Heyo! I'm here with the feedback. My brain works in weird ways and I kinda sorta have a practice that I'm still developing (with correspondingly spotty knowledge/ideas/beliefs/etc), so this rambling I'm about to do may get weird or TMI. Sorry in advance.
So my first thought was that there was a lot of fire, which I thought was interesting because I was vacillating between air and fire when sending the ask. Tangentially, but related, I ended up looking at my natal chart for the first time in a while the other day because my friends were talking about it and air and fire are the two most present elements in it (4 each, with water and earth being 1 each). I don't really put much importance on astrology in my daily life/etc, but I think it's a good enough tool as part of a wider knowledge base.
Moving on, I find the first section interesting because yes, I have kind of been in survival mode recently. I do criticize myself for not living up to the goals I set. I'm also trying to train myself out of thinking/ shift my thinking away from "value = productivity" and/or "self-worth = achievement." I have been going to therapy for a couple months (first time I've gone for real (long story) in my life) and that was a topic semi-recently, but after I had that realization, I can see how the belief is baked in to almost everything I do and is really screwing with me in several areas of my life.
Related to survival mode, I think, is the Devil. My first (and thusfar only) tarot deck is Maggie Stiefvater's Raven's Prophecy tarot. The Devil in her deck is depicted as a mask - basically, sort of a 'you are your own worst enemy' kind of thing. The actual mask part of her depiction, as well as how she says (paraphrasing) "the mask can become part of you if you don't check yourself," is what I was thinking of in relation to me masking as an autistic person - especially as someone who only just realized semi-recently that they're autistic.
Reading Kauvara's wiki(?) page was interesting as well. The whole "family business thing" relates to my goals, actually. I recently decided to become a teacher... just like my mother, after saying my whole life that I didn't want to/ wasn't going to - especially if what I saw/heard from her was any indication of what teaching was actually like (and the fact that I despised (and despise still) being seen as a mini-her since she's... not great). My aunt is also a teacher, and my maternal grandmother wanted to be a teacher but was unable to. I was recently thinking, actually, that I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue on with the classes I need for my certification. I only briefly thought about nixing it entirely; mostly, I was just thinking about belaying it until I had more funds built up, since I'm paying for it myself on what's basically contractor work (substitute teaching). Aside from money, I do actually have a lot of resources for this goal specifically (aforementioned mother as well as previous teachers that I'm still in contact with, especially since I quite frequently substitute teach at the school that I went to high school at).
Now, the other goals that I have... I wonder if that's where the "are you too focused on potentially wrong thing" is. I've been really focused on these classes to get my certificate since I saw that as The Way to get to my other goals (get the hell out of this house, chiefly) since it's a job that I'd be most likely to get pretty much anywhere I want (I've had trouble finding a job since high school, to clarify. I'm now post-college). I've only been halfheartedly trying to find a more stable job (substitute teaching is great... but dependent on teachers being out, which is not guaranteed) or some sort of ""side hustle"" or whatever to supplement my fairly decent but not consistent pay. So, basically, I should probably be focused on things that bear more fruit in the short term, instead of pouring everything and then some into something that's going to take at least a year, if not more, to come to fruition.
(Ironically, I made a note to look into SMART goals again because I remembered it was a pretty good way to go about actually reaching goals but not any of the actual specifics. I literally wrote "research SMART goals" on my to do list today, before I saw that you'd done the reading.)
And for the last part... yeah. With my question I kinda figured that it was going to be a "if shit's fucked it's because you're the one who created that possibility" kind of thing. The "new alliances or deals can be formed" thing makes me think of what I was thinking about recently in consolidating/refinancing (whatever the actual correct terminology is) my student loans, specifically the private ones with exorbitant interest rates I had to take out because my mother refused to be a cosigner. I did fuck up the other day with my federal student loans - I reached the end of the deferment/forbearance/whatever it's actually called that I'd applied for when I was unemployed, so I applied for an IDR finally, but vastly overestimated how fast they would process it and had to scramble to pay for this month and in the process earned my mother's ire (asked her for the amount since I'd given her over half of my previous paycheck, which was more than I needed for the payment).
Ah. Writing this I just realized there's technically a connection with Kyne being "the Mother of Men and beasts" to my bullshit. I have frequent trouble with my mother (delightful flavor of emotionally abusive helicopter parent) but I live in her home in what I would definitely call an "alliance," even if she wouldn't. Issues with her are... about 50% of the time caused by me getting annoyed with something she did/said/etc and pissing her off (not intentionally needling her or anything, but, well) leading to said IssuesTM. Additionally, of those former teachers I mentioned, there's one who I would call a mentor (that I haven't really talked to in a while, so that would probably be "old allies can return and assist") and she's pretty much a mother figure to me as well.
I think that's about it? Anything else... idk, maybe some connection between Kyne being a Norse-look-alike goddess when I've been looking into/ learning about Germanic paganism (among other things) re: learning about my ancestors, etc? But I think that's of lesser importance (unless it's something like another flag towards family troubles in relation to my goals).
That's all I can think of. Hopefully it's helpful!
Fascinating, thank you for returning with feedback! I'm sorry you're in this much of a pickle, but I'm glad my reading was able to shine a light on the important bits for you. Most importantly, thank you for volunteering as a test subject for the Three Kings Divination so I could test it! I wish you the best, especially on the financial front. Loans are a bitch and a half, especially when someone refuses to help you with them.
