Rapo Rambles About Juri and Herself
Maaaan, reading through Juri’s MSS, I’m seeing what I very well could’ve been.
I took on working on the JSON for Ai’s translation of Juri’s MSS, and while editing the file format to merge with the Japanese JSON, I’ve gotten to read through the translation (which is quite well done, thank you Ai!)
For some context, Juri attends Ryuugasaki Academy, which is a relatively well-to-do all-girl’s school. She worked hard to get into its attendance, so her father (who’s both single and a teen father, so he has literally Juri and that’s it,) wouldn’t have to worry about her getting a poor education, or, more importantly, her getting kicked out. Except, she continued to get into tussles, and was on the verge of expulsion, presumably not for the first time, when she was approached by Kyubey, and made her wish: for a “perseverant heart”. That’s what granted her personal magic as such; she can endure much more than before, but the more she endures negative emotion, the more violently she’ll ‘explode’ when she reaches her inevitable limit. As of her MSS, the only outlet she’s found has been to physically fight other people (mostly Yuna).
I remember when I was in elementary school, and was in private schools similar to Juri’s. I also had a serious anger issues, coupled with a number of neurodivergencies that made it all worse. From what I can see, I don’t know whether Juri was bullied or hazed when she was younger, but given the combination of her extremely short temper, rough behavior inherited from her father, and of course, said father’s young age and single status, I’d wager she definitely was. I wasn’t in Juri’s exact situation, but it was comparable in some ways -- for one, I had a mother in bad health, who was bedridden for part of my elementary years, and for two, I attended so-called ‘Christian’ private schools that were, for the singular exeption of one actually good Catholic school (yes, I’m serious!), were basically Evangelical nightmares.
My father, as I’ve noted on here before, is a Doctor of molecular genetics, and from the combined influence of him and my mother’s profession of emergency nursing/paramedicine, I developed a strong interest in scientific fields very early on. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d routinely answer ‘a chemist!’, with heavy enthusiasm -- I wanted to work in drug research specifically, because another hit to my mother’s health was her extreme allergy to NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs), which are the primary treatment for most chronic pain. Needless to say, the minute any of my teachers found out of my father’s profession, and how his love of the sciences had rubbed off on me, they’d give me all hell. ‘Of course she’s bad, her father’s a biologist! Which means he believes in evolution,’ they’d unilaterally think. (Look, my ‘science’ textbook in fourth grade claimed the Moon was only a few thousand years old, which was the moment I realized how dumb the curriculum was.) So I was allowed to become the bullying target, with the teachers refusing to reprimand any student who harassed me, and instead turning the blame on me when I’d boil over from repeated abuse. Hell, I sat out in the hall as ‘punishment’ nearly every day in fifth grade, arguable the worst year of my life.
The difference though, from Juri’s background, is that I had two parents, one of whom was a full-time mother, for the very reason of my severe neurodivergence. When I got to middle school, which hilariously was a public school run fifty times better than even the best private school I’d attended, these sources of abuse were removed, since the teachers a) didn’t give a shit about what my parents did for work, b) were required to keep their religious views out of the question, because while Virginia might be a Bible Belt state, this was Northern Virginia, where that sort of bull doesn’t fly, and c) were informed of my special needs before the year started, and were required to follow any accommodations on my IEP (thanks, ADA!). Juri doesn’t get these luxuries, I know, and I can only imagine that I’d have turned into her by high school if I hadn’t gotten the support I did. Juri’s old man is as supportive as he can be, but he was stated to be only 19 when Juri was born (so 35 now,) so he’s got his own set of issues to deal with, and likely didn’t get the time to mature properly himself, ‘cause he had to raise a kid at the same time. (Meanwhile, my folks were nearly forty each when I was born.) She’s been stuck with no support but her father her whole life, and she’s had to support him right back. It’s kinda surprising that they don’t fight all that much, actually.
To go into some Arc 2 spoilers, Chapter 10 gives us another perspective, too, showing us what Juri would’ve been like as a parent... but also what she’d have been like if she’d been given a fairer shot. In the Kimochi bit in episode 4, we see Juri as a teen parent to Ao, yes, but she’s not alone like her father was -- she has Yuna, who’s been the closest to support Juri’s had this whole time. She’s also got Hikaru, to an extent, and while Hikaru won’t hold down a job to save her life (ironically,) she’s still good-natured and kind, and, more importantly, cares about Juri and Yuna’s wellbeing. Juri’s given a chance to ‘trial-run’ being an adult, since she knows this whole bit will end eventually (though, from their perspective, in 14 years!) She’s given a chance to work for something, to have a support structure she didn’t before. All that ends up giving her ways to manage her anger beyond just beating people up -- yeah, she still has to fight the kimochi every time Ao gets fearful, but she’s got Yuna in tow to help, as well as Hikaru.
I’m in my 20s now, and I’ve only just started attending college. I’ve got a certification for pharmacy technicians, but no license, and I go back to school for my third-ever semester this winter. I’ve been convinced for years that by the time I’d get to college, my dreams of having a four-year degree in a science field or in translation would be violently shattered by my own inability to simply ‘do things I don’t like!’. Well, while I likely won’t be able to handle a full degree for quite a while, the idea that it’s my own damn fault I can’t do so has also been shot down. I’ve been struggling with a deep depression and a sometimes straight-up paralyzing anxiety for years now, to the point that my whole high school career was extended an extra year past when I should’ve graduated as a result. But, after almost a whole decade of being psychologically stuck, I’ve gotten some treatment for it. The chronic pain I’ve been fighting is starting to be managed, after we finally found a pain management doctor who’d actually take me seriously. I’ve found a therapist who’s actually able to cut through some of my own self-deprecation to get the point across that my behavior is normal for ADD folks. I’m inches away from getting a license finally, after being forbidden from getting one at sixteen, and I’ve been cleared to ride my bike into town along a certain route, so I’ve got ways to get outta the damn house. I know those aren’t the same ‘clean break’ Juri got in Chapter 10, but given that the Kimochi mindscape wasn’t reality anyways, she’s still gonna have work ahead of her to make that future a reality for herself, too. But, knowing that there’s a chance that things can turn out alright, and that you’ll be happier in the future, takes a lotta weight off the shoulders, y’know?
It’s late, and I’m tired from my medication increasing in dose today, so I dunno if I’ve made much sense, but basically I love Juri more now because I can see myself in her, and therefore I can see some hope for myself in there, too.
