, and other causes. For example, one may be aromantic usually, then become panromantic when dancing. One might also identify as aroflux or arospike. The sexual counterpart is Inritosexual.

perdiromantic : It’s a label for when you identify as arospec but feel like your trauma, unhealthy/toxic upbringing or mental illnesses do affect it as well, causing you to feel lost and unsure about whether its just the trauma or if you’re really arospec. The label represents a disconnect from a romance or romantic orientations in general but in an uncertain way 

heuromantic : an aromantic label for when your aromantic-ness becomes stronger, or changes/fluctuates based on low moods/mood swings, and or depressive episodes or feelings of depression.

Praelumromantic : a romantic orientation that can only develop after one has experienced trauma that makes forming romantic bonds difficult or impossible. those who are praelumromantic may experience the desire for a romantic relationship, but are unable to attain one for trauma-related reasons. one could still be praelumromantic after securing a romantic relationship, as the hardships of trauma can persist even after reaching that milestone. only to be used by traumatized people whose trauma specifically affects their ability to form romantic bonds.

cupiroflux : fantasizing abt romantic relationships but actual desire for said relationship fluctuates!

Multi-fluxromantic : feeling full romantic attraction to some genders but fluctuating amounts of attraction to different genders

Sporadic-Aro : a term for those on the aromantic spectrum whose romantic attraction does not follow a specific pattern and feels sporadic.

Anovelaean : a term for individuals who "collect" aro-spec identities because just a few terms don't accurately describe their identities. An example would be someone who simultaneously or variably identifies as paroromantic, bellusromantic, inactromantic, aegoromantic, greyromantic, and myrromantic. They may identify as all of their aro-spec identities simultaneously, or be fluid between them.

Amicusromantic : a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum. It is a subset of demiromantic, where one only experiences romantic attraction to those who they have formed a platonic relationship with.

Sexual

Demisexual

Dellosexual : someone who experiences attraction to multiple genders and experiences allosexual style attraction to some genders, but is demisexual towards other genders. For example, a dellosexual individual may require a close emotional bond with a woman before experiencing any attraction, but they do not need such a connection in order to be attracted to a man. Dellosexual can be a sexual orientation on its own or can be combined with other orientations. For example, one could be dellosexual and polysexual (dellopolysexual), meaning that when one does experience sexual attraction they can experience it towards multiple genders, but not all genders.

Divisexual : divisexual individuals are one who feels sexually attracted to someone after a long period of knowing them, but due to their feelings, they convince themselves it is not true, and back out of it. This reason could be due to stress, trauma, insecurity, but it is not limited to that, and can be from anyone. They are typically related to the demisexual or asexual spectrums.

Doubtsexual : a sexuality in which you feel sexual attraction, but after experiencing it, you doubt yourself and question whether or not you felt sexual attraction or another type of attraction or none at all.

Dysphosexual (or disfosexual) : an orientation that fluctuates in intensity based on how strong or intense ones dysphoria is at the moment or at the time. It is similar to dysphorsexual. Dysphosexuality is a term under the Aceflux umbrella. Synonymous terms for this sexuality are dysphoflux or disfoflux.

Envigorsexual : an identity on the asexual spectrum, it is defined as someone who experiences more sexual attraction when they are currently interacting with someone, and experiences less sexual attraction when they are not.

Guiltisexual : also known as dreadsexual or coupsexual, is an a-spec identity that refers to individuals who, when attraction is felt, experience a sense of guilt and/or dread, presumably having an effect on the attraction. This could be because of trauma, but it does not have to be. A romantic counterpart to Guiltisexual is Dreadromantic.

Inritosexual : any type of sexual attraction that intensifies or changes due to a trigger. These triggers can be caused by certain movements, sounds, colors, and other causes. For example, one could be asexual, then become polysexual when listening to music. These individuals could also identify as aceflux or acespike.

Oligosexuality : a term for someone who only experiences attraction toward a few specific people. It is a subcategory of Greysexual.

Rosesexual : a microlabel on the Asexual Spectrum referring to someone who wants or enjoys the idea of sexual activity and sexual attraction but after a short period feels strongly sex-repulsed. The romantic counterpart is roseromantic, and the AroAce counterpart is dualrose. [Mainly for females/fem aligned people? And only sometimes.]

Thymsexual : a term for one whose attraction changes directly based on one's emotional state. This could either refer to how strongly one feels attraction (ranging from asexual to allosexual), which gender(s) one is attracted to, or both. This may be considered a subcategory of abrosexual and/or aceflux.

Wolandsexual : an orientation on the asexual spectrum in which one feels varying degrees of sexual attraction due to one's disability and/or chronic illness. This can be due to pain and/or (lack of) spoons.

Aversefinsexual : a term for those that feel attraction towards women and/or female-aligned individuals, but their attraction has either faded, or they choose not to date them, due to trauma. Someone who identifies as aversefinsexual may or may not also be m-spec.

Acorsexual

Praelumsexual : a sexual orientation that can only develop after one has experienced trauma that makes forming sexual bonds difficult or impossible. those who are praelumsexual may experience the desire for a sexual relationship, but are unable to attain one for trauma-related reasons. one could still be praelumsexual after securing a sexual relationship, as the hardships of trauma can persist even after reaching that milestone. only to be used by traumatized people whose trauma specifically affects their ability to form sexual bonds.

Aceflux

Ace alternate

Stresexual

Propeestsexual

cupiaflux : fantasizing abt sexual relationships but actual desire for said relationship fluctuates!

Multi-fluxsexual : feeling full sexual attraction to some genders but fluctuating amounts of attraction to different genders (multi-fluxromantic is the romantic equivalent).

femalisflux or femsexualflux : a sexual orientation where ones sexual attraction for women, women-aligned, and/or feminine-aligned individuals fluctuates.

Quidamsexual :liking all genders but one or more gender(s) have to be a certain way to be attractive.

Other

Ajirallion : a type of angelic attraction that feels as though it is made of light and pure, condensed love. To those that experience it, it feels sacred and deep. It is a connection to one’s soul and their very being; a love of all that they are and all that they are made of. It is the care of saying “be not afraid, for I am here, and I will protect you” in a way that is kind, soft, and sweet. It is not love that is passed through the filter of a human or mortal body, and it is inherently angelic. The experience may feel similar to dreaming, and may be difficult to understand to those who are not angels or angelic entities.

Traumahoarder

Chaoticoriented : a describereorientation in which one's attraction is difficult to pin down in some way. One day, one's attraction may be very clear and another day, it may be blurry. It is described as chaotic and fluid, but at the same time it doesn't feel as if it's fluid or changing. Sometimes it may feel fluid, other times it may feel static, and other times it may feel as if it's fluctuating. The attraction an individual experience does not have to change or fluctuate, and the frequency of the attraction does not have to fluctuate either.

Imprioriented : a term describing individuals who feel that their specific preferences matter more than their orientation. This goes for any form of preference, including but not limited to genital, aesthetic, and personality preferences. The individual may feel those preferences affect their attraction more strongly than their orientation or are more important. Someone who is imprioriented can be any orientation and may choose to combine this label with their orientation (eg. impri-gay, impri-straight, etc.).

Dovehoarder : An identity in which one’s orientation is fluid but one can’t find just a few terms to describe what their fluid orientation is, so they “hoard” orientation terms that fit them. This is similar to Genderhoarder and Turkeyhoarder but with ROMANTIC orientations instead of genders or pronouns.

Paradisehoarder : An identity in which one’s orientation is fluid but one can’t find just a few terms to describe what their fluid orientation is, so they “hoard” orientation terms that fit them. This is similar to Genderhoarder and Turkeyhoarder but with SEXUAL orientations instead of genders or pronouns. Possible alternative to Kiwihoarder.

Omni-masculine : Omni with masc preference [for basically all types of attraction. At least, usually.]

Religeic

Caedgay [formerly]

Arretaroace [primarily with females/fin/fein/etc people]

Touch averse : Describes a person who is mildly to severely uncomfortable with physical touch. The level of discomfort may be dynamic and conditional.

Varioriented / Mixed orientation identity : Any combination of a sexual orientation and romantic orientation that do not “match up,” or share the same gender preference. For example, aromantic pansexual, biromantic heterosexual, homoromantic asexual, etc. are mixed orientation identities. Also called cross-orientation sexuality.

Hostiamanticism : when a person feels attracted only to those who view their struggles and accept them. A hostiamantic will shy away from those who don't validate the way they feel. They will not be romantically or platonically attracted unless they develop a close relationship with someone.

Aroacevague/acearovague : when one’s aroace/aceace orientation is influenced (partially or fully) by one’s neurodivergency. 

Glass-oriented

Minusmetum-/Minus- : becoming less attracted when scared. Exclusive to those with anxiety/ptsd/a pd/any mental illness that causes extreme fear. A neurodivergent orientation.

Myraroace

Demirose

Psychiamoric

Uraniflux : an abromantic/fluid orientation. Uraniflux individuals experience constant attraction to male, masculine and neutral aligned enbies, but occasionally like females or female-aligned people to a fluctuating extent. Uraniflux people can be any gender.

Labelex [I usually just say I’m aroacespec and/or Omni-masc.]

Omnigrey : A term for when an individual is both omni and grey in all of their orientations. For example, when one is omnisexual and greysexual, or omniromantic and greyromantic.

Demian : Refers to someone who is both demisexual and demiromantic. One must have a strong emotional bond with someone before sexual and romantic attraction can be felt towards them.

Demiattraction

[lauras-happy-place]

I only heard “grounding” being used for people with personality disorders, but I think it might help me or others too with similar problems to mine:

You see, due to the *big bad* I tend to dissociate sometimes all day. I’m really feel detached, not here at all and this next idea came to my mind because for a long time ever I finally felt present for a moment thanks to a grounding tool.

I’m going to use grounding methods to get myself back to reality! Or I’m going to organize days full of stimulating activities, so that might help. I really had enough. It affects my days a lot.

Any grounding things you could recommend me? I’ll make a full post about the list later, so others may use the tips too :)

If you don’t feel comfortable sharing it publicly, DM me for tips please!

[autos-ismos]

So I am falling in love with my best friend and I don’t want to. I don’t want to ruin our friendship and to make it worse I have a romantic partner. I don’t know if these felling so are real or if I am just trying to sabotage my life but I don’t know what to do.

i mean. im gonna be real with you buddy i did this a lot. like my whole teenage years i went from person to person because i just kept falling in love. i didnt stop loving the person i was with before, but i forced myself to stop because i wanted the new person. then i spent some time in polyamorous relationships, which i found really helpful to solving this problem, and might be something you could consider depending on the factors involved.

im currently in a monogamous relationship and have been for about a year and a half and im happy. i kinda had to consider my own set of factors, which is that i really struggle with friendships because formative experiences in my life lead me to really struggle interpreting and receiving non-sexual affection. i can sometimes be really confused and upset by strong platonic feelings, and i realised that i felt safer loving my friends sexually and romantically than as friends, which is something im working on and have made a lot of progress.

im not going to pretend i know your situation, or that you and i have anything in common, but i hope telling you this makes you feel less alone and i hope ive given you some things to consider. ultimately you know your own situation best, and remember that no matter what happens and how it shakes out you will learn something from it.

[deebeesinnerdiary]

so if you only notice you have DID outside the traumatic environment, how do you avoid becoming self destructive? i always find myself creating or looking for new trauma

It's really difficult. Everyone's got different experiences.

For me, it was analysing where I was being self destructive and actively trying to change the behaviour. Like after a lot of my trauma a couple years ago, I was with people who easily recreated the trauma because they were similar to the abusive person who hurt me. I recognised where they were being bad to me, and then decided to slowly distance myself and eventually leave. But the second part was opening up again and find people who didn't do those things. I wish I could give a timeframe but I'm still working on it I mean I do have supportive friends and stuff-- it's the opening back up part.

I understand this may not be the exact case you might've been looking for but it's a very long process of habit replacement I suppose.

Also DID may be noticed in other situations; I'm sorry to make it sound otherwise.

[clever-and-unique-name]

(please don't re/bl0g)

I have no concept of time passing right now. When am I awake? When am I sleeping? Someone bright and relentlessly cheerful entertains our husband while he's home and awake. Work stress has him wound tight this week and that knowledge pulls a fawning part to the surface, quick to anticipate his needs and meet them with a chipper laugh to keep the mood light. (It looks like they were here answering a few asks today, possibly.)

I am trying to keep my own needs in mind and tend to them but it is so damn hard. I wonder if it's the shadow of my father looming over my life again. That suffocating anxiety telling me to play my role correctly and keep everything running smoothly, because if I mess up, or even if I don't, all the stress of "the working man" will come crashing down on me. That anxiety masks my needs, squishes them down so that I struggle to even recognize them.

Meanwhile, growing in the back of my mind, some desperate hunger for reassurance and affection keeps clawing its way to the surface. "Tell me I'm doing the right thing," it begs, "Tell me I won't get in trouble, tell me I'm good, tell me you still want me."

The vulnerability makes me sick, even as I try to accommodate that need too.

(please don't re/bl0g)