I kind of agree with your opinion about Snape not being a virgin, so I would like to know what do you think about Lupin's sex life prior to Tonks. I do think that it would be unrealistic if he was still a virgin in his mid 30s, but on the other hand, he has very poor self esteem and his self loathing tendency leads him to isolate himself and reject affection from others, at least in his adult life, so he was too afraid to deal with romantic relationships, whand possibily too "old fashioned" for casual sex. Also, the way his relationship with Tonks developed (very fast transition from rejection to marriage to pregnancy) kind of makes me think of someone with very little or no experience in this kind of stuff. I know you don't like Lupin that much, but you usually have very accurate opinions about him.
I think you’re basically circling the right idea, because with Lupin everything comes down to that tension between his capacity for emotional intimacy and his tendency to withdraw from it.
I don’t really buy the idea of him being a virgin in his mid-thirties, but at the same time I also don’t see him as someone with anything resembling a normal or active sex life. His issue isn’t just low self-esteem in a generic sense, it’s that he genuinely sees himself as dangerous, contaminated, and undeserving of love, and that kind of mindset doesn’t just make relationships difficult, it makes him avoid them altogether. So even if he did have opportunities, he’s the kind of person who would shut them down before they could turn into anything real.
I could see him having some level of experience when he was younger, especially at Hogwarts, when he still had a support system and hadn’t fully internalized all that self-loathing to the same extent. But once you get into adulthood, the war, the stigma of being a werewolf, the isolation and poverty… it’s very easy to imagine him just closing himself off almost completely. And I agree with you that he doesn’t really read as someone who would go for casual sex, not because he’s particularly “old-fashioned” in a moral sense, but because casual intimacy still requires a level of comfort with yourself that he just doesn’t have.
And the Tonks situation actually reinforces that reading. The way that relationship develops doesn’t feel like someone experienced and secure, it feels like someone who has spent years repressing any kind of emotional or romantic connection and then suddenly gets confronted with someone who insists on loving him anyway. The shift from rejection to marriage and a child feels less like a smooth, confident progression and more like him finally giving in after holding that wall up for too long.
So overall, I’d say he’s probably not a virgin, but functionally very close to it in adulthood, just because most of his life is defined by avoidance, fear, and a kind of chronic self-denial that makes sustained intimacy very hard for him to accept.














