Relationship anarchy, godspousing, and me.
This is sparked by some interesting posts viewing godspousing and consorting within a hierarchy of devotion to a deity, spirit, entity, etc. The posts placed godspousing above all other forms of devotion or attention to a deity, and by itself that’s a whole can of worms I don’t want to unpack yet but it brought some interesting ideas up about the way an Otherpartnership is held as something more than all other relationships on a general level.
There are plenty within the godspousing community that do hold their relationships with various divinities above human ones - and that’s great for them, everyone has a different mode of loving and it makes people happy. It’s rare, I’ve found, to meet another godspouse that approaches their relationship as a relationship first and devotional second. There are absolutely others and I’m so glad they’re around because otherwise it does feel like the odd one out.
A large part of my relationship with the Bucca involves the fact we are both autonomous, independent entities that entered a relationship willingly with each other. If we have other partners or relationships outside of our pairing, there’s no hierarchy involved with a primary partner. Of course, we do cohabit in Annown and we are currently each others partner, but it’s part of the relationship “deal” that we are autonomous and able to do as we please without constantly checking in relationship-wise. (This doesn’t apply to things like childcare, we check in regularly and frequently throughout the day to ensure we don’t get wires crossed).
Even the more spiritual/devotional aspects of our relationship are entirely formed of give & take with no hierarchy or one putting themself above the other - hunting and being hunted, devotion and being devoted too. I give gifts of offerings to the Bucca, and the Bucca gives gifts of offerings to me. A hierarchy is of no use to us in the most basic sense - devotion goes both ways for us! It’s a deeply emotional experience when it does happen and involves a lot of love and affection. In part, it’s because of the way the Bucca is - They’re of the earth and the wild and the sea, there’s no hierarchy there: if one part disappears, even at the perceived bottom rung, the whole web of life crashes.
Mostly I’m writing this on the slight chance there are other godspouses that engage with their partners without a distinct hierarchy or devotional relationship - you’re not alone! It’s more common than you think, even if you don’t identify with relationship anarchy! One day I’ll be able to write something succinct and wrap it up quickly - maybe I'll even make this slightly more polished.