#ravdeme

[lostambition-archive]

@ravdeme:

What a pretty face, and yet such gloomy words? Baekhyun could feel his lips curling downwards at that, not entirely comprehending where she was coming from with her words. Girls like her, at least those he knew of, tended to be overly aware of their charms and used them to their advantage whenever possible, but he didn’t know whether she was the same or if she wasn’t aware of the beauty she possessed. Nonetheless, it struck him as slightly odd to witness such a pretty girl to be talking about hurt and harm, especially when in relation to mankind.

Even if he did share her sentiment in regards to people generally being monsters, in one way or another, Baekhyun didn’t feel the necessary need to voice these thoughts or let her know he was agreeing with her, hence the sudden wariness that surfaced in his timbre, but was soon covered up by something especially kind as he allowed for tender lips to part to reveal his own words. ❝Such heavy words, no? You must have a lot of experiences with being tossed and thrown around by all these monsters.❞

Perhaps he was unknowingly triggering something within the girl, he didn’t know, but he was eager to see what kind of response he would be getting. A philosophical talk about how humans were wrong with the things that they did? The girl snapping at him for trying to delve into the way her mind worked? Baekhyun didn’t know, and that uncertainness only made him more excited. ❝Does that make you a monster, too?❞

It had been so long since she’d last felt the sun like this – unfiltered, with an accompanying breeze to keep the temperature steady and neutral. She hadn’t noticed when she began to pale, but quickly recalls that she spent most of her days trapped inside the same four walls for the past two years. Though she was allotted sparse recreational time outdoors, the dreary playground and lack of enthusiastic playmates had her sitting for in a patch of sun that managed to filter through the thick branches for the whole thirty minutes before being ushered back inside. Today she let a little white lie slip past chapped, hungry lips and wriggled her way out of the building and into the civilian heavy city. She’d been sunning herself for the past hour or so, legs drawn up with tired eyes closed and tilted towards the sun. She didn’t have to be anywhere, take any medicine or talk to another therapist. Right now she simply was, and that was enough. 

She hears the squawking of a group of friends, laughing and harping at one another. 

“You monster!” One yells. 

All monsters are human. 

The thought verbalizes itself, and her ears perk at the sound of a stranger answering her. Turning her head in his direction, she opens her eyes to fully asses him. He was looking at her...like she was crazy. Which she was, but still. But his words meant more than his actions at that moment. Assessment of melancholic words was inevitable to link towards the assumption of being chased by monsters, friends, family, and circumstance alike. Her sudden dislike for his seemingly all knowing rhetoric was quickly swallowed, as she reassures herself that he knows nothing. 

“Everyone has their own personal monsters.You, too, have one lingering around you, waiting until you’re at your most vulnerable.” She smiles as if it could lessen the edge of her words, then pats the space beside her on the grass. “So, if everyone is and has a monster, then it makes sense if I’m one too, right? Even if I’m just a monster...to myself. Just like how you’re a monster too.” She could go on and on about the guise humans wear to hurt each other -- they are sunny and bright and inviting, but then you get to know them, and they do nothing but hurt, because they hurt too. They want the rest of the world to suffer with them. Misery loves company. Perhaps that’s why the two ended up together at the same place at the same time. 

“We are monsters, invisible monsters, with visible smiles and hidden intentions. Wow, did you hear that? That was so cool, did you write that down? Sometimes I’m so clever I even surprise myself.” She lets a lighthearted laugh leave her as she eases back into her previous position. “Sorry for rambling, but thanks for listening. Not many people bother with that now a days.” 

[thieros-blog]

“What’s in it for me?”

( meme . not accepting )

Everything she did benefited herself, not anybody else. Perhaps it was rather cold hearted of her to step on anyone that got in the way of her greedy desires, but she had learned long ago it was the only way to make it in life. In social situations, she doesn’t bother to think of how she may effect the other person’s emotions unless it was necessary. Ordinary people were not important to her, instead she set her eyes on those high above the city’s dirty ground.

Now was not the time to delve into her inner desires, dark eyes gazing at the other with a near humorous expression. How funny of him to think she’d be doing anything for him. His friendship or whatever he’d like to label it as was nothing more than a way for her to pass the time. He was simply one of her many toys, soon to be discarded when something better came along. However, there was always the small chance of him becoming a permanent fixture in her life. Those who managed that feat were few and far between, but it was definitely a possibility. She would never let him know that, though.

“Nothing.” She quips back, raising a brow before flipping her hair back behind her shoulder. Sometimes the way it cascading over her shoulder in a wave of shiny black locks only served to bother her, and in any case he was not one she needed to impress with perfectly styled hair. A small smile tugs at her lips, head tilting before she speaks, her left foot tapping against the ground once. “Just do it and in return you’ll have a very happy girl on your hands.”

[harukhi-blog]

➢ file:unknown :: ravdeme

Whenever he came to think of his infancy, Donghae had a hard time suppressing the sour smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. The most prominent memory was that of his mother passing away, shortly followed by the years that were spent in different orphanages. The first he was living at for three months soon closed down due to lack of funds and thus, Donghae was transferred from Seoul to Daegu at the tender age of fifteen, shortly before turning sixteen. But with his mother’s loss being still a fresh wound, he’d often find himself staying awake at night and struggling to fall asleep for more than two to three hours.

He used to be a terrible child, so much Donghae could recall. He threw the food away he didn’t like, destroyed gifts given to other children and purposefully spit out the worst of all insults whenever someone dared to face the little devil.

Back then, there used to be nearly nobody he could truly rely on. And for reasons he couldn’t quite remember, he felt good that way as well. Perhaps it was because it slimmed down chances of someone else leaving him unexpectedly once more, thus sparing him the possible heartbreak and questions that would probably haunt his young mind for another while. Only with time and more painful experiences would he later on come to understand that sometimes, people didn’t want to leave but had to, regardless of what they wished for.

Luckily, he hardly ever thought of the past and very seldom was he, through circumstances or something of the like, reminded of it either. This time however, he wasn’t quite as lucky for a face, though definitely not as sweet and innocent as it used to be, triggered a lot of memories and emotions that he’d much rather forget.

He only spent four years in the orphanage in Daegu but it had been enough to get to know her who had been such a young girl back then. Now, she was a grown woman but her facial features remained the same overall; just a little more refined. It left Donghae with an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach when he came to face her and even though part of his brain argued that she could by no means possibly remember someone who was a couple of years older than her back when they first met, he still couldn’t help but deep down wish that maybe… she could remember.

❝It’s a small world, isn’t it?❞

He felt odd, like someone had taken his world and painted it a new color and he also wasn’t used to this feeling of nervousness. How long had it been since he last encounter someone from his past? Only a handful of people knew of Donghae and the way he had grown up, amidst other parentless children that nobody truly cared for and the struggling desire to prove himself to a world that ignored his existence entirely. It was pathetic, come to think of it.

Something told him, he should have known better.

He hated this feeling.

Her years in the orphanages weren’t as smooth as she would have liked them to be. She depended on herself, and it was even hard to open up to other kids which might have suffered the same fate as her, or perhaps, worse. She had learned to mask away all of her feelings at a very young age, however, a few years passed and after taking some ‘getting used’ to living with other parentless kids, there was a new addition. Someone from Seoul, a woman in the house announced. 

Seoul? Such a big city. All she could think of at that time when the city was mentioned was how big cities promised big dreams - not bothering to take a glance at the newcomer, she remembered writing down random words in her notebook, no meaning whatsoever, it was her way of avoiding human interactions. Day after day, days turned into weeks, somehow, the male had become someone who grew to be important to her. The two of them would be seen hanging around each other, and despite the fact that she might not have too many words to utter to him, she enjoyed his mere presence - a sibling that had long abandoned her. 

But those days were over, he left and she was left by herself yet again. There was no point in holding grudges against him - Donghae needed to move on and Soojin was completely aware of that fact. Years passed, she turned into a refined woman with stories behind her dark eyes. It wasn’t often that she’d run into someone from her past as she had cut all interactions, never wanting anyone to remind her of the person that she used to be, yet, fate decided to play a game with her. 

Is that really him?

All she could do was stare. Her empty eyes fixed onto the male’s features. It could be, but he... looked a whole lot more proper than he was back then when they were merely two teenagers who tried to cling onto each other for hope. Then again, she changed. She was no longer the girl in jeans and overalls with dirty cap. A sense of warmth radiated in her heart, she almost felt alive for once. Sinking down her bottom lip, she stopped in her tracks for a short minute, unsure of how she was supposed to react. Part of her wanted to hug him, but she couldn’t. She had been far too damaged to be dealing with any sort of physical contact. Her lips curled up into a genuine smile. 

“You look handsome.”