Conversations Happening In The Stands When Kaladin Broke Relis' Shardplate Through A Kick in the 4v1 Duel
As requested by anon. :)
This anon wanted me to imagine what people said when Kaladin--just a normal darkeyed guard so far as anyone knew--freaking cracked a dude's shardplate by kicking it during the 4v1 duel. So here are some conversations I think might have happened in the stands!
1.
"Storming hell--did you see that? That guard just kicked that guy and now the guy's shardplate is cracked!" "Oh…..okay. This makes way more sense now." "It…It does??" "Yeah! This is obviously staged." "….Staged?" "Ha ha, come on! You can't KICK shardplate into cracking! That can't be real shardplate. It's clear this whole thing is staged. Probably some sort of machinations that Dalinar and Sadeas came up with together." "Man, if you start with that stupid conspiracy theory again…" "I'm TELLING you! Their FEUD is FAKE and they are DATING!" "…Just watch the duel."
2.
"Uh…was that cracking sound the man's legs or the Shardplate?" "It must have been his legs! Poor guy." "No! He's getting up! I think…I think it was the Shardplate!" "He….he broke the Shardplate by KICKING it?" "No…it must have already been cracked...right?" "He did knock the Shardbearer over, though. With the kick." "Y-Yeah….I guess he never skips leg day…" "…" "…" "This duel just keeps getting crazier!"
3.
"Ugh. I don't think Relis is ever gonna live this down. Imagine being knocked over by a dude with no armor and a spear." "A darkeyed guy with no armor and a spear." "Yeah…humiliating." "We gotta uninvite him from brunch." "That's harsh but fair."
4.
"Hey, uh…just how strong are darkeyes' legs?" "They appear to be very, very strong." "Do you think I should treat my employees better?" "That's your takeaway?!"
5.
"I didn't realize Relis' shardplate had grown that weak! Even a kick could crack it!" "Ha ha, yeah! And that guard was TOTALLY knocked over even so!" "Shardplate is so strong and magnificent, but if you strike it when it is very, very weakened, even normal human strength can do it in." "That is definitely my takeaway too."
6.
"I knew Bridgemen's arms must be strong from, like, carrying the bridge. But I didn't realize their legs were so strong too!" "Well, what do you think they were using to run all that way?" "Still, though!"
7.
"Oh Almighty I think he broke his legs!!!" "No, no--he's fine! Look!" "But…I could have SWORN they bent weirdly for a second." "Don't be ridiculous--what, do you think his legs just magically healed?" "No…that would be ridiculous." "Ha ha yeah!"
8.
"I can see why Dalinar chose a bridgeman to be his head guard." "Yeah." "I'm afraid." "I'm afraid too."
9.
"I can't imagine caring that much about my job." "Hmmm?" "If my bosses' sons were in danger like that, I'd be like, 'Whelp, good luck with that.'" "That man's a guard, though." "I'm a guard." "Oh…right." "And I'm telling you. I ain't kicking any enemies in Shardplate for my boss." "That's just a healthy work-life balance." "Do you think we should give Stormblessed one of our pamphlets?" "If he survives, then definitely."
10.
"[sighs]" "…Why are you sighing dreamily?" "It's just--imagine being the sort of man where if you see a fully armed Shardbearer heading for your beloved, you immediately attack! Even if you have no armor or weapons and your life is on the line!" "He has a spear." "Spears don't count as weapons in a Shardblade duel." "Well but -- wait. Did you say 'beloved'?" "Um, yeah. What fight are YOU watching?" "Ugh. If you start in with that STUPID conspiracy theory again…" "I'm telling you! Adolin and Stormblessed are DATING and that red-haired chick is just their BEARD!" "...Just watch the duel."
