#rebumbleblossoms

[sike-n]

sometimes i sleep under the bed because i know i'm the real monster

[sike-n]

fairy tales

i give pieces of myself to others because

i don't want them

i give and i give

and still who i am is too much

and now what they have is too much

my favourite story as a child was the one about

the woman and the magic porridge pot

that just kept making porridge

that just kept making porridge

that just kept making mistakes

and sometimes

someone loves these mistakes

loves these too many pieces of me

that i give them

for safe keeping

if they keep me safe

then i won't disappear completely

if i give away every piece of me

i can disappear

but not be gone completely

i also liked hansel and gretel

i'm leaving breadcrumbs to find my way back

to the body that does not want me

does not love me

but it is the only place i feel safe

only place i can speak

i read ariel a lot too

i don't want to give the witch my voice

not for love

but maybe i would love myself more if i didn't say anything

if i could sleep at night

without the thoughts playing on loop

goldilocks and the three bears has a special place in my heart

someone has been eating my porridge

someone has been sitting in my chair

someone has been sleeping in my bed

someone is inside my head

and it is not me

and i'm the one running away upon making this discovery

not out of fear

but if someone can tolerate what i can't

best they have it

best i leave before the devil hands me back

the receipt

[sunsets-and-cigars]

There are days when I just feel so inspired, that certain emotion when everything I lost came back to me. Those days in which I feel so alive, I got all the inspiration to write down my daily musings in my journal, moments in which I never skipped my skin care routine, the days in which I just want to organize my bookshelf. But sometimes, there are days in which I just want cry for no reason at all, the days in which I feel so gloomy like I inherited a thousand of sad souls, I just wanted to re-charge myself by shutting off everyone and avoid any kinds of interactions. The days which make me struggle to get up from bed in the morning and knowing that I have to pretend that I am okay, when the truth is I am just tired. Tired of life in general, the halfhearted promises, the mind numbing routine to survive, one sided friendships and all the things which give me the reason to just give up on humanity. And today is one of those days.

[mesmerizing-words]

~wordlywizard

[wordsofthelost]

“You told me you’d never leave and then tossed me aside like I was nothing.”

—

why?

day two hundred thirty-nine, two thousand nineteen // 20:28

[wordsofthelost]

“While sitting in the rain I began to wonder; what if I’m the problem?”

—

day two hundred twenty-seven, two thousand nineteen // 13:55

[wordsofthelost]

I want to be taken care of. I want someone to make me eat when I haven’t, someone to cuddle me when all I want to do is destruct. I want someone to tell me they love me and look out for what’s best for me when I can’t think straight. I want someone to smile through the pain with me, and laugh at stupid jokes with me. I want someone to be undoubtedly happy with... Is that so much to ask

—

day one hundred twenty, two thousand nineteen // 20:12

[wordsofthelost]

who do I be?

when people always,

parrot my actions and thoughts?

⠀

who do I be?

when the person, I worked towards being,

isn’t unique anymore?

⠀

who do I be?

when me,

isn’t just me?

—

day eighteen, two thousand nineteen || 03:00