#rally rambles

[reallyrallyauthor]

It's thinking about how ride-able Santiago Garcia's face is hours.

[reallyrallyauthor]

I have my first job interview in 6 years tomorrow (I've been self-employed or freelance since before covid). It's a real, grown-up job at a very grown-up, cool place and I.am.nervous.

[reallyrallyauthor]

Me writing smutty fic while my visiting in-laws are two rooms away eating their lunch:

[reallyrallyauthor]

I'm doing okay. I think it's all going to be okay.

[reallyrallyauthor]

I don't know who needs to see this: Sense of Foreshortened Future

In my teens, I thought I'd die before I was 20. And in my 20s, before I was 30. Not that I had any plans to seek death. It wasn't about depression. Truly, in my heart, I knew I would die. I thought my body was telling me something, prescience or foresight. I'm in my 30s rn.

It's a trauma response. Your body is lying to you.

If you grew up like me, with very little agency and a family that made every day seem precarious, of course you'll have trouble believing you have a future.

You're going to see your 20s. Live into your 30s. Your 40s. Your 50s. You'll have great friendships and heartbreak and it's okay to set goals. You're going to do great things.

Right now, so many people in my life have this sense of foreshortened future.

No one knows what to call it. They feel ashamed to talk about it. It makes them feel alone. You're not! Many, many of us feel just like this.

Things aren't hopeless. We have each other. And we all have to live, if only to say 'fuck you' to a bunch of assholes trying to steal our futures.

[reallyrallyauthor]

I'm helping renovate my In-laws bathroom and storage room. And I started Arabic classes. But I did manage to add another 2k to am absolutely rambling Leto fic, and started another Victor fic. So, not all is lost.

[reallyrallyauthor]

Recently had to disconnect emotionally from social media and online community to focus on irl things and I gotta say... 0/10 do not recommend.

Would much rather make up silly stories than invest my energy in huge life changes and touching grass. Which is to say, I miss when I could spend 5 hours a day writing and connecting with friends I've never actually met in person.

I'm hard to get to know, I think, and people on here are hard to get to know. Because we all assume no one wants to get to know us. When it's really the opposite.

[reallyrallyauthor]

I'm getting a new phone today!!!! YAY!!!!!

My old one has a bulging battery, which is super duper dangerous. Also, that's the second Pixel I've had that with serious battery issues.

With my new phone, I plan to write smut in the notes app!