An Exercise In Compassion
Compassion is a game changer. It has the power to not only transform your own life, but also the lives of those around you.
Compassion, empathy and its derivatives seem to pop their heads up in times of reflection or desperation. Think about the holidays when you express these feelings simply because “it’s Christmas” or “’tis the season.” There is something about that gathering of friends and family where we all take a moment in the heart of the holidays and feel the power of compassion.
It can often be found shining bright in rough moments and times of desperation. Think about a time when someone you have known has become very ill, or even when you have become ill yourself. All of a sudden things change in an instant. In the light of a serious health scare for example, all the petty things that seemed to matter before fade away and compassion seems to rush forth.
What if instead of reserving these bouts of compassion for these select moments, we instead decided to consciously exercise this attitude every day? As Harvard professor and clinical psychologist Christopher Germer stated, “A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.”
Appling a little more compassion to yourself is a subtle shift that could possibly change your entire world. Rather than beating yourself up for a mistake, you could take a moment and acknowledge the mistake, and forgive yourself.
A MOMENT OF SELF-COMPASSION CAN CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE DAY. A STRING OF SUCH MOMENTS CAN CHANGE THE COURSE OF YOUR LIFE. – Christopher Germer
Often we are harsher with ourselves than we would ever be with absolutely anyone else. Think about how you talk to yourself. What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror? What sort of comments do you replay in your mind on a regular basis? Try writing them down for a week or so, and then re-read them. Chances are, the majority of them are not positive, and certainly not things you could ever imagine saying aloud to anyone you truly care about.
Do you happen to hear things like:
OMG, those love handles are just embarrassing.
I can’t believe you forgot to do that, you are horrible.
Of course I didn’t make it; I never even should have tried.
Why not reframe that? If you would never say such things to someone you loved, why would you ever use such a harsh tone with yourself? Why not talk to yourself as you would talk to someone that you loved? Switch up the wording and show yourself a little compassion, give yourself forgiveness when you make an error and make an effort to acknowledge your good qualities. It’s not about being complacent and not trying, but about understanding that you are not perfect and that you don’t have to be.
We should extend compassion beyond ourselves as well. Plato once said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
What happens if someone cuts you off in traffic? Then say someone speeds right into the spot you were clearly (and patiently) waiting for in the parking lot? And to top it all off, the store clerk had an absolutely abysmal attitude?
What are the odds that you are going to continue to carry that compassionate attitude? It might become pretty difficult, but it’s not impossible.
Does it make sense to let these small events trigger you to lose your compassionate side and carry around anger? Not really.
BE KIND, FOR EVERYONE YOU MEET IS FIGHTING A HARDER BATTLE. – Plato
Those cars that cut you off, what if they had a really good reason for speeding through their day, what if they were dealing with an emergency. And that store clerk, what if he is so sour because his mind is elsewhere, perhaps with an ill parent or child.
The point is you never really know what anyone is going though. They could be going through the toughest battle of their life, or they could simply be having one of those days. In the end, does it really matter? If we are not careful, it can be pretty easy to lose our compassion.
Instead, if you go through life with the attitude that everyone around you is doing the best they can, that they are not intentionally acting in a malicious manner, it might be a little easier to hold onto that compassion. And when you can hold onto that attitude, and be the light for empathy and caring, who knows, you may just have the power to change someone’s world. You could become the glimmer of hope that turns their entire day around, and that can have a pretty remarkable ripple effect. That one day might change their entire life.
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