#rage against the garbage

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Sonichu 8 Page 19B

Caption: 33rd floor

SONICHU: Now there’s something you don’t see often, transforming porn.

Caption: 34th floor

ROSECHU: Wow!

SONICHU: Give it to her good pal!

Caption: 35th floor

SONICHU & ROSECHU: Holy crap!!!

Caption: 36th floor

Card: Strip Strip Fever

SONICHU: What card game is that from?

Floor 33 is more ED Rule 34, based on Sonichu’s reaction, the idea of Transformers-based porn is mindblowingly novel to him.

You may recognize the image on floor 34 from the start of this episode.

Third floor in, #35, shows erotica of some of the ladies of the Sonic franchise, including a nude of Amy Rose you may remember from Rosechu’s self-centerfolds sequence. On the left is Cream the Rabbit and in the middle is Rouge the Bat, both sexualized.

The top floor shows a round of strip poker being played by female Sonic the Hedgehog characters on a game card. The card is supposed to be from the Magic: The Gathering series, a franchise Chris has never shown any interest in, hence his confusion about what franchise the game is from.

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Sonichu 8 Page 25

SONICHU: For you are not just dragging Christian Weston Chandler’s name through the mud, you also drag the American hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these great, humble United States of America along with him. You’ve had your laughs, but ask yourself, is it really worth it to continue on with these slanders that drags the good names of the good people within this country that was founded with love and peace within it that those before us have fought valently to withold, that I was born and raised under the old glory that is the red, white, and blue.

Sonichu tries to appeal to Jason’s sense of patriotism by waving an American flag and setting up the fallacy that insulting Chris would be like insulting every single sucker in these United States. The CWCki cheekily calls this speech the “Clarksville Address”.

Chris says through Sonichu that dragging his name through the mud is tantamount to crushing the majority of Americans’s hopes and dreams (a majority that I assume doesn’t include Jason), despite the fact that Chris’s situation of why he was being mocked in the first place is fairly unique - ED latched onto him because A) he’s a terrible deluded artist who thinks his knockoff creation is bound to be a hit, B) his obsession with finding love in the wrong places, and C) how ballistic he gets every time someone criticizes him, a pretty uncommon combo.

Chris also doesn’t seem to realize when he says 4 Cent Garbage slanders good Americans that 4Chan and ED’s sphere of mockery is far from limited to Americans (the aforementioned Snapesnogger, for instance, was Australian).

Chris then attempts to goad Jason into taking the page down by saying that he’s had his laughs, now it’s time to stop. Chris doesn’t realize that’s not how you put the brakes on the Trolling Train - if you want to stop being trolled, you have to stop feeding them. Telling them to stop just keeps feeding them even more, something very few trolling victims understand.

America wasn’t founded on love and peace, but, to be fair, no country in the history of human civilization has ever been founded on love and peace. The ideal of a civilization not built on atrocities and unpleasantries is an unobtainable utopian fantasy, but Chris is no scholar of the human condition.

They fought to withhold? You mean uphold, Chandler.

His invocation of the deceased veterans of America makes me think he was working on this speech on or around Veterans Day 2008. Now, to someone like Chris who doesn’t work or go to school, Veterans Day is just another day, but maybe he was doing some introspection on the holiday, I can’t say.

And Chris, classy as he is, still takes time to give Rosechu another little panty shot. Chris, you keep finding worse and worse times to show off Rosechu’s ass. There’s a time for panty shots and in the middle of your appeal to patriotism isn’t the time. (Though to be fair that could be some crinoline from under skirt showing as opposed to panties.)

In 2015, Chris would reuse this image, including the American flag, for his Response to the Terrorist Attacks in Paris, something so hilariously tasteless I might have to do a whole annotation page on it.

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Sonichu 8 Page 5B

Hey, Rosechu, remember three pages ago when Sonichu said you just posed for Playboy? Couldn’t you have just used those images? Why’d you have to take new ones? Just saying.

Take note of how Chris signs each of these images, not something he normally does with his comic artwork. He sure is proud of these nudes…

Well, he shouldn’t be (even aside from the obvious reasons) since they’re all traced. Heck, the original images for the two on the right even show up in the elevator gag later.

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Sonichu 8 Page 1I

SONICHU AND ROSECHU: Aahhhhh….

This page is actually one of the five drawings Chris uploaded to ED to “replace the negativity with positivity”. The purpose of the drawing was to clarify that, yes, Rosechu was indeed a woman with a China to prove it. We watch our two lovehogs finishing, so now we can get on to the real meat (no pun intended) of the story at hand. I know this is a weird thing to notice right about now, but I never realized how many articles of clothing went into Rosechu’s outfit; I thought it was a one piece dress but there’s at least two pieces of dress on the floor along with her matching boots. Also she’s still wearing her white headband while getting fucked.

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Sonichu 8 Page 35C

LOLISA, I GUESS: Ah, I think she’s here now.

SIMONLA ROSECHU: I hope I’m in the right place; I hate making that mistaken turn in the wrong place.

Caption: Simonla Rosechu Age: 19 -Ground/Bug Type

LOLISA?: You are in the right place, Simonla.

SIMONLA: Lolisa! Excellent!

LOLISA: You are right on time. Well done.

LOLISA: Sonichu, ladies, this is Simonla. Simonla, let me introduce Sonichu, Rosechu, Bubbles, and Anelica.

SONICHU, ROSECHU, BUBBLES & ANELICA: Hey, Simonla.

SIMONLA: Hey, y’all.

Problem is for this Rosechu nudie photo shoot is, aside from Zelina, whose awakening has been botched by Chris’s falling into the Time Void, white and yellow Sonichu Balls in tow, and the Anchuent Powers-fueled transformations of Sarah Hammer, who is happily enjoying a life married to William Spicer far away from the action of Sonichu, and Crystal, see Zelina, Chris only has four Rosechus, the four on the cover. This issue will see the introduction of three new Rosechus to fill out the cast, as well as to fill out some of the remaining Pokemon types that haven’t been Sonichu-ified.

Enter Simonla Rosechu, a character that would go on to become one of the most controversial characters in the entire comic. During the summer of 2008, Evan George, who had previously drawn the Ghost Buggy face in Sonichu 7 and was on the receiving end of the “masturbating and squirting” email, submitted a fan character by the name of “Simonchu”, an olive green Ground/Electric Sonichu based on Simon from Gurren Lagann. Evan showed him off to Chris, who apparently had been already stewing around the idea of a Ground-Type EHP. Chris, wanting to balance the gender ratio of EHP’s a little (at this point, discarding Anchuent Prophecy transformations, the ratio was 7 Sonichus to 5 Rosechus; the addition of Simonla and Zapina puts this at an even 1:1), changed the character to a female, and rechristened her Simonla, apparently a play on the female given name Simone (pronounced identically to the way the Gurren Lagann character’s name is pronounced). We’ll get more into Evan’s response to the character as she is further developed in Sonichu, but suffice to say he was not pleased with the changes to his OC.

Simonla, unlike Simonchu, is described as a Ground/Bug type, to play into the idea that her drills are, in this universe, rather than being inspired by Gurren Lagann, are based off of the Pokemon Beedrill, a Bug/Poison type. To date there have been no Ground/Bug Type Pokemon introduced, although the functionally identical Bug/Ground Typing boasts the Nincada and the Sandy Cloak form of Wormadam, both of which existed at the time of Chris writing this, but Simonla resembles neither. Her closest Pokemon relative would probably be the Diglett/Dugtrio, with her penchant for digging tunnels.

Her eyes are red due to what Chris calls her “secondary infrared eyelids”, whatever that means, since Chris didn’t realize Simonchu’s red eyes were goggles.

She also has a visible navel, which seems a little odd given that she was presumably hatched from an egg.

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Sonichu 8 Page 35B

ROSECHU (I think, or possibly all four Rosechus): “Votes for women, step in time! Votes for women, step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme! Votes for women, step in time!” Votes for women!

ROSECHU: Votes for women!!!

ROSECHU: And the downfall of 4-Cent_Garbage’s garbage!!!

ROSECHU: Well done, sister electric hedgehogs!!!

LOLISA ROSECHU: Well, my associate should arrive soon with the backdrops, and we can get this party started.

This entire page is an massive reference to the “Step In Time” sequence in Mary Poppins. The premise of the film, which is set in the pre-WWI Edwardian London, where the father of the family is busy at work and the mother is busy campaigning for women’s suffrage and they have to hire the eponymous nanny to watch over the children. This song comes near the end of the film and is a big dance number for all the chimney sweeps of London. The setup of the song is “X, step in time/X, step in time/Never need a reason, never need a rhyme/X, step in time.” At one point the mother and her gaggle of “sister suffragettes” intermix with the action of the song and the above lyrics are sung.

Chris doesn’t seem to understand the different “waves” of feminism. Suffrage was one of the primary concerns of the first wave of feminism, which ran from the turn of the 20th Century to about 1930. Most countries have women’s suffrage at this point. The long-standing joke implication is that in CWCville, women can’t vote. Well, this isn’t untrue as Chris has said there are no elections in CWCville, so technically, no one can vote. So in that context, Rosechu comes off as a revolutionary fighting for democracy in Chris’s autocratic dystopia.

The panty shot counter rises to 6, but at least here it sorta makes sense.

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Sonichu 8 Page 18

Caption: 7th floor

ROSECHU: I have a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, you freak!

Caption: 8th floor

SONICHU: That just infuriates me and ticks me off!

Caption: 9th floor

Caption: 10th floor

CHRIS: That was a beverage cup from a Target Cafe! And what did I say against that sour vegetable?!!

SONICHU AND ROSECHU: Bravo, Chris! Good show!

On this block of floors (for some reason they skip floors 5 and 6), the brunt of the pickle-drawing action is going on. Rosechu exits the elevator briefly to knock a guy’s lights out for drawing a portrait of her with male genitalia. She ever-so-nicely informs him about her female reproductive organs and heads off on her way.

On the eighth floor, Sonichu attacks and presumably obliterates an image of a nude Mary Lee holding Sonichu on a leash. It’s nice to know that this image not only infuriates Sonichu but it also ticks him off. Fortunately, the 4 Cent Garbage employee manning that station wasn’t at his post at the time, so he is spared the carnage his pickle-drawing colleagues face.

The unlucky soul on floor nine is blasted with a combined jolt of lightning from both of our lovehogs; his fate is never revealed. I suppose we’re meant to assume that he survived albeit cartoonishly charred, but we’re never given any definitive outcome. While real life electrocution can be fatal (you know, they can execute criminals with the electric chair?), in cartoons and videogames, electricity can bounce of characters harmlessly (note that the image used to illustrate the trope is of Ash and his Pikachu), so I suppose Chris means to invoke this trope, but nevertheless it would have been nice to get a little closure. If they actually managed to kill him, that would make him the first fatality of the comic (except for, I suppose, that field of red where those jerkops used to be in Sonichu 5 but even then I’m not sure if we’re supposed to see that as dead bodies).

Lastly, by virtue of his quasi-divine powers, Chris emerges momentarily from the Time Void at the exact second that Sonichu and Rosechu arrive at floor 10. Chris takes such issue with this 4 Cent Garbage employee drawing an image of Chris sucking on a magnificently large dick Straw of Fail, that he wills himself to exit the hellish dimension he is trapped in just long enough to sock this guy in the face. Now, as you, my astute readers, have already figured out, the rules of the Time Void are incredibly vague and subject to change at the whims of the Great Director, but this, while you could argue it’s excused by the virtue of the scene being a joke, is a particularly egregious as according to Magi-Chan, only he can retrieve Chris from the Time Void. Now Chris can just pop out wherever, but I suppose we’re meant to assume that Chris was only permitted to leave the void from the waist up and for just a moment and that’s the limit of his powers while trapped.

Sonichu and Rosechu cheer Chris on from the sidelines, describing Chris’s beating of this man as a “good show”. Little do they know it will be the first of many such beatings.

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Sonichu 8 Page 16

Under the cover of invisibility, Wild snatches the indigo Sonichu Ball in the same time span it takes Sonichu and Rosechu to get directions to the elevator.