HoldersoftheRealm

BLOCK DON'T REPORT! page for "holder" alters

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INTRO POST

This page is for our "holders" of the system, you can call us either Realm or Ethereal.

we are bodily 18+

TW: 3D,sh,disordered thoughts,system vents.

Please block don't report if you are in recovery or non disordered please.

Most posts may be untagged, please don't ask who it is as we aren't always comfortable saying who made a post.

we do try to TW and CW our posts, depending on our mental state when posting we do tend to forget, we are sorry about that.

some alters will post as '#[emoji].[name] posting' There are a few tags we will use if we ever get t-worded or if anything happens to this account:

#realm asks - answering asks

#realm's art - art we do as a system

#realm's workouts - Working out we do (including meal intake)

#realm's vents - vent posting

#realm's posts - Alter posting

#realm's tag issues - We aren't sure on how to tag something

#realm's struggling (tw) - These will mostly be for TW posts but can also be used similar to our vent tag. Think of this one as a heavy topic vent tag.

#realm's stats - Our stats.

#realm's restrictions - Talking about restricting/fasting

#realm's distruction - Talking about things that are self-distructive

#realm's pics - Any pics we post. food, media, outfits, random shit.

#realm's hatred - Probably used when mostly when we hate ourselves

#realm's rambles - rambling about random stuff.

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Its been a while since we posted. I want to be an egg.

been fronting for a week. please scramble me like an egg.

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We are failing at everything. cant even be disordered right. fml

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We have been really inactive recently. We have been dealing with a lot and haven't really been taking care of ourselves. We are going to try journaling but we don't want our system journal to be found out. we trying to make the first couple pages sort of look like a grounding tool for anxiety. But we don't know what else to add. we only have grounding techniques and important dates. We need more things before we can add what we want to add.

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Working on more system related art, Things have been tough lately and we want something to help ourselves. Art is a decent thing for us, We are also getting slightly better with digital art!

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TW: venting about how shit things are rn in our life.

The urge to withdraw from everything and everyone. Parental keeps commenting on every little thing we do, making us not want to do the thing more. Our anxiety is through the roof. We are sleeping a lot. Our mental health is having an impact on hygiene. Our appetite is near nonexistent. Tiktok comments have put us in an even fouler mood. Whats even the point anymore? Hygiene is hard when our mental health stops us from doing so or we are more focused on just making it to the next day. Parental's comments are getting to us but there is nothing we do because if we say anything we'll be "complaining" or "having a go" at her. Her words hurt but we just have to take it. All so her feelings won't be hurt. Whats the point anymore?

We feel selfish venting when other people have worse things going on. Guess we are just being a bitch as per normal....

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could we do an ask game? we are bored and need motivation 👍

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TW: eating issues.

We are really struggling. we cant seem to lose, just gaining the same shit back over and over again. we are going to try a long fast for a one day holiday while already relapsing. this is probably going to set us back.

we desperately want to look masculine. our body is disproportionate and its weirding a lot of us out. we are jealous of how we looked as a kid when we finally looked boxy. we looked like a little boy. now we don't unless we slouch. we need T, this waiting list is taking ages. we have been on it a year already. we need something, anything to size down and look like a boy. we'd do anything. dysphoria, depression and anxiety are all kicking us lately. might keep trying to eat less and drink more water see if that helps. worked when we were younger should work now, right??

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Tw: a vent (3d) scroll, blovk, don't report please.

We feel like we are relapsing. we feel shitty and cant eat much. got food at 3:10pm and it took 3 hours to eat it. we feel gross and like we don't deserve anything. we dont deserve basic necessities. if we could handle it when we were younger, we can handle it now, right? we really let ourselves go and i feel its time we made changes.

-anonymous alter with eating issues.

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We have a cold and parental keeps trying to get us to eat. I don't have much appetite but caved and had a microwave curry. i feel very unwell and weak.

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System vent

i lowkey hate it here. i hate everyone in my system and all im getting on my tumblr home page is "don't hate your system/alters they are here for a reason!!" i hate them. i wish we didnt go through trauma to cause us to be here. Host is trying to justify what we went through but his memories are just as fuzzy on all the details. i hate the host. i hate he's trying to silence us again. he keeps going on and on how what we went through "wasn't traumatic enough" to a little kid, it was.

i also hate when people are fine talking to us until they find out who they are talking to is a persecutor or a prosecutor or even an anger holder. the sudden switch up in attitude is jarring. "Can you get [alter] to front? i dont like you." so fucking what!? and no. we will not force another alter to front just because you don't like them.

i do hate the persecutors and prosecutors in my system but i know they are doing what they think is right in order to protect us. and no, do not fucking say "oh they are just misguided protectors" no the fuck they aren't. not all systems see them that way. we certainly don't.

i really hate being here and i hate the fact we have to pretend to like each other. insystem fights happen almost daily. its exhausting keeping up the façade that everything is sunshine and rainbows when in reality it isn't. identity issues, dissociation, time loss, "waking up" in random places, etc. its scary and exhausting.

-Vamp

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huh- woke up almost having an asthma attack because i slept on my back....

am i that fat that my lungs are screaming for help?

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my stomach hurts so bad :(

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This is breakfast and lunch!

Crunchy bran - 140 cal (5.2g protein

Yogurt - 393 cal (10.8g protein)

since ive calculated it all, I feel i just force myself to eat the lot rather than half.

half would equal: 226.5 cal and 8g protein

whereas,

whole total: 533 cal and 16g protein

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TW: New Year food vent. BLOCK DONT REPORT

Ive ate so much, i feel sick. at least after today I can restrict a bit. my stomach feels so round and bloated. i hate myself so much -Vamp + Xavier

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Happy new year yall.

Our resolutions for this year!

• get out the house more

• learn how to calculate protien:calorie ratio

• not want to strangle my headmates

• be more of a menace to society

• sort out the pit of depression™ (our bedroom)

• have a crisis

• figure out how to be an adult because we never expected we'd live this long!

• art

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TW: Eating struggles block dont report!!

On Christmas day we are going to have to force ourselves to eat more than we'd like to, pretend to be social creatures and not calorie count...We are violently autistic and hate Christmas for the sole purpose of having to make sure our: pitch in our voice is correct, our face and tone match what we are saying, trying to convince the other person we genuinely like the gift because NTs like the say we aren't liking the gift even if we are literally playing with the gift or wearing the gift. Then its the issue around food, making sure certain foods don't touch then being pressured to eat more or judged because we got so little.... we don't like Christmas dinners because everything tastes different and the textures are wrong. Pair that with an undiagnosed ED + fear foods yet we can't bring that up since we will be called "Dramatic" and "ungrateful"