#randomity things

[afterthegreatunknown]

if the universe walls broke down from netflix!verse and somehow they manage to meet their book!verse selves, this is how i think things would go (we are ignoring the timeline stuff for this to make sense).

if the image isn't loading for some reason, under the cut is a transcript of all the tiers:

would be best friends with book counterpart: monty, quigley, klaus, josephine

would get along with book counterpart fairly well: violet, sunny, beatrice baudelaire ii, duncan, isadora, justice strauss, fiona, friday, dewey

would be civil with book counterpart; no fights at least: lemony, jerome, ernest, frank, man with beard but no hair, woman with hair but no beard, the white face women, bertrand, hal

dislike their book counterpart; trying [to] be civil though: mr. poe, fernald/hook-handed man, kit snicket, charles, henchperson of indeterminate gender, nero

dislike their book counterpart; makes it clear: esme, olivia, sir, the bald man

is running away from their book counterpart: hector

is hiding from their book counterpart: jacques, carmelita

is MURDERED by book counterpart: olaf

gets into a PHYSICAL fight with their book counterpart; loses: gegorina orwell, ishmael

is trying to find book counterpart: babs, larry, count olaf's father, the quagmire parents

schrodinger canon character: jacquelyn scieszka

barry sonnenfeld cameo (book counterpart leaves seeing this): widdershins

[afterthegreatunknown]

quagmire triplets + hector and the widdershins family and what they do when visiting a store with tons of halloween seasonal items (or a spirit halloween):

duncan: browses the section that sells halloween lifestyle items (think the generic halloween theme backpacks and sweaters and tees an dmore) and gets himself a nice jack-o'-lantern sweatshirt

isadora: flip through the books that are sold as parts of costumes and reads them as if they're actual legit books about witchcraft and pretends to take notes in her new commonplace book

quigely: hangs around the outside decorations section like it's a mini-haunted house/haunted attraction and gets "scare" when he sets them off, which more than once got him looks by other shoppers

fiona: walks through the whole seasonal section (or all of spirit halloween) and takes random photos on her phone of things that she likes would like but will never buy due to the budget

fernald: keeps his hands in his deep jacket pockets because he knows his hooks will get concern looks; goes straight to the adult costumes and roasts the shit out them for being cheap/too sexualize

hector: browses the halloween theme kitchenware they have; gets into an argument with another shopper over a towel that ends with hector being the winner on account of the 'touch first' rule

widdershins: talks to a non-vfd acquaintance he hasn't seen in years outside the store; the talk was so long that when it ended everyone else is done shopping (fine by him he didn't want to shop today)

[afterthegreatunknown]

future fiona and quagmires groupchat:

fiona, in the groupchat: *sends image*

fiona: i forgot the 'my' but...

isadora: 🎉🎆🎇🎉

quigley: asdjfkl

duncan: if your stepfather wasn't recruited by vfd, he wouldn't be your stepfather tho

fiona: ???

isadora: duncan wtf

quigley: but? he would?? bruh???

duncan: widdershins only becaue fiona and fernald's stepfather BECAUSE HE MET THEIR MOM THROUGH VFD

duncan: became*

duncan: if widdershins was never part of vfd he would be living a completely different life. i don't even he would EVEN be widdershins

isadora: nooooo why you threw in logic in here duncan

quigley: whY would you say that?

fiona: i'm certain that in every universe stepfather is my stepfather

fiona: no exception

fiona: stepfather is in my life no matter what

duncan: i admire your faith that widdershins as your stepfather is a constant in this apparent multi-verse we're creating now

quigley: jkjkjkl maybe in this one world you pull a henry ouat and go up to his front door knock on it and when he answers it you go

quigley: 'hi i'm fiona i'm your stepdaughter in another life :D!'

fiona: how i get get those memories though?

quigley: through snicket's books in that world we have different names and are thought to be fictional

fiona: whose my stepfather in this new world?

quigley: idk i didn't think THIS FAR

isadora: actually now that i think about it IF widdershins wasn't your stepfather who would it be?

fiona: 🤷‍♀️

quigley: 🤔considering the rumors your pos sperm donor heard maybe your mom hooks up with gregor afterwards

quigley: fernald and fiona anwhistle

fiona: if i didn't hate gregor for all the fucking problems he caused even in death i would think that's an acceptable name

fiona: also. me in that world: 'wtf mom why you married your rumor affair partner YOU'RE PROVING EVERYONE'S POINT'

isadora: oh mY GOD that is a scumbag move

fiona: 'thanks mom if you excuse i'm gonna to go find my REAL STEPFATHER'

isadora: and this is why fernald in that world ran away.

quigley: lmao a stepfather so bad you want another stepfather

duncan: you are all awful goodnight everyone 😴

[afterthegreatunknown]

quagmire triplets + hector and the widdershins family and what they do/what happens to them when at the (indoor) shopping center mall in a nearby city (first year of living together when things are mostly calm):

duncan: browse a music store and reorganizes the vinyl records, cassettes, and cds by year release, not band or artist

isadora: goes to the claire’s and buys herself a few pairs of clip-on earrings because she’s not allow to pierce her ears yet

quigley: makes his own hand-drawn map of the mall because he brought his commonplace book with him on in the trip

fiona: gets perfume spray on her whenever walking pass a perfume/make-up kiosk and always enter a sneezing fit as result

fernald: a security guard nearly throws him out and avoids said throwing out after proving himself as non-threatening

hector: complains about how the mexican food offer at the food court isn’t very authentic, but still eats it because he’s hungry

widdershins: constantly stares at the mall’s many fountains as if he’s thinking about taking the coins thrown in there

[afterthegreatunknown]

given that widdershins has canonical knowledge of poetry and bertrand has implied canonical knowledge of poetry, i have the funny image of these two holding an unofficial poetry meeting in a non-vfd connected or approved of establishment that ends with them running out of said establishment because one of them got in trouble there prior and didn’t tell the other.

so now they’re both ban from the place, and are force to find a new establishment.

and like, as much as widdershins, aka ‘he-who-hesitates-is-lost’ is the one who should likely be the one that got into trouble somehow due to his philosophy, the idea that bertrand, the apparent golden boy of their generation, as the one who got into trouble is funnier to me.

[afterthegreatunknown]

i haven't read tgg in a good while

but i'm pretty sure this was never stated in the book

[afterthegreatunknown]

how fuck up would it be if gregor vanished one day out at sea during an investigation over 'the great unknown' while during his myceilum research in the early stages?

and hector and ike decided to put on a ruse that gregor came back to continue working on it via letters and late night meetings from a distance (for the two can disguise themselves as gregor under the right circumstances), never inside anwhistle aquatic itself.

and everyone bought into it, even kit, writing 'gregor' a letter about the danger of the fungus (a letter that hector wrote, that ike sent to her place) and how 'gregor' is going to be playing with fire, with the looming threat that something was going to happen.

and that happening was the anwhistle aquatic fire, which the two suspected from the get-go, and how they realize they have to let gregor die again, with this time being harder due to a lack of body to place, and how more hurt they felt knowing they caused gregor's death a second time.

and hector and ike at gregor's funeral, are screaming on the inside knowing that this fake funeral shouldn't be happening, for the real funeral was one they prevented, and the two were so ridden with guilt of their ruse ike became more recluse with josephine, and hector hid from the world in the village in the hinterland.

and hector, learning of ike's death of leeches, which he suspects was not because he had forgotten to not wait a full hour, when face with kit and widdershins, wishes he could tell them the truth of everything.

and he never does because what likely killed gregor all those years ago is now reaching them, reaching him at last.

how fuck up would it be?