#relationship jokes

[amilta]

“My girlfriend caught me being a creep to you and now she's mad but it's Your Fault Fuck You Bitch!!”

[ouyounasty]

I like to spit my bars in peace

[randomlonelytorment]

Fuck petnames.

Call your significant other by their Spotify Identification number.

[yuckitup-jwd]

Does she cook?

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"

[awakeby-awindow]

Me in a relationship: meh eh blEh

Me out of a relationship: hnnnnNNNNNNNNNGGGG LLLLLLOV

[truculentanarchy]

yeah your muscles are great and all but I got a bf because im silly and mentally ill

[funnyfiasco]

When nasal strips restore peace, but too well...

[funnyfiasco]

When aim fails, improvise darkly.