#RedeemTheSelfie - EPILOGUE EDITION!
After taking time to process and evaluate the experience, here are our observations, thoughts, and experiences:
Why did you agree to do this? Becky: I was about to swear off selfies in an attempt to be more humble, and spend less time thinking about myself. Then I saw this challenge, and I thought maybe I should give the selfie a chance, or at least give it some thought. I don't like when people post nothing but selfies, and so i judged the selfie! I thought I should see if there was anything behind it, and if not, then #RedeemTheSelfie would let me get a couple more in before I stopped completely.
Heather: When I learned about the experiment I really didn't think it was for me but I was curious to see how it progressed. One week into it, I was talked into joining because I was still curious and I wanted to support Scott's idea. My thoughts were not focused on what I might learn but instead were focused on how the heck I was going to pull this off. I know it sounds silly but I was pretty nervous about taking and posting selfies. I was also worried about the writing part of it because I've always had an aversion to writing.
Scott: Well, mainly because I came up with the idea. I had been extremely cynical and critical about the selfie-culture, self-involvement, and the self-promotion that seems to happen constantly. However, it isn’t going away, and is a big part in how we communicate with each other and have relationships. I believe, ultimately, that people want good things. They want love, connection, something that fulfills them. I didn’t want to keep critiquing the selfie-movement, but wanted to find what attracts people to selfies - how can people find love, connection, and fulfillment in selfies?
What was the daily routine like? Heather: Each morning I was anxious to find out what our challenge was for the day and to see Scott's pic and read his thoughts. I tended to spend a fair amount of time thinking about what I was going to post while periodically checking to see if the other selfi-ists had posted. I would often start writing my commentary before I took my picture. I really looked forward to seeing everyone's posts.
Scott: The selfie-ists, my name for our small group, might be a little surprised to hear this… but there were many mornings I had no idea what to do. :/ There were certain classic selfies that I knew I wanted to do: mirror mirror, in bed, flexing… you know… the “classics.” I had a hard time getting into the routine the first week, but it got easier as it went on. Typically I woke up in the morning, took a shower, ate breakfast while I read the Bible, listened to a podcast on the way to work, then I would write the daily selfie prompt and see what would happen.
Becky: I have to admit I was excited every morning to see what the challenge would be! I would keep an eye out for it in the morning, then think about what I was going to do and what I might say during the work day. I liked have something to accomplish with my selfie, and taking time to think about different ways to do it that would be more than just the same picture of my face. I would take the picture at some point during the day, but not post it until late when I had time to think of something to say, or something more to share than just the picture.
Did the experience/experiment change for you as time went on? Scott: It did. I became much more comfortable in my own skin, more confident in sharing not only my image, but who I was. It became much less about taking a picture, and more about coming to terms with where I have been, who I am, and what I hope to become. As this came about, in a very public manner, I wanted to share insights into who I was, not to self-promote, but to share a bit of my life with my friends to forge better/stronger relationships.
Becky: I think I got a lot more comfortable posting non-perfect pictures and sharing about myself as time went on. Along with that I noticed a shift from feeling like I was marketing myself in the beginning to feeling more honest toward the end. A lot of this had to do with encouragement from the other selfiests and friends who would comment.
Heather: Yes, it did get easier to post pictures and to write about my thoughts. I became less self-conscious as time went on. I found I was actually happy to have the opportunity share some information about myself which hopefully allowed others get to know me better. I am a quiet and reserved person; I don't freely offer a lot of information.
What did you learn about yourself? Do you see yourself differently? Becky: I generally am not a sharer; I don't really tell people about myself unless asked or if something comes up in a conversation. Mostly I rely on showing more than telling, like posting when I'm doing something outside of the daily routine. I guess I just figured people didn't want to know. Then I would feel lonely or even sometimes bitter that people don't know me very well. Turns out people are interested and do care, but its impossible to ask all the questions and seek to get to know everyone #aintnobodygottimeforthat. I have to have an active role if I want people to know me. As I said in the half way point evaluation, because of this experiment I feel like I matter a little more.
Heather: I don't think visually I see myself any differently than I did at the start of the experiment. When I look at pictures of myself I still see things I like and things I don't like. I learned that writing is easier than I thought it would be. The writing I did for this experiment was actually therapeutic in that it helped me see more clearly who I am as a person because I spent time self-reflecting. Oddly enough, I have gained some confidence as a result of this whole process.
Scott: I am valuable. I have profound regrets. I am worthy of love. I have love to give. I have a son whom I love dearly. I have a calling from God to follow after. And miles to go before I sleep.
How do you take a good selfie? Heather: Personally, I take a few different shots with different angles (not too close), different lighting and different expressions and choose the one I like best. Rarely, do I take just one shot.
Scott: Meh. I think I look better if shot from a slightly elevated angle, but I’m still pretty self-conscience about people seeing me taking a selfie. It seems that you should do what think captures you how you want to be captured, and then share that.
Becky: I think a good selfie is more than "come see how good I look," I get tired of when people post nothing but the same smile and perfect picture. i think a good selfie encompases more than just your face, like what you're doing, who you're with, or something that you are thinking/ facial expression for something in particular. I have also learned that the secret to taking a good picture of my face is to take it from above eye level, and even a tiny bit to the side. I also love a good high contrast filter.
What are your 2 or 3 favorite selfies from the experiment? Scott: The two throwback selfies and the “Just Look at Your Selfie” are my favorites (not just because of the brilliant pun). I can really see into myself in those.
Becky: The partial, because I use this one a lot and I like being able to show whats going on around me or what I'm doing. Chilly selfie, just because I like the way that one turned out, and Friend Friday, because I think its important to acknowledge the important people in our lives.
Heather: I like the "sleepy selfie" because it's just plain me, nothing fancy. I also like the "thirsty Thursday" selfie because I'm doing something that I naturally do and because I have a prop to help say something. I also like the "friend Friday" selfie because I think it's a funny picture that represents a typical interaction between my husband and me.
What did you realize about what you share over social media? Has it changed? Becky: I realized that social media can be a good tool for being known better, to a certain extent. I used to post really vague things, or only post when I was feeling an extreme (sad, angry, stressed, joyful), but that really doesn't help people know me, just leaves people wondering or probably even misunderstanding me. I think that, when used properly, social media can help people keep in touch and keep up with whats going on in friends lives. I probably will share more of myself over social media, but I still think that selectivity is important when deciding what to share.
Heather: Previous to this experiment I didn't share much over social media and I still don't share a lot. I'm more likely to share with a smaller group of people. I am more likely to share if I am asked a question; I don't like to assume people want to hear what I have to say. I like to share things that are meaningful to me but I try to avoid sharing things that I think might look like I'm bragging.
Scott: I’m not very open on social media. The worry about be criticized (for something I guess) is still present with me, and is something I’m overcoming. And I’ll be putting myself out there in a very big way in a few months. :) #teaser I want to foster more friendships in person, but to use social media as a tool to support my real-life friendships.
Can we establish, develop, and grow relationships through social media? If not how can we? If so, how can we? Becky: I think we absolutely can! But I don't think it happens very often. Just during this experiment I became friends with the Heathers and realized how similar we are. I see Heather Force a lot, but just never really talked to her. I also have another friend that added me on snapchat after meeting once by chance, and now we snap and 'talk' on snapchat almost every day. I think when people are willing to share themselves on social media, relationships can be formed, because you may not know how much you have in common with someone just from everyday interactions. What I don't think is conducive to building relationships is the constant selfies for no reason or no explanation. Like a selfie posted with no caption, or a caption like "It's Tuesday" or "Hi there." when social media turns to self marketing or attention seeking, it reduces the chance of honest relationships being fostered, as backwards as that initially sounds.
Heather: I do think we can establish, develop and grow relationships through social media if we are thoughtful about and committed to the process of relationship building. I feel like I developed relationships with the other selfi-ists because we all shared meaningful information. I would not have learned as much about them if they had only shared a picture and I know I wouldn't normally include as much commentary with my pictures as I did in this experiment. So, I think building relationships through social media needs to be intentional. I don't think it happens very naturally or effectively in the current social media frameworks.
Scott: I think we actually can… but only with great effort, intentionality, boundaries, and patience. Not everyone is meant to be a good friend, and being a good friend is a lot of work. It takes effort. And it’s good. Followup on conversations, see how people are doing when you haven’t seen them in a while, make plans to actually see someones face in person, be present with them when you do, take an interest in what interests them, have a conversation about things you disagree about, commiserate on which things you agree, share pain, disappointment, dreams and hopes, and good days. DO friendship. Celebrate your friendships, not only on social media, but say it to someones face. Don’t wait for a good time - just do it. Appreciate other people directly to them, and reiterate it on social media if you’re so inclined. Celebrate others’ personhood, on their humanity, on their existence outside of yourself. Who knows… maybe the world could make social media a better place… Who knows… maybe social media could make the world a better place.