#reading too deeply

[heretherebedork]

There is a pervading theme of loneliness (and the end of loneliness) in Not Me.

We start the whole show with White dispassionately leaving behind a woman in Russia to return to Thailand for the first time in a decade and start a new life, alone, while lamenting the loss of his connection with his twin a decade after it was severed.

And then we meet each character and we see loneliness emerge (well, except for one, but we'll get to that) and we watch them all come together while still lonely.

Sean was lonely, living in the loft in Gumpa's garage, never going anywhere besides for missions, isolated and angry and filled to the brim with a need for revenge.

Yok was lonely, not alone but lonely in his passion and seeking connections, deep ones, that he found in Dan's eyes and nowhere else.

Todd talked about Black and talked to White but seemed to have nothing outside of that, nothing outside of these twins that he's known all his life and he always, always had time for White.

All that loneliness... and then the connections.

White and Sean.

Yok and Dan.

And then more connections.

Yok and Gram.

Sean and Yok.

White and Todd.

More and more and more connections building on connections, building homes, breaking loneliness into pieces...

And then Black returns and the loneliness slams back into White and overtakes Sean and we get to see Black's loneliness, see how isolated he is even within the gang.

And then we get Todd walking towards a gun. Todd staring down the barrel and walking straight to Black and that's the moment that broke me in all of this.

Because White and Sean have each other, Dan and Yok found each other and Black and Todd are both still alone. They're both alone and lonely but only Todd is desperate enough to offer Black literally anything just to keep him in his life, just to try and keep that friendship.

(I mean, there are a lot of questions here about why Todd had Black beaten that I suspect will never, ever be answered by the show but my current suspicion is that Todd was trying to convince Black to come back to their friendship and the situation got out of hand again.)

And now... the one character who was never lonely. Gram. Gram was never lonely. Gram had outside friends, had outside relationships, had an ex-girlfriend, has his friendship/crush on Eugene, seems to know everyone... Gram was never lonely and I think that's showing more and more as we hit the end of the story and it's part of why he's falling away from everything else.

Because part of Not Me is a story about finding connections and passion and Gram isn't part of that.

[cringe-therapy]

/rp D SMP Lets talk about the "small blind" (Quackity Lore Stream 3.17.20)

ok, so i just finished Quackity's lore stream and noticed something and I won't be able to sleep until i get this out, so here, have this word vomit about poker and plotlines i am not responsible for this monstrosity anymore it is yours now.

SO, at the end of Q's (breathtaking and heart-wrenching) stream, a poker case is thrown onto the table, scattering the contents. The only visible chip that can be read (while upside) says "small blind" (see bottom of the post).

assuming that this has significance (which given the amount of detail put into this stream, there must be), what is the "small blind" in poker? From my rudimentary diggings through wikipedia, the small blind is the player directly to the left of the "button" (dealer) who is dealt their cards first, and the "big blind" is the person second to the button's left to be dealt cards after the small blind. Both the big and small blind must then bet (usually pre-agreed on, but the big blind bets twice as much as the small). According to Replay Poker, "The reason that blinds are collected, particularly in tournaments, is so there is a starting pot for the players to compete for", and furthermore, in tournaments, the blinds are raised every round to continue incentivizing the players to play. Without blinds, players could simply fold on every round that was not a perfect hand, and thus, play a waiting game until they did in fact have a perfect hand with which to win the pot. As a final and MOST IMPORTANT NOTE: the players who are designated as the two blinds are at a severe disadvantage because "They’re betting without seeing their cards, whereas everyone else is playing for free, and they must act first in every round of betting in the hand, except for pre-flop." (Replay Poker).

Quackity clearly embodies the "small blind" in this case (he is one to the left of the button, which is in this case, most likely Dream, who is still managing to dole out the cards); Q is at a severe disadvantage, but in order to entice the players to play (ie, in order to gain power and influence and induce the other members of the surver to participate, and to induce Dream to reveal his secrets), Q is going to have to bet on his hand before he sees it. He is literally going in simply trusting his instincts and fully knowing that he is at a disadvantage, he is committing to this gamble. Because he knows that to drive his narrative and desires, he's got to incentivize others (like Sam for example, his business partner), to play. With no allies left (see in the tearing down of El Rapides), Q has to cut the bullshit and bet big, hoping that this gamble will pay off.

Wow. That was a lot and if you made it to his point, have a complimentary hug from me; feel free to add and discuss PLEASE.

[vampireknightmusings]

Looking Too Deeply Into Vampire Knight Covers

In this series, I pretend that I’m back in college having to over-analyse the use of the colour blue, except in image form rather than text! It’ll be fun to flex the old grey matter and see what I can shake loose from the recesses of my own mind! This is all in fun, so please don’t take it too seriously.

As always, we should start at the beginning:

The first thing that jumps out to me is how Zero and Yuuki are separated from Kaname by a white veil. This is foreshadowing the series conflict of Zero and Yuuki attempting to stop Kaname from following out his plan after abandoning her. Further to this, Kaname is behind the veil in the darkness. This is the choice he makes by leaving Yuuki behind and not allowing her to save him, as he wanted. This choice can be seen in a positive light, however, as he does this so that he will stop making Yuuki miserable. He doesn’t want her to become disillusioned with life like him.

Kaname being behind the veil could be a nod to the fact that he is hiding core aspects of his personality from Yuuki, and hiding dark secrets from Zero. In contrast, Zero and Yuuki being in front of the veil could show that the two are more honest about their personalities. Of course, they aren’t entirely if you think about it, but neither of them have murderous secrets to hide.

I looked briefly very briefly into the symbolism behind cloth being torn, if there was any. What I did find in this sojourn was in relation to death and mourning. On Kaname’s side, this could relate to his previous “death” and his future “death.” For Zero, this could relate to his mourning of his family and the man he could have been if his world hadn’t been violently turned upside down and he transformed into a vampire. For Yuuki, it could relate to her mourning Kaname in the future, and the loss of her memories that we come to see are important to her.

Returning to the colour symbolism, the white that Zero and Yuuki are standing in front of could represent their honest intentions in their actions. The actions they take hold no deeper meaning, and they are not manipulative of others. Both want to help others, though they show this want in different ways. Kaname being behind the white and in front of the black could represent, in contrast, the sinister intentions that he hides from Zero and Yuuki throughout the first arc. His schemes will place others in unnecessary danger; something that neither Zero or Yuuki would approve of.

Kaname is surrounded by red roses, which often symbolise romantic love. This is a representation of Kaname’s desire to love and be loved, and, coupled with the torn veil, could symbolise his desire to be brought into the light by Yuuki’s love. The website teleflora states that a bouquet of roses represents an innocent love, which could be related to his more innocent intentions of simply stepping back and protecting Yuuki from afar. I may have missed some, but I could count ten roses on the cover amongst the various tears. From the same source, I learned that ten roses stand for someone’s love being “perfection”, again returning to the idea of Kaname seeking salvation from Yuuki’s love.

Zero and Yuuki standing together on one side of the veil could also highlight their unbreakable bond, and puts emphasis on Yuuki’s statement that she will be on Zero’s side even if they are enemies. Furthermore, Yuuki is the one to hold Bloody Rose on this cover, the chain wrapping itself around her arm, highlighting this even more strongly. She is also holding it up and to the right, just placing the angle of the bullet’s trajectory away from Zero’s head. This could symbolise her refusal to kill Zero in direct correlation to her wish to save him. Her holding the gun instead of Zero could also relate to her actively stopping Zero from ending his own life. 

Furthermore, the Bloody Rose is a hunters weapon which can be linked to Yuuki’s decision to become the ‘angel of death’ to pureblood vampires later on in the series.

Zero is covered in blood, which relates to his bloody past and foreshadows his bloody future. It also links to his true nature as a vampire. He is also lightly clutching his throat, a gesture associated with vampires who are trying to control their thirst. Blood is symbolic of someone’s life force, so this could symbolise the 'death’ of Zero’s identity as a human; him being born anew into the bloody world of vampirism.

Yuuki is also lightly covered in blood, the majority of it on her neck where she will be bitten by Zero. This relates to her offering her own blood as a means to keep Zero alive. There is also a small amount of blood on the hand she is using to hold Bloody Rose, which indicates the secret that her blood letting creates between her and Zero.

A final point I want to make is that Zero and Yuuki are facing towards us, which again relates to their honesty and openness, at least to us as readers. Kaname appears to be turning away, relating to his hidden intentions and his hiding his deeper plans from us as readers alongside Zero and Yuuki.

All in all, this cover has a lot to say about the character’s relations to each other and about roles they will take in the story. If you guys have anything you want to add, or if you have alternate interpretations, I’m always willing to hear it!

I hope you enjoyed this read and will stick around for the next installment!

Part 2

[vampireknightmusings]

Looking Too Deeply Into Vampire Knight Covers

In this series, I pretend that I’m back in college having to over-analyse the use of the colour blue, except in image form rather than text! It’ll be fun to flex the old grey matter and see what I can shake loose from the recesses of my own mind! This is all in fun, so please don’t take it too seriously.

It feels as though we are intruding looking at this cover. Zero and Yuuki lean into each other as if they are sharing a secret with one another. This could be a reference to the forbidden act that both engage in in order to keep Zero sane; an act that no one else can be involved in, which could be why the two face each other and exclude all others. It could also link to the future secrets that will be thrown into the open; Yuuki’s status as a pureblood princess which will be discovered during her search for her past. Zero is covering the bloody book, which hints at the quest the two undergo at the Hunter’s headquarters. It is as though he is protecting Yuuki both from internal threats and outer ones.

The book being covered in blood could link to Yuuki’s bloody future. It could also be symbolic of Yuuki’s quest for her memories leading to knowledge that she would ultimately regret; being the “trigger” for Kaname’s despair and discovering that Zero’s family was killed in order to protect her. The rose petals scattered on the book could link to Yuuki discovering her love for Zero too late.

The ripped effect appears to be closing in on the pair, linking to the dark future that is steadily approaching. It could link to the deep dark forest that they, along with Kaname, will find themselves in.

I can’t tell for certain what the item Yuuki is sitting on is, as there are too many obstructions on the page. It could simply be a long table, as is often found in places like libraries, which could once again link to Yuuki’s need for knowledge. The embossed rose by Yuuki’s foot makes me wonder if it is a cask or a box and this is where the hinge is. If this is the case, then the fact that Yuuki is sitting on top of the box could link to her hiding her memories not just from Zero but from herself. It could also relate to Juuri locking her memories away in such a way as to prevent Yuuki from finding them.

Part 3

Part 5

[vampireknightmusings]

Looking Too Deeply Into Vampire Knight Covers

In this series, I pretend that I’m back in college having to over-analyse the use of the colour blue, except in image form rather than text! It’ll be fun to flex the old grey matter and see what I can shake loose from the recesses of my own mind! This is all in fun, so please don’t take it too seriously.

The main theme of this cover is the enmity between Kaname and Zero, both as rivals for Yuuki’s affections, and for being the worst kind of creature to each other. 

Kaname has the colour theme of black. His coat and shit are completely black, the gloves he wears are black and the wings on his back are black. This could relate to Kaname’s own words, in which he himself says that he had no metaphorical colour in his life until Yuuki. It could also relate more directly to his dark nature, and his continuing to hide his less respectable actions from Yuuki. The feather falling from his wing could symbolise his desire to be saved from his darker nature and to return to the light. 

Zero’s colour theme is white, hidden under a layer of black. The white undershirt symbolises his kind-hearted nature that he hides under a layer of brooding anger. He is removing the white glove, which is covered in blood, from his hand. This could relate to his becoming more honest with Yuuki, while Kaname’s gloves are firmly on because he never becomes completely honest with Yuuki for fear of her rejection. I know that he’s holding a hunter’s weapon that can hurt him, but we’re in the land of metaphor here so go with it.

We shall turn from Kaname’s glove back to Zero’s. Another interpretation of the glove could be that it represents his vampire self (the blood indicating a tainting of his innocence with the act of becoming a vampire) alongside his own wish to remove it. 

Kaname, as previously stated, is holding Artemis here. This hints at his future actions of handing the weapon over to Yuuki, therefore symbolising his bond with her. The scythe is also looped around Zero’s back, representing how Kaname has tied Zero to him with his previous actions. 

The background is again torn, this time with the carved precision of Artemis. This represents the barbs and jabs that Kaname throws at Zero every opportunity he gets. I know, I know, Zero isn’t innocent here either! It could also highlight his active aggression towards Zero when it comes to Yuuki. Zero is not holding a weapon at all, which compliments the fact that he isn’t willing to fight with Kaname for her affection.

For a little more colour symbolism here, the white is again being torn into the darkness. Kaname stands on the same side of this veil as Zero, who will be his attempted saviour later on in the series, but he has cut through to the darkness, which could hint at his failure to fight alongside Zero. It could also relate to this multiple choices which lead to his “jet-black” future.

Zero is wearing a collar and chain around his neck which ties into his feelings of being trapped by his vampire identity. He does not feel free for fear of hurting Yuuki or any other human who steps into his path while he’s thirsty. The chain seems to link around to the wrist of the hand with the white glove. This could represent the complimentary feelings of being trapped and wanting to be free from his vampirism.

Again, Zero is facing towards us while Kaname has his back to us. This represents Zero’s openness towards the reader, while Kaname’s motives are in the dark at this point in the story. At it’s core, Zero has nothing to hide while Kaname does.

This was all I could find, at least in this viewing. Not quite as much to say as the first ‘issue’, but enough to be interesting, I hope!

Again, if you guys have anything to add or a different interpretation, I want to hear it! Thank you all for reading and see you in the next one.

Part 1

Part 3

[vampireknightmusings]

Looking Too Deeply Into Vampire Knight Covers

In this series, I pretend that I’m back in college having to over-analyse the use of the colour blue, except in image form rather than text! It’ll be fun to flex the old grey matter and see what I can shake loose from the recesses of my own mind! This is all in fun, so please don’t take it too seriously.

The first thing that jumps out to me from this cover is the dark rips that seem to be closing in on the night class vampires. This could link to their relationship with Kaname, which leads everyone into darkness. It could also symbolise the dark nature of being a vampire. The immediate future is dark for all characters on this cover.

Each of the characters are facing us, giving us their full attention, except for Ruka. This could show that her mind is elsewhere, specifically on Kaname. She has no time or attention to give to anyone who isn’t Kaname. It could also portray the cold facade that she puts on for those she doesn’t know (or like, such as Yuuki). The others facing us, on the other hand, could show that these other characters have their own goals and needs that they wish to pursue alongside any loyalty to Kaname.

Furthermore, Kain is just in front of her, as though he is protecting her. Ruka’s positioning in relation to him could symbolise her inability to notice him thanks to her love for Kaname, and this could further be symbolic of his pure love for her.

Of all the students portrayed on this cover, Shiki is the only one to face us head on from his position behind Aido. This could symbolise that he is the most honest with the audience out of all the students, or at the very least, have the least to hide from the audience.

A tie can be seen as a representation of working hard, of wishing to progress in their work. On the other hand, a loose tie can symbolise relaxation, especially at the end of the working day. His tugging at the tie can link to Aido’s being able to settle down and relax with Yori after his hard work helping Kaname and Yuuki. It could also mean that he is relaxing into his role as one of Kaname’s closest companions. 

We can see that Takuma is holding his sword, linking to his duties as Kaname’s right hand man. He is the one who is sent to deal with level E’s who wonder too close to the academy and therefore pose a threat to Yuuki. Takuma is the only one holding a weapon, which could link to his desire to be useful to Kaname as a pureblood, as he states Zero to be to both Yuuki and Kaname. It could also link to his more dangerous nature that comes from his desire to be useful to purebloods. His position behind the other students could symbolise his status as a hidden threat, again due to this desire.

The colours that we see behind the night class students are a melding of pink and blue. Blue has a general symbolism of trust, loyalty, responsibility and aloofness. The aloofness can relate to all the night class vampires, at least in relation to the human day class members. The responsibility could link to their role as a bridge between the two species in the goal of coexistence. The trust and loyalty aspect could relate to their feelings for each other as fellow vampires with a secret to hide, and could also relate to their varying levels of respect for Kaname. Further to this, pink can symbolise love, tranquility, tenderness and a nurturing with safety and vulnerability. This could once more relate to their status as a bridge between species. 

The melding of the two colours could relate to their natural respect for Kaname and their desire to be a true friend to him, especially in the case of Aido and Ruka. It could also relate to the natural falling of day into night.

This one was a little harder to find symbolism in (the greatest symbolism is in the covers that include two or more of the main trio), but I think I at least found enough for a passing grade. I’m still open to alternate interpretations and views, and I hope you enjoyed this read.

I hope to see you again!

Part 2

Part 4

[vampireknightmusings]

Looking Too Deeply Into Vampire Knight Covers

In this series, I pretend that I’m back in college having to over-analyse the use of the colour blue, except in image form rather than text! It’ll be fun to flex the old grey matter and see what I can shake loose from the recesses of my own mind! This is all in fun, so please don’t take it too seriously.

Once more, Kaname exists in a separate plane of existence from Zero and Yuuki. This highlights the distance not only in Kaname’s relationship with Yuuki in comparison to Zero, but in his ideals. While it has not been revealed yet within the volumes, we know that Kaname seeks to destroy purebloods while Yuuki seeks co-existence. Zero will eventually reach this decision alongside her and the two will stand together against Kaname.

Kaname is on the white side of the torn material, which could relate to his initial purer desire to be accepted by humans during his original life. It could also relate to the side of him that genuinely longs to protect Yuuki and do what’s best for her. This could further relate to Yuuki and by extension, Zero being on the dark side of the material. Kaname’s actions are dragging the pair into darkness from which they will have to escape later on. 

Kaname is holding onto a pile of red rose petals, which could be his attempt to hold onto the love that he desires with Yuuki, and that he will not be able to attain. The petals are also scattered around the page, representing the scattering romantic feelings between Kaname and Yuuki. Kaname’s expression says that he knows that Yuuki is steadily fading away from him. 

Following on from this vein, if the scattered petals are his love for Yuuki, the full rose on his lapel could relate to the Hooded Woman, whom he still holds a torch for. It could relate to how Kaname tries to hold onto love but comes up short with both the Hooded Woman and Yuuki.

Yuuki, on the other hand, has a full pink rose by her lips. The pink rose represents trust and happiness, both things that she will find with Zero as much as she tries to find them with Kaname. The rose is just out of reach of Kaname’s hand, which relates to his longing for Yuuki’s trust and happiness with him. 

Yuuki and Zero are pale and washed out while Kaname is in stark relief, which again highlights the distance between them. Yuuki and Zero, again by extension, are fading away from Kaname emotionally. It could also be related to Zero and Yuuki losing themselves temporarily in the future; Yuuki while she is trying to refind her lost memories and Zero while he is separated from Yuuki in a state of despair and anger that Yuuki’s presence guides him away from.

Yuuki and Zero being pale and washed out could also relate to their knowledge of their respective situations. Zero is in the dark about his past regarding Shizuka and Kaname’s role in it, while Yuuki still does not know who her parents are or again, how Kaname fits into it. In contrast, Kaname knows full well what has occurred in relation to both of them.

Part 4

Part 6

[digressionalrecord]

can works like the hobbit still be written in the age of multinational corporations and international terrorism? a stupid question?