It's still my birthday, and I am alone in bed again. She is on the couch because she is tired. It was my birthday all day since midnight last night till now and I have never felt soo alone. I woke up this morning and tried to get close to her... only to be pushed away... so I went to work. We had an agreement to meet up after work, I didn't know what I wanted to do but I had a few ideas, dinner, a movie, something... truthfully a night with just her... a touch an embrace... the way she use to look at me when we first started. The love in her eyes... has slowly faded. She forgot that she was suppose to grab me at work which irritated her. We went out to dinner at my favorite place, me her and the little one. It felt like I was on a date... a date with someone that despised me. The distance came flowing in like a sudden overcast on a well lit day. This was my birthday.... If I was single... I would be out right now at the very moment getting trashed with my friends and regretting the morning after... I cannot tell if the shame and regret of a drunken night or the rejection of someone I love is worse. I am alone on my birthday. Sad... frustrated... sexually frustrated... and unsure of the future of my relationship. I got into this relationship, I gave up random hook ups, and broken hearts and disappointing relationships and freedom and Single life... believing I had found everything I wanted and needed in one person.... I traded in that life for... rejection and judgement, and sadness and loneliness and... well... this isn't what I wanted. I Started working out again, trying to get back in shape... Maybe if I felt attractive again, she would find me attractive again... nope... nothing. "My name is Gravity Bluez... and I have and live with an amazing and beautiful girlfriend that I get to see everyday, that I yearn for, that luste for, that I love with more than of myself than I ever thought I could... an amazing beautiful woman... that does not want me to touch her..."