#ramblingteck

[eduteck]

Been rewatching Madoka for the fifth time this year, finished Deltarune chapter 5 and been writing a lot of lore for our Cain Campaign.

In times like this perhaps only creativity can hold me

[eduteck]

I remember vividly telling my gf the first time watching rebellion “I hope this movie Homura gets to crash out and cry a lot and open emotionally with someone”

And putting the monkey paw wish aside, I honestly need a scene with the same ideas from Madoka when she gets her memories back in the new movie.

Madoka arc needs a moment when the world stops, she realizes the weight of her decisions, and just breaks down piece by piece. Homura’s burden is one of sacrificial of the self for another, human to human, Madokas one is the burden of sacrifice of the self to the world, human to reality. A reality that she left behind in order to become the change, becoming in the metaphorical and literal way. But turns out that’s a heavy burden, and not without her flaws.

She’s not only neglected Homura through leaving her as a loophole in the wish, but her own existence as well, and if the flower field scene told us anything, is that at least her subconscious mind acknowledges this side of her life as the Law of Cycles. Acknowledges that the sacrifice of the self, even for the world, comes at expense of someone, it may be you, it may be people you love, but sacrifice, even for the greater good, comes at a price, and not a meaningless one.

So when the time comes, and it will come, I hope Madoka could cry it out to someone. And even with tears dropping in a fake world and the burden of her decision on her back, she still takes the same choose over and over again, because that’s just who she is. A naive kind girl who feels like she has nothing to offer to the world more than her kindness, and if she has to erase herself to do the deed, so it be.

And honestly? I could never blame her, not when I would do the same. Over and over again.

[eduteck]

God I wanted to post my Sayaka fic today but sleeping is a human necessity I’m afraid

[eduteck]

Kyosuke probably was asked to play something after Sayaka funeral in her honor during the Wraith Arc timeline. He would think about it, choose a song. Perhaps the Funeral March, by Chopin? No, it wasn't her style, she liked Prelude in E minor, though. A piece from Debussy could work, she loved him, yet Clair de Lune don't sound like the most fitting for her funeral, ah of course! The girl with... no, it brings back bad memories to the guy. Picking a song was hard, but at the moment of the play was the hardest part. He couldn't do it, he got his throat choked, tears dropping in the luxurious violin. She died so sudden, he was so bad to her so many times. In front of everyone closest to Sayaka he felt the need to run, and only the first notes of a E3 minor chord could come from him before he froze.

[eduteck]

Today I can understand why you used to buy a cigarette every morning. The booze drops on your shirt are now a temptation, not an alarm. Every cent you spent in those frivolous excess comes to make more sense. A shelter of the world, a shield, one day you called it, you talked to me about the smoke and the pain and that day I heard you about the pain, but now I want to know the smoke. How it rises and falls in spiral patterns, how it soothes your soul while burning your lungs.

But all I have for tonight's nightmares are words. Those patterns aren't spiralled enough, a shield made of ink and bright lights. The rain is jumping on my umbrella while the diode lights flick above my dreams, and you're telling me that my only shelter are words in a language I barely understand?

Perhaps this is my cigarette.