summary: You know about your boyfriends lycanthropy and you love him regardless, but sometimes the words he speaks on the days leading up to the full moon still hurt. A lot.
word count: 1.1k
contains: angst, troubles with self-worth, mean remus (but like he doesn't want to be he just cant help it), slight mention of blood, (no happy ending but im making a part 2)
a/n: this scenario has been roaming around in my head for a while so im gunna write it. also i don’t proof read lol sorry besties. also italics mean flashback
part 2
You had messed up.
A small slip-up. Normally it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but Remus was on edge. It was the night before the full moon and his emotions were fragile, very easily annoyed.
You were pulling a prank with the marauders, something you’ve been doing more and more often since you started dating Remus and you loved it.
The joy of seeing people's annoying faces, the thrill of trying not to get caught, the nights you and Remus had spent locked in hallway closets to avoid Filch.
You’ve told each other so many secrets in those moments. Just the two of you together in the dark, pushed up against one another, breaths intertwining, whispered confessions, and soft giggles. It was in one of those moments where Remus told you about his lycanthropy, you can remember the event so clearly in your mind...
You could tell that something was wrong with him. It had been for a week or two now, there was something he wanted to tell you and he was holding it in. So when you finally got him alone in a hiding spot that the two of you would probably have to spend the night in, you opened up the dialogue. “Okay,” you whispered, peering up at his face as you sat across from him, your legs locked together due to the lack of space, “What’s been bugging you?” His response was only a hum of confusion, looking up from his hands to your face. You raised your eyebrow at him, silently saying “don’t play with me.”
He groaned and looked back at his hands, fiddling with his fingers and avoiding the conversation, “s’nothing.” He was nervous, anxious, you could tell and all you wanted to do was help. Remus had been such a kind and caring boyfriend for you and you just wanted to be the same for him. So you reached out and grabbed his hands with yours, causing his eyes to look back up at yours.
“What’s wrong, hun” your voice seemed to soothe him as his shoulders shrugged slightly.
“I have something to tell you, but I’m worried you may not like me after it.”
You give him a small smile, “there is nothing you can say that will change how I feel about you Remus Lupin, I love you, you know that?” His only response was another grumble as he moved his eyes to focus on your intermingling hands. “How about this,” you spoke again, an idea coming into your head, “I’ll tell you something really deep and vulnerable about myself. Something I’m scared to tell you.” he looked back up at you, “and then if you feel comfortable after that to tell me whatever's going on in that big brain of yours, then you can.”
“Are you sure?” he said, voice softer than you’ve ever heard it before, his eyes staring into yours with the love and admiration that you hope your eyes replicate.
“I trust you, Remus,” you lean forward to peck his lips, “and I love you.”
You went on to tell him your biggest insecurities. How when you were young you were constantly verbally abused and told that you weren’t good enough. You told him about how you’ve been working so hard to build up your confidence, a task he unknowingly has made such a large impact in that process, but that even though you’re getting better some days are worse than others. Healing isn't linear and you know that, but some days you spend staring out the window questioning your worth and wondering if you're good enough. You make so many mistakes all the time, small things that don’t matter to anyone else but make you feel like a shit person. You spilled your heart out to this man and he spilled his out back.
The two of you accepted each other unconditionally and your love only grew stronger after that night, which is why it hurt you so much when he began attacking your insecurities out of anger over a small mistake. You can’t even remember what you did wrong, but there stood your boyfriend in front of you, screaming at you with a wave of anger you’ve never heard before. “You’re so fucking stupid y/n! Merlin, you can’t do anything right can you!”
Tears were already spilling down your face, your eyes burning with each droplet. “You don’t mean that!” you spoke, “please don’t say things like that they really hurt,” you took a cautious step forward, hands outstretched in surrender. You’ve gotten into arguments with Remus like this before, his lycanthropy insistent on ruining your relationship, but you’re stubborn and you love Remus more than anything so you insist on never leaving an argument like this - unresolved and in pain. “Rem, baby,” you kept your tone soft but you couldn’t help the cracking in it from the tears, “I know you’re only saying these kinds of things because the moon is tomorrow, just please take a deep breath and c-” you took another small step forward, but he wouldn't let you get to him.
His long fingers tugged on his hair as he took a step away from you, “don’t you fucking blame this on me!” he screamed, “don’t blame my lycanthropy on your inability to do anything right.” You let your hands fall to your sides and begin backing up eager to leave the situation, you love Remus but his words are cutting too deep right now for you to stand here and take them. He couldn’t stop his words even if he tried, once they started coming they didn’t stop. “Merlin, you’re so fucking dumb, I don’t even know why we invited you to help out on such a big prank! I knew you’d ruin it!”
It was like he took a knife straight to your heart.
The heart whose gates opened up just for him.
The heart whose walls he broke down piece by piece.
The heart he’s held in his hand and lulled to sleep.
The heart he’s kissed and cuddled and laughed with.
The heart that you now felt bleeding all over the West Tower floor.
You wouldn’t be surprised if you looked down and saw a puddle of blood surrounding your feet at that moment, but you didn’t care to look. Your back finally hitting the stone wall you spoke once more, “Fuck you Lupin,” a venomous tone laced with the tears of heartbreak.
Those were the last words he heard you speak before you slammed the door shut behind you, leaving him to his own thoughts and regrets.
