( status: meme accepting. ) the feeling when one no longer loves someone they once did.
Emotions were so awfully fragile; back in the day, when he used to be younger he firmly believed in the idea that feelings were the key to solve every problem but that soon dissolved and grew to be a distant memory when his mother committed suicide without sparing so much as a single thought about her only child’s future without any remaining family.
Was he too simple or too complicated for people to understand him? The feeling of being left forgotten had been unfair and felt like a terrible sting at the tender age of fifteen, when his entire world went to hell and left him to deal with the crumbled pieces of what he once perceived to be happiness. But what did a boy who grew up in unstable circumstances knew of happiness? They pushed him aside like some doll and played their tricks on him.
Today, he was the result of that. And there was no hidden poetry or secrets that he could potentially use as an excuse for the way he lived, looked, even breathed. Donghae was a despicable person through and through and there were enough who could attest to that; the boys and girls that forcefully worked under his protection, the people he had threatened, the families who had lost a member to him. Whatever violence he encountered all throughout his life was now given back in a single razzia without paying attention to anything or anyone else.
But there were still exceptions to the rule. Perhaps it was because she saw him in his weakest state, during a time where bitterness got the best out of him and turned him into the horrible person he was nowadays. All that however, didn’t matter. Not any longer, at least for he had left young Soojin a long, long time ago when she probably needed him just as much as he needed her. Yet that was a phrase that would always remain unspoken and though his feelings towards her were nothing but tender, he also couldn’t bring himself to dare and drag her into a world she didn’t belong to. No, she deserved much better than this.
It was the only thing he could offer; an apology. Donghae was very well aware that a simple sorry wasn’t going to fix things but he figured it was better than letting her know anything else, than putting her in potential danger just because he couldn’t put a finger on his own storm of emotions which could lead to problems. He wanted to avoid this, at all costs - even if it meant stepping over his own feelings in order to ensure her safety.
And still, he did it with a heavy heart. But it was the least he could do after having left her by herself all those years ago - make sure she was going to be safe in the future.
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