Concerned Citizen
Remember when I wrote that story about a lich named Randall Failey. Well, I decided to do a follow up (and I have yet another planed). Been slowly working on this between bouts of frustration and writers block with my Soriel fics. Anyway, this is original work and contains some dark humor.
Sample: Yes, The Failey Circus, with all its wonders and fantastical creatures to behold, was doing very well, very well indeed. He had nary a problem until one day he was approached by a “concerned citizen.” Well, not really approached, mind you, more like ‘cornered when trying to close.’
Failey’s Circus: Concerned Citizen
by: Topaz Shadowwolf
The Failey Circus was a rather successful one. It contained a wide variety of acts and exhibits for anyone interested to enjoy. All of which were painstakingly acquired by the ring master, Randall Failey. It was something he took considerable pride in, there was not another spectacle quite like his.
He had one fledgling dragon, two unicorns, a manticore, six drakes of distinct colors, three mammoths, two wyverns, four elves, one vampire, two werewolves, eight dwarves, and one halfling. Of course, there was also him, a lich, but that was a given. The hardest to keep originally were the unicorns, but luckily, one of the elves have taken to their care, and that seems to do.
Well, there was also an army of undead in one of the wagons, but they were not for public eyes. He likes to claim all 17 of the ghouls were bandits, save for one tax collector, but that is a lie. As much as Randall hates having to pay taxes, he wouldn’t just kill a man or woman just trying to do their job. Well, unless their job is to rob him. Then that’s a different story all together.
Yes, The Failey Circus, with all its wonders and fantastical creatures to behold, was doing very well, very well indeed. He had nary a problem until one day he was approached by a “concerned citizen.” Well, not really approached, mind you, more like ‘cornered when trying to close.’
“Randall Failey!” hollered the concerned citizen. It took a moment for the lich to recognize this woman’s face, but only a moment.
“Ah, yes, you’re the one who heckled my manticore trainer,” Randall hummed, wondering what bee now buzzed into this lady’s head, forcing more interaction.
“That was a gross display of power over a magnificent beast of great magical qualities. And I insist you end that act and fire him!” The woman screeched at the end, hurting Randall’s ears. Which, as a lich, he didn’t really know could happen anymore; since, he really didn’t feel much anymore.
“Who, the manticore?”
“No, the trainer!”
This was amusing, and Randall grinned, “The trainer is a she, and her taming is all an act. Manticores are far-”
“A she?! With a beard like that?!” The woman interrupted, “Don’t try to shoo me away with such pathetic attempts at lying, you vile person.”
“Oy, what’s goin’ on here,” one of the dwarves asked, walking over. “I thought we were closing?”
“Yes, well, I’ve been distracted by this woman here, who wants me to fire your wife.”
“WHAT?!” the dwarf then turned and pointed at her, “Now you look here, missy! My wife is a fine and wonderful lady. I don’t know what ya got against her, but she ain’t goin’ anywhere, ya hear?!”
In the distance Randall heard the wyverns starting to holler, wanting to be fed. He turned back to the woman, “You see, nothing to worry about, now I need to really close up so the wyverns can be fed, and read to, before their bed time.”
“Is that so?” the woman got into Randall’s face, “What about the poor manticore?!”
“The poor manticore has already be put to bed,” Randall said, standing his ground and straightening his coat.
“Aye, after the act, my dear wife rubs his paws, checks him over, then gets him ready for bed. And if ya keep this up, I can’t do the same for her,” the dwarf said with a cheeky grin.
“Thurin, why don’t you go ahead and see to her, I’ve got this,” Randall nodded to the dwarf.
“You’re not going anywhere until you do something for that manticore and all these poor beasts you have enslaved!”
“The wyverns won’t shut up!” one of the older, though younger looking, members of his troop said. He walked up, dressed mostly in shades of green and yellow.
“Could you please feed them for me, tonight, I kind of have my hands full,” Randall said, gesturing to the woman.
The young man looked at the human woman and snorted, before looking at Randall, “Not my job. You said that I wouldn’t have to do anything for them if I joined your little group.”
“Negligence! NEGLIGENCE!” The woman screamed.
“Dear gosh, I changed my mind, I’ll feed her to them if you want,” the young man snarled, covering his ears.
“No, this is a concerned citizen, we don’t feed them to the wyverns,” Randall corrected.
The young man rolled his eyes before glaring at Randall, “Just make them shut up soon or I will kill them.”
The woman gasped in horror, “What a heartless, vile, ignorant,” her list kept going no matter how much Randall signaled for her to stop. He even tried covering her mouth with his hand to make her shut up, but she moved away and just kept going! When Randall looked back at the young man, the expression he saw is best described as indescribable.
“This is all over that manticore, right?” The young man grinned, and not the kind of grin anyone should want aimed at them. The sort of grin that say, ‘you really should have shut up a while back, because now, you’re going to filled with regret.’
“Lance, no,” Randall, said, trying to get a handle on the situation.
“No, no, it’s fine, let me show her to the fuzz ball, yeah? Set her mind at ease,” the young man, Lance, reached out and grabbed the woman by the front of her blouse.
“Hey, watch where,” She was going to say more but Lance was literally dragging her away.
This was going to be bad if the press found out. Hoping Lance doesn’t do anything too drastic, Randall followed behind them. “Lance, I’m sure she didn’t really mean any of that,” he said, trying to smooth over the situation again.
“I MEANT EVERY WORD!” The woman hollered so loudly the wyverns felt the need to call louder, worried that they might not be heard.
“See, she meant it,” there was such a dark undertone in Lance’s voice, it made Randall wince.
They finally entered the tent, in there the manticore was sprawled across of sea of pillows, looking as content as can be. Thanks to Ruma, of all the magical beasts in this place, he was the most pampered. Lance walked over and shoved the woman at the manticore, “Hey, Fluffy, you have a fan.”
With a snort, the manticore lifted his head and looked at the young man, “How many times must I tell you before it sinks into that thick scaly skull of yours,” he said in an indignant tone, “My name is Ferdinand. Not. Fluffy.”
“Whatever, you going to eat her or what?” Lance huffed.
“Eat her? What kind of barbarian do you take me for? She is some sad heckler, a critic to my grand act.” Ferdinand turned his attention then to the woman, speaking kindly to her, “Be mad at lion tamers, not grand displays of my magnificence that audience can feel safe enjoying,” the manticore huffed.
“What about the chains and whip?” The woman asked.
“All part of an act, I am an actor. Most humans would be terrified if they found out I had an intelligence equal to or greater than theirs. Besides, it’s fun to play the terrifying beast, I rather enjoy it.”
“See, no harm done,” Randall said.
“THE DRAGON?!” The woman yelled, “It was chained from head to tail, a prisoner in this cruel circus. That was plain to-”
Lance lifted her up, glowering with a look that caused her to finally shrivel back. There was a fire in his eyes, and his mouth, “Do you really think such weak and pathetic chains could hold me, human? I am a Prince of the Sky, future Lord of Flame and Destruction, and you think such a weak bunch of metal could hold me?”
“Lance, don’t hurt her, please,” Randall said, slowly approaching, ready to separate her from the dragon in human form, if he can.
There was a pause, before the woman squeaked, “I did?”
Again, there was a pause before Lance dropped the woman, “Huh, I must be a better actor than I thought.”
Randall caught her before she fell backwards onto Ferdinand, and sighed, “Let me see you out.” Luckily, he saw the female elf, who feeds the unicorns, walking by with two dwarves, all three pulling carts of meat towards the wyverns.
As he finally waved goodbye the ‘previously concerned citizen,’ and made sure the place was free of patrons, he sighed. That could have gone better, but then, it also could have been worse. Either way, it might benefit everyone in the future if he makes it clear that everyone, even the animals, are part of the act.