#relationship violence

[angelfishing]

Your gift empowers individuals to move from crisis to self-reliance during COVID-19.

If any of y’all happen to have an extra bit of $ laying around for your stimulus - this fundraiser is important to me. Incidents of relationship violence are increasing during COVID. Calls to the Cornerstone hotline increased by 25% just during the first week of my state’s StayAtHome order. And if you can’t give, please share widely.

[jupitertouchedher]

My trauma brain has difficulty separating general acts of kindness from a person intimately caring for me. My first exposure to a relationship was one where I was constantly being hurt, mentally, physically and emotionally. Even after years of work, I still find myself clinging to people who are generally kind and confusing it for romantic intimacy.

The past pops up. Even when we least expect it

[unwelcome-ozian]

[lgbtqintimatepartnerviolenc-blog]

Blog Post 2: College Students

TRIGGER WARNING: This blog and its posts contain content describing various aspects of relationship violence specifically related to the LGBTQ+ community.

For many LGBTQ+ youths that go to college, this is the first place where they can openly be themselves, especially if they are from a more conservative town or household. This can be an exceptionally freeing and joyful experience. Unfortunately though, according to a study done by the Carsey Institute examining intimate partner violence among LGBTQ+ college students, “…43 percent of LGBTQ+ students in the sample reported that their current relationships were characterized by intimate partner violence” (Edwards & Sylaska 1). The same study also found that more than one-third of the victims told no one about the abuse. Despite these high rates of abuse in LGBTQ+ college students, very few turn to professionals for help or even to report the incident. I believe this is due to a general lack of trust amongst officials, specifically, the police, commonly found throughout the community, as well as LGBTQ+ individuals generally having a harder time accessing these resources compared to heterosexual people. This distrust and lack of access to resources stem from a history of state-sanctioned violence against the community, as well as family disownment upon other various forms of discrimination. Edwards and Sylaska also found in their study that when students do report their intimate partner abuse, they most frequently turned to friends, who also were shown to be the most, and least helpful (1 2014). Although friends can be great support systems they are often not professionally equipped to handle such emotionally heavy topics. Therefore, it is important to make apparent to the student body that there are resources readily available specifically tailored to LGBTQ+ issues.    One way to combat these low rates of reports and try to decrease the overall rates of abuse is to have more campus inclusivity and dialogue regarding the LGBTQ+ community. The more discussion that is had surrounding queer topics on campus, the more comfortable the LGBTQ+ student body will feel reporting abusive incidents. Simply having a campus GSA/Pride/Queer club on campus allows for queer students to meet one another, build a support group, and interact in a safe and positive place where they can discuss matters and issues that face the community such as homophobia (internalized or otherwise).  In fact, in their study, Edwards and Sylaska found that “Results revealed that as negative and shameful feelings toward oneself about one’s sexual orientation increased, LGBTQ+ students were more likely to perpetrate intimate partner violence in their current, same-sex relationship” (1 2014). The authors also note that individuals may try to deal with these internalized feelings by means of alcohol or other drugs (Edwards & Sylaska 1, 2014). Which in turn can lead to an increased risk for one to commit violence against their partner. In college, alcohol and other drugs are almost always readily accessible, to students on campus. Whether it is a house party, local college bars, or the dorm down the hall, students will find a way to get it if they want it. While it usually is not the intention, this creates a potential catalyst for abuse to occur, especially when other minority stressors are added on top of internalized homophobia and substance abuse.  

Edwards, Katie, and Kateryna Sylaska. “Intimate Partner Violence Among LGBTQ+ College Students.”, Carsey Institute, 2014..

[traumaasks]

is leaving a partner because they continuously talk about and sometimes threaten self harm and suicide abuse to the partner?

That partner sounds like they are manipulating and possibly emotionally abusing you. Leaving that partner is not abuse.

No one is indebted to stay in a relationship, you are allowed to break up with anyone at anytime and it is not abuse to do that.

That partner however threatening to self harm or abuse substances is placing an undue burden on you and pushing you to a point where you feel leaving would be abuse? that is unhealthy and not right. I hope you are able to get out of this relationship and are safe. ♥️ I wish you the best.

- mod h