Some SATIRE on the latest godspousing drama...
(This post jokingly pokes fun at recent discourse. I am a godspouse. My actual opinion is quite different.)
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The reason godspousing exists is... y'all haven't learned to order the gods about properly.
So here's how to deal with unruly deities:
When a god shows romantic interest, ignore them. Remind the deity they are a nonhuman cosmic organizer of the universe. They have better things to do than pay special attention to one small human. It's entirely inappropriate for a deity to notice a tiny speck like you. Tell them to get back to work!
If the god persists, stick your fingers in your ears and quote the words of Plato, Proclus, Cicero, or your favorite historical source. Emphasize that deities can't have emotions or desires.
Didn't some dead philosophers write that the gods only exist in divine bliss? Since we all know that ancient philosophy was dictated by our deities, the philosophers must be absolutely correct. Use their words as a defense!
If the god appears sexually interested, explain that sex is a base act only appropriate between humans. Point out how human sexual fluids disgust the gods, therefore they cannot possibly desire a human sexually.
If it's a fertility deity, insist they never show you their fertility aspects in a sexual manner. They must keep any related mysteries hidden forever, out of respect for human religious rules.
Never ask a god their opinion about any of the above. It's essential that we tell them how to practice pagan religions properly, so they know who's in charge.
Always frame the above behaviors as respect. Make it clear that you're intent on honoring your gods, by prioritizing all applicable ancient worship practices above the words of any deity.
Therefore when you...
dismiss a god's emotions by insisting they don't have any, you can say you're respecting the gods by not over-anthropomorphizing them
reject a god's advances by elevating them high above us humans, you can say you're maintaining proper humility
vilify godspouses publicly, you can say that's enforcing respect for ancient religious practice and the ancestors who went before us
All of that makes you look good in public and helps you do pagan religion correctly, so make sure to continue!
Order those gods about!
Insist they only interact with you on your terms! Quash any ideas they have about romantic love or sex! Teach them the correct ways of accepting worship!
If you are intimidated by demanding the gods behave according to proper standards, remind yourself it's for the good of the pagan community. Surely deities want their worshippers to be respected by other religions? Therefore the gods must keep their robes on, because we humans say so.
Fuck whatever our deities think about that! Their opinions are much less important than ours are.
Didn't the philosophers explain that we worship for our benefit? Since deities need nothing, they could never be enriched by anything we give them. Hence human preferences are more important.
We should uphold our standards for worship because that benefits us. It makes us look respectable in public, to the community and to other religions.
Therefore, absolutely NO sexual offerings! Regardless of what the fertility gods think about that. They must stop whining about sex, and be content with their offerings of wine, olives, and other traditional things.
Have I offered enough ideas yet?
Hopefully you godspouses have gleaned a few pointers from this post. What you really need is to grow a pair and stop this nonsense. You're far too lax.
Learn to demand proper behavior of your gods. Make them behave like decent deities should.
Enforce respect!










