#raymel

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Enjoy some Raymel art by yours truly.

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A letter to the Departed. - Raymel -

A letter would be set under two small stones next to a make shift mound of one much larger. Beside it sat a twin mound with many Nymeian lilies to grace both it and the one the letter sat on. A grave marker for two.  Dear Ronin,

I wish you could be hear with me still, I truly do. this ache still stands and it keeps me hearing your voice in so many places. I smell your spices in my dreams. When I sleep I feel cold. I couldn't keep you safe and that is my biggest regret. You died while I slept. You would likely yell at me again for not doing something right and being observant. And then later probably hold me when seeing I was hurt. I failed at keeping Star safe too. Maybe letting her hate me is protection enough. Staying away from me. I hope she comes to know in time that I still care for her. Yeah, I know. Don't tell me I should tell her that. Each time I try we just butt heads. Whether I stay and talk it out or go and let anger bubble over and then pass it goes badly. He little one is gone. I am sorry. I am so sorry Ronin.  I left Kindred because I no longer felt safe but I also didn't have you and her to tether me down to one place. You two kept me grounded and returning. You two made me feel like someone thought I mattered. I don't have that anymore. I don't want to be where I was before you two. I don't. You were taken and the most I can do is snoop around to try and find out what happened. That is all. And it isn't enough for me. It's cruel to know that your life is not stilled and muted and that my words would fall to the wind and not you. I loved you Ronin and it burns so painfully in my heart that you never got to see how much I did.  When I left you and Star romantically... I left what would remind me of you both hoping that would help the sting. I left the drink. I left the estate. I bundled up some emotions and didn't want them to drip and bleed through. It made it worse. I am so sorry. Best thing I can do is live though. Maybe I can be content and happy again. I can work on that. I will work on that. Just please if you blame me, maybe have it in your heart to forgive me later in time. I love you ~C'Raymelia Yhisa

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Journal 12 - Raymel

It will be a sad time when pages collect sounds and not just charcoals and inks. It will be even worse when they capture memories more complete than what I put forward here. The one that has called for my time these days has turned me away, insinuated my idiocy, and has left.

I said I'd return to Dahj when I had good news. I am sorry Dahj. I returned with only sadness and lost notions. Sometimes I think I see you somewhere. In people. In things. In the wind and water. But I don't see you. I cannot see for I am blind. I cannot hear for I am deaf. I am but struggling against the tides.

There are those who know of me. And know of my failures before I know of them. I am now nothing even to a stranger.

None accept any kindness I can give. There is no place for someone who is hurt and dreaming of phantoms. I see ghosts and one of which is my own. When did my spirit die? When did I kill it? I feel its rot. Would I have been more valued back then should I have had masculine brawn? Would my worth be more valued? I would not have bore Rana. And now the only thing in my life I could have taken care of was long since stripped of me for more value than I was.

I am nothing. Never good enough for any one person. What of you Azeyma? Will you burn me too? You're what I have left now. And now it does not feel like much. I cannot touch you. I cannot tend to you. You will not wipe the tears. You will not give me warmth in cool chilled nights. You will not offer me laughter. You're only a beacon. A beacon one can still get lost in the sands following. You are nothing but the sun.

I feel cold.

--R.Y.--

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Foreign Kindnesses (Raymel)

As she marched them into town, some of townsmen and women and travelers would give sparing glances in confusion but most knew better. Don’t get involved was the public mantra. She’d notice after a little while he’d stop struggling with her lead and relaxed only a fraction. As she moved him she could tell he was a waif of a boy, skin and bone and no muscle, twiggish and impoverished. And between the two she looked all means healthy while he was the complete contrast of ill and unkempt. It was likely this contrast that left the salesman perplexed and uncertain when she dragged the boy to the table. She looked down at the kind and gave him the darkest looks to pair with a warning. “Y’run. I will hunt y’down. So when I let y’go, don’t move.” Her fingers uncurled from its clenched state on his shirt slowly and went to the shop keeper. “Get him an outfit. One that looks t’fit but is a bi’ roomy for growth.” Her eyes flickered over the boy at her side then back forward. “Get to it.” The shop keeper nodded along, rifling about his merchandise to find something to suit the young man at Raymel’s side and doing so with the practiced haste of a man that knew this would pay but not by much to ensure his fastest responses.

The hyur teen looked up at her, face stricken with the utmost confusion at the transpiring events. He didn’t budge an inch beside her, afraid she actually would carry out her threat and stood there frozen as he watched her, even while two pairs of clothing would be placed on the counter before them. The shop keeper’s voice was inquisitive after the silence between the pair staring at one another. “Will that be all…?” His tone was a monotone drawl, clearly unimpressed through everything going on. Just another day is seemed to the merchant.

Digging in a pocket on her person she’d yank out the gil needed, tossing it all to the table in payment. She stepped away, not addressing the boy anymore. His quick footsteps several seconds after told her he was following her at a slightly faster pace than hers. “What is it kid? Can’t see a gift t’get you out of shit clothin’?” His panting came soon after as he finally reached her side, grabbing at her clothing to stop her. “No I get that you dumb road but why?” With a quick slap of his hand on her person she grumbled and went to digging in her pack, pulling out more gil and pushing it into his hand. “Go t’Limsa. Get a job. Stealin’ is goin’ to kill you in some way. An’ I don’t like seein’ kids steal when there’s someone who can set them better. Consider me settin’ you better.” His eyes fell to his hand, several gil pushed into it, more than enough to do as she told him even without haggling anything down. It was enough to be comfortable for a couple days. His amazement was obvious. And it took him a little to respond. “You uh… you sure lady? I mean thanks. I was goin’ to steal this anyway from you--”

Quick a quick hand flew, nailing the boy in the face unsteadying him and landing him into several crates nearby. Several more eyes looked over, concern etched on their faces. “Do not secon’ guess or gawk at m’kindness kid. Take it. An’ you’d never be able to steal from me. Remember. I caught you. ‘M jus’ hopin’ that me giving it to you will show y’didn’t have to in the first place like a moron.” With a look of vile distaste she turned away, stepping off without further word, and slipping into the crowds of people that would swallow her up and leave her gone from further contact.

“Thanks… I guess lady… wish I even got your name, maybe.” Rubbing at his arm he’d get up, watching the direction Raymel left in, rubbing his arm in awkward embarrassment. Setting out he’d leave like she did, disappearing into the crowds, nothing more seen or heard from the both.