#ramshackle dorm

[wyvernslovecake]

Kalim: *watching the egg yolks he poured into a pan sizzle* Honestly, I dunno what Jamil's always fussing about. Cooking around an open flame really isn't that bad.

Grim: *still munching the rice* Yeah, I do just about everything around open flame.

Kalim: Hey, Grim! Don't eat all the rice! We won't have any left for the omelettes and risotto!

Shriek: *ears twitching at the sound of bowls clinking as she flaps over to the other table* Whatcha' doin', Trey?

Trey: Just getting ready to mix and knead flour to make pizza dough.

Shriek: Why would ya need more dough if you're already mixin' it? 🤨 Won't ya have enough?

Trey: *chuckling* "Kneading" means pushing and folding with your hands, kiddo.

Shriek: Ohh, you're makin' biscuits like Grim! 😃

Grim: Ain't nobody can make better biscuits than me! 😤

Shriek: I make good biscuits too! We wanna help!

Trey: Actually, that would be perfect. Just wait til I get the dough mixed up, and then I'll show you some kneading techniques.

Shriek: 'Kay! 😁

Grim: *leaping up on the table next to Shriek* Y'know, I'm actually surprised you signed up for this thing. Didn't Heartslabyul already make you a baking pro?

Trey: That started before I ever came to this school, remember? I helped out a lot in my parent's bakery, and since mom and dad were usually pretty busy I'd handle meal prep at home too.

Kalim: Then why would—oh, wait, I get it. You want an easy course credit! 😄

Trey: Good guess, but nope. I signed up to learn how to TEACH people to cook.

Grim and Shriek: Learn to teach?? 🤨

Grim: Okay, I'm lost.

Trey: See, lately I've been coaching underclassmen who want to make desserts for our unbirthday parties. Usually, I'm the one who takes point on that, but I'm gonna be pretty busy with hands-on learning of my own with my internship next year. I'd like to make sure my underclassmen have their bases covered, and that I can get better at explaining things.

Shriek: But you do lots of 'splainin' already!

Kalim: It's true. You always make perfect sense to me during our meetings with the housewardens and vice housewardens.

Trey: Heh. That's nice of you to say, but explaining is a lot trickier when it comes to cooking. 😅Like... Here's an example. What do you think "beating an egg" means?

Shriek: Punch it like it owes you money! 😈🤜

Trey: Yeah, see, that's the problem. One of the guys at my dorm said the same thing.

Grim: It was Deuce, wasn't it?

Trey: Beating an egg means blending it so that the white and the yolk get mixed together.

Shriek: Then why don't ya just say that? 🤨

Trey: Well, culinary terms are pretty much second nature to me. Whenever I told my little brother or little sister to beat a bowl of eggs or get a full tablespoon of flour, they'd do it no problem since we all grew up watching our parents bake. But that means nothing to people who don't know a butter knife from a cheese grater. I've seen guys misinterpret my instructions and botch a whole recipe before. "How many spoons fill up a table?" "How am I supposed to fold broken cheese?" "How do we get a shrimp to fry this rice?"

Kalim: You should talk to Floyd about that one.

Trey: I'm never totally sure what counts as "kitchen jargon" that would trip up a beginner. So I figured if I enrolled, I could figure out the secret to teaching this stuff. *smiling at Grim and Shriek* That's why I want you two to ask me all the questions you want while we make this pizza. 😊

Shriek: Okay! 😃 Why's the dough all soft and pillowy? Why do they call it pizza? What are we puttin' for toppings? Can we do anchovies and mangoes? Can we do peanut butter? It's hot today, so can we bake it outside? Can I cut it with a buzzsaw? What happened before the beginning of time and what happens after the end??

Trey: Whoa, whoa whoa! One at a time!

Grim: Hey, I got a question! Why ya puttin' the flour into that little tin tambourine thingy?

Trey: This is a sieve. It's gonna help us sift the flour. Do you two know what sifting means?

Shriek: It's when ya dig through the dirt and river mud for bugs and shiny stuff and dead bodies. 😋

Trey: Nnnno. 😐 We put the flour in here and that breaks up all the lumps and clumps so that it gets scattered evenly into the bowl, like this.

Shriek: *eyes lighting up as she watches Trey sifting* It's like you're makin' it snow! 😃

Grim: We do this to lighten the texture with delicate cakes and pastries. Not normally with pizza dough, but since this kitchen buys flour in bulk it can be pretty heavily compressed... Ah, Grim!

Grim: *retracting his paw from where he was about to bat at the flour* Ah, c'mon! How could I resist?

Trey: *chuckling* Guess it's time we get to kneading anyway. Watch what I do while washing your paws, then you can copy me, okay?

Grim and Shriek: We don't need to-

Trey: *fixing her with a look that scream "Yes, you absolutely do"

Grim and Shriek: 'Kaaay....

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Shriek: *giggling as she and Grim knead the pizza dough with their paws* It's all squishy and smooshy like homunculus clay! 😁

Grim: And so soft you could almost curl up for a nap on it! 😸

Trey: *looking over from where he's mixing peeled tomatoes into the sauce* Don't give into temptation. I don't think our judges would appreciate picking direbeast hair out of their teeth.

Grim: I wasn't gonna do it for real! What do ya take me for, an animal?? 😤

Trey: *setting the bowl down and looking at the dough* Okay, that should be enough to get the surface nice and smooth. Grim, sprinkle some flour down on the counter. Shriek, I want you to plop it down right here and press your claws out from the center. That's how we'll get the crust nice and fluffy.

Shriek: *flapping over the crust as she follows Trey's instructions* 🎶Won't you take me to...🎶

Grim and Shriek: 🎶FLUFFY TOWN!!🎶😆😸

Grim: *getting the other side of the pizza* 🎶Won't you take me to...🎶

Grim and Shriek: 🎶FLUFFY TOWN!!🎶😆😸

Trey: *recording Ramshackle on his phone* Cater's never gonna forget me if I don't get this...

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Shriek: *placing the last of the peppers on the pizza* Done!

Trey: Alright, looks great! 😊Into the preheated oven it goes. We'll get it back out in ten minutes.

Grim: Mrow... just enough time to snack on some of that extra dough! 😋

Shriek: There ain't none.

Grim: What?! 😧 We should have had some good sized pieces left!

Shriek: I heard raccoons outside, so I put 'em in the dumpster so they could have a pizza party! 😊

Trey: *sighs* Shriek, you shouldn't waste... wait... you put it in the dumpster?

Shriek: *shaking her head*Uh-huh.

Trey: The metal dumpster? Out in the sun??

Shriek: Why does that matter? 🤨

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[[Night Raven- Kitchen Alleyway]]

Shriek: *elatedly watching a family of raccoons going to town on the bufffet of dough* It matters a LOT!! 🤩

Trey: *face in his hands* Ohhh my gods...

Grim: I'll never doubt them again! 🥹🥹

Grim and Shriek: PIZZA DOUGH MOSH PIIIIIIT! *running and flapping over to the pile and belly-flopping into it as the carnage commences*

[wyvernslovecake]

Ghost Chef B: Remember, Kalim- we've got enough ingredients here for three biryani attempts. It's not the end of the world if you botch it. So just relax and have some fun with it.

Kalim: All right. Here goes nothing! 😁

Grim: Biryani? 🤨 Whuzzat?

Ghost Chef B: It's a seasoned rice dish made with meat, spices, and many other ingredients. You put curry and rice in alternating layers, then steam it all together. It started out being cooked in royal kitchens, and now it's a festival staple. Neat, no?

Shriek: It sounds like party food! 😃

Kalim: Sure is! 😊 We've had it at tons of our banquets, but Jamil always handles the prep. There's not much for me to do. Get this, though! I heard recently of a type of party where the host personally cooks the food they serve their guests. I've always wanted to try roasting meat on a spit in front of folks, carving it off… You know, that sort of thing!

Shriek: Oh, I got tons of practice with that! 😃 I've ripped and roasted meat off the bones of demons waaaay bigger than me!

Kalim: Man, you're lucky, Shriek. I haven't been allowed to use knives or fire before now. "Too dangerous." So I've barely done any proper cooking. But I got permission to use both things today, as long as I'm under professional supervision! 😃

Shriek: Yay, I'm a professional supervisor!! 😄

Ghost Chef B: You most certainly are not! Alright, Kalim, first comes chopping the ingredients. You'll be cutting up ginger, garlic, onions, and tomatoes. Let's start by putting the tomato on the cutting board with the stem side face-down. That makes it easier to cut.

Kalim: Like this?

Ghost Chef B: Right! Now grip the knife in your dominant hand and use your off-hand to hold the tomato in place on the cutting board.

Grim: And then he just brings the knife down, right? Sounds pretty straightforward.

Trey: *gathering his own ingredients nearby* Not always. You cut with a knife by pulling inward toward yourself, pushing downward, or sawing back and forth. You also want to focus on maneuvering the knife in broad strokes, rather than...

Shriek: *bringing a huge knife down on a tomato like an executioner swinging an axe* AAAHAHAHAHA!!! 😈 TOMATERMINATION!

Grim: The brute strength approach? 🤨

Trey: Yeah... 🫤

Ghost Chef: Careful, CAREFUL!! Cutting boards don't grow on trees, you know!

Kalim: Wait, but aren't they made of wood? Wait, I gotta focus. Okay, broad stokes... Broad strokes...

Grim and Shriek: *holding their breath as they lean in to watch Kalim*

Kalim: *cuts the tomato clean in half* WOOOO!! I DID IT! 😃

Shriek: *flapping her wings excitedly* Yeah, clean cut! 😄 That's the first step to more brutal bladework!

Kalim: Not going that far! 😃

Ghost Chef B: That's it! Keep up the chopping!

Shriek: *unsheathing her claws* Let's help him, Grim!

Grim: Alright, but stay away from his eyes this time.

Kalim: *as he's almost finished with the chopping* Wait, um, Chef? There're still ingredients here. Are these off-limits?

Ghost Chef B: Those are extras in case you botch this attempt. You can add more to taste if you really want, though.

Kalim: Ooh! In that case, I'm gonna use everything here! 😄

Shriek: Good call! 😃

Ghost Chef B: Erm... Bear in mind, that's triple what the recipe calls for. 😕 It's gonna be a whole lot of extra work for you. Are you sure about this, Kalim?

Kalim: Yes, sir! The way I see it, the more ingredients I use, the more everyone can eat throughout the party. 😊

Grim: Myaha, I like the way you think, buddy! 😺 Gotta have big portions at a party! Back to the cutting board we go!

Ghost Chef B: Alright... That takes care of the last of the reserves. Next up, you'll be prepping the basis for biryani's flavor: curry!

Shriek: Curry quest! 😄

Ghost Chef B: Heat up some oil in this pot. You're going to sauté some spices—namely, green cardamom, cloves, and cinnamon. If you've tripled the ingredients, just give the spice shakers three shakes apiece, and that should be enough to—

Kalim: You know... if we're already upping the measurements... 🤔

Grim: And we're throwing in all the ingredients...🤔

Shriek: Some other third thing...🤔

Kalim, Grim, and Shriek: WE SHOULD THROW IN ALL THE SPICES!! 😁😁😸

Ghost Chef B: WAIT, WHAT?! 😨

Kalim: *dumping the shaker's entire contents in* Gotta get the most out of what you have on hand! 😄 We're gonna pack this with SO MUCH flavor!

Grim: *shaking in some tobasco sauce* Myahahaha! Let's get some of this in there too for a little extra kick!

Kalim: Oh, good thinking, Grim! 😃

Trey: Whoa, easy there!

Shriek: *flapping over with a crate full of peppers* Sorry, Trey! Kalim, lookit! Look what I found in a cabinet waaay in the back!

Ghost Chef B: Wait, that's for a lesson later in the week!

Shriek: *holds up a green and red spotted pepper shaped like a genie's lamp with leaves that look like they've caught fire* The Lava Lamp! 😈

Kalim: Oh, I've heard about those! 😲 They're so hot, they legally can't be sold to the public!

Ghost Chef B: Yes, and they're not suitable for beginners in the slightest, so put that down right-

Shriek: *drops the whole pepper into the curry, causing it to bubble and spark with increasing speed and intensity* Bloop! 😙

Kalim, Grim, and Shriek: *sniffing the pot* Smells tasty! 😋😋😻

Trey: It smells... intense. 😥

Ghost Chef B: It smells like I'm getting my paycheck docked. 😓

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[[Night Raven- Cafeteria]]

Ruggie: La la, la la, laaah la… 😁 Boy, did I ever luck out getting picked at random as a Culinary Crucible judge. That's one less day of food expenses for me. Score! This is gonna be great. I can already smell somethin' appetizing coming from the kitchen... WHOA! 😳 And spicy! What the hell's going on in that kitchen?!

Kalim: *entering through the cafeteria double doors* Oh, hey, Ruggie! You must be my judge. Today's your lucky day! 😄

Grim: *entering carrying a huge pot with Shriek* Yeah, it's a biryani bonanza up in here!

Shriek: You're gonna love it, Ruggie! 😁

Ruggie: Hoooooo boy. Of all the people to have cook for me... 😬

Kalim: Here you are! Dig in! 🤗

Ruggie: Uh, HOW? 😧 This heap of rice is so huge that it's falling off the serving platter! How many people is this supposed to feed?!

Kalim: A whole party! 😁

Shriek: A whole war party! 😈

Grim: I can take some off your hands if ya really can't stomach it. 😼

Ruggie: *scoffs* As if! Look, I don't care how spicy this is. If it's on the plate, I'm eatin' every last grain! Let the feasting begin! *picks up a huge spoonful and puts it in his mouth* Rrrgh... *face immediately reddening*

Grim: Mrow! 🫢 I thought only Riddle could do that!

Shriek: Napalm in in 3... 2...

Ruggie: *spewing a plume of fire from his mouth* HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!😱😱😱🔥🔥🔥

Shriek: YEEEEEEAH, BABY! 👊😈👊

Ruggie: *running around with smoke steaming from his mouth, smashing a jug of water on his tongue before dousing his entire head in it, gasping breathlessly for breath on the ground*

Kalim: Whoa, Ruggie. You're sweating bullets after just one bite! 😧I-if it's not to your taste, I can bring you something else-

Ruggie: Like HELL YOU WILL! *shakily grabbing his spoon* I'm eatin' every last bite- AHHHHHHH! 🥵- even if I have to take it to-AHHHHHHH! 🥵- go! The flavor's a little out there -AHHHHHHH! 🥵- but I'm not gonna complain about the portion size. Don't worry, I can finish it!

Kalim: *slamming his hands on the table* No, Ruggie! I don't want you to force yourself into doing something that makes you miserable! There has to be something we can do to salvage this. Something less spicy!

Ruggie: Wel, I mean if you wrap some of the biryani - AHHHHH! 🥵- in scrambled eggs, you'd have the- AHHHHH! 🥵- makings of a nice rice omelet.

Kalim: Hm, there's a start... *gasps* I bet if we add coconut milk, we could make it into a risotto! 😲

Ruggie: That's usin' your - AHHHHH! 🥵- head. Can't wait! 👍

Kalim: C'mon, you guys! We've got some rice to remedy!... Guys?

Grim and Shriek: *chowing down on the biryani with Ruggie and breathing fire plumes of their own* Too mild!

[wyvernslovecake]

[[Night Raven- Cafeteria Kitchen]]

Ghost Chef A: *places a tiny chef's hat on Shriek's head* There! That should do it.

Shriek: Thank you! *grinning as she admires her new magenta Culinary Crucible outfit in the reflection of the fridge, before adjusting her hat to fit on one of her ears* I'm a legit chef now! 😃

Ghost Chef B: Takes more than a puffy hat and an apron to call yourself a seasoned cook, little lady.

Grim: *looking between Shriek and his own black outfit* Mrah! How come hers is more colorful??

Shriek: I chose mine cuz it looks like the potions we mix up in class! 😊 The ones that burn through all the cups when ya try to scoop it in.

Ghost Chef C: Hopefully not a portent of things to come. 😥

Grim: Well I guess that makes my bedazzling black duds stand out all the more. Now, let's get cookin' already! I'm gonna whip up some tuna cake! 😸

Shriek: No, not yet! I want griffin meat and banana cream pie! 😋

Grim: We're doin' cake, henchdemon!

Shriek: *sticking her snout in Grim's face* Pie! 👿

Grim: Cake! 😾

Shriek: Pie! 👿

Grim: Cake! 😾

Head Ghost Chef: *floating in between the two* You won't be making either. Don't think this os going to be an easy as pie cakewalk. Honestly, we've never had participants this young and small and... fuzzy in the program before. We're going to need to start the two of you off on some simpler recipes with fewer ingredients.

Ghost Chef D: Which means less opportunities for your sticky little paws to make off with them.

Grim: Aw, c'mon! We haven't done a kitchen raid in weeks!

Shriek: Only cuz the locks used to be tricky to bust through.

Ghost Chef D: "Used to be??" We just got them reinforced!

Shriek: Oops! 😬 Uhh... and it works great! 😁👍

Grim: Nice job blowin' our cover, Batty Crocker! 😾

Head Chef: Past mischief aside, we're still responsible for any student with a thirst for cooking knowledge who comes through these doors. And we've got quite a few of them signed up this week, so you two will have plenty of peers to shadow and assist. Like-

???: What in bloody blazes are you two doing here??!

Grim: Like Mr. Shorty McLoud Mouth? 🤨

Shriek: Hey, Riddle! 👋😃 I like your cookin' costume! It's like the whole thing's drenched in blood! I'm gettin' hungry already! 😋

Riddle: Do everyone a courtesy and don't speak of such morbidness in a kitchen environment! 😤 One I doubt is a suitable environment for young children, let alone ones of your... particular disposition.

Grim: Hey, henchdemon's got just as much of a right to be here as any of you guys! Besides, I need her for the heavy-lifting!

Riddle: You're not exactly the ideal candidate yourself, Grim. 😒

Grim: Oh yeah, and what about you? 🤨 I ain't ever seen ya helpin' out Trey in Heartslabyul once!

Riddle: That's precisely what I'm here to remedy. I signed up because I believe a proper housewarden should excel not just in academics, but in the kitchen as well. True, I have very little culinary experience, but I'll strive to learn everything I can.

Shriek: Us too! Us too!

Head Ghost Chef: Ramshackle already got the go-ahead from the Headmage, Rosehearts.

Riddle: *sighs* I have no idea what possible justification he could have for this... but I'll not contest his judgement. Very well, Grim. Shriek. I'll permit the two of you to assist me as soon as we finish adjusting your attire.

Shriek: Yeah! 😁 Wait... I thought we didn't do Blastcycle stuff at school? 🤨

Grim: He means our outfits. And the ghosts already took care of those!

Riddle: Have you earnestly forgotten about the several hundred hairs covering your bodies? 😒 Any number of those falling into the food is a health hazard waiting to happen!

Shriek: *swinging her ponytail around* Not for me! I got a rat tail!

Riddle: That's a start, but not nearly extensive enough. *sets about fixing Grim and Shriek's outfits* You'll both need some gloves. And your sleeves should be rolled down to no more than 0.54 centimeters above your wrists. Masks would help, let me just adjust the straps to account for your elevated ear heights. And hairnets will minimize any further risk of loose strands. Oh, and perhaps some hair clips...

Ghost Chefs: Uhhh, Riddle? 😰😰😰

Riddle: What- oh my!

Grim and Shriek: *standing covered head to toe in layers of hairnets tied around them like fishnets with several gloves and oven mitts on their paws and Grim's tail , seran wrap on Shriek's wings, and their entire faces covered by masks*

Grim: *extremely muffled* Too... hot! Can't BREAF!!

Riddle: Erm... 😥 perhaps just two hairnets will suffice.

Shriek: *also extremely muffled* Hey, if I sneeze in this, can I breathe it back in and sneeze it out again? *sneezes* Oh, we're about to find out! 😃

[wyvernslovecake]

[[Night Raven- Teacher's Lounge]]

Crowley: *reading a newspaper at one of the seats with a chuckle* Oh, Marmaduke, what tomfoolery will you get into next?

???: *muffled from a distance outside the window* Crowleeey!

Crowley: Hmm? 🤨 Is someone calling me?

???: CroooOOOWLEEEEEEEEY!!!

[[Shriek shatters the window as she launches herself into the teacher's lounge, rolling across the floor as she's curled around something]]

Crowley: BY THE NAILS OF GRIMHILDE!!! 😱

Shriek: *shaking her head and flapping over to Crowley to shove something onto the beak of his mask* Crowley! Crowley! Look! Look and taste!

Crowley: Young Shriek, what in Twisted Wonderland has possessed you to storm in here and tarnish my marvelous mask with-!... A cinnamon roll?? A... very pleasant smelling cinnamon roll.

Grim: *walking into the teacher's lounge, munching his own cinnamon roll* Notice I used the door? Like a responsible student. *Munch Munch* But seriously, Headmage, you GOTTA try these! 😸

Shriek: *stuffing her face* They're so so so SO GOOD! 😋

Crowley: *plucking some shards of glass out of the cinnamon roll* Here, I say! 😤 Don't think the deliciousness of these confectioneries is going to entice me into overlooking this egregious insolence and property damage! *nibbling* But my word, it is good! Did you get these fresh from Heartslabyul?

Grim: You'd think! But nah, Scarabia Student B made 'em! And he had tons of extras! 😋

Shriek: He said he made 'em in a Culinary Crucifix!

Crowley: Culinary Crucible, young Shriek.

Shriek: *swallowing the last of her cinnamon roll* Yeah, that! It's like some super ancient food-making artifact, right? 😃

Grim: Or a spell that makes food taste a million times more delectable? 😋

Shriek: Tell us! Tell us! GIVE US THE FLAVOR POWER!!! 😈

Crowley: Children, please! Settle down! I'm afraid you're raising the bar far too high. Although, I can't say I blame you. To tread the path of food is to weather countless hardships. What awaits you at the end of those harsh, unrelenting trials? Sheer despair? Or perhaps boundless elation? Only you can shape your fate.

Grim: Yeah, that's what we're tryin' to do! Spill the deets already! 😾

Crowley: The Culinary Crucible is a program in which you develop your cooking skills by helping out in the cafeteria.

Grim and Shriek: *tilting their heads in confusion* Huh?

Shriek: *digging the crumbs out of Grim's fur to nibble* So... it's a cooking class? 🤨

Grim: *wiping the frosting off Shriek's mouth and licking the remnants off his paw* At a MAGIC school? 🤨

Crowley: Don't underestimate the importance of gastronomy in relation to magical prowess. Our cafeteria provides delicious ready-made meals made fresh daily, but once you move on, that's it—you'll have to cook for yourself.

Shriek: Not me! I can find my own food! And kill my own food! 😁

Crowley: Yes, well I'm afraid most graduates don't have that luxury. They can hardly afford the expense of takeout everyday, and a one-note diet is a recipe for nutritional disaster. An unhealthy balance between mind and body makes for a MOST UNSUCCESSFUL MAGE.

Shriek: But Dia eats nothin' but candy and ramen and stuff from cans that smells like gasoline and he's doin' okay.

Grim: There is literally nothing about that guy that has ever been okay. 😑

Crowley: Shroud's disturbing digestive system aside, a student well-versed in meal planning is already well on their way to a long, healthy, and independent life.

Grim: Well then how come the future Great Mage has never heard of this Culinary Crash Course til now??

Crowley: It isn't a mandatory course, nor one exceptionally popular with freshmen.

Grim: I don't get why it wouldn't be!

Shriek: Yeah, it's a class all about makin' food and chowin' down! 😁

Crowley: And that's exactly why the syllabus never landed in your grubby little claws...

Grim and Shriek: What was that?? 🤨🤨

Crowley: Erm! I said, it's about far more than just partaking of food. Your goals are to transport the judge's taste buds to a new dimension of flavor, hone your cooking skills through hard work, and earn one class credit. For you see, Night Raven College requires credits in both core curriculum and electives to graduate.

Grim: Who are these judges anyway? Master chefs? Top notch food critics?

Shriek: People whose words break ya down and send ya home at the end while the camera films ya crying?

Crowley: No, we're neither made of money nor sadists.

Grim: Debatable.

Crowley: We pool our judges from a randomized pool of staff and students.

Shriek: How come?

Crowley: *glowering* Because before we did, everyone and their mother tried the same tactic: bribing the judges for an easy class credit! 😤 Why must our student body be so prone to scheming? Such woe! 

Shriek: Awesome! 🤩 I wanna do a Cutlery Crucible!

Grim: Ya had me at partakin' of food and lost me at hard work. 😒

Shriek: Grim, c'mooon! We could unlock flavor dimensions! *whispering* And sneak stuff from the kitchen, too...😉

Grim: Mrow! Good point! 😲 Gettin' in there during the day's usually pretty tough. Erngh, but I still don't think I'm as cut out for preppin' food as I am eatin' it.

Crowley: In that case, the Culinary Crucible will also serve as a place for you to learn the value of hard work. Speaking of, while this IS technically an educational program, you would nonetheless be contributing your labor to the school. Hence, participants are paid part-time wages!

Grim: WE GET FOOD AND MONEY TO BUY MORE FOOD?! 🙀 WHY DIDN'T YOU OPEN WITH THAT?!

Shriek: We're gonna do the Pulminary Crucifix even if it BOILS THE VERY FLESH FROM OUR BONES!!! 😤

Crowley: If I exercise my endless generosity and say yes, will you please let me finish my paper in peace? 😓

Grim and Shriek: *rapidly nodding* Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!!! 😺😃

Crowley: *sighs* Very well. I'll have you shadow some courses next week.

Grim and Shriek: YAAAAAAAY!!! 😆😸 *Grim leaps into Shriek's arms as they soar out the window* WE'RE GONNA BE SHADOW CHEFS!!!!

Crowley: *sighs* Children these days, so impossibly impatient and impudent...*picking his paper back up before staring off into space for a minute* Oh that cinnamon roll definitely still had glass in it... 😐

Crowley:

Crowley: *continues eating the cinnamon roll like nothing happened*

[wyvernslovecake]

[[Ramshackle Dorm- Front Yard]]

Shriek: *giggling as she and Grim go up and down on the seesaw* C'mon, higher! Higher! 😄

Grim: Hey, my legs can only kick off so much! Also don't ya think it's a little on the nose havin' this thing painted like an actual saw?

Shriek: No way, it's cool! Maybe we can get actual saw blades for it! 😃

Grim: Yeah, don't get your hopes up. *ears twitching at someone approaching behind him before he's spun off the seesaw* Whoa! Hey!

Leona: *laying down on Grim's spot* This is mine.

Shriek: Hey, get off!

Grim: Yeah, buzz off, Leona! 😾 We were seein' on that saw!

Leona: *putting his hands behind his head* Well now I'm snoozing on it. Cope.

Shriek: *skitters down the seesaw and starts tugging Leona's ears, including with her teeth* Uh-uh! Beat it! *screeches in surprise as Leona effortlessly lifts her up with one hand*

Leona: Ah, nice to have a quality sun umbrella. 😌

Shriek: *flapping her wings in agitation* I ain't no demonbrella! 😤

Grim: *attempting to push and stomp Leona off* Move it, ya big hairball with abs! 😾

Leona: Oooh, a massage! Why, thank you! Yeah, a little lower. Ooh, that's the spot 😌

Shriek: Grim, grab his arms!

Leona: *smirking at Grim's inefectual tugging* Oh, Amphibiland style. Oh, that feels good.

Shriek: *hisses in frustration and flaps out of Leona's grasp back to her seat on the seesaw* C'mon, we'll heavy his ass off!

Grim: *racing up the seesaw on all fours before taking a seat behind Shriek* Last warning, Leona! Get up!

Leona: *still lounging* Nah.

Grim and Shriek: *growling and grunting as they try to force the seesaw down to lift Leona off, to no avail*

Grim: We ain't movin' him! He's too huge! 😖

Shriek: C'mon, put your direbeast muscles into it! 😖

Leona: *cracking one eye open and shifts a bit, causing Grim and Shriek to bounce upwards and nearly fall off the seesaw with startled squeaks* Heh, you're really wearing me down. 😏

Shriek: *growling before taking a deep breath* DIAAA!! 👿

Leona: *teasingly* Oh yeah, run to Radish Sprout.

Shriek: DIAAAA!!👿

Grim: He'll sort you out, ya jerk!

Shriek: DIAAAAAAAAA!!👿

Idia: Yee?

Grim: Your boyfriend parked his big fat butt on our seesaw!

Shriek: And he ain't movin' no matter what we do!

Idia: Waow. F in the chat. Have fun coping with that.

Grim and Shriek: WHAT?! 😧😧

Idia: *handing Leona a bag of beef jerkey* Here you are, my kitty cat. 😊

Leona: Thanks, Radish Sprout. 😏 *starts munching the jerky leisurely*

Grim: Don't feed him, ya traitor!! 😾

Shriek: You're making his butt even fatter! 👿

Idia: *sitting in the grass next to Leona, twirling a strand of his hair* But I love feeding my lovely lion! 😚

Leona: *still chewing* As much as you love my big fat butt?

Idia: They both pretty S tier. 😁

Grim: STOP BEING GRO- *hears the previously disgusted Shriek whispering in his ear* Actually, you know what? Keep being gross. We probably couldn't stop ya if ya tried!

Leona: Smartest thing you've said all day.

Idia: *Snrk* You're so mean.

Leona: Not like you came rushin' to their rescue.

Idia: Yeah, cuz you'd just flip me over if I even tried pulling... *notices Shriek is gone and looks up, eyes widening* uh, Leona, I think we should move. 😧

Leona: Oh? So you really are in the mood to get flipped? 😏

Idia: No, really, you gotta move before-!

Shriek: *dives down from above and slams onto her side of the seesaw, sending Leona flying into the air with a curse*

Idia: LEONA!!! 😱 *casting a portal spell that Leona flies up into as another portal opens closed to the ground, causing Leona to faceplate onto the grass*

Grim and Shriek: *smugly high-fiving and partaking of the abandoned beef jerkey bag*

[sharkiewritesstuff]

Imagine Skully somehow winds up in Ramshackle and Yuu just rolls with it (it's the least of their issues at the moment).

They end up showing him around, only for Skully to suddenly beam and declare that he remembered something.

This was the dorm he was a part of when he went to NRC.

[wyvernslovecake]

[[Ramshackle Dorm]]

Grim: *using magic to roll the dice on a board game before moving one of his pieces* You ain't gonna knock the board over if your dragon falls into the pit this time, yeah?

Shriek: No way! I ain't some little kid with no control! I can- *notices a little boulder-shaped ball rolling out of a volcano in the center of the board and hitting her piece which drops into a tiny pit* EEEEEEHEEEHEHEHE!!!😆 *flaps her wings and upturns the board*

Grim: 😒

Shriek: *giggling sheepishly* Sorry... *ears perking up as she and Grim see the board put itself back together and the dice roll anew*

Azul: How adorable. 😊

Shriek: Azul! 😃

Grim: *rolling his eyes as Shriek flaps over to greet Azul* Oh great, what sorta scam we gettin' into today? 🙄

Azul: Goodness, Grim. You look so distressed, I'd think you just swallowed a fish bone whole. Do lighten up. I'm not here on any official business today. I merely have a favor to ask of the two of you. You see, I was on my way to Ignihyde to help with Ortho's maintenance-

Shriek: What's wrong with Ortho? 😧 Is he sick?? Does he got a virus??

Azul: Not in the slightest, dear! Idia is swapping out some of his body parts to give him a performance upgrade, but it's a very difficult task to do alone. *idly levitating some of the Dragon Pit pieces with magic* Idia sought out my help at a club meeting this morning. I imagine it took a lot of courage on his part just to approach me. But he did it. He came out of his shell for the sake of his precious kin. Ortho, with his mechanical body, and Idia, who goes to such lengths for his dear little brother... Does it not make your spirit soar? My heart melts for such beautiful brotherly love. 😌 Doesn't it make you want to chip in and support them somehow?

Shriek: YEAH!!!

Grim: Not happening. 😑

Shriek:*yanking on Grim's ears* YES, HAPPENING!! 😤 Ortho and Dia needs us!

Grim: *yanking on Shriek's ears in return* Can't that nose of yours sniff out trouble when it's right in front of ya?! 😾 This is clearly some kinda set-up! Besides, it ain't our problem, so why should we go outta our way to make it our problem?

Shriek: *practically shouting right next to Grim's ears, making both him and Azul flinch* CUZ IT'S ORTHO AND DIA!!!!

Grim: THAT AIN'T A REASON! 😾

Shriek: THAT'S THE ONLY REASON!! 👿

Azul: *shaking his head* Gracious, Grim, clearly I've misjudged you... Kidding. I was fully expecting this. Incidentally, what was it you happened to be doing the night before last?

Grim: The night before last? Uhhh, that was when... Oh, CRAP. 🙀 You didn't!

Azul: *waving a picture of Grim fighting Lucius in the teacher's lounge between his fingers* Lovely composition, isn't it? 😏

Grim: *waving his paws* It's not what you think, okay! That ain't me! 😨

Shriek: Damn, you even got a swipe in at his nose! 😗

Grim: Look, it's all Lucius's fault anyway. 😤He swiped my late-night snack roll! How could I possibly let that stand?

Azul: Dear me. From what I hear, Professor Trein's searching for the culprit even as we speak. And here I am, worried sick about Ortho. 😞 Why, I could absentmindedly drop this picture in front of the professor at any moment. If only there was a way we could solve Ortho's conundrum. Then maybe I could find the presence of mind to keep a secret. 😏

Shriek: *turning to Grim with a smug grin of her own* Yeah... if only. 😏

Grim: Y'know what? I'd be happy to help 'ol Ortho out!😅 Let it never be said the Great Grim left a pal out in the lurch!

Azul: Wonderfu- ACK!

Shriek: *lifting both Azul and Grim over her head* TO THE IGNILAAAAAAB!!😆

Grim: MRRAAH!! WARN SOMEONE NEXT TIME YA DO THAT!!

Azul: WE CAN WALK THERE JUST FINE!! 😖

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[[Ignihyde- Technomancy Workshop]]

Shriek: *tapping at a pressure valve on one of the machines* I haven't been back here since I got tested. 😯

Idia: *gently plucking Shriek off the machine and placing her down on the floor* That was the med bay. This is the wing for all our high tech stuff.

Shriek: So it's Ortho's med bay! 😀

Ortho: *chuckling* I guess you could say that. Idia mostly works on my updates in his room, but we do a lot of the major stuff in here. Thanks for coming out here on my behalf, guys! 😊

Azul: Please, don't mention it. We Night Ravens all have to look out for one another. 😊

Shriek: Birds of a feather operate on each other! 😁

Idia: *giving Azul the side-eye* Yeah, the birds who aren't even remotely out of the nest and probably shouldn't have been brought near power tools. 😑

Azul: Did I not tell you I had the matter well in hand? Now then, time is money, as they say. Let's get to work, shall we? Are you all set on your end, Idia?

Idia: *sighing and pulling up a holoscreen* Yeah, good to go.

Grim: So where do we come in? 🤨

Idia: You two are handling the physical labor. Setting up Ortho's parts, taking 'em out, attaching 'em... You get the idea.

Grim: Y'know, I'm pretty sure you could handle that without us.

Idia: We probably could if Ortho didn't have such a complex structure. I gotta take care of the programming and motion controls all throughout the update.

Azul: Yes, quite a lot for one person to handle alone. Now, Ortho, I'd like you to lie down and stay still. I don't want you trying to help, understood? After all, isn't swapping out parts more or less the same as performing surgery? It would be terrible if anything happened to you.

Shriek: *skittering onto the table* Ya want me to get ya a hose to huff, Ortho?

Grim: We're not in the 1950s.

Shriek: Well his armor's too tough for us to whack him over the head with a hammer.

Idia: Whoever's letting you get your knowledge of medical procedures from Looney Tunes needs to lock the hell back in to babysitting.

Ortho: I'll be okay, you two. Do your best to help, okay?

Shriek: 'Kay!

Grim: That depends on if Azul plans on wipin' that blackmail photo. 😒

Azul: *waiting until Ortho is laying down and completely offline before inputting a code on a holoscreen* Am I registered as an admin?

Idia: *typing on a holoscreen of his own* Yeah. Systems fully offline. The plating on his back should be open.

Shriek: *watching Azul carefully open up Ortho's plating as Grim shudders* Ooooh... 😯

Azul: Alright, you two, have a peak inside.

Shriek: *looking at all the cords and metal components* It's like a Gundam in here, but there's no pilot.

Grim: *drooping his ears at the heart-like mechanical engine pumping coolant in front of him* Is that...?😨

Idia: Not what you're messing with, so don't mess with it.

Azul: You see those glowing blue parts way in the back? That's what we're swapping out today. Your job is to pull them out and put new parts back in the same place.

Shriek: *tossing the new part Azul hands her up and down with an affirmative nod* Got it! 😊

Grim: *tentatively grabbing his own part* This sounds like an awful lotta responsibility... Shouldn't you guys be the one doin' this? You ain't no programmer, Azul, so what's your excuse?

Azul: *typing* I've got to type in a password that gets updated every 15 seconds. The sheer amount of security here is downright tedious.

Idia: I-I mean, Ortho's internals are super valuable. I made the security extra tight 'cause I didn't want anything getting stolen, but... *cough* I ended up making it SO secure that it's impossible for one person to handle alone. I'm gonna need to patch that. Heh. 😌

Grim: You sound way too proud of that fact. 😒

Azul: Ugh, still... If I didn't have nine brains, this would be all but impossible.

Shriek: You got nine brains?? 😃 I knew it!

Idia: Chuunibat, focus!

Azul: When we give the signal, you're going to replace the parts. Understand?

Grim: Yeah, I guess that doesn't sound too bad. Okay, here goes...

Azul: Ah, how could I forget? Silly me. One last note—do NOT, under any circumstances, touch anything but the part you're swapping.

Grim: Why??? 😶

Shriek: Are we gonna get shocked?

Azul: Aha ha, that's just silly! 😄 You're perfectly safe! Isn't that right, Idia?

Idia: Yeah. There's no risk of shock from touching anything there. You'd just trip his immune program and get a blast of high-power technomantic energy to the face.

Shriek: *joyful gasp* 😃

Grim: *throwing his paws up* Nooooooooope! I'm done! GOODBYE!

Azul: Oh no! 😩The shock of such a rude refusal has me reeling so hard, my photo is just moments away from drifting out in front of Professor Trein...

Grim: And yet you literally just told us that we're riskin' a self-inflicted technomantic smackdown here!! 😾 I'm a mighty sorcerer, not a moron!

Azul: If you act now, I might be so overcome with gratitude that I throw in some premium canned tuna. 😏

Grim: *wheeling back around towards the table* But you know what, I think I can be an amateur technomechanic for a day. Let's do this thing.

Shriek: *a bit huffy* If you're gonna sell your soul for tuna, ya can at least give it to me.

Grim: Hey, when ya do delicate work, ya gotta be ready to commit. Now here goes nothin'! MROW! *delicately swipes the part out of its socket*

Shriek: *copying him* SKRAH!

[[Idia and Azul toss new parts to Grim and Shriek who swap them in perfectly in sync. Everyone waits for a moment until Ortho's LED lights flare back up]]

Ortho: New device detected. Now loading.

Idia: Hell yeah! GG for the Floof Squad! 😁 Now it's time for me to REALLY flex. This will boost Ortho's processing speed by 10%. Now he can run more intensive programs with higher minimum performance specs. Fweheehee!

Azul: Admirable work, you two.

Grim: Phew! My fur was standing on end there. Ya good, henchdemon?... Henchdemon?

Shriek: 🔴🖤🔴*smile widening as she eyes some of the machinery inside Ortho*

Grim: Shriek? Shriek, what are you- *sees where she's looking as his ears droop in horror* Noooononononono...!😨

Shriek: 🔴🖤🔴 *smile widening further*

Azul: What are y- dear Neptune, Shriek, don't you dare!

Idia: DON'T TOUCH THA-

Shriek: *giddily smacking both paws on one of Ortho's turbines as a concentrated technomantic beam sends her flying backwards, crashing into the wall with the force of a cannonball*

Grim, Azul, and Idia: SHRIEK!!!!! 😨😱🙀

Shriek: *blinking the soot our of her eyes before bursting into wild laughter as she kicks joyfully from within the bat devil-shaped crater she's lodged in* THAT WAS AWESOOOOOME!! 😆😆

Azul: *putting his arms down from where he was shielding his face* Of all the foolhardy fatalistic Leechesque stunts...!

Grim: That could have been ME if my paw slipped!! 🙀

Idia: *running over as Shriek wriggles out of the crater and somersalts onto the ground* Chuunibat! 😨Sevens, are you okay?? Do you have any burns?

Shriek: *staring up at him from the floor* No.

Idia: Any blindness?

Shriek: No.

Idia: *breaths a sigh of relief* Good... *hair turns orange as he fixes her with his "angry big brother face" while picking her up* Then what were you thinking, you fuzzy little Leeroy Jenkins?! 😠

Shriek: I think I don't think I've seen ifirits make light that deadly! 😃 Did ya see me tank it, Dia?

Idia: Who CARES if you can tank it! We are not in the business of having children tank deadly lasers!!!

Grim: No, ya just build it into 'em.😑 *startled at Ortho sitting up as his backplate closes* MRAH!

Ortho: Reactivation complete. Programs have been successfully updated. Energy 98% charged. Technomantic reactor online. Power stable. Logs show technomantic energy beam has been fired 1 minute 30 seconds ago... *sighs* It was Shriek, wasn't it?

Everybody: *varying levels of exasperated* Yes.

Ortho: *floating over to Shriek* You are incorrigible, young lady.

Shriek: And you're like a Hyper beam and a Pyro Blast combo move with robo hoof feet! 😁

Idia: *hair turning back to blue as he balances Shriek on his hip while guiding Ortho back over to the bed* C'mere, I gotta check you both over.

Grim: *shaking his head* Oi, that kid'll be lucky if she makes it to double-digits... Hey, Azul! I did my part! Now make with the canned goods!

Azul: Certainly. Here, I can take that used part off your paws too.

Grim: Sure, it's all yours. Not like I need this junk when I got my favorite fishy delight! 😺

Azul: I'm nothing if not a man of my word. 😌I'll also erase your little incriminating photo, and you won't harbor any ill will about what transpired today. *manifesting a magical scroll and inkwell* If you find these terms agreeable, I'd like your signature to ensure no issues arise further down the line.

Grim: *dipping his paw into the well without even looking at what he's signing* Yeah yeah yeah, less talking more tuna!

Azul: *pocketing the scroll and placing a can of tuna into the eager Grim's paws* Then we have an agreement. 😌 One can of premium tuna.

Grim: *hoisting his fishy prize aloft* Myahahaha! 😸 Score one for the boys back home!

Ortho: *glancing over from where he's playing with Shriek as Idia's trouble-shooting his systems* Thanks again, you guys. All you wanted was just one can of tuna, Grim? You're a saint! 😊 If you'd sold my swapped-out part, you could've had an all-you-can-eat tuna buffet, but you gave it to Azul Ashengrotto instead.

Grim: *still holding up the tuna* What? 😶

Azul: Please. Who could be foolish enough to sell off a piece of technomantic equipment handcrafted by the renowned genius Idia himself? I'll be holding onto this until the value appreciates even further. Given time, it will.

Grim: *blinking* W h a t?

Shriek: *to Ortho* Hey, how many cans of tuna can ya buy with one of your parts, anyway?

Ortho: Good question! My best guess is enough tuna cans to fill a gymnasium, floor to ceiling.

Grim: *letting the can of tuna drop from his still lifted paws with a barely audible squeak* ⚪🖤⚪

Azul: That's "chump change," as the kids say, compared to the value I'll be getting for it.

Idia: "As the kids say?" What are you 40? 🤨

Azul: What I am is someone who loves the sound of a satisfied customer. 😌

Grim: *screams of feline despair from the ground*

[peony-veins]

I love the ramshackle hc you did ❤️

and it inspired me to ask/request how they react to the over-blots and how grim and yuu survived each one and took them down with out magic

I just know fellow will somehow to get money out of this maybe by blackmailing Crowley with the over-blot and the poor living conditions in ramshackle they all probably would lol

Ramshackle + ob!Aftermath

Masterlist

This might be more angsty because I can

• he’s suffered alongside with you

• he’d never admit it but the guilt gnaws at him so bad for when he lost control to the blot stones. Like when he sees you flinch at riddles anger or get nervous about upsetting any of the overblotters and he wonders if you’re like that with him when he’s not looking

• he tries in small ways to protect you and be less demanding. You’re not only his ticket into nrc but you’re his everything. His best friend , his protector , his henchhuman and he wants to prove to you he’s worthy of being your boss.

• when he finds out the extent of all of them? He is sick. Fucking sick. Like he has to take a moment to ignore the bile rising in his throat.

• he’s so many things all at once honestly. He’s angry, he’s terrified , his devastated , he’s numb. But one thing is in his mind , his absolute perplexed on how the fuck you’re still alive! You helped , without magic , to take down some of the best mages of the future?????? HUH?????????

• if you thought he was iffy about them before he openly loathes them now

• he does hide behind his mask and it does calm down the moment he realises that while he didn’t do anything as bad as Malleus Draconia he is…on par with Idia Shroud who was worst than most.

• he tends to your scars and gives you support if you struggle with things like movement because of Jamil throwing you or just making it through the day because of the residue of Vil’s poison

• he’s…he’s just happy you’re alright. Alright? He wishes he could help

• he does also go to Crowly for a screaming match for every day for the next two weeks. He doesn’t even care he looses his voice he just wants to bash crowlys skull in

• oh!

• when you tell him his eyes practically pop out his head because it takes him a good minute to process what the hell you just told him.

• you are not getting our his sight for the next week too by the way. You’re one of his now like Gidel and he doesn’t fuck around with his lot.

• he imagines how terrified he’d be if he had to face an overblot so he can only wonder how you were actually facing off against them

• he makes sure to check in with you more. He tries to remind you that you aren’t alone. Even if you have Ace and Deuce and all your friends you need people outside that circle. It’s okay to have them as your closest but look what’s happened?

• you need a fucking break in his advice.

• he tried to be as supportive as he can quite honestly but he’s more just so sad for you even if you’re not that broken up about it. Especially if you’ve come to expect overblots at this point. That breaks his heart.

• also while Rollo is giving Crowly the biggest verbal bashing of his LIFE he brings Gidel to get some more money for ramshackle or to just steal confiscated items that they think you’d like

• he’s lived a tumultuous life and so he’s pretty like “aw :/ that’s sad :(“ about it but not too sad?

• but if he sees you flinch or get upset about it? He gets that sinking feeling as he understand better the gravity of it all.

• he can’t help that much, but he tries. He cuddles up to you in hopes to ease your pressures.

• but! He is super giddy at times too because he wants to hear all about you being a cool hero!

• he tries his best to walk that line but you can see his eyes light up as you tell him-

• terrible! Absolutely TERRIBLE!

• he immediately begins agonising over what you’ve been through! It’s just too cruel!

• even if you’re not all that broken up about it he definitely feels this big distress for you-

• he begins to lurk around you and tried to be a constant force to protect you!

• similar to Fellow he tries to get you to just relax and find people outside this bubble. You need to relax! Please!

• he’s especially weary now of the overblotters. You didn’t deserve to go through that

• he’s shocked don’t get him wrong. But he just starts laughing telling you how impressed he is!

• I mean c’mon you’ve gotta have a massive ego now because you helped taken down 7 overblots and a feral dire-beast? That’s gotta count towards something!

• though…he does make sure you know it’s not ALL gotta

• he definitely uses it all to your and his advantage. Like he advices you on how to guilt them and how to scrounge as much as you can out of this!

• but honestly you’ve totally earned his respect and he messed with you more just because he knows you can handle it and you probably need something lighthearted every once in a while