System vent
i lowkey hate it here. i hate everyone in my system and all im getting on my tumblr home page is "don't hate your system/alters they are here for a reason!!" i hate them. i wish we didnt go through trauma to cause us to be here. Host is trying to justify what we went through but his memories are just as fuzzy on all the details. i hate the host. i hate he's trying to silence us again. he keeps going on and on how what we went through "wasn't traumatic enough" to a little kid, it was.
i also hate when people are fine talking to us until they find out who they are talking to is a persecutor or a prosecutor or even an anger holder. the sudden switch up in attitude is jarring. "Can you get [alter] to front? i dont like you." so fucking what!? and no. we will not force another alter to front just because you don't like them.
i do hate the persecutors and prosecutors in my system but i know they are doing what they think is right in order to protect us. and no, do not fucking say "oh they are just misguided protectors" no the fuck they aren't. not all systems see them that way. we certainly don't.
i really hate being here and i hate the fact we have to pretend to like each other. insystem fights happen almost daily. its exhausting keeping up the façade that everything is sunshine and rainbows when in reality it isn't. identity issues, dissociation, time loss, "waking up" in random places, etc. its scary and exhausting.
-Vamp