#relationship structure

[irisesinyoureyes]

i feel like i'm in monogamy conversion therapy. like is polyamory just the new bad thing people with conservative values want us to stop doing.

idk i feel not monogamous enough nor polyamorous enough. i think i want sexual monogamy but queerplatonic relationships and non-sexual physical affection with friends. i don't see what's so wrong with that. but my current therapist seems to think that's bad.

i think the reason i was emotionally abused in my last relationship was because i was so isolated. i felt like i couldn't tell anyone i was in an open relationship for fear of being judged and cut off. but in not being open about what i was doing in my relationships, i was manipulated.

this just feels like the thing parents say when you come out to them "i don't want your life to be hard." and it's like, yeah you know who makes it hard? unsupportive people. if we offer more support and resources to people who are figuring things out maybe those people wouldn't have such a hard life.

ughh idk i'm just annoyed rn

[theplaintruthofit]

Can we talk about how fantastic it is that this starts with taking "I feel love for both Alex and Kim" as a valid premise? That nowhere does it say, "Ha lol no I don't really, I must be mistaken?" It acknowledges that some people do choose to adhere to monogamy in spite of their experience of feeling love for more than one person, and it references a common rationalization for such a choice (i.e., one of these loves is "real love" and the other is--who the hell knows, "just love?"), but it very much depicts it as a choice to forego a relationship with one person you love over preserving a monogamous relationship with another person you love. It doesn't depict it as, "Ha lol no being in love with more than one person isn't a thing I'm just infatuated with Kim and clearly Alex is the only one I could possibly love." I spent years actively experiencing feelings of connection and love with more than one person at a time, but all I was told by standard relationship narratives was that that wasn't a thing. And if I found myself thinking that it was a thing--if I thought at any point that I was really actively in love with more than one person--then I must be mistaken about one of them, or both of them, or all of them, or maybe the relationship I'm in isn't the right fit, or maybe there's just work we need to do instead of getting sidetracked by this "grass is greener" stuff, or maybe this other person is meddling and manipulative and trying to ruin my relationship, or maybe I'm just a selfish jerk who can't stop wanting to have her cake and eat it too and everyone I think I love would be better off with other people who really do love them and aren't selfish jerks and can do this better. It took so, so long for me to look at my experience of loving more than one person and just say, "You know what this is about? It's about the fact that I love more than one person. That is a thing."