Jun 19
No because imagine hugging Caleb.
“Caleb, you said nothing could ever get between us.”
“…I did.”
“Then explain the raging boner between us right now.”
Caleb.exe has stopped responding.
seen from Martinique
seen from Singapore
seen from Panama
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Syria
seen from Malaysia
seen from Brazil
seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from Syria
seen from China
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seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from United States
No because imagine hugging Caleb.
“Caleb, you said nothing could ever get between us.”
“…I did.”
“Then explain the raging boner between us right now.”
Caleb.exe has stopped responding.
Zayne and Caleb spend an unreasonable amount of time criticizing each other’s parenting.
Caleb insists Zayne is too strict.
“They’re six years old, Zayne. Why do they have a schedule?”
“Because children benefit from structure.”
“They’re eating crayons.”
“Structured crayon eating is still structure.”
Meanwhile, Zayne firmly believes Caleb is raising tiny agents of chaos.
“You let him have ice cream before dinner?”
“He asked nicely.”
“That’s not how parenting works.”
“Seems to be working for him.”
Neither of them ever wins these arguments.
The funniest part is that their children are completely convinced the other dad is better.
Caleb’s kid looks at Zayne with stars in their eyes because he always knows the answer to everything, remembers every school event, and somehow fixes every problem immediately.
“Dad, why can’t you be cool like Uncle Zayne?”
Meanwhile, Zayne’s kid is practically attached to Caleb because he’s fun, sneaks extra dessert, and somehow turns grocery shopping into an adventure.
“Dad, why can’t you be fun like Uncle Caleb?”
Both men take these comments as personal attacks.
Hear me out.
HEAR. ME. OUT!!!!
Caleb as the physics teacher. Xavier as the math teacher. Principal y/n caught between the two of them while the entire student body develops a full scale shipping war over which teacher she should end up with.
Caleb supporters cite chemistry and his devastatingly yearning eyes.
Xavier supporters bring out statistical analysis and color coded evidence folders.
And somehow what started as hallway gossip escalates into posters, edited fancams, anonymous polls, and students nearly getting suspended over the entire thing.
All while the three of them secretly sit back and enjoy it.
Caleb and Zayne roommate AU where it’s just constant banter but they both know deep inside, underneath their fuckery, that they can’t live without the other.
You know what? Caleb is the biggest flirt you could ever meet.
Dirty jokes? He got it.
Devouring you with his eyes? He got it.
Heck, even strip teasing? Absolutely got it.
But do you also know what? He gets so flustered when you make any advances.
Red ears? Got that.
Stuttering? Yep.
A raging boner when you’re within a one meter radius? Abso-fucking-lutely.
Caleb would absolutely be the kind of boyfriend you hand the controller to when a boss fight gets too hard.
Then he beats it first try and spends the rest of the day reminding you about how helpless you’d be without him.
Thoroughly convinced Caleb and Xavier never actually text. Their entire chat history is just pet updates.
Caleb: sends a picture of his dog chewing the buttons off his Nintendo Switch
Xavier: replies with a picture of his hamster sitting in the rice jar
No context. No words.
Drunk Caleb begging to tattoo the Schrödinger equation across his chest because “don’t worry, pips, it only exists when you’re not looking at it.”
Then he proudly taps his sternum like he just solved quantum mechanics.