#raising daughters

[globalriseofblackpeople]

[huffpost]

Happy birthday, Stephen Curry! 🎉

The Golden State Warriors player has three adorable children with Ayesha Curry, and he's shared a lot of wonderful advice about parenting in the world today -- especially when it comes to raising daughters. 

[lilith333]

To all of the young mothers: Don't let anyone tell you your life is over. -- By: Lilith333

Some background:

I was 5 months pregnant in the summer of 2019 when my life partner and I had decided to take a big step in our journey together.

We were living in the small and yet strangely bustling town of Pocatello Idaho. It holds the crone like beauty of the high desert, with it’s many crags, hills and valleys. The smell of sage often fills the air to such an extent, that I noticed it’s lack of presence as I entered the more temperate part of Oregon.

It’s very true that my hometown holds an almost rustic charm, but the culture of the area for any pagan or eclectic practitioner is pretty much akin to a dumpster fire.

We had been living in the same rut for far too long then, stuck in the same bad part of town, not seeming to be going anywhere…

Then an opportunity hit.

His mother had offered us a way out of Idaho. We had the option of living with her in Oregon until we could get on our feet.

This gave me a lot to consider.

I did want to leave and branch out, even though I have had some very deep and spiritual experiences around the hills and trees on the outer edge of town. Almost all of my family lives there, and as much as we have our issues, sometimes family is nice to have around.

It was a solemn and bittersweet goodbye as I knew my heart had decided that despite the difficult circumstances that I may face, I had to go. My soul needed more.

So we left, in the end we were glad to leave it all behind and start again somewhere new.

I did expect things to be difficult, and I knew it would be worth it.

Looking back I still feel It was definitely worth it, though I will say this:

I had no fucking clue how hard this would be.

I have lived in a few states across the country, and have even visited some foreign destinations, but I had never once uprooted like this.

With that bit of background out of the way, here are some of the biggest challenges that I have had to face over the last 7 to 8 months.

1. Entering the third trimester of pregnancy in a new town.  

As most of you can probably guess, the third trimester of pregnancy is a time of high anticipation. You’ve made it this far, and now you want to see your child’s face already… Like, seriously. How much fucking longer.

Being pregnant at this stage is EXHAUSTING.

Not to mention the body image issues that can arise when hormones are high, and when you have a predisposition toward them in the first place. It doesn’t help.

Being pregnant in the middle of summer when it hurts to move is pretty tortuous. Not to mention that the warmer and sunnier part of the year is my favorite and most functional time, which brings me to my next point.

2. Struggling with seasonal depression and post partum depression AT THE SAME TIME.

(Crippling loneliness. Isolation.) 

There’s nothing quite like watching the best part of the year pass you by only to fall face first into child rearing the night you give birth. I still can’t say that I would leave my child in the nursery looking back, but being able to sleep on my first night as a parent would have been alright, considering I, you know, JUST GAVE BIRTH.

My life partner, who had spent the last half of my pregnancy at home helping me, got a job on the day I went into labor.

He had to sleep for work, and though he and the nurses tried to help as much as they could, I stayed up all night with my beautiful bundle of neverending needs.

I was so used to always having my partner within arms reach to hold and to share company with. When he was at work, I felt as if I was floating in a warzone of diapers, T-shirts fully soaked in breast milk, and breast pumps that made me feel like a subjugated milk cow.

(Yes, there are some very uncomfortable and gross realities concerning breastfeeding. I was shamelessly mostly naked around the house for about a good three weeks after my child was born. If you don’t want to breastfeed, I won’t be the one to blame you. It’s not for everyone, I don’t care what they tell you. )

It was cold. It was wet. I was stuck in the house for six weeks struggling with my new body that didn’t feel quite like my own anymore. I was striving to not believe that my life was over. I was scouring Google for any scrap of proof that being a parent doesn’t mean losing your identity. That being a mother doesn’t mean having to live up to the unrealistic expectations of the mother martyr archetype; an ideal woman that society tries to glamorize and brand into the minds of little girls everywhere.

I was lucky that enough people around me truly supported my need for self care. You can’t take (good) care of a squalling infant if you aren’t taking care of yourself. This mindset got me through the first six weeks or so.

What seems to hold true is something I read in another article. “Things get better in two week increments.” …They really do.

3. No family to help babysit.

(Dealing with in laws)

Okay, I love my partner’s family. They are amazing, and they helped us get out of our rut in a time of need. That being said, they are still my in laws, and therefore sometimes a bit much to deal with.

They both have very time consuming jobs, and can’t really help us watch our daughter as much as we need it at times. Sometimes it makes me miss having my parents right there, but then I remember part of why I left in the first place was to get away from their toxicity. Still though, it would have been nice just every once and a while. I don’t currently have a negative relationship with this family, and I really want to keep it that way. Sadly, sometimes that means temporarily becoming a room hermit.

…It’s a lot of major life changes all at once.

If you are in a situation similar to this, or just a new mother struggling to find yourself again, know this:

Your life is NOT over.

You ARE an individual.

You aren’t the same person after motherhood, but you aren’t worse for it. In fact you can become BETTER.

If you are willing to fight for what makes you who you are as not only a mother, but as a person, and as the fucking goddess that you are. You WILL become stronger.

Life is getting better:

• I’m going to be able to find a job soon. • We’re going to get our own place together. • I’m meeting new and amazing people. • I’m getting into music again. • I’m expanding my talents in herbalism. • I’m getting back in touch with my spirituality. • I am going on dates with my partner. • I am finally tackling my seasonal depression.

I am growing, and feeling, and living, and I will not stagnate. I am more than just a mother.

I am proud of who I am, and what this dark night of the soul has brought to me.

My twin flame and I will continue to grow past the dark clouds as we reach the light that is finally at the end of this tunnel.

You can do it. You and your family can live your lives to the fullest. If no one else, then I believe in you.

Don’t let anyone stop you, because no one else will ever have to live your life. Live by your standards, and you won’t regret it.

...Be strong my fellow goddesses, and warmest wishes:

~Lilith333

[athousandsmallheartattacks]

Good News, Friends

My 7 year old saved up 809 cents in her piggy bank and told me that she’s basically already paid her way through college.

[pardonmymannerssir]

As a white woman I often worry about being able to help my half-Hispanic daughter navigate forms of prejudice I’ve never had to experience. I’m terrified I’m going to fail her somehow.

[atwentysomethingslife]

[athousandsmallheartattacks]

Two for Tuesday: Presidents Day Edition

1. 

Kindergarten teacher to class: What do you think are some of the characteristics or qualities of a good leader and president?

Other kids: Kindess, using your words, being nice.

My kid: Obama. 

2. 

Kindergarten teacher to class: Some people disagree as to whether Presidents Day should be celebrating Washington’s birthday or both Washington’s and Lincoln’s birthdays. Other people believe Presidents Day should celebrate ALL presidents.

My kid: Even DONALD TRUMP?!?!?

[athousandsmallheartattacks]

Sometimes I’m Super Mom who keeps a “go bag” of neatly organized activities and crafts in my car and my children are well-behaved and clean and kind and all the other moms look at me with awe/disgust/envy and sometimes I’m Wicked Witch Mom who yells and punishes because my children are rude and obstinate and straight up mean to one another and to me and how did I get here and is it bedtime yet?