092825 - Never a Roster. Always a Line.
It is crazy how one small moment can completely shift the way you see yourself and the way you move through life.
A couple of weeks ago, I penned my first Shameless Share about putting all my eggs in one basket. At that time, it was about one specific situation, and then the very next week, I found myself in almost the same type of situation with almost the same type of person. The thing that stuck with me most was the guilt. That feeling of, damn, why did I cut everybody else off to give all of my energy and attention to this one person, and it did not even work out. That guilt used to eat me alive.
For so long, I would convince myself that I had to stay in situations out of guilt or comfort. I did not want to seem like I was giving up too quickly. I did not want someone to think I was a bad person for walking away. And every time I put all my eggs in one basket and it broke, I felt stupid, like I had wasted my time.
Just a few weeks ago I laid everything out for someone I was dating. I told him exactly how I felt, that his communication was inconsistent, that I liked him, but I could not deal with that anymore. He said he would call me that afternoon. I waited. The call never came. I followed up the next day, asking if we should reschedule or scrap it. Still nothing. Days went by. And something in me just flipped. I realized I had already been here too many times before. I was not going to chase or beg or keep myself in a situation that did not meet my needs. The guilt I used to feel for walking away was gone.
I was up at two in the morning, mindlessly scrolling Instagram Reels, when I stumbled across someone saying, “Never a roster. Always a line.” At first I almost laughed, but then my eyes opened so wide because it hit me different. That one little line completely shifted how I think about dating.
A roster spreads you thin. It is five or six people getting pieces of you at the same time, while none of them ever really get to know the whole you. A line is different. A line is one person at a time. You give your focus to the person in front of you, you see it through, and when it is over, you do not backtrack or recycle the same dead situations. You move forward because the line is still full.
That shift has made me happier. I do not feel guilty anymore. I can give someone my undivided attention, see if they meet my needs, and if they do not, I move on without shame. That is the freedom of the line. It allows me to be present, but it also reminds me I always have options.
So yes, I do require a lot. I require consistency, effort, and someone who values my time. And I will no longer downplay that by saying I do not need much. Because I do. And I deserve it.
And if you needed to hear this too, stop telling yourself you are “too much” or that you should not expect anything. You can be intentional, you can give someone your full focus, and you can still know that you have options. That is not selfish. That is smart.
Never a roster. Always a line.
Just a thought that has been sitting with me. Your Turn This week, reflect every night on your baskets. You can write, record, or just talk it out, whatever feels natural.
List three baskets you are pouring into right now (a job, a relationship, a friendship, a habit, a dream).
Ask yourself: Am I nurturing something that never asked for it?
Notice if your answers shift from day to day.
I will be journaling through this, too. Let’s see together what hatches and what does not by next Sunday.
Shamelessly yours,
AB
