#remaking myself

[calmbelly]

Im in my alone era once more.

[its-all-down-hill]

[hotsuburbanmom]

I've really been trying to be a better person lately but it seems that I'm still just as cruel and vindictive as I was a few weeks ago

I realize that I can't like 'remake who I am' and deny the person I will always be but I still want to try and be better, more understanding and less cruel. I want to start by being less bitter towards my mother. She is so abusive and rude and cruel and hurtful to me but I am so done with letting her win. She wins every time I allow her to get on my nerves or hit me or make me cry or say the same vile things to her as she does to me

I am going to get her a really thoughtful mothers day present (even though she in no way deserves it) and try to help her understand me better

I am going to be more patient with her and I am going to try and share with her the things that make me happy so that maybe they can make her happy too

Because I let her win every time she ruins my day after hitting me or telling me how worthless I am. She is a sad little old lady who is missing something from herself and it's not my fault she is the way she is, all I can do is try to be more positive and allow for myself to be happy regardless of our relationship with each other

I need to let things go, I need to stop holding this grudge, I need to forgive her because if I don't it will eat me alive