✎ [ isn't an eulogy written when someone dies tho... i'm laughing ]
[ Send ✎ for my muse to write a eulogy for yours // raskreia ]
『 … THE NEWS WAS SWIFT, 』 and altogether unexpected. Erga Kenesis di Raskreia… dead.
In all his life, Takeo had been accustomed to death; he had walked alongside it, and fought with allies who worshipped it, and had himself sent so many people to their graves. And yet, to be so jarred by a death… nothing else had ever hit like this.
It was on a whim. He’d somehow found himself in a stationary shop, and had bought the best paper that he could find. Then, he set to work writing his drafts until he had found a few words that he could be pleased with — and it was just when he began rewriting all of his thoughts onto the new stationary that he realised that there would likely be no opportunity for him to visit Lukedonia, much less even speak at the ceremony. There were people far more important than he was, people who had known Raskreia centuries longer than Takeo had.
But still, he might as well finish now that he had gotten so far. It felt wrong to leave it half-written… to leave closure feeling so unobtainable. So he had kept writing.
And somewhere along the lines, his intentions of writing a proper eulogy had been lost, and sheet after sheet of paper had been discarded and tossed into the corner of his room until finally he had something; though it could likely no longer be called a eulogy. The definition of “eulogy” and the overwhelming flood of his own frustrations and anger had blurred together, until it had become something far too personal.
And still, he kept writing, like a man possessed.
❝ … on my last trip to Lukedonia, I had learnt a great number of things that I had never known before. The things that I picked up were largely concerning the existence and the culture of the noble race, a people that I had only heard of in passing before. And among these things also were whispered rumours of the Lord, Erga Kenesis di Raskreia.
❝ In honour of her memory, I feel that the nature of these statements should not be repeated here. I wish to instead speak of what was my impression of the Lord, and not what others thought of her.
❝ The Lord was someone dear to me — that is the first thing I must say. Though the first time that I saw her, I thought her to be cold. Calculating. A woman and ruler whose emotions showed so little on her face that she might have been a statue if she weren’t walking and talking.
❝ But my intentions are not to insult Lord Raskreia… because my views of her changed over time, quickly enough, when she paid a visit to the human world. And to have the Lord of nobles asking me about how to style hair — and because she valued the time she spent with the human children she had befriended during her time there. All the things I had thought I’d known about Erga Kenesis di Raskreia were swiftly disproved, in a single evening.
❝ She was anything but cold. And she is one of the strongest people I have ever known. And one of the most kind, and beautiful people I have met.
❝ The most precious thing I found in Lukedonia wasn’t a wealth of knowledge. I don’t feel as if my greatest privilege was to set foot into the Lord’s castle, or to have been able to uncover information about nobility that for centuries, even the most brilliant minds on this earth have been unable to obtain.
❝ No — my greatest honour was to have been able to met Lord Raskreia, and to have been able to call her my friend. ❞
❝Raskreia. I remember the first night that you spoke to me more clearly than any other memory, in this moment. Do you know why?
❝ Seeing you discover things you had never seen before, and things you had never even known could exist, was a delight for me. Do you know how it feels to be able to give something new and precious to someone? To show them that the world can be so much more than they had known? You must — it’s incredible. And being able to give someone memories that they’ll take with them for the rest of their life… being given a home here gave me those memories. You’ll be a part of them, now. I just hope that perhaps I’ve given you something that you can take with you to the next life.
❝ I remember each and every one of those memories now. And, God, I don’t want to. Remembering someone’s smile, and their happiness, when they’re gone… it hurts the most to know that you will never see that again. But whether or not I want to, I remember it all: every moment we shared together.
❝ … And I remember how devastating it was to realise that you had to leave behind the world that you had grown to love. I’m sorry that I never showed you everything that I said I would. I’m sorry that you never got to do everything that you had said that you wanted to do. You deserve so many more memories than you had the chance to build.
❝Raskreia. I only wish that you could have had the ordinary life that you wanted. I hope that wherever you are now, you’ve found the peace that you deserve. Perhaps, now that you’ve been relieved of the restriction of your duties, you’ll finally have the chance to come and go in the human world as you like… and see all the things that you hadn’t been able to see before. I’m not sure of afterlife for nobles; but after death, spirits of humans should be able to visit shrines, and there are festivals that you may see as well. They are lively, and much like the ones that you might have seen before during your time in Korea. Maybe you’ll see me, or Tao and M, or the rest of the household, at one of them.
❝ And perhaps you would be allowed to see more than just that, too… I don’t know all of the details. But if you can, you could finally visit all the places you’d wanted to go, that we didn’t have the time to take you to.
❝ But you know that you are always welcome here.
❝ It feels strange to say that I miss you, when in comparison to others… I hardly knew you. But nothing that has happened to me since I came here has been all that ordinary, has it?
❝ I do miss you. Because you became one of those dear to me, and one of those that I wished to protect. I know that you were much stronger than I could ever be, but my greatest regret will always be not having had the chance to have tried protecting you.
❝ … I hope that you’ve found peace, now. Maybe someday, we’ll meet once more — then I’ll explain to you about all the things that you saw in your travels here from the other world, and all the things that might have puzzled you, when we do see each other again. ❞
… the sheet of paper sat on the desk, finished and signed at the bottom.
And now that he was done, he had no clue what he would do with it. Maybe, he would burn the letter, and it would make its way to her somehow.
In the end, he couldn’t bear to look at it any longer. The letter was tucked into his drawer, inside a large tome so that it wouldn’t be creased or bent, and locked away. Then he sat back in his chair, at his desk, and heaved a long and heavy sigh.
The world seemed to have crawled to a standstill. Takeo still didn’t want to believe it; the woman who had been with him here, staring wide-eyed at his styling equipment and accessories just months ago… was gone.
And she would be missed, more than she could ever imagine.
