#trauma tw

[the-wonderful-world-of-we]

It doesn’t matter, the first time or the hundredth time remembering it, because it always feels like it’s happening again

[anthcs]

the battle’s not over. ( from will @gloryseized )

@gloryseized | Will ! | catching up & checking in…

There’s something wrong about looking at someone younger than you and realizing that you share a common trauma, a common loss of a loved one, even if the shape of your relation is different.

“No, it’s not.”

Katie would likely wince at that level of honesty if another one of the Head Counselors said it, but really, would lying to Will really be any better?

Katie knows the battle is not over when her hands shake and she feels a horribly familiar cold sweat after nightmares. Katie knows that the battle is not over as nightmares rob the air from her lungs, and when the supposedly soothing scent of lavender throughout her cabin smells more like nauseatingly artificial perfume instead. Katie knows that the battle is not over when she is not completely awake, but plant stems and roots are lashing out like defensive whips, even to her younger siblings.

Katie knows that the battle is not over because she’s exhausted during the war council meetings but too hyper vigilant to sleep through the night. Katie knows that the battle is not over because her scar twinges, and even though she’s changed gauze at least twice, she still sometimes sees the glint of a blade in her peripheral and wonders why she didn’t respond quickly enough. Katie knows that the battle is not over because there are more bodies than there are funeral shrouds.

Katie thinks of Michael, of Lee, of how much Will has to shoulder now much more soon than any of them would have even imagined.

Then, almost immediately, Katie gently adds, “But you’re not alone in this, Will. If you ever need someone to talk to, or someone to help you in the infirmary, I’m happy to. You already know that I’d prefer it over fighting out there, right?”

[assistedcomfort]

I don’t usually comment on blogs like this so like. I’m not expecting a response. Tw for internal murder and violence

We’re a very . Internal violence heavy system and god I can’t stop beating ourselves up about it because what do you mean we retraumatise ourselves? In our brain? I’m being vauge on purpose but like you know. A lot of trauma re enactment. But god it’s constant and it’s so tiring. We can’t do much with it. But like “oh but your alters can’t die.”

Okay so what did I witness? What do I keep witnessing? And mental health near us isn’t going anywhere so we’re just. Stuck

Anyway sorry had to put this somewhere

🌀💫 anon

First off, thank you for trusting this space enough to share this. I hear you, and I'm glad you got this out somewhere. You do not seem to be asking for advice, so I am not going to give you any advice, as I do not want to overstep any boundaries, or make you feel uncomfortable by offering any advice when you didn't ask for it personally. But I wanted to reassure you all, that this place will never judge you, being a system regardless of your type, is genuinely difficult, and hard to deal and cope with. Sometimes just word vomiting, or telling someone about your struggles can help ease pressure off of your shoulders. I am incredibly sorry you are unable to seek out any sort of medical help. Is there any sort of mental health online you are able to do, or is where you live completely devoid and not acknowledge mental health as a real issue? Again, every system is different, while I cannot answer for you if what you are experiencing is a sort of "death" or not, if to you and them it feels like dying, then to you all it is a form of death. All I can say, is to try and be a bit easier on yourselves. You are all struggling and hurting very much. But you are not alone. We are here for you, always. My inbox is always open, no matter the topic. /gen - Mother Lamb

[givehappychemical]

anyone else lose all of their desires, thoughts, and hobbies after finally moving out? I think I've kind of gradually forgotten who I am over the past two years.

[toothlesssoul]

Filthy, disgusting, dirty, so dirty. So repulsive. I hate myself so much. I hate this brain. I hate these nightmares.

[legion-transcendent]

Thinking about it, David is a survivor of so much trauma. Hate crimes. Medical abuse. Physical abuse. Mental and psychological abuse. Definitely some combat PTSD in there. And unfortunately, I can actually see the potential of csa during his time at Muir. He was a kid to young teenager in a predominantly adult environment where most of those adults didn't see him as a person in anyway. So ... yeah.

[caffeinated-armadillo]

"Bad things should be only depicted in fiction if the perpetrators get punished for it"

No

That's not how it goes in real life

Bad things will happen and the people responsible will be congratulated for it.

Bad things will happen and the perpetrator gloats about it publicly and to your face.

Bad things will happen and when you tell about it people will ask you if you're sure, maybe it was just a mistake. Or maybe it wasn't, maybe you should just be grateful that it happened. Grow stronger. Be tougher. Grow up. Forgive and forget.

It wasn't even that bad, was it?

Bad things will happen and other people won't see it for what it was as the society around you twists and turns it until they can see it as justified. As a mistake. As a means to an end. As a blessing in disguise.

As just another matter to be swept under the rug.

You want to wipe us away from the media because you're uncomfortable with us. With the idea that we, the invisible survivors, exist.

Trough fiction we can teach people safely what it looks like when the injustice isn't corrected. When the wrongdoing gets overlooked. When the survivor is left to collect the pieces with no hope of getting the puny "justice" you so love to preach about. And just maybe, one day, those who learned from these stories can look into the eyes of one of these survivors and understand even a shred of the pain they carry.

Don't silence the voices that try to teach you about the darker side of this world. We're still here, we're still living.

We were silenced once. You will not silence us again

[rizzazura]

You absolutely don’t have to respond to this but I thought I could share how I feel about sexual stuff as an ace person!

I also have complicated feelings about sexual stuff thanks to be raised religious so I’m not sure if my asexually comes from that or not. But I’ve learned I like sexual content as long as I see it as a fantasy if that makes sense? I enjoy reading smut and occasionally RPing and looking at drawn porn sometimes but I don’t think I want to actually have sex. it’s more that I like the idea of having it, I don’t actually want to have sex

I don’t know if this means anything to you but I thought I’d share in case it does!

Oh yeah I feel the same way! I fantasize but thats all the extent I'm willing to indulge in, I can't and dont really know if I'll enjoy having sex irl. Part of it was bc of religion ofc, but also things I've seen as a teen that happened in the family i think would've been considered as trauma? Not sure. Made me utterly repulsive of the idea of having bodily desires. OH and getting sexual comments from my religious teacher at the time definitely didn't help either

I remember I said i don't want to marry or even have sex bc we were talking about marriage and building families and he told me, with a smirk, that I'll change my mind one day once I get a taste of it

Looking back what a horribly inappropriate thing to tell your 15 year old student????????? Why are they like this....

I guess i enjoy in the idea of fictional sex bc they're not real and they can't really hurt me