I talked to my mum for about two hours and she tried to change my mind a bit, so I'll try too. I think I should make my tumblr very private because some persons can't see everything that I write or reblog. This shit here is like a digital notebook and diary, it's a part of my soul that only strangers and really good friends should be able to see. But the wrong ones can see this - and it's the same in the fucking reality. I open myself to a lot of people too fast and they can hurt me (by the way, nearly everyone did). I still want to have no feelings and I still want to be like a goddamn wreck to the others. A mystery for all strangers and a lot of my friends. But.. That's what I think. What I really wanted to write is a little note to myself that I want to share with you. It's about forgetting. We all know this feeling when we are falling in love with a person. It often hurts, but anyway we can't stop. And I think I should be one of those who can. I should stop, erase all these wonderful fucking memories and you out of my head before it's too late. Maybe I should delete your number and all the other things. All in all, I have to teach my soul not to search for a person to hold on to just because it makes me feel complete and otherwise I feel like something is missing. I should read more books, a thousand books (!) and I should listen to more music. I should start doing sports maybe, drinking more tea, being better in school, having more fun and getting much wisdom. All in all, I should stop all these negative thoughts that hurt like hell and I should try to like myself, being able to be alone with it and not open myself to everyone - Even if I never did completely (I think no one knows me really, me neither).
