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rarasworldbro

2am and it’s -2 degrees - my hands are numb. Winter has played most of its coldest cards by now, but I’m still so fucking afraid of the weather. I’m on the back porch thinking about how the last couple of months have transpired and led me onto this inevitable path I find myself walking… It all happened so suddenly and without me really realising it, or being fully conscious of the potential consequences. In retrospect it seems like somewhat of a hazy dream. I’ve finally chosen a direction instead of labouring in my own stagnation. It feels good to have an image in sight of the future, instead of the grey mass of amorphous cloud that I’m used to when I picture it in my minds eye. But fear keeps nibbling at me, I worry that as it takes shape with time I won’t be able to manage. Control seems easier when your standing still, isn’t that funny? I wasn’t controlling anything - everything was nothing, but it felt safe. I’m folding my brain into ugly origami because I keep creasing it the wrong way, the edges are beginning to fray. I can’t see into the future but I’m hoping it won’t fall in on me like a house of cards - all I ever want is stability; what if I’ve unwittingly entered a free fall? Is anything ever safe at all? Who would I call if it all crumbled down around me? There is no net at the bottom of life to catch me. I could end up like a rorschach splattered on the pavement, becoming one with the cement. Can I afford the rent? Maybe I don’t have to eat everyday? Who needs electricity anyway? I just want a place to call my own. I’ve got to do this, and do it alone. That’s the scariest part really. I have so many friendly faces around me encouraging my courage (that’s come far too late) but at the end of the day my trajectory is something I have to achieve solely. I have to rely only on me.

I’ve waited too long to finally feel free // this is something I wrote a couple of weeks ago… still resonating so I’m sharing it. ©️@rarasworldbro

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@rarasworldbro (i did this in one shot so forgive the mistakes)

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2.5k followers Nice way to finish off the year. Thank you all.

2017 was a full year. Full of new words and new goals and new faces.

2017 was about growth. 2018 will be about impact.

Take me as I am: when you call me love, I'll call you mine.

-Chuck Akot

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Madi chasing storms and Kevin touching scars Aubrie paints a sunrise as Lauren’s hanging stars Dolly sharing her adventures Dhrit’s awesome vocabulary Leena hugs the child inside Navin’s sage perspicacity Barbara is a welcome sight Debra laces love with art Tara always keeps it real Philine pens from the heart blessed by so many friends I can share now but a few yet I pray you know I love every one both old and new