What do you want to do with your life?
This is the question I kept on asking myself. I wanted to become a better person was my answer. HOW?
I cannot do this unless I let go of the past and not allow fear restrict my life.
I don’t know where to start and how to attain that goal of becoming the best version of myself.
Before, my definition of becoming good is to land a job and help my family.…
The rarely-seen morning sunlight glimmers in the side mirrors as I travel along the gently-winding country roads between Białystok and Rzeszow. The quiet time alone in the car during the previous weeks in Russia and the Baltic countries puts my mind on a journey of its own; ordering old thoughts, discovering new ones; the mental creativity and organisation putting me into a perfect blissful little state. A slither of sunlight on the skin feels like heaven during a wet, dark and cold Northern Europe in winter. Sunlight is a novelty for sure and it must have suddenly awoken a new idea in me. However, it came as more of a cold slap in the face when the more chilly, foggy, incoherent side of our perceived normalcy revealed itself to me.
I realised at that moment it was better that I delete the BBC News app from my phone; better to remove such nonsense from my life. It is preferable to use your own eyes to judge the world, rather than blindly digest the shit you are fed. The West has lost its way and with the aid of such media, the frequently criticised Eastern European nations actually appear to me to be rather sensible places – not close-minded, backward and bigoted. They are friendly, welcoming, open-minded, grounded places. Reading the news, though, you would not think that. Media paint pictures with brooms and people hang them as art; if I didn’t visit myself, I’d never know such truths.
(Białystok, northwest Poland)
(Białystok, northwest Poland)
(Photo: just south of Białystok, northeastern Poland)
What struck me harder that morning than my vision competing with the bright light coming through the window-shield was the internal reflections going on in my head. 1) during our travels in Kenya, we saw women and children who walk up to five kilometres per day with buckets on their heads to fetch water for the family to drink and wash with. I remember seeing the hope of a better future through the simple smiles on their faces. 2) At the same time other thoughts of several Chinese adults that travelled with us on adventures who tirelessly complained that how travelling and sitting in vehicles was tiring. (Oh, how they should carry tanks of water on their heads for a while!). Then 3) not far from right here in Poland, further out in Western Europe, mass protests going on with groups like ‘extinction rebellion’ screeching that the world will end if we do not out rightly ban all use of motor vehicles and industry. That naïve bunch would have us banished back to the dark in order to ‘save the planet’. But we know who needs to be rescued, and it is not the planet. You can see the misdirected anger and overt lostness in their existence, but they can’t see it. I wish they had to carry water on their heads for miles each day too.
Humans do not know what they want and need. They do not know what they are doing either. At one end of the world they trudge long distances and wish for cars. At the other, they are in cars complaining that it is difficult sitting inside them. And at the another, they have known cars for too long that they wish to destroy them and to walk again. This is all too confusing for me; for a simple guy like me.
If only humans could save themselves from themselves….
(Photo: Lublin, Poland)
(Photo: Icy country backroads - this is actually in Lithuania)
As I head along with the sun once more pushing through the morning mist, frost on the grassy fields shimmering beneath, I wonder just how much we are unable to see. I ponder over how often we are blinded by our own situations. We seem to never understand what we are living. Over-comfort, distorted realities, self-deceit, abject poverty; in the end, no matter the situation and location, humans are all suffering from something - whether it be of true or perceived misfortune, real-world or self-inflicted misery. African, European, Asian, always occupied with concerns; some flaunting their circumstances to my east and others their moral superiority to my west, others with buckets on their heads.
It’s 9am, and the sun has already retreated here in rural eastern Poland, spits of rain already beginning to fall. It is really good to be on the road, in a part of the world that currently, still seems to be free of such ‘issues’ – not too poor, not too rich, not too far from its roots, not too far up in the air. Being the traveler that I am, I am luckily free from being a participant in the illogicalness of societies, unrestrictedly observing from the outside, able to close the windows and lock the doors during the dark of the days. And for those people who sense the same, maybe you too should just hop into the car.
And on a side note, I'd like to whisper a quiet word of congratulations to Poland.
(Photo: the first real piece of sunlight I saw in a month, gone by 9am)
Living in a small but crowded, dirty and clean, noisy and messy but a fun place of Malibay, Pasay City, where I grow with passion, dreams and contentment in life.
They say that our hometown is like a garbage with a bunch of trash which they say a "squatter place" because of scattered trash everywhere, a bad smell coming from the river at the back and from the poop of dogs but little did they know that there lived the kind hearted people, a beautiful scenery of a city especially at night, an affordable things and food to buy is here in Malibay.
Furthermore, Malibay is a place where people are contented with the life they had but as for me, Malibay is my inspiration to dream big, to take risks and be ambitious because someday I want to give my family a better and a decent life where, far from danger and disasters which they experience at Malibay, Pasay City.
Recently, I went on a challenging hiking trip with friends to a beautiful waterfall in the mountains. The experience started off feeling peaceful and invigorating, but as the trail became steep and rugged, I started to doubt myself. However, I pushed through, focusing on the beauty around me and drawing strength from my friends' support. In the end, reaching the waterfall filled me with a sense of accomplishment and taught me valuable lessons about perseverance, determination, and the importance of leaning on others for support during tough times. Reflecting on this experience has helped me grow personally and appreciate the power of pushing beyond my comfort zone.
First and foremost, my life is like a roller coasters that has a ups and down; has full of challenges that takes me to be a strong man. Learnings and realization are the one who help me to see something that is different from what I know on my own perspective. From what I gained to the challenges that I faced, it could be in social, spiritual, physical, as well as on emotional.
As Grade 12 students, I have subjects that tells me to be more open in political participation and in political world. Philippine Politics and Governance(PPG) teach me a lot about politics wherein 1 of the lesson that i cannot forgot is the saying of Aristotle. Aristotle says that through political participation we can achieve a good life; thru that saying, I realized that I should be more open as the time goes by, since back then I don't have any concern about political participation and after that, PPG subjects serve as a eyes for me to see the political situation of our country.
Other than that, I also have an experience that brings realization in my love life. As of my age right now at 17, I also experience the different kinds of love in my life whether it would be from my family, friends and many more. However, a kind of love that gives me more learning & realization is from my schoolmates that gives a trauma in Me. The love that he gave to me is like a tangled rope that cause a unserious relationship that we had. Additionally, the most difficult thing that he done to me is that, he used to reason out his Sister's message even though, he was the one who did that; by that, I feel so many uncontrollable feelings. My heart feels like a broken glass, wherein I'm trying to fix it but I can't.
Furthermore, because of the trauma that last in me, in every relationship that I have recently I always do the conclusion every time my partner and I has a circumstances that we face even though, i don't have evidence that I can prove to myself.
Lastly, there experiences that brings me a lot of realization and helps me to be more strategic thinker, that to intuitive thinking since mostly when I make decision, I always end up up for being intuitive. But because of those experiences that I've encounter in my life, it teach me and I realize that everything should be explained, not just concluding for no reason at all. Nonetheless, being a person that has a open mind for everything that is done by myself is a great contribution to my personality, since it will help me to be practical on the things that I encounter.
You can define me as sculpture. A sculpture who encountered many carving tools and artists that shaped me for who I am today. And now, I will share those tools who became the materials for who I am today in this enormous museum.
The first carving material is my science teacher aka my adviser who was my gouge. My belief changed when I was in fifth grade. It was a cold, summer day and my science teacher suddenly asked us if we believed in forever. Of course, as a young sculpture who loved fairy tales, I proudly said that I am.
“Walang forever. Ang lahat sa mundo ay may katapusan, kahit ang mga gusali at plastik ay nawawala. Ganoon din ang pagmamahal at kabaitan.”
Those words that he said became a coloring pen and a gouge that sculpted my head. Another knowledge was given to me and my perception of the word “forever” changed forever.
Afterwards, it was a year later when another tool bared its fangs to me and it was a mallet. I was in my sixth grade and it was a hot, sunny day. I was sweating buckets and I’m fanning myself like a madman when another revelation flew down to me like a dove. When suddenly, a woman entered the classroom. I was seated in front so I could clearly see her. She introduced herself as a person of the church (I can’t clearly remember if she was a nun) to guide us for our kumpil. And then, she dropped a bomb on us (well, at least for me) that changed my belief or perception for my whole life.
“Ang pagtwag kay Jesus na Papa Jesus ay mali. Dahil si Jesus ay ang ating kapatid, at ang Panginoon ang ating ama. Kaya ang Papa God ay tama, pero ang Papa Jesus ay mali.”
And back then, I fully believed her. Because if you thought about it, Jesus is really our brother, while God is our father. Thus, I stopped calling Jesus as Papa Jesus. However, the bomb didn’t stop there because this time she dropped a missile.
“At sa pagdadasal, pagdating sa anak ang inyong kamay ay dapat nasa inyong tiyan at hindi sa dibdib. Dahil sa tiyan nabubuo ang isang anak at hindi sa dibdib.”
Once again, my belief or perception changed since that day. Whenever I pray, when it comes to “of the son” my hand is at my tummy and not on my chest. Therefore, the mallet shaped my heart.
Time passed by like a hawk, and I was already in my eighth grade and a flat chisel came in front of my eyes. Those were the times when I was really hooked on Facebook. Like a gossiper looking around for juicy news, my eyes and hands are always on my phone and scrolling in the said app. And there, I encountered a war between two netizens about the topic Death Penalty.
Like a narrow alleyway, I was favorable at this punishment. Yet, that stranger changed my mind.
“Oo, masasama silang tao na maraming ginawang karahasan sa iba. Pero deserve ba talaga nilang mamatay? Paano naman ang second chance? What if na falsely charge lang siya? Or ginawa niya yun dahil wala siyang choice…”
The stranger’s comment goes on and on, but those words stuck to me like glitter. They shone through my narrow mind and opened it to become more accustomed to the enormous museum. Because of those stranger’s words, not only did my belief change when it came to the Death Penalty, that stranger was the flat chisel who carved my eyes to see the wider scope of the museum.
After a period of time, the clock started to work again and four years have passed and now, I’m in my twelfth grade, where I need to decide for my future career so that I can choose a course for my college. And it was a drill press that pierced through me.
My family and I were going back home and we were inside our car. I don’t know how, but our conversation took a turn about my chosen course, which is Political Science. And surely enough, my father expressed his worry.
“Sigurado ka diyan? Ang lambot-lambot ng puso mo tapos magla-lawyer ka? Baka naman mamaya, iiyak lang yung kalaban mo tapos iiyakan mo rin?”
My father questioned me like a private investigator which my younger sister laughed at. My father only heaved a sigh.
“Pero kung yan talaga gusto mo, wala kami magagawa.”
I thought that was the end of our conversation, but his next words pierced into my whole being.
“Pag naging lawyer ka, dapat kaya at alam mong depensahan ang kliyente mo. Example nalang, pag nakita mong nadapa yung kliyente mo, dapat kaya mong patunayan na hindi siya nadapa.”
Those words were the drill press that pierced and carved my whole being. I wanted to be a lawyer to be a hero for every Filipino citizen, however, my father made me realize that if I become a lawyer, I will be a hero to the other and a villain to another.
Those few tools shaped me as a beautiful sculpture who I am today. They may be few but they made me change my habits, thinking, perception, and belief to a better version of it.
Thus now, I am a sculpture who was made by different artists with the use of different carving tools that can face and any flash of the cameras and phones that may come in my way. Because those flashes will become my carving tools who will once again pierced through my skin and prepare me to another museum.
"It's so perfect, perfect, perfect. A hundred percent, put us together you know what you'll get. Harmonies' so cold, you'll never ever wanna let it go."
In the midst of broken melodies, where harmonies and tones do not blend together to create a masterpiece, I was there, in between. Listening to the music of life that may have untuned notes, but still puts up the most gracious and gorgeous euphony that I could ever ask for. The loveliest that I didn't realize was me. It was me that it built.
I remember when I was a little child, a child raised at the blazing land on a farm, I was free. Free as a harmony ready to prove herself that she can do great things. That she can achieve high tones. However, in that same phase in my life, an unexpected untuned note that made that harmonious thought tangle and clash within itself. It was my grandfather, whom I love dearly and treasure deep within my heart, got found dead in the middle of the dawn. The dawn where a lifeless melody had broken up to the music of my life.
He was one of the few people who taught me how to be brave at all times. Brave as the king of the jungle. Alert and ready to embark on a new journey. Never afraid to fight and to accept change. One of the toughest people who gave me the inspiration that no matter what life serves you, make way to give your A game and serve life back the things that you actually deserve.
Despite that untuned note, my life kept going. It kept going like a thread of hair or as continuously as lengthy as the longest bridge in the world. Until I have finally reached the second untuned note that placed me in an excruciating phase again, which made me believe that my life is a path of broken melodies.
For the most part of this music called life, the second untuned note dragged my soul out of me. Unfortunately, the 2nd year of the pandemic was also the year when my father got a heart attack and was diagnosed from a stroke. It was a hard time for all of us, most especially my siblings, because that was also the time when my mother was away. What we had at that time was nothing but ourselves. Nevertheless the situation, as the eldest, I acted as the wall for my 4 siblings. I did what I had to do. I was their shoulders when a broken melody of life enters our way. Their peace and calmness amidst the storm of chaos that was happening in our lives.
Frankly speaking, right after that untuned note, there was a block of unwavering tunes that got off my way and made my little yet synthetically enormous life— enough with struggles and hindrances every single day. There were those times where I had to take a huge portion of considerations to make sacrifices. Sacrifices that alter my music, my life to the fullest.
Above all, I realized that through these untuned notes I was able to learn things that made me who I am today. A solid, unique, and harmonious music that could make other people happy with her beat and tune. It creates me into something worthwhile listening.
Through these untuned notes, I was able to take lessons in life that I would've never learned without those notes. Notes that I would never ever let go. I am now a piece of art that will spread her music to the world for it to heal from its wounds.
