#rain angst

[wh0-said-that]

Rain

Everyone always talks about how bad it was for Dewdrop when he was replaced by Rain or how horrible it was for Phantom to follow in Aether's footsteps...

But what about Rain?

He was summoned to replace a ghoul who was still in the band.

Out of respect for Dew, no one wanted to tell Rain about Dewdrop's elementary transformation and why everyone seemed to hate him.

So the poor, scared water ghoul didn't know why everyone seemed to avoid him. He didn't know that every time they showed Rain the slightest bit of kindness, they were consumed by their guilt over Dewdrop.

He didn't understand why the fire ghoul used every opportunity to bully him, why no one talked about his predecessor, no one taught him, no one showed him how life worked here.

Rain was simply Rain and that apparently wasn't enough. He had to teach himself everything, comfort himself when he woke up from a nightmare in the night or curl up shivering in his bunk while the other ghouls slept in a cozy, warm ghoul pile.

He was scared, tearful and intimidated. He was afraid to stay, afraid of being sent back to the pit, afraid of being seen, but also afraid of being forgotten.

It had taken him a long time to earn Dewdrop's affection, he had crawled to his knees before the fire ghoul, had endured all the humiliation... and then Phantom came along. And even though Dewdrop was upset that Aether wouldn't be traveling with them anymore, he treated Phantom much more warmly than he had Rain. It hurt Rain to see that.

But he endured it, treated Phantom kindly, let him sleep in his bunk, supported and helped him and even let Phantom constantly claim Dew for himself.

All because Rain remembered very well how bad it was for him, and he didn't want any other ghoul to ever feel that way.

[sodoshame]

Deliver Me Into My Fate

⚠️ Warnings: Self-harm, arguments, overall angst.

Pairing: Phantom/Rain, Phantom/Mountain, Mountain/Rain

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst.

A/N: Includes Poly!ghouls, Ghouls are not human (Have horns/tails, purr and growl.)

Summary:

Sodo really needs to learn to think before he speaks.

_

“Back off Phantom, just stop, okay?”

As Sodo spoke, the aggression was clear; venom was practically dripping from every word. His tail was flicking wildly behind him as he spoke. Phantom looked at him, his shoulders drooping slightly, as well as his tail.

“What do yo-”

“You know what I mean. You are nothing like Aether, and you never will be. You are fucking useless.”

Sodo’s insults cut right through Phantom, leaving him trembling. Sodo spat in his direction and stormed off, radiating heat.

Hot tears were stinging Phantom’s eyes, beginning to run down his cheeks. He choked down a sob, violently wiping at his eyes as he walked down the hallway. He ran into a bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind himself. Slowly sliding his back down the wall, he began fully sobbing, bringing his head to his knees.

Fucking Useless.

The words ran through Phantom’s brain on repeat; it wasn’t the first time he’d heard them and he doubted it would be the last. He shakily pulled his sleeve up, staring at the scars up his arm. He’d managed to stay clean for a whole month- the longest he’d managed so far.

Fucking Useless.

As the words echoed through his head, he pulled out a small lock-knife from his pocket, flicking it open. Tears were blurring his vision as he slowly put the knife to his skin, watching as the blood started to appear. Phantom’s tears dripped down to his arm, mixing with his blood. He was completely sobbing now, his shoulders shaking violently.

Knock knock.

“Phantom? Is that you in there?”

It was Rain.

Phantom panicked, eyes darting round the room.

“Y-yeah?” Phantom’s voice came out shaky, cracking slightly as he spoke; not at all like he wanted it to.

Rain’s voice grew more concerned as he knocked again.

“What’s wrong? Let me in, Phantom.”

Phantom frantically scrambled around, rolling his sleeve up and pocketing his knife. He wiped at his face in attempt to stop himself from crying.

“Uh- I-I’m fine, Rain.” His voice cracked on the last word as he let out a loud sob, doing his best to stifle it.

“I’m coming in.”

Phantom looked at the floor, noticing drops of blood on the floor. He quickly tried to wipe it away, but only smeared it more. It was too late; Rain was stood in the doorway, looking down at Phantom as he was sat on the floor, sobbing. His eyes flicked to the smeared blood on the floor and then Phantom’s blood-soaked sleeve.

“Phantom? Oh, honey…” Rain whispered, as he dropped to his knees in front of Phantom. He wrapped his arms around Phantom’s shoulders, pulling him close in a tight embrace. Phantom fell into Rain, burying his face in his chest. Phantom sobbed into Rain’s chest, his hands clinging on to his shirt.

“S-Sodo.. He…”

As he struggled to find the words, Rain put his hand up to Phantom’s head, gently running his hand through his hair.

“Shh, you’re okay. I’ve got you.”

Phantom nuzzled his face into Rain’s neck, his tears soaking through his shirt.

“Phantom, sweetheart, I need to look at your arm.” Rain said, his voice as sweet as can be.

Phantom shook his head, whining quietly as he continued crying. Rain sighed, rubbing his back soothingly.

“What if I get Mountain? He can check it over whilst I’ll keep holding you?”

Phantom shrugged, not saying anything in response. Rain sighed, then took his hand from Phantom’s hair and reached for his phone in his pocket to text Mountain.

Rain:

Mount, can you come to second floor bathroom? It’s Phantom.

Mountain:

Yep, on my way rn.

It only took a matter of minutes for Mountain to appear in the doorway, the tall ghoul looked down at the two huddled together on the floor.

“What happened?” He asked, bending down to be at the same level as he put his hand on Phantoms shoulder, rubbing it soothingly.

“I don’t know, he won’t talk. Can you just look at his arm? He’s bleeding and I don’t know w-what to do-” Rain rambled, clearly slightly panicked.

“Take a breath, Rain. We’ll figure it out, okay?” Mountain responded calmly as he sat down cross-legged on the floor, reaching his hand out to Phantom.

“Hey, let me take a look, Phantom. I’m not going to hurt you, okay?” Mountain soothed, slowly picking up his arm.

Phantom whimpered into Rain’s neck, who was still running his hand through his hair.

Once Phantom’s arm was taken care of, Mountain stood up, slowly taking him from Rain’s lap and picking him up into his arms. Rain stood up, looking at the two.

“I’m going to find Sodo, I’ll find out what happened.” Rain said, his voice seemingly void of emotion.

Mountain nodded at him, reaching out an arm to stroke his arm briefly.

“Alright, I’m gonna settle this one down, come find us later, yeah?” Mountain smiled sweetly, his voice reassuring.

Rain nodded and left; once he did so, Mountain carried Phantom all the way to his bedroom and laid down with him. Immediately, Phantom curled up against him, nuzzling into his chest. He didn’t want to speak, but Mountain understood that, he pulled Phantom close to him, running his hands soothing down his back.

“I’ve got you, bug. You can rest now. I’m not going anywhere.”

Phantom purred softly as he got comfortable in Mountain’s arms.

A/N: I wrote Sodo’s point of view as well, go check it out; https://www.tumblr.com/sodoshame/724291902308040704/if-im-alone-i-cannot-hate

Warnings: Anger, Forms of Self Harm, Self Hatred. Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst. Pairing: Mostly Sodo/Swiss. A/N: Includes Poly!ghouls, Ghou

[wh0-said-that]

Rain's birthday

(angst, no happy end)

Rain shifted impatiently on his chair, glancing at the kitchen clock again and again.

Two minutes left.

Had he forgotten something? He looked at the table in front of him. There was a plate, cutlery and a glass at each place. Rain had painstakingly cut out colorful confetti in the shape of little fishes and spread them out on the table. And in the middle of the table was a huge cake. It had taken Rain two attempts and almost the whole night to bake it, but here it was. And it looked good enough to eat with the light blue icing and the little, glittering sugar stars.

Rain nervously tugged at his bow tie. Maybe a suit was a bit over the top for today, but he wanted everything to be perfect. He glanced at the clock again.

Finally 5 p.m.

Rain quickly lit the candle on the cake. The other ghouls should be coming any minute.

He turned slightly on his chair to keep an eye on the kitchen door.

Still no one.

Five minutes had passed by now. Strange. At least Aether and Sunshine were usually always on time. Rain stood up and pushed a fork straight.

There was still no sound from the hallway. Where were the others? The clock now showed fifteen past and the candle had already burned down quite a bit. Rain paced around the table, casting nervous glances at the clock and the door. His packmates knew, right?! He had personally handed them the selfmade invitation cards with the time and date. Swiss had even checked his imaginary schedule in an exaggeratedly silly way before agreeing to the event, just to make Rain giggle.

Rain chewed on his lower lip. Should he check where they were? But what if they showed up at the exact moment he wasn't in the kitchen?

Undecided, he glanced at the clock again. The ghouls were officially half an hour late. Slowly, doubts began to arise in his mind. Would they even come?

Rain went over in his mind what he had written on the invitation card. But even with the best will in the world, he couldn't think of anything he had left unexplained. On the contrary, Rain had written down all sorts of information in his neat handwriting. 

He had really thought of everything. He had even taken Aurora's lactose intolerance, Swiss nut allergy and Dewdrop's aversion to chocolate into account when baking the cake.

He paced back and forth. Where were they? They knew how important today was, didn't they? His blue eyes began to water.

With a sigh, Rain sat down in his seat and stared at the cake. The candle had almost burned out by now. He watched resignedly as the white wax ran down, dripped over the plastic holder and slowly mixed with the blue icing of the cake. The flame began to flicker as it finally reached the plastic and then went out. A slightly smoky smell filled the kitchen.

"Happy birthday to me.", mumbled Rain depressed. 

The water ghoul stared blankly at the table in front of him while hot tears ran down his face. He hadn't talked about anything else for weeks.

In the pit or among ghouls in general, birthdays were not celebrated. No one knew the exact day they were born anyway. It simply didn't matter.

But Rain was thrilled when he saw a birthday celebration on television. He had pestered all the siblings of sin with questions about it until he felt he understood this human custom. And then he had enthusiastically told his pack members all about it. Since he didn't know exactly when he was born, Rain decided to simply choose the day of his summoning. Beforehand, he had Copia explain to him how long a year was and when his birthday would be.

All things that were of no importance to the average ghoul, but for Rain it was extremely important.

But not even Copia had appeared. How could a human forget such an important custom?! Did he not care about Rain that much? Or did Rain's birthday count for less just because he was a ghoul?

With a sob, Rain got up to go back to his room. He had waited in the kitchen for two hours, but no one had shown up.

His packmates had simply forgotten his first birthday outside the pit.