#ramcoa art

[boyscantrun]

Today marks the day I wouldve been 18, in a white dress, with my hair freshly cut, getting married. Getting married to the man that was +50 than me, the man who promised little me i would be his bride, the man who went out of his way to fix my mutilation to fit his preference.

In that timeline, thats my wildest dream. Today, thats my worst ever nightmare. I keep looking behind me, feeling staring eyes pinning me down to the wall, asking if im excited, asking if this was what i had been waiting for all my life, if the torture, if the assault, if all of the mutilations were worth it.

I am glad to be sitting on my balcony, smoking a ciggarette and listening to music, none of these things wouldve been approved by the old freak, and i am so glad to know hes rolling in his grave.

[roses-thorn]

Observation

Steel paneled rooms with only a metal chair connected by a large one-way mirror to a dark room. The chair would have shackles, and were usually bolted to the ground. Only the chair stayed in the room, but steel carts with tools would be brought into the room for experiments.

Not all of the rooms connected were this small. There were select classrooms for lectures and presentations which also had a torture room connected by one-way mirror at the front of the classroom. Lights could be turned down in the classroom.

The rooms were used for experiments, interrogation, torture, and programming. The facility was large, with several floors, and long windowless white hallways.

[bloodforangels]

to kill

[aworseworld]

new split

[bloodforangels]

angel hunters

[roses-thorn]

Hate what they tell you to hate

Love when they say it's OK

Still you have nothin' to say anyway

And you don't even know you're a slave

---

We are coming up on around one year since we realized we had been programmed. One year since we made this, our first art piece to cope with the memories. Perhaps now, we can share it.

[boyscantrun]

The big part of my Cotard's has been equated towards always being threatened, that I would be dead. WOULD. Yet I already felt empty, like nothing was fulfilling, so it was conformation. I was already dead.

I'm moving to a country that I had the best life in, and I am so excited, I'm happy I haven't forgotten the language, it's likely the farthest from the cult I'll ever be in terms of countries. On a brighter side, look at my shading improve already lmao

[bloodforangels]

i think about it a lot