I adore beginner gainers. Those just venturing into this whole new and fun “gaining thing”, still getting their sea legs. Getting so flustered by every single pound, every inch added to their waistline. Maybe even doubting whether or not it’s worth it, only to douse those worries in impulse-purchased heavy cream. And if that’s not enough, I’ve got some words of encouragement for them:
It’s a slippery slope. You’re already addicted, whether you want to admit it or not. Sure, it feels good to admit it, to relish in it when you’re stuffing your face, but what about the morning after? Trying to pull your shirt down over your still bloated belly, your pants up over your thickened thighs and ass. You’re still addicted then; you’ll still go right back to making a pig of yourself later. Falling hard and fast from skinny grace into the throes of hedonism, too dumbed down by pleasure to sense the danger.
And I will be positively delighted to watch that descent in real time.
Watching that once flat stomach dome outwards, pressing against the waistband of sweatpants that were once your fallback pair, now teetering on the brink of too small. The shameful flutter in the pit of your stomach when you resign yourself to a size up, knowing deep down that it’ll happen again before you know it.
I’d love to pinch that little roll of fat accumulating there, to tease you for letting yourself go, knowing damn well I’m much fatter than you are in spite of my short stature. But I’d be sure to let you know that, if you stay on this path, you’ll end up even fatter than I am. And you know I’m far from skinny.
Skinny was always overrated, anyways. You’ve felt firsthand how good it feels to fatten yourself up; much too good to give up. So why would you even consider it as a possibility? You’re already too far down the rabbit hole to waddle your way out. So embrace the greed, the hedonism, the fat. It looks good on you.