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I kind of agree with your opinion about Snape not being a virgin, so I would like to know what do you think about Lupin's sex life prior to Tonks. I do think that it would be unrealistic if he was still a virgin in his mid 30s, but on the other hand, he has very poor self esteem and his self loathing tendency leads him to isolate himself and reject affection from others, at least in his adult life, so he was too afraid to deal with romantic relationships, whand possibily too "old fashioned" for casual sex. Also, the way his relationship with Tonks developed (very fast transition from rejection to marriage to pregnancy) kind of makes me think of someone with very little or no experience in this kind of stuff. I know you don't like Lupin that much, but you usually have very accurate opinions about him.

I think you’re basically circling the right idea, because with Lupin everything comes down to that tension between his capacity for emotional intimacy and his tendency to withdraw from it.

I don’t really buy the idea of him being a virgin in his mid-thirties, but at the same time I also don’t see him as someone with anything resembling a normal or active sex life. His issue isn’t just low self-esteem in a generic sense, it’s that he genuinely sees himself as dangerous, contaminated, and undeserving of love, and that kind of mindset doesn’t just make relationships difficult, it makes him avoid them altogether. So even if he did have opportunities, he’s the kind of person who would shut them down before they could turn into anything real.

I could see him having some level of experience when he was younger, especially at Hogwarts, when he still had a support system and hadn’t fully internalized all that self-loathing to the same extent. But once you get into adulthood, the war, the stigma of being a werewolf, the isolation and poverty… it’s very easy to imagine him just closing himself off almost completely. And I agree with you that he doesn’t really read as someone who would go for casual sex, not because he’s particularly “old-fashioned” in a moral sense, but because casual intimacy still requires a level of comfort with yourself that he just doesn’t have.

And the Tonks situation actually reinforces that reading. The way that relationship develops doesn’t feel like someone experienced and secure, it feels like someone who has spent years repressing any kind of emotional or romantic connection and then suddenly gets confronted with someone who insists on loving him anyway. The shift from rejection to marriage and a child feels less like a smooth, confident progression and more like him finally giving in after holding that wall up for too long.

So overall, I’d say he’s probably not a virgin, but functionally very close to it in adulthood, just because most of his life is defined by avoidance, fear, and a kind of chronic self-denial that makes sustained intimacy very hard for him to accept.

#remus lupin #remus john lupin #remus lupin headcanons #remus lupin hac #remus lupin meta #meta post #remus lupin analysis #harry potter #harry potter fandom

I’ve been a part of the Marauders community and honestly, my favourite of the four was always Remus with his goods and bads, because in a way, I could relate to him. I know how it is to be deemed a social reject for something you can’t control, and once you find yourself in a group of friends, never find the courage to walk away no matter how badly they treat you, as you’re scared of being alone and put others’ feelings above your own. Though I wouldn’t have helped Sirius years later, when he got out of prison - after what he did during school years. As soon as I could have made it out school and none of them would keep in touch with me anymore, I’d distance myself even if they come back. Because a teenager doesn’t see when someone is using them, too clearly. But an adult more likely does. Maybe that’s where we’re different.

Honestly, I don’t believe Remus didn’t realise, at least not as he got older. I think he was perfectly aware, for example, that to Sirius, he was just a toy. In fact, Remus never once doubts that Sirius could be a traitor and a murderer, and that makes sense: it’s the same Sirius who, despite knowing how brutal the full moon was for him, still said out loud that he looked forward to it because it was fun. The same Sirius who was willing to use him as a weapon to kill someone, even though for Remus that could’ve meant the end of his life.

Remus knows Sirius is a sadist, that he often lacks a conscience. He’s not stupid, not in that sense. But he pretends to be. He pretends because the whole point of Lupin is that he’s a coward and a pushover. You can understand that when he’s a teenager—it’s about survival in school—but even as an adult, he keeps lowering his head and clinging to that desperate need to be liked and to fit in, a need that’s followed him since he was a kid. He needs people to see him as the “good guy,” even though deep down he’s cynical and hypocritical. It’s overcompensation, a way of dealing with the shame of his condition.

But let’s not forget Remus hits his low point by getting a woman thirteen years younger than him pregnant and then running off. His story doesn’t follow an upward arc, it’s a character development that just keeps going downhill with no brakes.

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Why "Right Where You Left Me" by Taylor Swift is the Perfect Song for Remus Lupin

On my second listen to Right Where You Left Me by Taylor Swift, a thought struck me: “This song is about Remus Lupin!” Think about it—he's the one left behind after all his friends are gone, and he never truly moves on, at least from what we see in canon. The emotional weight of his stagnation mirrors the heartbreak and frozen-in-time longing that Taylor sings about. The song captures his pain, his longing for a time when the Marauders were whole, and his struggle to reconcile with a present that feels empty without them. It’s hauntingly fitting for him, isn’t it?

This meta-analysis explores that connection—how Right Where You Left Me captures the essence of Remus’ pain, grief, and inability to move forward after the loss of the Marauders. So often, these aspects of his character are overlooked in both canon and fandom, but they are integral to understanding who he is and how he struggled so deeply in the years leading up to Prisoner of Azkaban. I also wrote a one-shot about Remus in the winter break during PoA that was inspired by this song and conveys its aspects.

Read on to see just how perfectly Taylor Swift’s lyrics align with Remus’ story—and why this song feels like it was written just for him.

BEGGING marauders fans to think abt remus' scars for a minute before drawing them.

once the marauders become animagi in fifth year, he no longer destroys himself. but he's had most of a lifetime to do serious damage. what does repeated trauma on the same spots do?

which legs would he use to scratch himself most, and where?

he bites himself too, imo probably more than scratching. where would he bite?

where can he reach easily? how about not easily? with momentum? quick, scrappy bites? throwing himself into it for a moment and then ripping away?

can he even reach his face easily? he likely does not have scars there, as harry never mentioned them despite describing the scars of others, like moody and bill, in great detail

what do wolf bites look like? look it up! there's diagrams easily accessible!

would the angle of the bite change its appearance? how?

how do different types of scars heal? why do they heal that way? are they pushing out like ridges or cutting in like ravines? what colour are they? why? are newer scars different from old ones? these are all easy things to find out on medical sites.

how would him being a werewolf affect his wounds? they can be closed with silver and dittany, but they scar aggressively as werewolf bites do. what does that mean?

my remus is tattered and torn from the neck down. he wears turtle-necks, high-collared shirts, scarves, and other such things to hide the scars on his neck.

when transforming he'd curl up in agony and likely wouldn't attack himself, instead just trying to get through the experience. but after the excruciating transformation, "[he] was separated from humans to bite, so [he] bit and scratched [himself] instead."

he'd rip at his thighs with his teeth, he'd twist to reach his lower back and scrape his teeth on it, snap at it before whirling around again, gnawing at his front legs terribly and nearly taking a finger off once.

he could get his snout with his front paws, but the angle was slightly awkward. he could bury his snout in his front paws, scrape through and cause scratches up his nose, but i find it unlikely he would do this much, if at all. not often or hard enough to cause scars, clearly, since he doesn't have any on his face. so he probably doesn't do it at all. if he could easily it would be fiercely.

he could scratch his neck and the sides and top of his head with his hind legs, and has striped patches where his hair does not grow. he covers it best he can with the hair he does have, and that's all he can do.

how about his tail? he'd gnaw at it. it's been broken many times. would skele-gro fix it? he drinks it in human form. does the skele-gro know it was there? can it fix bones not currently present? perhaps it would shrink to his tailbone and the damage was concentrated there. something too much of this. either way, the flesh is twisted and mangled and it's more tufts of hair than anything resembling the full fur of a wolf.

his hands are stiff and gnarled with scars. his thighs have borne the brunt of the damage. the depth of the wounds expected from a werewolf tearing itself apart are such that he'd probably have muscle damage causing an odd gait, as well as stiffness, trouble walking, bad pain every day...

i'm not an expert on wolves or wolf behaviour, so there may be mistakes here. i'm always learning new stuff! but it's just really interesting to think about, and doing even a little bit of googling helps a LOT in portraying him more accurately.

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I've been thinking about Remus Lupin's portrayal in Harry Potter, and I feel like he's one of the only characters that we, as readers, are never supposed to hold him accountable for his actions. Because the narrative constantly reminds us that: he's a werewolf, he's marginalized, he had his reasons and so on. In a way that no other character gets excused, I believe.

And I think I know why that is. Lupin is pretty much the minority that accepts being treated poorly. He's not like other werewolves who are angry about being marginalized. He has the bare minimum and he's thankful for it. His friends treat him like a form of entertainment? They betrayed his secret? It doesn't matter. At least he HAS friends. You can shit on him, and he'll accept it as long as he's not alone.

And that's why he always gets a free pass. He doesn't demand to be treated better, and that's what makes him "sympathetic" in the narrative. Do you agree with that point? Or am I thinking too deep with this analysis?

There’s a figure in bourgeois narratives known as the “good poor person.” The good poor person is the one who suffers. They accept all the misfortunes that come their way, carry them like a kind of penance, endure them without resistance, turn the other cheek and after all that, if they’ve accepted every blow, every slap, every injustice life has thrown at them, then they’re rewarded, right? Because they’ve been a good poor person. They’re not someone who complains, not someone who rebels against the system, not someone who fights back. They accept their role, their place in the world, and like a good sheep in the flock, they’re eventually rewarded.

Remus Lupin really reminds me of that. He embodies that very Christian idea of turning the other cheek, never showing anger, always being merciful, never questioning authority, the establishment, or the status quo, even when that very system is what marginalises him and pushes him to the bottom of society. He never rebels, unlike other werewolves. I’m not going to defend Fenrir Greyback, because he’s a piece of shit but he has a right to be angry, a right to want revenge. It’s a bit like how the Black Panthers were condemned for being “aggressive,” or how, in heavily marginalised groups, extremist cells can emerge as a consequence of constant oppression, policies that don’t just marginalise them, but effectively condemn them to death. And yet, people who seek equality through peaceful means are praised, while those who rise up against the establishment are demonised as the worst kind of people.

Lupin, in the end, is bland; he has no fire in him. He’s someone who, probably because of the marginalisation he’s experienced, has developed something like learned helplessness. So he ends up collaborating with the very kind of society that pushed him down in the first place. Because even before Voldemort, werewolves were already marginalised. In fact, Voldemort manages to recruit them precisely by promising them a place in a new magical order. But Lupin doesn’t want to change the system: he wants to be accepted by it. And that system is already rotten. The pre-Voldemort world is also terrible: marginalised magical beings, entire sentient species denied education, slavery, groups labelled as inherently dangerous. It’s a deeply hierarchical, bourgeois system where pure-bloods function as an aristocracy, the others as buegueoise people and all of them treat those below them like garbage: goblins, house-elves, giants… they have nothing.

The narrative never frames Lupin as bad, because he’s a “good” poor man. Not like Snape, who tries to rise above his station, because ambition in the poor is framed as something negative. The poor aren’t supposed to want more. They’re supposed to stay in their place so the rich can remain rich, generation after generation. So the obedient poor person—the one who says “yes, sir” to everything, who serves the system—that’s the one the narrative pats on the head. Lupin never fights the establishment, so the establishment (represented by Rowling) portrays him positively. He never stands up to his friends, who are clearly classist. He follows Dumbledore, who also represents a very questionable part of that society. He never prioritises himself or people like him, he prioritises what’s socially acceptable, because he needs validation and acceptance from a corrupt system. He’s what people call a “useful idiot.” Like poor people who vote for right-wing policies, or strikebreakers, or slaves who refuse to bite the hand that feeds them. That’s Lupin.

Of course, we can understand him through social theory, how oppressed minorities sometimes align themselves with their oppressors, or adopt centrist positions in conflict. It comes from trauma, from learned helplessness. That makes sense. But is he a “useful idiot”? Yes. He’s what Marxist theory would call lumpen: lower class but politically ineffective, even counterproductive to change. He doesn’t contribute to transformation; he hinders it. And that’s why the narrative rewards him. It sends the message: “Are you a marginalised poor person? Don’t complain. Say yes to everything. Give yourself to the system. And in the end, we’ll reward you.” And how do they reward him? They give him a younger wife, let him have a child, let him leave and come back and still be excused and he’s framed as kind, lovable, gentle, wonderful. But he’s still lumpen. People like that don’t help revolutionary movements. You need courage for that. Lupin doesn’t have it.

Hit Lupin, and he won’t hit back. Hit Snape, and he will. That’s why one is framed as bitter and unpleasant, and the other as good. Because the establishment doesn’t like poor people who fight back. It doesn’t like those who retaliate, who make bad choices as a consequence of a broken system. It prefers the obedient ones, the ones who stay in line. So narratively, given that J.K. Rowling is bourgeois and quite classist—and at most mildly progressive in a social-democratic, even conservative way—she clearly has a very outdated view of both marginalised groups and social struggle. It’s that same old Dickensian idea: make your heroes poor and suffering, and because they endure like Christ, they will be rewarded in the end.

That Christian logic? It needs to be dismantled.

#remus lupin #remus john lupin #remus lupin analysis #remus lupin meta #class dynamics #harry potter #harry potter fandom

I think Remus had it even worse than Snape in terms of economic pursuits. Snape could atleast hide behind being a half blood and being talented. Remus would be ostraziced on sight by anyone if they knew he is a werewolf. Of course Remus had huge luck at family enviroment and having friends but even with those friends he constantly was on the edge of them telling someone. Snape atleast had a future (his life was burdened by abuse, neglect and bad influence but he still had some prospects but Remus was doomed from the moment he became a werewolf.) Remus was incredibly lucky that Dumbledore accepted him into Hogwarts and incredibly lucky that those who found out about his condition didn't shun him or tell on him. So I would say Remus is as much of a victim as Severus even tho in a different context.

Yes, but as you said, Remus had family support, support from his friends, financial backing from his wealthy friends, and the support of his school headmaster. Severus had none of that. The fact of having support or not is a huge difference in how a person develops their temperament. That being said, it’s not like Remus turned out to be a fully functional adult either. Let’s remember that he deliberately stopped taking his potion, putting a bunch of children at risk, and he also got a 24-year-old girl pregnant and then ran off. Personally, as a woman with enough trauma from shitty heterosexual men, the fact that he got involved with a young girl, got her pregnant, and then took off really triggers me. It’s like someone who gets triggered by Severus because they had a bad teacher in high school—Remus triggers all my anger because of what he did to Tonks. But in the end, like I often say, it’s impossible not to get emotionally involved with certain characters, for better or for worse, depending on our life experiences.

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