he said I won't amount to nothin'
I'm a good for nothin' spawn of his loin
he'd kick me out if it wouldn't break my mom's heart
trapped in a car, I couldn't just open the window
or the door, jump out and run
So I stayed seated with tears rolling down
There ain't nothin' to say
When you're a youngin' and already ain't shit
you swallow whatever pride you got left
you walk with your shoulders slumped
your world crushed and heart heavy
I ain't livin here you scream to yourself
I ain't gonna stay where I ain't wanted
but you can't go nowhere, youse a youngin
you ain't finished school, ain't got a job
ain't nobody gonna open their house for free
so you stay in that house and bid your time
but the broken record ain't silent
it's at the back of my mind
Said I won't amount to nothin'
maybe I ain't shit, fuck it!
dad was prolly right, I ain't shit
he was just mad, worse than mad
maybe in his life and by extension mine
dad is older now and not doing so well
he was never mean spririted
he just used means, words, to an end
dad seldom smiles now and it makes me sad
I'm not all that, but I'm about all he has
I forgave him on the basis of him being human
but the words are carved in my cells
etched in cursive and all so invasive
Dad had meant I would be a whore
Not the kind that sells their bodies
Rather one that has nothing but a body to sell
I wish I had fought harder to prove him wrong
That I had strived harder to go beyond
Nostradamus in the making was right
I ain't got nothing but a body to sell
I ain't got specials skills or talent
So I sell my brain cells for a cheque
Every thursday is pimping day
Bachelor's in word was a luxury
it couldn't afford me more than a desk job
I certainly ain't balling
if it ain't tears rolling
Dad was right I haven't amounted to nothin'