semi-active?

Was it Abuse?This blog is a safe place for people to ask about different types of trauma (abuse / assault / bullying) and share personal experiences. I will also answer asks about non-abusive trauma (car crashes / natural disasters / etc). Inbox: OPEN

[traumaasks]

Hi y'all are great and thank you for making this world a better place!

❤️

[traumaasks]

To the person who thought they were silly; your not silly its completley valid i hope you get better you deserve it 💖

❤️

[traumaasks]

I have a mental illness in the spectrum of maladaptive daydreaming and DID Disorder.. My alters step forward but I don't have gaps in my memory. They have all gone though this awful event that was extremely abusive and manipulative, both physically and emotionally. The person that hurt them has also hurt me, but it's all in my head. Is that trauma...? Even if it's in my head? It doesn't feel like I'm doing it to myself, but is it self harm? Idk what to do

I’m not a mental health professional and don’t feel qualified to answer this because I don’t have much knowledge or personal experience with DID.

I hope you are able to get support from a trusted individual or professional. Best of luck!

- Mod h

[traumaasks]

Can sixteen-year-olds consent to sex with significantly older adults? Asking for a friend.

TW: Statutory Rape, SA, Age gaps

The age of consent varies by state, however many states have rules in place about the age of the other person. For example if the age of consent is 16, they can be with someone 5 years older than them. So sex with an adult older than 21 is still a violation of that law.

That’s the legality of it all. However you have to consider - well this state says a 16 year old is old enough to consent, this other state says a 17 year old is old enough to consent. So the question is more one of morality - my personal opinion is that it is inappropriate for a 16 year old to have sex with someone significantly older (such as a 16 year old and a 30 year old).

When i was 16 years old I was raped by a 60 year old, however even if i wasn’t raped, i would still consider that to be statutory, even though it was not considered such in my state.

Large age gaps in relationships (when the younger party is a minor or a very young adult like 18-21) i personally find to be predatory but they are legal (in most scenarios).

So I would analyze how you think about it with a therapist. Was there a power imbalance? Did the person have authority over you? Did you feel unsafe? Uncomfortable? Pressured? I’m sure you have a lot of emotions surrounding this and that’s normal.

I wish you the best of luck in healing.

- mod h

[traumaasks]

what would it be called if an uncle were to tickle you repeatedly without consent? when we were alone, he'd come into my room and do it while getting really close, almost on top of me, and when there were people around he'd only stop when i would scream or run away. it was almost every day that i was at that house. it probably wouldn't be classified as csa because that was all it was (outside of what was normal for my family) but there must be a word for it if it affects me this much, right?

I’m not sure what this would be called. Your uncle repeatedly violated your boundaries and made you feel unsafe, that’s an experience that can be incredibley traumatizing for a child.

I’m not sure this would be considered CSA, because the touching wasn’t ‘sexual’ in nature, but CSA is typically defined as touching/using a child for the adult/perpetrator’s sexual purposes. So it is possible your uncle was using that ticking for some sexual purpose, but i can’t say what his intentions are.

Im not the end-all-be-all of defining abuse, I might be wrong. So if anyone reading this disagrees, please feel free to reply to this, or send an ask to correct me.

What i can say is that your uncle violated your boundaries, he made you feel unsafe, he touched you in a way that made you feel bad. So it’s up to you how you want to describe your expierence. In simplest terms, it was a “bad touch”.

Your uncle made you feel unsafe, and the expierence had an impact on you. If there’s a word you want to you, feel free to use it to describe your experience. I’m sorry i couldn’t provide more clarity, but i hope you are able to heal from this expierecne and i wish you the best in your recovery and i’m truly sorry this happened to you.

- mod h ♥️

[traumaasks]

when i was little, my dad would force-ably kiss and sometimes grope me when i was younger. if i ever said no or got upset he would get mad and yell or hit me. i know he was emotionally and physically abusive but i’m starting to wonder if some of the things he did counted as sexual abuse. i feel like because what i didn’t go through was rape that it doesn’t count but i remember feeling sexualized by him and it still affects me to this day. what would count as sexual abuse?

child sexual abuse includes many more behaviors than just rape. from what you shared with me, that sounds like sexual abuse. while some parents may kiss their child because they love them, they don’t yell at or hit their child because they object. that’s incredibly concerning and abusive. groping a child is always sexual abuse.

I’m so sorry your father subjected you to this abuse and i wish you the best on your journey to healing and recovery.

if you ever need to talk to someone the RAINN sexual assault hotline is 1-800-656-HOPE or they have an anonymous online chat here https://hotline.rainn.org/online

There is also a 24/7 child abuse hotline you can reach at 1-800-422-4453 or chat with here https://childhelphotline.org

- mod h ❤️

[traumaasks]

Hi, so I think I was raped. But I’m not sure, recently I’ve discovered that when I was in a relationship about 2-3 years ago I had a partner who would continuously ask for sexual things when I wasn’t really feeling up for it and we ended up doing some of it anyway. Not full blown intercourse, just over the clothes stuff. I’ve recently been feeling really disgusted with myself and them and I’ve been wondering about this.

This sounds like sexual coercion and assault to me. From what you said, since it’s “over the clothes”, that wouldn’t be r*pe. But since you were pressured into it and didn’t freely consent than would coercion and assault.

It wasn’t your fault and you’re not disgusting. If you ever want to talk to someone you can call the hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE or use the anonymous online chat here https://hotline.rainn.org/online

I wish you the best of luck with your recovery ♥️

- mod h

[traumaasks]

Uh when i was about 3-4 my aunt who was like 9 kissed me and like did oral stuff and it went on until i was maybe 11 was this abuse?

Yes that sounds like COCSA (child on child sexual abuse). Children can’t consent to sex acts and even if it is perpetrated by another child, it can still be very traumatic. I’m sorry you expierenced that and i hope you find peace in your recovery.

- mod h

[traumaasks]

Hi I was just wondering if you had any tips on how to deal with cocsa? My friend and I were both molested by her grandpa several times when we were young and for years afterwards she would make me do sexual things with her. This isn't her fault right? How can I reconcile my feelings about her?

First of all, i’m sorry you and your friend expierenced that abuse, that wasn’t either of your faults and someone should have protected you.

The only advice i really can offer is to contact a professional. I’m not a therapist and I can’t offer any advice really on recovering from trauma other than to reach out to a therapist, psychiatrist, or r*pe crisis center. The RAINN hotline is 1-800-656-4673 and they have a 24/7 chat on their website also.

None of the mods on this blog are professionals, the intended goal here is really to just give a 3rd person perspective on trauma as one of the most common symptoms is people doubting their trauma/thinking it was their fault/it wasn’t bad enough to be traumatizing. I’m not a professional and I may be wrong sometimes.

But i highly suggest speaking to a professional. I can’t tell you what to do or whether it’s appropriate to contact your abuser. You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, or speak to anyone you don’t want to.

you are allowed to feel your feelings towards her, regardless of whether she was also a victim. She still hurt you whether or not she knew what she was doing or whether it was wrong and you are allowed to feel hurt and betrayed.

i wish you the best on your journey to recovery!

[traumaasks]

Was it rape if he kept begging and I said no for an hour straight and he eventually dragged a yes out of me cus he made a rape joke (about how it would be easy to) and I desperately needed a ride home but we just had consensual sex and the only reason I said no in the first place was cuz we ran outta condoms? I felt meh about it before because i blamed myself for saying yes but now I'm having nightmares. He was always really manipulative.

Yes, that is rape. He coerced consent from you and made you feel unsafe. Consent needs to be freely given, not under distress or coercion. He manipulated you into “consent”, that’s not consensual.

You never have to have sex if you don’t want to and you can always say no, regardless of whether you said yes in the past, regardless of the reason you said no, you can always say no and it’s the other persons duty to respect that no. If they don’t respect the no, it’s not consent.

I hope you are able to find peace in your recovery ♥️

- mod h

[traumaasks]

I'm a sexual abuse/rape survivor. My question doesn't involve that experience I went through, but I guess a "milder" thing that happened when I was a child. My niece reached her hand down my pants and touched me, she also taught me how to masturbate a different time and did it with me. Does that count as sexual abuse? Since we were both children? She was the same age as me, and I worry it was because she may have been abused herself.

This sounds like COCSA - child on child sexual assault/abuse. Children cannot consent to sexual activity, there is some level of normal sexual development and curiosity “ill show you mine if you show me yours”, etc. But if it was an experience that you didn’t want, that was scary, that was upsetting, that was non consensual, etc. Then it’s COCSA. You are allowed to have whatever feelings you have about it, children can abuse other children, whether they intend to or not. I hope you are alright and I wish you the best in your recovery.

- mod h ♥️

[traumaasks]

is leaving a partner because they continuously talk about and sometimes threaten self harm and suicide abuse to the partner?

That partner sounds like they are manipulating and possibly emotionally abusing you. Leaving that partner is not abuse.

No one is indebted to stay in a relationship, you are allowed to break up with anyone at anytime and it is not abuse to do that.

That partner however threatening to self harm or abuse substances is placing an undue burden on you and pushing you to a point where you feel leaving would be abuse? that is unhealthy and not right. I hope you are able to get out of this relationship and are safe. ♥️ I wish you the best.

- mod h

[traumaasks]

is a parent threatening to kill their child wrong?

Yes absolutely, that is a traumatic experience for a child and your parent should have never threatened your life. that is absolutely wrong and i’m sorry you expierenced that.

- mod h

[traumaasks]

hi I'm sorry to ask but if I sold myself online as a 15 yr old does that still count as sexual abuse

You were a child, it doesn’t matter what you did, you were young and vulnerable and any adult who took advantage of that is a predator. The age of consent is not 15 in ANY state, because 15 year olds cannot make the decision to consent with an adult. You were a child and deserved protection and safety, it wasn’t your fault. I am so sorry you experienced that trauma and I hope you are alright. ♥️

- mod h

[traumaasks]

If i was 12 and he was 18 and he showed me his dick online and asked for nudes is that like?? Anything or jus like a weird occourence

That’s definitely predatory behavior and a traumatic expierence. You were a child and he was an adult, you were young and deserved to be safe on the internet. I hope you are alright. ♥️♥️

[traumaasks]

this account has been inactive for 4 years now, but after recently undergoing another round of trauma therapy my therapist suggested connecting with other people with PTSD, so i think i may reopen the ask box? If you have any questions about whether or not something was trauma feel free to ask, i may not check this often but i’ll try to reply to some, while taking care of myself!

- mod h

[vampir3fangz]

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