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Anyone else ever not want to write simply because your confidence in your writing is gone?
I used to write several pages every day when I was a younger teen, but now I constantly doubt my own work to the point where I don’t even want to do it.
I’m still forcing myself to write a little each day anyway, but I’m wondering:
How do you get that confidence back?
I give up.
Over the last couple years I have done everything I thought I was supposed to be doing to thrive on what I love most: drawing.
It has been a challenge on so many levels; posting regularly on every platform I know, trying (and failing) to make cute videos or watch-my-process sort of thingies, deep dives into every fandom I'm a part of, engaging with my lovely followers, etc.
But unfortunately, and even though I did get a moderate amount of success through all of these combined, it has taken a huge toll on my mental health and at some point I just lost it.
I lost the joy, the inspiration and the drive. I now constantly stress over what to draw, how to make it look good and better yet - how to make it marketable, likeable, retweetable. It got to the point where my once happy place became a dark shadow looming over me, urging me to gain more followers and interactions. And it sucks.
So this is me letting go - I'm not finished with drawing, don't get me wrong. But I have to fall in love with it all over again, and to do that I have to give up on it and start anew.
So I guess this is me introducing myself once again.
Hi, I'm Reni. I'm an illustrator, I hope you enjoy my drawings as much as I enjoy making them.
✮ Regaining Confidence ✮
And (finally) we return to the same room we left Atreo in, around 3 sim days ago...
Brielle: “Atreo? Sweetie?”
Atreo: *depressed silence*
Brielle: “I know you’re struggling sweetie but you can’t stay in your room forever… It’s Acco’s birthday party today, it would mean a lot to him if you could be there-”
Atreo: “Go away Mum. I can’t face the world without Asmara.”
Brielle: “But you haven’t broken up, or argued, or even talked since-”
Atreo: “I know what I did to her. I cheated on her even though I said I never would. I wasn’t strong enough-”
Brielle: *sighs* “Oh sweetie… Can you at least have a shower?”
Atreo: “No, it’s all too much.”
Alejandro: "Atreo's still not coming out of his room?"
Brielle: "No. By the Watcher, it can’t be a moodlet issue right? We don’t even grieve our departed loved ones this long. Could he be glitched?”
Alejandro: "Maybe? My turn to try I guess.”
Brielle: “Good luck honey."
Alejandro: *knocks* “Atreo, it’s me, Papi, I’m respecting your privacy by knocking, but I’m still coming in no matter what you say.”
Atreo: “Ugghhhh no just let me be.”
Alejandro: “Oof, it smells SO bad in here-”
Atreo: *sarcastically* “Thanks Alejandro.”
Alejandro: “Buddy, we’re all worried about you, please talk to me.”
Atreo: “Fine. I messed up and now my life’s ruined.”
Alejandro: “It can’t be as bad as all that…”
Atreo: “But it is! I cheated on Asmara with Derya and I then turned one of the Watcher’s friends into a dragon toy.”
Alejandro: “Uhm okay, is that teenage slang for something or-?”
Atreo: “No, I was rude to her in my dream and she turned into a dragon toy! And then the Watcher and their other friend cursed me.” *sobs*
Atreo: “Right… You’re definitely going through a lot-”
Atreo: “Yes! And nobody understands! I’m all alone, just screwing up everything!”
Alejandro: “You’re not alone. Your family’s here and we love you.”
Alejandro: “So the Watcher, what do they want from you exactly?”
Atreo: “For me to complete my aspiration!”
Alejandro: “And you don’t want to?”
Atreo: "I used to at but then Asmara became my gf and now... I don't know anymore."
Alejandro: “You need to trust yourself buddy. Fight your doubts. You’re a self assured romantic! Go out there and convince Asmara that you want to work on your relationship, or ask her to be just friends for now while you figure things out.”
Alejandro: “You’re still a teen. Being confused and finding yourself are all part of your life stage.”
Atreo: “That’s…Good advice actually. Thanks Papi.”
Alejandro: “Was that ironic or-”
Atreo: “No, I meant it.”
Alejandro: “I am the happiest sim in the world right now."
A little later downstairs…
Acco: “I don’t get why Atreo’s depressed? Did Asmara catch him cheating?”
Brielle: “Nope.”
Acco: “So…Uh why is he sad?”
Brielle: “Your Papi said he isn’t glitched and the Watcher cursed him, so I assume it’s all part of a story arch.”
Atreo: *sigh* “I’m here.”
Alejandro: “What a relief!”
Brielle: “Oh thank goodness. Remember to be nice to your brother Acco.”
Acco: “Don’t worry Mum, we bonded over collective trauma.”
Alejandro: “Did the shower and changing out of your 3-day old nightwear make you feel a bit better?”
Atreo: “I guess so… I’m still upset but you were right, I’m a self assured romantic. It’s time to act on my traits and moodlets. I also ran out of days I can be off school.”
Brielle: “I’m happy you’ve come downstairs sweetie, I was worried sick. Do you need anything? A moodlet solver? A happy potion? I have SO many reward points.”
Atreo: “No thanks Mum, I’ll be okay.”
Alejandro: “Happy birthday sunshine. You excited about your party at the Pier?”
Acco: “I am!”
Atreo: “Yeah happy birthday accomplished stink bottom. May your party suck less than mine.”
Acco: “Really? You’re starting with the name calling again? I thought we were good now!”
Atreo: “We are! I’m using it as an affectionate tease. Believe me, I no longer blame you for the problems in my life. It’s all the Watcher and their annoying friends' fault”
Acco: “Okay…”
Brielle: “Woah sweetie, dial back the Watcher blame please.”
Atreo: “I don’t care anymore. I’m following Papi’s advice and I’ve decided I’m now very confident.”
Alejandro: “Papi… Still music to my soul.”
Acco: “Can we go to my Pier party soon? I’m starving!”
Brielle: “Here take this gift from the magical pile first, I wonder what it’ll be this time.”
Acco: “Hope it’s not dog poo again, I won’t be particularly happy about it.”
Atreo: “Wh-What is that dragon toy doing here? I sold it, I know I did!”
*Dragon toy stares in silent, sinister judgement*
Brielle: “Huh? But that’s Spicy Dragon!”
Acco: “He’s losing it.”
Atreo: “Omw no! Papi, I told you about this, it’s one of the Watcher’s friends!”
Alejandro: “Don’t be silly buddy, you’ve had Spicy D since you were a baby!”
Atreo: *mutters in growing terror* “What kind of dark mind bending magic is this- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
*family hovers and T-poses*
Atreo: “AHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Alejandro: “Buddy are you okay?!”
Brielle: “Sweetie can you tell us why you’re suddenly cowering in abject horror?”
Acco: “What’s happening? Did you get a fear of birthday décor or something?”
Atreo: “Oh no THIS is the curse isn’t it? How… Annoying!”
To be continued...
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