#ramshackle dorm

[wyvernslovecake]

Jade: *tossing a clump of hamburger meat back and forth in his hands* Now after you knead, knead, and knead the patty some more, you shape it like this and get all the air out.

Grim and Shriek: *sitting on the counter, watching the patty go back and forth and looking at their own little patties before trying to sneak bites*

Jade: Ah! Do we need a litle reminder of the virtues of patience? 😏

Grim: Aw, c'mon! 😭 This hamburg steak smells so good!

Shriek: Yeah, raw meat's the best!

Jade: *grinning as he sets his patty down and crouches down in front of Shriek like a baseball catcher* Well then, if you wish to vent your frustration, throw it at me with all you've got. 😊 We'll make a game of it.

Grim: *wiggling over on his knees* Me first! Me first!

Shriek: Hey! 😠

Grim: Virtues of patience! 😏 Okay, here goes... *heaving the patty up over his head and tosses it with all his strength into Jade's cupped hands* MRAH!!!

Shriek: Oooh! 😯

Jade: Good job, Grim. 😊

Grim: Myahaha! Course it was! I'm a patty sculptor extraordinaire! 😸

Shriek: *scooting over* My turn! 😀

Grim: Give it your best, but don't be disappointed if-

Shriek: *flings the patty into Jade who goes flying back towards some crates*

Grim: MRAH!!!! 🙀

Ghost Chef C: Sweet beans in a basket! 😱

Shriek: Ya good, Jade? 🙂

Jade: *laughing as he gets up* Right as rain, dear. And so's the patty. Such splendid throwing form! 😄

Shriek: *giggles as she puts a paw on her arm muscle* I made it dead meat even after it's already dead! 💪😈

Ghost Chef C: You're no slouch yourself, Jade. You mixed everything perfectly, cracked an egg with one hand... We teach the basics of cooking here, but from what I can tell, you already have those down pat. I'm starting to wonder if this course will even be beneficial for you.

Jade: Your praise and concern are touching. 😊 I can assure you, I'm having a wonderful time.

Ghost Chef C: Well, if you say so. All that's left is to mix the tofu and onions with the beef. You can prep the garnish while it cooks—

[[An explosion of purple smoke erupts from the other side of the kitchen]]

Grim: Ah, crap, don't tell me Lilia was serious about that banana cake with liver?? 😥

Shriek: He's starting on it now?? 🤩 Coool!

Ghost Chef C: *big sigh* I'd better lend him a hand. 😓 You seem to have things covered here. Would you be okay finishing the dish by yourself, Jade?

Jade: Consider it done. 😌

Ghost Chef C: Excellent! Just shout if you have any questions. I'll leave you to it!

Shriek: Wait for me! 😋 *spreading her wings to flap after the ghost only for Jade to tap her on the shoulder* Huh?

Jade: *smiling conspiratorially at the Ramshackle duo* Do you two want to know the reason why I signed up? 😏

Grim: No, but you're probably gonna tell us anyway. 😑

Shriek: I want banana cake!

Jade: *chuckling* Such bold preferences actually mirror my reasons quite well. I seek versatility over fundamentals.

Grim: See, your problem is you keep saying these big fancy words and expect us not to look at you like you're a total dork.

Jade: You see, my beloved Mountain Lover's Club does a broad range of activities, but one of the most enjoyable is foraging for wild plants and mushrooms.

Shriek: I know those ones! They always turn up in the food ya make at the Mostro Lounge! 😋

Jade: Indeed, I can sauté them into perfectly fine meals, but... Since I spend so much time in the kitchen, I find myself wishing I had better techniques and recipes to bring out the best flavors.

Grim: And more weird mushrooms? 🤨

Jade: Especially more mushrooms. 😊There's a veritable smorgasbord of plants and fungi out there. It's quite a deep rabbit hole once you dive in. But I'm limited in what tools and ingredients I can bring, and I can never be sure what I'll find, or in what quantity. So I decided to expand my cooking repertoire, and thereby increase the number of methods at my disposal. Most of what we make at the Mostro Lounge is from a predetermined menu. But here at the Culinary Crucible, I can broaden my gastronomic horizons like never before! 😁

Shriek: *sniffing the crates Jade had previously landed in before giving a grin of her own* You brought a new stash in, didn't ya? 😏

Jade: *chuckling as he drags one of the crates over, knocking out a secret compartment containing a smaller box* No fooling your demonic discerning nose, is there? Behold...

Shriek: *marveling at the multicolored mushrooms within* Wooow! 😃 You know what these guys can do if someone puts 'em down their cakehole yet?

Jade: *breaking out into a fiendish grin* What say we find out?

Grim: *sighs as he watches Jade and Shriek turning to the pan of sauce with malicious glee* At least gimme your phone first so I can pull up the number to Poison Control. 😒

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[[Night Raven- Cafeteria]]

Rook: Bonjour! What a delicious aroma! 😊

Shriek: Hey, Rook! 😃

Grim: Greaat, we got a weirdo for a judge to match our weirdo cooks. 😑

Jade: It's a pleasure to have you.😌 I'll bring your food right out.

Rook: Merci, Monsieur Prémédité, Monsieur Peluche, Mon Petite Diables, I shall judge this meal with the utmost sincerity. 😊✨

Ghost Chef C: Ooh, you can tell he's a seasoned waiter! 😲 Even the way he carries the plate is flawless. And he smiles with such confidence. There's no question his meal is perfectly prepared! 🥹

Jade: Thank you for your patience. I present to you a tofu hamburger steak, garnished with seasonal fare.

Rook: Tofu, hm? Très bien! It's a privilege to enjoy such an uncommon ingredient in this cafeteria. Mmm... Just hearing that juteux sizzle stimulates the appetite. 🤤

Jade: Heh heh heh. By all means, enjoy it while it's hot. 😏

Shriek: Get your grub on, man! 😁

Rook: And so I shall. *bite* munch munch

Jade: *leaning forward with smug anticipation as Shriek perches on his shoulder and copies his leaning to the point where she topples onto the floor with an 'Oof!*

Rook: Marvelous! How intriguing. It looks like regular tofu, but then you geth thu tha—ah?! 😳

Ghost Chef C: Rook? 😧! Did you just yelp? What's the matter?

Rook: T... Tongue'th gone numb. It'th pawawythed...

Ghost Chef C: What? Are you saying your tongue is...paralyzed?! 😨

Rook: Yeth! Oui! 😛

Ghost Chef C: What could've caused this? Wait, was it the tofu hamburger steak?! 😱 Now that I look closer, I'm seeing some ingredients on the plate that weren't in the recipe...

Jade: Heh heh heh. You're welcome to try some as well, Chef. I'd love to hear your impressions. 😏

Shriek: You're the pro! 😉

Ghost Chef C: I suppose a bite is worth a thousand words. All right, I'll try it! *bite* *munch munch* HMMPH! BLEHH!!! 😱

Rook: What do you think? It was quite the novel experience for me. Why, I could have it for every meal. ☺️

Ghost Chef C: Wha… What ITH THITH?! 😖

Shriek: Check it out! His tongue's even whispier than normal! 😲

Jade: So it would seem. It looks as though the effects differ greatly between human and ghost physiology. How fascinating. 🙂 Here, Chef. Have some water.

Ghost Chef C: *chugging down the water and panting* Those multicolored mushrooms in the sauce were the culprits, weren't they? 🥵

Shriek: *giggling* Jade got 'em on his last trip up the mountains! 😆

Jade: I went to great pains to ensure the rich sauce didn't overpower their unique flavor. 😊

Rook: Très bien! 😃 Your boundless curiosity and vast imagination have given rise to a stunning culinary delight.

Jade: Thank you. Hearing your kind words makes all my efforts worthwhile. Eating the rare mushrooms and plants I find by myself would be an insult to these precious ingredients. And lately Floyd and Azul have made it a point not to eat anything I cook for two weeks after I've been trekking in the mountains.

Grim: Can't imagine why... 🫤

Jade: In the Culinary Crucible, however... I can share these joys with many more people. 😊

Ghost Chef C: THAT was your goal?! 😨 You're such a good cook, and so well-behaved. I thought you'd be a nice, reliable student to have in the kitchen... But no, you need to be watched like a hawk— even more so than the others! I feel like I've been had!

Rook: *laughing* Having such a unique experience was delightful enough, but I'm happy I could be of service, Monsieur Prémédité . 😄

Jade: If anything, I should thank you for being my judge, Rook. 😊

Lilia: *dropping down from the ceiling* Well, I certainly can't allow myself to be outdone! My artisan spirit burns bright once more. 😁

Ghost Chef C: AAAH! Stop scaring me like that, Lilia! 😖 What is WRONG with you people?! You must cease with these arbitrary recipe alterations!

Jade and Shriek: Sorry. 😌😋

Ghost Chef C: AS IF YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOUR INSINCERITY?! 😤

Rook: Worry not, Chef. I'm quite the happy customer. If anything, I feel positively energized!😁✨️

Lilia: Mm, yes! Listen to Rook, you two. Ignore this incorporeal chef's nonsense. Follow your heart and keep spreading the wings of your imagination! 😁

Shriek: *happily fllapping her wings* I'm gonna be the best chef with wings ever! 😄

Jade: And I'll continue to test myself in the kitchen. 😊

Ghost Chef C: How can their smiles be so bright in the face of such a demonic dish?! There's something wrong with these kids… 😰 Head Chef, I can't do it! I cannot continue to share a kitchen with these terrors! 😖 I'm flying to Bald Mountain to clear my head!

[wyvernslovecake]

Accident Suspicion

[[Ramshackle Dorm]]

Grim: *sighing while sprawled across the couch* Not even scrolling through all the movies we don't even have and not picking anything is liftin' my spirits.

Yuuken: *playing cards with Yuuta* Probably because we don't even have a TV for you to be doing that with. 🤨

Yuuta: And uh, that's not a remote... 😥

Grim: *yelping for a moment at the realization he's been bapping a dead rat before scooting to the other side of the couch and sadly sighing again*

Yuuka: Is he still moping about the Spelldrive thing? I get you're bummed, but you gotta pick yourself up at some point.

Grim: Grrr... you guys are the whole reason we ain't eligible! 😤 Your magicless butts wrecked my all-star Spelldrive career before it even got off the ground! I hope you jerks are happy!

Yuuka: Yes, Grim, we were all spirited away from our homes to a world in which we have no prospects of escape, no proof of citizenship, and a mild risk of death just to stop you from playing a sport you just learned about three days ago. 😑

Grim: Which is SO RUDE OF YOU!! 😾 *sees a fuzzy giggling blur fly past the window and goes to open it* Hey, henchdemon! Keep it down out there! Some of us are tryin' to brood!

Shriek: *speaking around the disc between her teeth* Sorry, Grim! 😁

Nash: Don't go losing your focus now, little lady!

Shriek: Gotcha! *folding in her wings and weaving around the Ramshackle ghosts before flying through a hula hoop levitating with magic and loop-the-looping in triumph* GOOOAAAL!!! 😄

Ramshackle Ghosts: Good job, kiddo! 🤗🤗🤗

Yuuna: *squeeing as she records on her phone* Let's go, Shrieky, let's go! 😆

Grim: *racing out onto the porch* Wait, are you- are you guys playin' Spelldrive?! 🙀

Shriek: Uh-huh! The ghosts taught me how to play! Nash is super good at it!

Nash: Well, I couldn't let my old title as an NRC Spelldrive captain get too rusty. 😊

Brodie: *playfully shoving Nash* That was ninety years ago, it's already rusted and dusted! 😆

Grim: Unbelievable!! You guys are havin' fun out here and didn't even ask me to tag in! 😾

Bletcher: We DID ask. Quite a lot.

Yuuka: You were just too busy 'brooding' to notice or care.

Yuuna: Aww, don't get all sour-faced, Grimlin. We still got room for more!

Shriek: *landing on Yuuna's shoulders and putting her paws on her head* Yeah, you can be on my team! 😁

Grim: *dashing out onto the field on all fours* You're damn right, I'm gonna be on your team! I'm gonna be leader and bring us to victory!

Crowley: *stepping behind the tree in the yard* My, my, you're all in high spirits. 😊 Playing a spot of Spelldrive?

Grim: *skidding to a stop* Aaand here comes the Fun Police. There goes my good mood, right down the drain. 😒

Shriek: C'mon, we were just about to slaughter the field again! 😤

Yuuna: Uh, kinda tough when the other team is ghosts, girly pop. 🫤

Yuuka: *to Crowley* I take it you're not here on just a friendly visit?

Crowley: Much as I would love to drop by for a leisurely chat with my students, you're quite right, Miss Hirasaka. There are important matters we need to discuss. Truth be told, I wanted to stop by yesterday, but you all seemed a bit, er... preoccupied

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Crowley: *strutting down the road* 🎶Doo-doo-doo Heading to Ramshackle dorm...🎶 😊

[[A wardrobe crashes through the second story window of Ramshackle with a demonic scream of rage as plasma shoots out from the chimney like a geyser]]

Yuuken: SHRIEK, PUT DOWN THAT PIANO RIGHT NOW!!!

Yuuta: Deep breaths, sweetheart! You're gonna pass out!

Yuuka: Grim's already passed out!

Yuuna: SOMEBODY PUT OUT THE FIRES!!

Crowley: *sharply pivoting in the opposite direction* Or maybe not. 😶

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[[Ramshackle Dorm- Lounge]]

Crowley: Which I suppose would explain why it's so... crispy in here.

Shriek: I like it! It smells like burnt toast! 😊

Yuuka: The others went out to go get some detergent and primer. But more to the point, what's this about, Headmage?

Dire Crowley: I have something of a request for you.

Grim: Seriously? MORE requests? I ain't a part of your janitorial staff anymore, y'know! Henchdemon and I are full-fledged students now!

Shriek: Yeah, fuck off. 😤

Crowley: Well I see the littlest among you has yet to clean up her language.... You DO recall that I never promised to cover the living expenses you've been racking up, yes? Hard work can be a beautiful thing. I'm sure you all agree, yes.

Yuuta: Do we really have the option to disagree?😥

Yuuka: *glowering along with Yuuken* Guests or not, we don't appreciate being threatened, sir.

Crowley: Oh, you misunderstand! I merely wish to motivate you into approaching this new endeavor with the diligence it requires, for it is a grave matter indeed. There has been a rash of students being hurt in suspicious incidents on campus lately.

The Yuus: *tensing up*

Grim: Suspicious incidents...? 🤨

Crowley: Yes. Students falling down stairs, getting burns from boiling water, and so forth. The specifics of the incidents differ, but the nurse's office has had a clear spike in patients over the last few days. With yesterday's incident involving a young man falling down the stairs, we now have ten wounded students. We're just fortunate that none of the injuries have been life-threatening...yet.

Shriek: *from where she's playing on the floor* People get hurt all the time. It's a part of life

Grim: Ya sure it ain't just kids bein' clumsy?

Crowley: I'm sure many of our students are too distracted by the upcoming tournament to focus properly. But this is far more accidents than we've had in the past years. Furthermore, all of the wounded students were considered contenders to make their dorms' teams.

Yuuken: Okay, that's suspicious...

Yuuna: I smell a scandal! 🫢

Crowley: An excellent deduction, Miss Oujo. However, we have no evidence of foul play. All of the accidents happened in public spaces, and all of the witnesses said the same thing: "It looked like he was just being careless."

Grim: Well, there ya go. Open and shut case. Glad we could sort that out. Bye!

Bletcher: Oh, come now, Grim! All those kids were looking forward to playing Spelldrive just like you and Shrieky. Doesn't that make you feel sad?

Shriek: *dipping her ears a bit* Kinda...

Grim: This ain't got nothin' to do with me! 😾 We can't even participate in the dumb tournament anyway! So what do I care what happens to those chumps? 

Crowley: I'm sorry to hear that—especially after I'd prepared such a magnificent reward for you...

Shriek: *ears perking up* Reward?

Grim: Don't go fallin' for that line again! He's just tryin' to sweet talk us. I wouldn't do it even for a hundred cans of tuna!

Crowley: Ah, But what if I allowed you to participate in the Spelldrive tournament?

Grim: PARDONNE-MOI?! 🙀

Shriek: YOU'RE SHITTIN' ME?! 😱

Crowley: Should you solve the case and apprehend whoever is behind this string of sabotage, I'll generously permit your dorm to enter the Spelldrive tournament.

Yuuka: Hold on. Wouldn't the staff be more equipped to handle something like this? Or aren't there private investigators you can hire? We don't exactly have a lot of detective experience.

Crowley: True, but chances are high that the culprit could catch wind of the staff members snooping around. The same could be said for students of other dorms, assuming they would actually volunteer their services.

Yuuken: And you don't want to shill out for a private investigator or risk bad PR. 😒

Crowley: A-hem! As a newly formed collective, nobody will ever suspect the lot of you so long as you don't raise to much suspicion. All of you know what it's like to be the underdogs, yes? What better way to shake off that title than to use it to your advantage?

Yuuka: *eyes widening as she remembers various faces looking at her with mockery or scorn*

Crowley: *turning back to Grim and Shriek* Surely you're dazzled by my altruism as well, no? As a participant, the whole world will lay eyes upon your majesty. *conjuring an image of people cheering for Grim* Just imagine the cheers echoing from the sold-out stadium seats! "This year's most promising rookie, the mighty Grim, has taken the field! Hurrah!" And so on.

Grim: Myah... Myahaha! 🤩

Crowley: *conjuring another image of Shriek terrorizing other Spelldrive players* Just imagine the fear-tinged awe as they see you, Night Raven's first demon student, fight for the disc with all the blood, sweat, and tears in your tiny little horrifying body.

Shriek: It's like I can already taste the BLOOD! 🤩

Crowley: *waving a hand to dispel the magic* Ah, but of course, you have refused my offer. How unfortunate. Let's just forget this ever happened.

Grim and Shriek: No, wait! WAIT! WE'RE IN! We'll do it!

Crowley: Really now? 😀 You're offering your services?

Grim: If you'll let me- er, us into the tournament, you bet! 😸

Shriek: Right, guys? 😃

Yuuta: I don't really...

Yuuka: I'll help them.

Yuuna: Huh? You sure, Yuuka?

Yuuka: *tousling Grim and Shriek's heads* Not like I can say no to these little goofballs. Besides, whoever's doing this is clearly a poor sport. I cant just let that stand.

Shriek: *happily flapping over to skitter onto Yuuka's shoulders* When we catch 'em, we'll make 'em beg for a quick and easy death! 😈

Yuuka: Whoa, okay! Let's scale back on the capital punishment. 😧

Yuuken: Hold on a sec. Wouldn't we still be ineligible for Spelldrive if most of us can't use magic?

Yuuta: Oh yeah, that's kind of a big roadblock. 😬

Crowley: As school headmage, I will simply perform a magical miracle to fill out your team somehow.

Yuuka: Well that's reassuringly handwavey. 😐

Grim: We can work out the details later! C'mon, team! We've got a mystery on our paws! 😸

Yuuken: Can he even say that?

Shriek: TO SUBTERFUDGE!!! 😁

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Tune in to @inzendino for the spine-tingling Spelldrive caper underway!

[wyvernslovecake]

Kalim: *watching the egg yolks he poured into a pan sizzle* Honestly, I dunno what Jamil's always fussing about. Cooking around an open flame really isn't that bad.

Grim: *still munching the rice* Yeah, I do just about everything around open flame.

Kalim: Hey, Grim! Don't eat all the rice! We won't have any left for the omelettes and risotto!

Shriek: *ears twitching at the sound of bowls clinking as she flaps over to the other table* Whatcha' doin', Trey?

Trey: Just getting ready to mix and knead flour to make pizza dough.

Shriek: Why would ya need more dough if you're already mixin' it? 🤨 Won't ya have enough?

Trey: *chuckling* "Kneading" means pushing and folding with your hands, kiddo.

Shriek: Ohh, you're makin' biscuits like Grim! 😃

Grim: Ain't nobody can make better biscuits than me! 😤

Shriek: I make good biscuits too! We wanna help!

Trey: Actually, that would be perfect. Just wait til I get the dough mixed up, and then I'll show you some kneading techniques.

Shriek: 'Kay! 😁

Grim: *leaping up on the table next to Shriek* Y'know, I'm actually surprised you signed up for this thing. Didn't Heartslabyul already make you a baking pro?

Trey: That started before I ever came to this school, remember? I helped out a lot in my parent's bakery, and since mom and dad were usually pretty busy I'd handle meal prep at home too.

Kalim: Then why would—oh, wait, I get it. You want an easy course credit! 😄

Trey: Good guess, but nope. I signed up to learn how to TEACH people to cook.

Grim and Shriek: Learn to teach?? 🤨

Grim: Okay, I'm lost.

Trey: See, lately I've been coaching underclassmen who want to make desserts for our unbirthday parties. Usually, I'm the one who takes point on that, but I'm gonna be pretty busy with hands-on learning of my own with my internship next year. I'd like to make sure my underclassmen have their bases covered, and that I can get better at explaining things.

Shriek: But you do lots of 'splainin' already!

Kalim: It's true. You always make perfect sense to me during our meetings with the housewardens and vice housewardens.

Trey: Heh. That's nice of you to say, but explaining is a lot trickier when it comes to cooking. 😅Like... Here's an example. What do you think "beating an egg" means?

Shriek: Punch it like it owes you money! 😈🤜

Trey: Yeah, see, that's the problem. One of the guys at my dorm said the same thing.

Grim: It was Deuce, wasn't it?

Trey: Beating an egg means blending it so that the white and the yolk get mixed together.

Shriek: Then why don't ya just say that? 🤨

Trey: Well, culinary terms are pretty much second nature to me. Whenever I told my little brother or little sister to beat a bowl of eggs or get a full tablespoon of flour, they'd do it no problem since we all grew up watching our parents bake. But that means nothing to people who don't know a butter knife from a cheese grater. I've seen guys misinterpret my instructions and botch a whole recipe before. "How many spoons fill up a table?" "How am I supposed to fold broken cheese?" "How do we get a shrimp to fry this rice?"

Kalim: You should talk to Floyd about that one.

Trey: I'm never totally sure what counts as "kitchen jargon" that would trip up a beginner. So I figured if I enrolled, I could figure out the secret to teaching this stuff. *smiling at Grim and Shriek* That's why I want you two to ask me all the questions you want while we make this pizza. 😊

Shriek: Okay! 😃 Why's the dough all soft and pillowy? Why do they call it pizza? What are we puttin' for toppings? Can we do anchovies and mangoes? Can we do peanut butter? It's hot today, so can we bake it outside? Can I cut it with a buzzsaw? What happened before the beginning of time and what happens after the end??

Trey: Whoa, whoa whoa! One at a time!

Grim: Hey, I got a question! Why ya puttin' the flour into that little tin tambourine thingy?

Trey: This is a sieve. It's gonna help us sift the flour. Do you two know what sifting means?

Shriek: It's when ya dig through the dirt and river mud for bugs and shiny stuff and dead bodies. 😋

Trey: Nnnno. 😐 We put the flour in here and that breaks up all the lumps and clumps so that it gets scattered evenly into the bowl, like this.

Shriek: *eyes lighting up as she watches Trey sifting* It's like you're makin' it snow! 😃

Grim: We do this to lighten the texture with delicate cakes and pastries. Not normally with pizza dough, but since this kitchen buys flour in bulk it can be pretty heavily compressed... Ah, Grim!

Grim: *retracting his paw from where he was about to bat at the flour* Ah, c'mon! How could I resist?

Trey: *chuckling* Guess it's time we get to kneading anyway. Watch what I do while washing your paws, then you can copy me, okay?

Grim and Shriek: We don't need to-

Trey: *fixing her with a look that scream "Yes, you absolutely do"

Grim and Shriek: 'Kaaay....

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Shriek: *giggling as she and Grim knead the pizza dough with their paws* It's all squishy and smooshy like homunculus clay! 😁

Grim: And so soft you could almost curl up for a nap on it! 😸

Trey: *looking over from where he's mixing peeled tomatoes into the sauce* Don't give into temptation. I don't think our judges would appreciate picking direbeast hair out of their teeth.

Grim: I wasn't gonna do it for real! What do ya take me for, an animal?? 😤

Trey: *setting the bowl down and looking at the dough* Okay, that should be enough to get the surface nice and smooth. Grim, sprinkle some flour down on the counter. Shriek, I want you to plop it down right here and press your claws out from the center. That's how we'll get the crust nice and fluffy.

Shriek: *flapping over the crust as she follows Trey's instructions* 🎶Won't you take me to...🎶

Grim and Shriek: 🎶FLUFFY TOWN!!🎶😆😸

Grim: *getting the other side of the pizza* 🎶Won't you take me to...🎶

Grim and Shriek: 🎶FLUFFY TOWN!!🎶😆😸

Trey: *recording Ramshackle on his phone* Cater's never gonna forget me if I don't get this...

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Shriek: *placing the last of the peppers on the pizza* Done!

Trey: Alright, looks great! 😊Into the preheated oven it goes. We'll get it back out in ten minutes.

Grim: Mrow... just enough time to snack on some of that extra dough! 😋

Shriek: There ain't none.

Grim: What?! 😧 We should have had some good sized pieces left!

Shriek: I heard raccoons outside, so I put 'em in the dumpster so they could have a pizza party! 😊

Trey: *sighs* Shriek, you shouldn't waste... wait... you put it in the dumpster?

Shriek: *shaking her head*Uh-huh.

Trey: The metal dumpster? Out in the sun??

Shriek: Why does that matter? 🤨

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[[Night Raven- Kitchen Alleyway]]

Shriek: *elatedly watching a family of raccoons going to town on the bufffet of dough* It matters a LOT!! 🤩

Trey: *face in his hands* Ohhh my gods...

Grim: I'll never doubt them again! 🥹🥹

Grim and Shriek: PIZZA DOUGH MOSH PIIIIIIT! *running and flapping over to the pile and belly-flopping into it as the carnage commences*

[wyvernslovecake]

Ghost Chef B: Remember, Kalim- we've got enough ingredients here for three biryani attempts. It's not the end of the world if you botch it. So just relax and have some fun with it.

Kalim: All right. Here goes nothing! 😁

Grim: Biryani? 🤨 Whuzzat?

Ghost Chef B: It's a seasoned rice dish made with meat, spices, and many other ingredients. You put curry and rice in alternating layers, then steam it all together. It started out being cooked in royal kitchens, and now it's a festival staple. Neat, no?

Shriek: It sounds like party food! 😃

Kalim: Sure is! 😊 We've had it at tons of our banquets, but Jamil always handles the prep. There's not much for me to do. Get this, though! I heard recently of a type of party where the host personally cooks the food they serve their guests. I've always wanted to try roasting meat on a spit in front of folks, carving it off… You know, that sort of thing!

Shriek: Oh, I got tons of practice with that! 😃 I've ripped and roasted meat off the bones of demons waaaay bigger than me!

Kalim: Man, you're lucky, Shriek. I haven't been allowed to use knives or fire before now. "Too dangerous." So I've barely done any proper cooking. But I got permission to use both things today, as long as I'm under professional supervision! 😃

Shriek: Yay, I'm a professional supervisor!! 😄

Ghost Chef B: You most certainly are not! Alright, Kalim, first comes chopping the ingredients. You'll be cutting up ginger, garlic, onions, and tomatoes. Let's start by putting the tomato on the cutting board with the stem side face-down. That makes it easier to cut.

Kalim: Like this?

Ghost Chef B: Right! Now grip the knife in your dominant hand and use your off-hand to hold the tomato in place on the cutting board.

Grim: And then he just brings the knife down, right? Sounds pretty straightforward.

Trey: *gathering his own ingredients nearby* Not always. You cut with a knife by pulling inward toward yourself, pushing downward, or sawing back and forth. You also want to focus on maneuvering the knife in broad strokes, rather than...

Shriek: *bringing a huge knife down on a tomato like an executioner swinging an axe* AAAHAHAHAHA!!! 😈 TOMATERMINATION!

Grim: The brute strength approach? 🤨

Trey: Yeah... 🫤

Ghost Chef: Careful, CAREFUL!! Cutting boards don't grow on trees, you know!

Kalim: Wait, but aren't they made of wood? Wait, I gotta focus. Okay, broad stokes... Broad strokes...

Grim and Shriek: *holding their breath as they lean in to watch Kalim*

Kalim: *cuts the tomato clean in half* WOOOO!! I DID IT! 😃

Shriek: *flapping her wings excitedly* Yeah, clean cut! 😄 That's the first step to more brutal bladework!

Kalim: Not going that far! 😃

Ghost Chef B: That's it! Keep up the chopping!

Shriek: *unsheathing her claws* Let's help him, Grim!

Grim: Alright, but stay away from his eyes this time.

Kalim: *as he's almost finished with the chopping* Wait, um, Chef? There're still ingredients here. Are these off-limits?

Ghost Chef B: Those are extras in case you botch this attempt. You can add more to taste if you really want, though.

Kalim: Ooh! In that case, I'm gonna use everything here! 😄

Shriek: Good call! 😃

Ghost Chef B: Erm... Bear in mind, that's triple what the recipe calls for. 😕 It's gonna be a whole lot of extra work for you. Are you sure about this, Kalim?

Kalim: Yes, sir! The way I see it, the more ingredients I use, the more everyone can eat throughout the party. 😊

Grim: Myaha, I like the way you think, buddy! 😺 Gotta have big portions at a party! Back to the cutting board we go!

Ghost Chef B: Alright... That takes care of the last of the reserves. Next up, you'll be prepping the basis for biryani's flavor: curry!

Shriek: Curry quest! 😄

Ghost Chef B: Heat up some oil in this pot. You're going to sauté some spices—namely, green cardamom, cloves, and cinnamon. If you've tripled the ingredients, just give the spice shakers three shakes apiece, and that should be enough to—

Kalim: You know... if we're already upping the measurements... 🤔

Grim: And we're throwing in all the ingredients...🤔

Shriek: Some other third thing...🤔

Kalim, Grim, and Shriek: WE SHOULD THROW IN ALL THE SPICES!! 😁😁😸

Ghost Chef B: WAIT, WHAT?! 😨

Kalim: *dumping the shaker's entire contents in* Gotta get the most out of what you have on hand! 😄 We're gonna pack this with SO MUCH flavor!

Grim: *shaking in some tobasco sauce* Myahahaha! Let's get some of this in there too for a little extra kick!

Kalim: Oh, good thinking, Grim! 😃

Trey: Whoa, easy there!

Shriek: *flapping over with a crate full of peppers* Sorry, Trey! Kalim, lookit! Look what I found in a cabinet waaay in the back!

Ghost Chef B: Wait, that's for a lesson later in the week!

Shriek: *holds up a green and red spotted pepper shaped like a genie's lamp with leaves that look like they've caught fire* The Lava Lamp! 😈

Kalim: Oh, I've heard about those! 😲 They're so hot, they legally can't be sold to the public!

Ghost Chef B: Yes, and they're not suitable for beginners in the slightest, so put that down right-

Shriek: *drops the whole pepper into the curry, causing it to bubble and spark with increasing speed and intensity* Bloop! 😙

Kalim, Grim, and Shriek: *sniffing the pot* Smells tasty! 😋😋😻

Trey: It smells... intense. 😥

Ghost Chef B: It smells like I'm getting my paycheck docked. 😓

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[[Night Raven- Cafeteria]]

Ruggie: La la, la la, laaah la… 😁 Boy, did I ever luck out getting picked at random as a Culinary Crucible judge. That's one less day of food expenses for me. Score! This is gonna be great. I can already smell somethin' appetizing coming from the kitchen... WHOA! 😳 And spicy! What the hell's going on in that kitchen?!

Kalim: *entering through the cafeteria double doors* Oh, hey, Ruggie! You must be my judge. Today's your lucky day! 😄

Grim: *entering carrying a huge pot with Shriek* Yeah, it's a biryani bonanza up in here!

Shriek: You're gonna love it, Ruggie! 😁

Ruggie: Hoooooo boy. Of all the people to have cook for me... 😬

Kalim: Here you are! Dig in! 🤗

Ruggie: Uh, HOW? 😧 This heap of rice is so huge that it's falling off the serving platter! How many people is this supposed to feed?!

Kalim: A whole party! 😁

Shriek: A whole war party! 😈

Grim: I can take some off your hands if ya really can't stomach it. 😼

Ruggie: *scoffs* As if! Look, I don't care how spicy this is. If it's on the plate, I'm eatin' every last grain! Let the feasting begin! *picks up a huge spoonful and puts it in his mouth* Rrrgh... *face immediately reddening*

Grim: Mrow! 🫢 I thought only Riddle could do that!

Shriek: Napalm in in 3... 2...

Ruggie: *spewing a plume of fire from his mouth* HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!😱😱😱🔥🔥🔥

Shriek: YEEEEEEAH, BABY! 👊😈👊

Ruggie: *running around with smoke steaming from his mouth, smashing a jug of water on his tongue before dousing his entire head in it, gasping breathlessly for breath on the ground*

Kalim: Whoa, Ruggie. You're sweating bullets after just one bite! 😧I-if it's not to your taste, I can bring you something else-

Ruggie: Like HELL YOU WILL! *shakily grabbing his spoon* I'm eatin' every last bite- AHHHHHHH! 🥵- even if I have to take it to-AHHHHHHH! 🥵- go! The flavor's a little out there -AHHHHHHH! 🥵- but I'm not gonna complain about the portion size. Don't worry, I can finish it!

Kalim: *slamming his hands on the table* No, Ruggie! I don't want you to force yourself into doing something that makes you miserable! There has to be something we can do to salvage this. Something less spicy!

Ruggie: Wel, I mean if you wrap some of the biryani - AHHHHH! 🥵- in scrambled eggs, you'd have the- AHHHHH! 🥵- makings of a nice rice omelet.

Kalim: Hm, there's a start... *gasps* I bet if we add coconut milk, we could make it into a risotto! 😲

Ruggie: That's usin' your - AHHHHH! 🥵- head. Can't wait! 👍

Kalim: C'mon, you guys! We've got some rice to remedy!... Guys?

Grim and Shriek: *chowing down on the biryani with Ruggie and breathing fire plumes of their own* Too mild!

[wyvernslovecake]

[[Night Raven- Cafeteria Kitchen]]

Ghost Chef A: *places a tiny chef's hat on Shriek's head* There! That should do it.

Shriek: Thank you! *grinning as she admires her new magenta Culinary Crucible outfit in the reflection of the fridge, before adjusting her hat to fit on one of her ears* I'm a legit chef now! 😃

Ghost Chef B: Takes more than a puffy hat and an apron to call yourself a seasoned cook, little lady.

Grim: *looking between Shriek and his own black outfit* Mrah! How come hers is more colorful??

Shriek: I chose mine cuz it looks like the potions we mix up in class! 😊 The ones that burn through all the cups when ya try to scoop it in.

Ghost Chef C: Hopefully not a portent of things to come. 😥

Grim: Well I guess that makes my bedazzling black duds stand out all the more. Now, let's get cookin' already! I'm gonna whip up some tuna cake! 😸

Shriek: No, not yet! I want griffin meat and banana cream pie! 😋

Grim: We're doin' cake, henchdemon!

Shriek: *sticking her snout in Grim's face* Pie! 👿

Grim: Cake! 😾

Shriek: Pie! 👿

Grim: Cake! 😾

Head Ghost Chef: *floating in between the two* You won't be making either. Don't think this os going to be an easy as pie cakewalk. Honestly, we've never had participants this young and small and... fuzzy in the program before. We're going to need to start the two of you off on some simpler recipes with fewer ingredients.

Ghost Chef D: Which means less opportunities for your sticky little paws to make off with them.

Grim: Aw, c'mon! We haven't done a kitchen raid in weeks!

Shriek: Only cuz the locks used to be tricky to bust through.

Ghost Chef D: "Used to be??" We just got them reinforced!

Shriek: Oops! 😬 Uhh... and it works great! 😁👍

Grim: Nice job blowin' our cover, Batty Crocker! 😾

Head Chef: Past mischief aside, we're still responsible for any student with a thirst for cooking knowledge who comes through these doors. And we've got quite a few of them signed up this week, so you two will have plenty of peers to shadow and assist. Like-

???: What in bloody blazes are you two doing here??!

Grim: Like Mr. Shorty McLoud Mouth? 🤨

Shriek: Hey, Riddle! 👋😃 I like your cookin' costume! It's like the whole thing's drenched in blood! I'm gettin' hungry already! 😋

Riddle: Do everyone a courtesy and don't speak of such morbidness in a kitchen environment! 😤 One I doubt is a suitable environment for young children, let alone ones of your... particular disposition.

Grim: Hey, henchdemon's got just as much of a right to be here as any of you guys! Besides, I need her for the heavy-lifting!

Riddle: You're not exactly the ideal candidate yourself, Grim. 😒

Grim: Oh yeah, and what about you? 🤨 I ain't ever seen ya helpin' out Trey in Heartslabyul once!

Riddle: That's precisely what I'm here to remedy. I signed up because I believe a proper housewarden should excel not just in academics, but in the kitchen as well. True, I have very little culinary experience, but I'll strive to learn everything I can.

Shriek: Us too! Us too!

Head Ghost Chef: Ramshackle already got the go-ahead from the Headmage, Rosehearts.

Riddle: *sighs* I have no idea what possible justification he could have for this... but I'll not contest his judgement. Very well, Grim. Shriek. I'll permit the two of you to assist me as soon as we finish adjusting your attire.

Shriek: Yeah! 😁 Wait... I thought we didn't do Blastcycle stuff at school? 🤨

Grim: He means our outfits. And the ghosts already took care of those!

Riddle: Have you earnestly forgotten about the several hundred hairs covering your bodies? 😒 Any number of those falling into the food is a health hazard waiting to happen!

Shriek: *swinging her ponytail around* Not for me! I got a rat tail!

Riddle: That's a start, but not nearly extensive enough. *sets about fixing Grim and Shriek's outfits* You'll both need some gloves. And your sleeves should be rolled down to no more than 0.54 centimeters above your wrists. Masks would help, let me just adjust the straps to account for your elevated ear heights. And hairnets will minimize any further risk of loose strands. Oh, and perhaps some hair clips...

Ghost Chefs: Uhhh, Riddle? 😰😰😰

Riddle: What- oh my!

Grim and Shriek: *standing covered head to toe in layers of hairnets tied around them like fishnets with several gloves and oven mitts on their paws and Grim's tail , seran wrap on Shriek's wings, and their entire faces covered by masks*

Grim: *extremely muffled* Too... hot! Can't BREAF!!

Riddle: Erm... 😥 perhaps just two hairnets will suffice.

Shriek: *also extremely muffled* Hey, if I sneeze in this, can I breathe it back in and sneeze it out again? *sneezes* Oh, we're about to find out! 😃

[wyvernslovecake]

[[Night Raven- Teacher's Lounge]]

Crowley: *reading a newspaper at one of the seats with a chuckle* Oh, Marmaduke, what tomfoolery will you get into next?

???: *muffled from a distance outside the window* Crowleeey!

Crowley: Hmm? 🤨 Is someone calling me?

???: CroooOOOWLEEEEEEEEY!!!

[[Shriek shatters the window as she launches herself into the teacher's lounge, rolling across the floor as she's curled around something]]

Crowley: BY THE NAILS OF GRIMHILDE!!! 😱

Shriek: *shaking her head and flapping over to Crowley to shove something onto the beak of his mask* Crowley! Crowley! Look! Look and taste!

Crowley: Young Shriek, what in Twisted Wonderland has possessed you to storm in here and tarnish my marvelous mask with-!... A cinnamon roll?? A... very pleasant smelling cinnamon roll.

Grim: *walking into the teacher's lounge, munching his own cinnamon roll* Notice I used the door? Like a responsible student. *Munch Munch* But seriously, Headmage, you GOTTA try these! 😸

Shriek: *stuffing her face* They're so so so SO GOOD! 😋

Crowley: *plucking some shards of glass out of the cinnamon roll* Here, I say! 😤 Don't think the deliciousness of these confectioneries is going to entice me into overlooking this egregious insolence and property damage! *nibbling* But my word, it is good! Did you get these fresh from Heartslabyul?

Grim: You'd think! But nah, Scarabia Student B made 'em! And he had tons of extras! 😋

Shriek: He said he made 'em in a Culinary Crucifix!

Crowley: Culinary Crucible, young Shriek.

Shriek: *swallowing the last of her cinnamon roll* Yeah, that! It's like some super ancient food-making artifact, right? 😃

Grim: Or a spell that makes food taste a million times more delectable? 😋

Shriek: Tell us! Tell us! GIVE US THE FLAVOR POWER!!! 😈

Crowley: Children, please! Settle down! I'm afraid you're raising the bar far too high. Although, I can't say I blame you. To tread the path of food is to weather countless hardships. What awaits you at the end of those harsh, unrelenting trials? Sheer despair? Or perhaps boundless elation? Only you can shape your fate.

Grim: Yeah, that's what we're tryin' to do! Spill the deets already! 😾

Crowley: The Culinary Crucible is a program in which you develop your cooking skills by helping out in the cafeteria.

Grim and Shriek: *tilting their heads in confusion* Huh?

Shriek: *digging the crumbs out of Grim's fur to nibble* So... it's a cooking class? 🤨

Grim: *wiping the frosting off Shriek's mouth and licking the remnants off his paw* At a MAGIC school? 🤨

Crowley: Don't underestimate the importance of gastronomy in relation to magical prowess. Our cafeteria provides delicious ready-made meals made fresh daily, but once you move on, that's it—you'll have to cook for yourself.

Shriek: Not me! I can find my own food! And kill my own food! 😁

Crowley: Yes, well I'm afraid most graduates don't have that luxury. They can hardly afford the expense of takeout everyday, and a one-note diet is a recipe for nutritional disaster. An unhealthy balance between mind and body makes for a MOST UNSUCCESSFUL MAGE.

Shriek: But Dia eats nothin' but candy and ramen and stuff from cans that smells like gasoline and he's doin' okay.

Grim: There is literally nothing about that guy that has ever been okay. 😑

Crowley: Shroud's disturbing digestive system aside, a student well-versed in meal planning is already well on their way to a long, healthy, and independent life.

Grim: Well then how come the future Great Mage has never heard of this Culinary Crash Course til now??

Crowley: It isn't a mandatory course, nor one exceptionally popular with freshmen.

Grim: I don't get why it wouldn't be!

Shriek: Yeah, it's a class all about makin' food and chowin' down! 😁

Crowley: And that's exactly why the syllabus never landed in your grubby little claws...

Grim and Shriek: What was that?? 🤨🤨

Crowley: Erm! I said, it's about far more than just partaking of food. Your goals are to transport the judge's taste buds to a new dimension of flavor, hone your cooking skills through hard work, and earn one class credit. For you see, Night Raven College requires credits in both core curriculum and electives to graduate.

Grim: Who are these judges anyway? Master chefs? Top notch food critics?

Shriek: People whose words break ya down and send ya home at the end while the camera films ya crying?

Crowley: No, we're neither made of money nor sadists.

Grim: Debatable.

Crowley: We pool our judges from a randomized pool of staff and students.

Shriek: How come?

Crowley: *glowering* Because before we did, everyone and their mother tried the same tactic: bribing the judges for an easy class credit! 😤 Why must our student body be so prone to scheming? Such woe! 

Shriek: Awesome! 🤩 I wanna do a Cutlery Crucible!

Grim: Ya had me at partakin' of food and lost me at hard work. 😒

Shriek: Grim, c'mooon! We could unlock flavor dimensions! *whispering* And sneak stuff from the kitchen, too...😉

Grim: Mrow! Good point! 😲 Gettin' in there during the day's usually pretty tough. Erngh, but I still don't think I'm as cut out for preppin' food as I am eatin' it.

Crowley: In that case, the Culinary Crucible will also serve as a place for you to learn the value of hard work. Speaking of, while this IS technically an educational program, you would nonetheless be contributing your labor to the school. Hence, participants are paid part-time wages!

Grim: WE GET FOOD AND MONEY TO BUY MORE FOOD?! 🙀 WHY DIDN'T YOU OPEN WITH THAT?!

Shriek: We're gonna do the Pulminary Crucifix even if it BOILS THE VERY FLESH FROM OUR BONES!!! 😤

Crowley: If I exercise my endless generosity and say yes, will you please let me finish my paper in peace? 😓

Grim and Shriek: *rapidly nodding* Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!!! 😺😃

Crowley: *sighs* Very well. I'll have you shadow some courses next week.

Grim and Shriek: YAAAAAAAY!!! 😆😸 *Grim leaps into Shriek's arms as they soar out the window* WE'RE GONNA BE SHADOW CHEFS!!!!

Crowley: *sighs* Children these days, so impossibly impatient and impudent...*picking his paper back up before staring off into space for a minute* Oh that cinnamon roll definitely still had glass in it... 😐

Crowley:

Crowley: *continues eating the cinnamon roll like nothing happened*

[wyvernslovecake]

[[Ramshackle Dorm- Front Yard]]

Shriek: *giggling as she and Grim go up and down on the seesaw* C'mon, higher! Higher! 😄

Grim: Hey, my legs can only kick off so much! Also don't ya think it's a little on the nose havin' this thing painted like an actual saw?

Shriek: No way, it's cool! Maybe we can get actual saw blades for it! 😃

Grim: Yeah, don't get your hopes up. *ears twitching at someone approaching behind him before he's spun off the seesaw* Whoa! Hey!

Leona: *laying down on Grim's spot* This is mine.

Shriek: Hey, get off!

Grim: Yeah, buzz off, Leona! 😾 We were seein' on that saw!

Leona: *putting his hands behind his head* Well now I'm snoozing on it. Cope.

Shriek: *skitters down the seesaw and starts tugging Leona's ears, including with her teeth* Uh-uh! Beat it! *screeches in surprise as Leona effortlessly lifts her up with one hand*

Leona: Ah, nice to have a quality sun umbrella. 😌

Shriek: *flapping her wings in agitation* I ain't no demonbrella! 😤

Grim: *attempting to push and stomp Leona off* Move it, ya big hairball with abs! 😾

Leona: Oooh, a massage! Why, thank you! Yeah, a little lower. Ooh, that's the spot 😌

Shriek: Grim, grab his arms!

Leona: *smirking at Grim's inefectual tugging* Oh, Amphibiland style. Oh, that feels good.

Shriek: *hisses in frustration and flaps out of Leona's grasp back to her seat on the seesaw* C'mon, we'll heavy his ass off!

Grim: *racing up the seesaw on all fours before taking a seat behind Shriek* Last warning, Leona! Get up!

Leona: *still lounging* Nah.

Grim and Shriek: *growling and grunting as they try to force the seesaw down to lift Leona off, to no avail*

Grim: We ain't movin' him! He's too huge! 😖

Shriek: C'mon, put your direbeast muscles into it! 😖

Leona: *cracking one eye open and shifts a bit, causing Grim and Shriek to bounce upwards and nearly fall off the seesaw with startled squeaks* Heh, you're really wearing me down. 😏

Shriek: *growling before taking a deep breath* DIAAA!! 👿

Leona: *teasingly* Oh yeah, run to Radish Sprout.

Shriek: DIAAAA!!👿

Grim: He'll sort you out, ya jerk!

Shriek: DIAAAAAAAAA!!👿

Idia: Yee?

Grim: Your boyfriend parked his big fat butt on our seesaw!

Shriek: And he ain't movin' no matter what we do!

Idia: Waow. F in the chat. Have fun coping with that.

Grim and Shriek: WHAT?! 😧😧

Idia: *handing Leona a bag of beef jerkey* Here you are, my kitty cat. 😊

Leona: Thanks, Radish Sprout. 😏 *starts munching the jerky leisurely*

Grim: Don't feed him, ya traitor!! 😾

Shriek: You're making his butt even fatter! 👿

Idia: *sitting in the grass next to Leona, twirling a strand of his hair* But I love feeding my lovely lion! 😚

Leona: *still chewing* As much as you love my big fat butt?

Idia: They both pretty S tier. 😁

Grim: STOP BEING GRO- *hears the previously disgusted Shriek whispering in his ear* Actually, you know what? Keep being gross. We probably couldn't stop ya if ya tried!

Leona: Smartest thing you've said all day.

Idia: *Snrk* You're so mean.

Leona: Not like you came rushin' to their rescue.

Idia: Yeah, cuz you'd just flip me over if I even tried pulling... *notices Shriek is gone and looks up, eyes widening* uh, Leona, I think we should move. 😧

Leona: Oh? So you really are in the mood to get flipped? 😏

Idia: No, really, you gotta move before-!

Shriek: *dives down from above and slams onto her side of the seesaw, sending Leona flying into the air with a curse*

Idia: LEONA!!! 😱 *casting a portal spell that Leona flies up into as another portal opens closed to the ground, causing Leona to faceplate onto the grass*

Grim and Shriek: *smugly high-fiving and partaking of the abandoned beef jerkey bag*

[sharkiewritesstuff]

Imagine Skully somehow winds up in Ramshackle and Yuu just rolls with it (it's the least of their issues at the moment).

They end up showing him around, only for Skully to suddenly beam and declare that he remembered something.

This was the dorm he was a part of when he went to NRC.