Neither Here Nor There (3/3)
Summary: Very seldom does life go as we plan it. Life goes downhill after (Y/N) is kidnapped, and things only get stranger from there. Thrown into the world of Hydra, the Avengers, and superheroes there’s only one constant: Bucky Barnes. Is there any way for them to find the peace they both long for?
A/N: Final chapter! This project actually started with this chapter. There was a jokey line about Bucky and Sam being partners that kept bouncing around in my head into the wee hours of the morning and now we’re here. I had a lot of fun writing the whole deal and I hope you guys enjoy the finale!
Page dividers by @carryonmyswansong
Pairing: BuckyxReader
Word Count: 2.6k
Warnings:
Part 2
“What the hell, (Y/N)?”
(Y/N) just about drops her keys. It’s been months since she last heard Bucky’s voice. Relief floods through her before it’s quickly overtaken by anxiety. She does her best to tamp it down, takes a deep breath, pastes on her best it’s-been-a-while smile, and turns to greet him.
“Hey.”
“Hey?! Is this seriously where you’ve been this whole time?”
“Uh…” She glances up and down the hall and frowns. “Yes? This is my apartment.”
"Do you have any idea how long it took me to find you?"
"Mm, given the season, I'd say about six months. Which is crazy to me, because I never left the city."
Bucky shakes his head. "What've you been doing this whole time?"
"Well, considering everyone I used to work with is either dead, lost in time, finding a new sidekick, or sidekicking with someone else, a whole fat lot of nothing."
"Hey!" Bucky protests. "I am not Sam's sidekick, we're partners."
"Oh shit, I didn't realize that you two were dating. How's that going? Is he treating you well? I know you two didn't get along when you first met and-" Bucky presses her back against the wall and she laughs. "Okay, I'll stop."
Bucky's hands come to rest on (Y/N)'s waist and he sighs. "I missed you."
She wraps her arms around his shoulders and hugs him. "I missed you too."
"Why didn't you visit?"
"I didn't want to mess with your therapy."
"Bullshit."
"Okay. I didn't know if you'd want to see me."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Too many memories? I was kind of stuck between you and Steve and the others for a long time, and you were starting a new life outside of that." Bucky pulls away, but (Y/N) refuses to look at him. "I don't want you to have to worry about how to fit me into your life, Buck."
"You don't get to make that choice for me. I'm the only one who gets to decide who is and isn't worth my time."
"Okay."
"You get that I care about you, right? I don't care how you fit into my life, I want you there. Understand?" She nods. "Good."
(Y/N) sighs and presses her nose to Bucky’s chest. “I really did miss you. I’ll always miss you when I’m not with you.”
“(Y/N)…”
“I’m sorry, Bucky. For everything. I should’ve stuck around. I just… I got very, very used to being on my own while you were gone. I haven’t been in a good headspace since we were in Bucharest. Things made sense there. And that’s no excuse to fucking off without saying anything, but it feels like every time I finally get close to you, I lose you. It happened when you were sent to D.C. and then Bucharest and Wakanda. But if I figured that if I didn’t hold onto you this time, maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much when something else inevitably takes you away again.”
Bucky tips her chin up to look her in the eye. “You’re not gonna lose me.”
“You can’t know that.”
“I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen.”
(Y/N) bites her lip to hold back the negativity that sits just on the tip of her tongue. Bucky’s hand shifts to her cheek and he presses his lips to hers in a brief kiss. He pulls back just enough to ask if it’s alright.
“Only if it’s something you want,” (Y/N) breathes. “If I’m something you want.”
Bucky just nods and kisses her again. (Y/N) grabs fistfuls of his coat and pulls him as close as she can get him. Her mouth opens under his and Bucky groans at the first brush of their tongues. Want flashes through (Y/N)’s stomach and she begins shuffling them towards her door.
“Can I come in?” Bucky asks.
(Y/N) nods and backs right through the solid door and drags Bucky through after her by the front of his coat. He stumbles into the entryway and has to take a moment to regain his balance.
“Doesn’t matter how many times you do that, it’s still weird as hell.”
(Y/N) laughs. “But so convenient when you forget your keys.”
She quickly sheds her scarf and jacket and tosses them to the side before Bucky can pull her close again. With his hands on her waist, he takes his time kissing her. (Y/N), however, makes quick work of unzipping his coat and the hoodie underneath and Bucky lets her shove them off his shoulders. He tosses them to the side and crowds her further into the apartment, spurred on by her quiet laughter.
They stumble their way to (Y/N)’s bedroom, occasionally breaking away to discard a piece of clothing.
Just past the couch, (Y/N) sneaks her hands under Bucky’s shirt. “Is this something you want?”
Bucky nods and moves her hands up his chest, hitching his shirt up in the process. “For a long time, actually.”
“Okay.” (Y/N) nods and pulls his shirt over his head. “Okay, good.”
As soon as she tosses Bucky’s shirt onto the couch, Bucky picks her up, his hands warm and sure under her thighs. (Y/N) loops her arms around his shoulders rests her forehead against Buckys and he walks them the rest of the way to her bedroom.
“Should I be worried about ruining our friendship right now?”
“Only if by ‘ruin’ you mean ‘make it better’.” Bucky laughs and says, “I mean, if we’d had more time to ourselves in Bucharest I’m pretty sure we would’ve ended up here anyway.”
(Y/N) rolls onto her side to look at him. “You think so?”
He nods. “Three more months and I would’ve broken down and said something.”
“Three months?”
“Mhm.”
“It was the shared bed, wasn’t it.”
“It was the shared bed,” Bucky confirms.
“How long if I hadn’t been your live-in dream catcher?”
“No idea. But I don’t think a world exists where you wouldn’t have crawled into bed with me, so I won’t worry about it.”
“I’d be far more offended if you weren’t so dead on.” With featherlight touch she traces down his nose, over his lips, chin, down to his chest. “Y’know, the short hair looks good on you.”
Bucky turns his head and grins. “Yeah?”
“Mhm. You almost look a little lighter. Brighter, maybe. I like it.”
“Good.” He places (Y/N)’s hand over his heart. “I wish you actually had messed with my therapy. Would’ve gotten the shrink off my back a helluva lot faster.”
“Oh?”
“Do you know how hard it was trying to convince her I had friends? And apparently Wilson doesn’t count, and I couldn’t get in touch with you, so you don’t count either, which is such bullshit-” (Y/N) giggles and Bucky rolls over and wraps his arms tightly around her. “You think that’s funny?”
“A little, yeah. I mean, I spent years trying to prove I was your friend and now you have to prove you’re mine. That’s hilarious.”
“Mn, right, hilarious.” He holds her tighter and kisses her as she starts laughing again. “You should do comedy.”
“The only person who thinks I could ever be funny is you.” She pauses to think and her nose scrunches up. “Maybe Clint, but his sense of humor’s shot, so I don’t know if I’d trust it.”
“Have you talked to him recently?”
(Y/N) shakes her head. “I saw a few things about the Ronin and him on the news around Christmas. I think he might’ve had something to do with the tree at the Rockefeller Center falling over, but I can’t be sure.”
“I don’t even wanna know.”
“I hope he’s doing alright, though. Being left behind… it took a toll on everyone. Especially if your people were taken from you.” Her body briefly flickers and she pushes away from Bucky the second her shoulder dips into his. "Sorry, I… shit."
"What was that?"
She shakes her head. "Nothing."
"(Y/N)."
"It was just a glitch, it happens sometimes. It's fine."
"Why'd it happen?"
"Sometimes it's emotions, sometimes it's the weather. Honestly, it's probably a combination of the two at the moment. As it is, I'm not entirely corporeal when it's gray like this."
"Does it happen a lot?"
(Y/N) shrugs. "Not as much as it used to."
"When did it start?"
"It's always happened when I was anxious, but it got really bad a few days after that first snap. After we - I lost you."
"I'm sorry, (Y/N)."
She shakes her head and gently kisses him. "I don't want you to be."
"I just… you went through so much-"
"Everyone did, Bucky. Everyone lost someone. And I am one hundred percent sure there was nothing we could've done to prevent it. I mean, you saw the numbers we had. We were vastly outgunned." She sits back against the headboard and sighs. "I wish I could move past it, but it's so hard."
"It was five years. It doesn't need to be easy." Bucky takes her hand and gently rubs his thumb over her knuckles. "Tell me what happened?"
“I…” She scrubs her free hand down her face. “I shut down. There were things that had to be done, so I took whatever assignments Steve would give me to keep busy. And it worked, for the most part.”
“But?”
“But about a year in, my sister reached out. Our mother had passed away and our father and her immediate family turned to dust, so I was, quote, ‘all she had left.’ Which really made my skin crawl because they’d wanted nothing to do with me or my trauma. But I met with her because there’s something clinically wrong with me, probably.”
“What’d she want?”
“Well, at first I thought she just wanted to commiserate. She complained about money and cried about her family, but she’s barely better than a stranger at this point, so it just felt weird. And she’d never know what it was like to lose my, well… my you.” Bucky squeezes her hand. “But then she changed the subject and she-she wanted me to use my connections with the Avengers to get her a job, or something. So I just got up and walked out. After that it was just years of empty anger and grief.”
“(Y/N)…”
“I thought about you every single day.”
“You were the first person on my mind when we were brought back. But then you disappeared.”
“I know.”
“Did you even think about staying?” (Y/N) nods. “Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know. I was someone else’s responsibility for so long and if I stayed I’d either be a burden, lose someone else, or both. So I just…” She shrugs and shakes her head.
“I wish you’d stayed. That I could’ve done something to keep you around.”
“It was never your fault, though.”
“I know, but-” Bucky carefully pulls her closer- “I don’t have many people left. Please don’t cut me off.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Mhm. As long as you want me around, I’ll be there.” (Y/N) gently combs her fingers through his hair, slowly dragging her nails along his scalp. “Are you still living in the city?”
“Yeah. Not sure I can stay in that spot, though.”
“Oh, why?”
“Mn. Shit happens.”
“Like that “shit” with Sam a few months back?”
“Different shit.”
“I see.” He grunts. “You did good with that, Bucky.”
“Sam did most of the work.”
“So it was a different beautiful man with a Vibranium arm saving those important government officials from a burning van?”
“No,” he grumbles. “That was me.”
“And it was a different man who went after that knockoff Captain America?”
“Well, Sam was there too-”
“Bucky, you did part of the work. You were the good guy. You are a good guy. Give yourself a little credit here.”
“You say that like there weren’t losses,” Bucky grumbles.
“Losses that Sam openly and publicly condemned.”
“Have you been keeping up with the cases or something?”
“A little,” (Y/N) admits. “I keep an eye on anything odd that shows up in the news.”
“And?”
“And it was interesting.”
“Oh really?”
“Well, that, and I think Walker’s an ass. It was only a matter of time before something went wrong.”
“The government tried to negotiate the terms of Steve’s legacy. Something would’ve gone wrong regardless.”
(Y/N) hums. “How’s Sam dealing with that, by the way?”
“He’s figuring things out. I just wish we’d talked to him about it before Steve handed over the shield.”
“Probably would’ve been a good idea.”
“I mean the shit he’s gotten because of the color of his skin is ridiculous. You know some people have started “Not My Captain America” rallies? It’s right up there with the election denial shit that happened.”
“There’ll always be angry racists out there. It’s one of the unfortunate side effects of where we live.”
Bucky snorts. “Shit’s ridiculous.”
“Yeah, but you know Sam. He’s more capable than most of doing the job, regardless of the social reaction. He’s already proved that to the world. And he’s got us and what’s left of the Avengers to back him up. We’ll make sure the shield stays with him.”
Bucky nods and (Y/N) kisses him and hauls herself out of bed. She shimmies into a pair of clean underwear and goes to get a glass of water from the kitchen. When she returns, she’s wearing Bucky’s shirt.
“Were you alone for the holidays?” Bucky asks.
(Y/N) shrugs and crawls back into bed. “Kind of, but it’s no big deal. Christmas was never all that important, so it’s not something I celebrate on my own.”
“Oh.”
“Was your family big on the holidays?”
“A little. We at least made sure we were all together for the big ones.”
“That sounds nice.” She props herself up on one elbow. “New Years used to be the big thing for me. Something about a fresh start was really appealing. Especially after I moved out for college.”
“Then I’d hate for you to be alone on New Years.”
“Well, you’re here right now. I’m not entirely alone.”
Bucky awkwardly clears his throat. “Sam invited me to spend New Years with him and his family.”
“Oh.” (Y/N) forced herself to smile. Bucky said she wouldn’t lose him again. So why does it feel like he’s about to break that promise? “That should be nice.”
“Hey, don’t do that,” Bucky sees right through, as always. He runs the backs of his fingers over her cheek. “Don’t shut down.”
“Sorry.” (Y/N) sighs and scrubs her hands over her face.
“Talk to me.”
“It’s nothing.”
“(Y/N).”
“No, it’s nothing. What’s Sam’s family like?”
Bucky sighs. “They’re normal, in the best way possible. His sister, Sarah, is real nice and her boys are great. They’re just… they’re just kids, y’know? They love their mom and they get to play and the only things they have to worry about are homework and whether or not they remembered to do their chores.”
(Y/N) tucks one hand under her cheek. “Sounds perfect.” Bucky hums his agreement. “Do you need a ride to the airport?”
“I was hoping I could convince you to come with, actually.”
(Y/N) frowns. “You want me there?”
“Of course I do. And Sam would love to see you again, obviously.”
She bites back her smile. “Obviously.”
“Will you spend New Years with me?” He kisses her knuckles. “Please?”
“Yes.” She grins and Bucky wraps her up in his arms and kisses her. “And Sam, of course.”
Bucky laughs. “Of course.”
Well, that’s the end! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as well as the earlier ones.
I’d love to know what you thought of either this chapter or the story as a whole! Do you think Bucky and the Reader character can make it? Do you think their relationship felt like a natural progression of what was happening pre-thanos snap? Did you like the ending? Be sure to like, reblog, comment, and/or shoot me an ask and tell me all about it!
If you’d like to be tagged in future fanfiction, please let me know ;u;
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