when i started the 8th grade, youtube had only been around for two years. it was so new. it’s virtual glow felt somehow forbidden to the unexposed teenager. what am i watching? how did i even get here? i had friendships entirely devoted to watching the same five liam kyle sullivan videos on a repeated loop. i drew salad fingers in pencil for a school art project. i would spend hours watching others play "through the fire and flames" (expert level!) on guitar hero iii. i looked for gay “youtubers” (this word didn’t exist yet) in private and made myself feel guilty for doing so, continuing to hate myself for the same qualities i will eventually learn to love and cherish the most.
social media has become synonymous with "how one lives life.” it exposes just as much as it shares/communicates, overwhelming us with information about anything + everyone, most fascinatingly/frighteningly the people immediately surrounding us. this hyper-exposure is a lot for anyone to experience, especially someone young, someone who has just learned how to “properly adapt,” likely by learning how to regress, hide, mimic, defend. it’s always hard when you realize others see you just as much as you “see” yourself. even though our participation on social media is a choice, that “choice” to participate sometimes seems out of one’s control. it’s like some invisible forced upon impulse or instinct. before we realize it, it’s already done. we’re already involved. we’re already “participating.” (because we want to, right?) young people today certainly seem more exposed than ever before. they’re exposed to perhaps endless information, true/false/manipulated history, cursed/sensationalized/beautiful/incomprehensible imagery, traditional global/national/regional cultures, and underground (or online) fandoms/communities. exposure, though often rewarding, can sometimes encourage or initiate anxiety, especially when one’s most imminent exposure is likely consumed by any random person they could potentially run into during their everyday lives: their classmates, friends, friends-of-friends, and even those who simply look familiar.
...these fears aren’t necessarily “new” for young people, even if new technologies are now in play. young people have always felt surveilled. we may be more aware of our lack of privacy (perhaps too unaffected by that realization), but that haunted feeling of being watched and being “on edge” has always existed and will continue to linger. we’re all scared all the time, no matter what age. every new fear, every new emotional setback, always feels the most excruciating when first experienced. eventually, some things get easier. slowly, not evenly, but eventually some things do.
bo burnham’s eighth grade reminds us that even for this uniquely visible generation, their (our) biggest fears remain similar to the fears every generation has hoped to overcome: how can i be less alone (more wanted); how can i feel more secure; how can i finally be understood? we fight ourselves endlessly when “failing” to discover these “unknowable” answers. exposure creates awareness, so shouldn’t our awareness of ourselves be just as instantaneous as all other information? where are these answers? shouldn’t we know them by now? it’s not the fault of young people for suffering with these questions. it’s all we know to do: question, doubt. we all need to do better in taking those tiny, necessary moments of self-reflection to remind us to stop punishing ourselves for not being sure... because we will find new ways to adapt. we will continue to learn more about ourselves, who we’ve been and who we are destined to become (at least in that particular moment)... we usually do. “you can’t be brave if you’re not scared.” learning to be there for someone else could be a good place to start.
this film somehow has me reminiscing about a period in my life i had already deemed a personal tragedy. “look how far i’ve come!” it made me feel better about where i’ve been and where i’m going, and for that alone, i’m thankful to have it :)
