Nothing I do is ever "right". Things seem to be changing.
No, I am not perfect. But, in this house, it's unacceptable to not make an effort towards perfection at the least. If not my dad, my mom is always trying to prove me wrong, in which she fails. Do I dare argue? Of course not. My only wish is for someone to ask me a question, listen to my response, & give a simple head nod or just say "okay." Not everything is always up for debate and no one seems to understand that. Speaking of which, if you're ready to throw facts in my face I am always prepared to reciprocate your argument in a much more professional manner. First honors since kindergarten has done me well. Also, when one of my parents has been defeated in an argument, they shut down. I'm currently being ignored for doing absolutely nothing wrong. It just leaves me mentally unstable, in all honestly. Hence the reason my grades are slipping already and it's only the first month of school. Which in return, I will eventually be punished for.
On another note, I feel myself changing into such a different person and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I'm really not into going out and being social, I'd enjoy sitting around with about 1-5 friends and just enjoying the simple things. Maybe go uptown for a nice walk, grab something to eat. It's possible that I'm just trying to embrace Fall as much as possible, reason being it's my absolute favorite season. I must admit though, I am fearful of separation from certain people. I went from communicating with a select few friends/acquaintances on a daily basis, and now that communication is slowly breaking off. Aside from the fact that my Dad took my phone for absolutely no reason, that's not the main cause of my anti-sociability. It's me. I'm not sure what it is, but it's definitely my fault. In all honesty, I think it's this sudden lack of energy that has crept up on me. I literally invest all my energy into thinking. Thinking about everything, over analyzing every situation possible, comparing absolutely everything that happens to me to a similar situation, etc. My brain takes all of my energy, leaving none for my body. I just sit in my room, complete some school assignments, and sleep. Due to that, I've never been more excited to start a new gym. I believe I'm going to start going Thursday, which is perfect because that is the day in which I will have successfully gotten over the three-day-hump of my new diet.
I don't mean to rant, but I 100% needed this. Anyone who has taken the time out of their day to read this in full, may God bless your soul because I could personally care less. At this point, I couldn't even tell you what the opening sentence of this post was. I'm distracted in every way possible and I was itching to blow some steam off. Thank you, Tumblr, for being my personal yet publishable diary. Much appreciated.
