Summary: Remus tried to protect Y/n but goes about it in the wrong way
Y/n barged into the 6th year Gryffindor boys dorm,
All four Marauders froze in place, Peter combing his hair in the bathroom. Sirius laying on his bed. James reading on the floor at the end of his bed, and Remus by the window previously looking outside.
"REMUS JOHN LUPIN! You selfish prick!" She yelled, slamming the door shut out of rage.
"Y/n w-wha-" Remus tripped over his words, taken by surprise by his girlfriend's outburst.
"It's been a week and half! 10 DAYS!" Y/n informed with a scolding tone.
"Y/n maybe this is-"
"SHUT IT, POTTER!" She demanded, before she continued, turning her attention back to Remus. "You've ignored me for ten fucking days, Lupin!"
"Y/n, love, you don't understand. I'm not what you think, I'm a-"
"Oh I understand perfectly fine. You made the decision to abandon me out of the blue giving me no say in the matter."
Sirius tried to intervene "L/n I think-"
"NO! HOW DARE YOU think so lowly of me, to believe that I would not love you, all the same, knowing what you are!"
Remus was baffled, how did she know?
"You didn't even have the decency to give me even the shittiest of excuses. You just disappear and started avoiding me."
The other three Marauders had begun to slowly creep out of the dorm, in an attempt to leave the situation. Peter closing the door behind him once they had exited the dorm.
"Y/n, that's not what I was-"
"And you had the AUDACITY to sit up here in your room, moping around, when YOU were the one who ignored ME. I was left to wonder what I could have possibly done to hurt you so badly that you just cut me out of your life." She was crying now, the pain from the past ten days resurfacing.
Remus looked at her, seeing the effect his decisions had had on the girl...on his girl. "Y/n I was doing it for your safety. I didn't want you to get hurt." Remus got up from his place at the window, moving towards y/n a little.
"How in Merlin's name would I get hurt? It's not like you'll spontaneously turn into a werewolf!" Y/n exclaimed.
"No I wouldn't, but I was only trying to protect you," Remus explains, looking down at his fiddling hands.
"From what? A bookworm, who folds his socks?!" Y/n yelled.
"No from-"
"Or were you really trying to protect yourself from heartbreak because you thought I wouldn't love you anymore?" Y/n asked calmly, walking to Remus, holding his face in her hand.
Remus sighed, even when he had been avoiding her she still knew exactly what he felt.
"Didn't realise you'd gotten your degree in psychology." Remus chuckled, holding her waist.
"I didn't. I just know you, Lupin. And in case you're wondering how I know, there aren’t many explanations for someone disappearing on a full moon and coming back with cuts all over them."
Remus smiled at his girlfriend, he was happy to have her and now even happier he would never have to let her go.
Warnings: AU, Stupidity, a hurt ankle, cowardly behaviour and love (?)
Summary: only the one who truly loves and trusts the werewolf, can turn him back, before the night ends – Remus hasn’t found the one yet – or did he?
A/N: So, this was requested by @deaconsposts and basically, there is an English myth about werewolves. If someone who loves and trusts the wolf, says his name, he will turn back.
Yes - this is an AU since it does NOT work like that in Harry Potter, though it is such a lovely idea.
--
Remus dreaded one thing more than N.E.W.T.s and OWLs. It was the time of the full moon. Since fifth year his friends kept him company, but he had to lie to so many of his friends – he felt horrible for telling them all those white lies. For example, Y/N – a witch from y/h – undoubtedly one of the kindest people he knew, and yet he lied to her every month.
At first their friendship had only started for academical purpose – they studied, they read and after time they did not only meet for this reason alone. Remus had grown fond of the girl. He had to endure endless teasing from James, Sirius and Peter – and the three of them tried to get him to tell her how much he liked her. Maybe in another life, he would, but his furry little problem was the reason why he would never do that. He couldn’t put this weight on her shoulders.
He and his friends were already awaiting – more like dreading – the full moon, which was hidden behind clouds for now. His thoughts went one last time to the kind h/c haired woman he fell for before he felt extreme pain.
--
Y/N felt bad. It was a full moon night – which meant Remus would have to endure a lot of pain tonight. Officially she didn’t know – but the Marauders were absolutely horrible at hiding it. Calling him Moony – when he misses classes every full moon and comes back heavily injured. Being on the edge days before the moon. She knew after the first few months. But it was painfully obvious.
She noticed how he kept to himself, so slowly Y/N tried to get close to him – helping him, after the full moons by taking notes from the classes he missed. At first, she only did it because she felt bad for him, but as it happened, she started to like his own persona – kind, funny and absolutely adorable. And as it happened, she fell for him.
At first the girl only had a crush but after two years there was no denying it – she was absolutely at his mercy – because she loved him so dearly. It was the little things, how his hair never kept its shape, how he was reading the rules to find loopholes, how he was excelling all classes. Just all the little things that made him himself.
So tonight Y/N wanted to help – and not only by taking his notes. She would try and help him. Her h/c was lighted up by the moonlight – as if the moon was taunting her. She was already near the Shrieking Shack – or rather the Whomping Willow - as it was there to protect the entrance – and she could hear his screams of pain.
The e/c girl had started running, feeling horrible for her friend (and love interest) – she would do anything she could.
She saw something that was surprising, the werewolf (who was Remus) played with a shaggy, black dog, a stag and another animal – probably – she couldn’t see – but wherever Remus, James and Sirius were, Peter was not far.
She got closer and closer and with eyes full of wonder she didn’t register as the werewolf took notice of her. Her e/c eyes had gotten wide with horror, once she saw that the werewolf was heading her way. Tears started streaming down her face. Would that be it?
Before the animal could reach her, the stag threw him out of the way, and as if her brain knew what to do – she ran. What a stupid idea!! What was I thinking, the h/c girl thought to herself. Her feet were carrying her – even though deep down she knew that it was a fight she couldn’t win. No matter what she would do, a werewolf was faster than a human.
And while her thoughts were drifting so much, she didn’t notice the uneven floor and fell hard. Her leg hurt horribly, and even more tears were in her eyes. It didn’t take long before the 4 animals caught up. Finally, she was able to see the forth animal – a rat. How very useful, she thought. Though better than being killed or infected.
Even if the dog, the stag and the rat tried, they were to slow. The wolf was above her and finally, she realized something. This wasn’t some monster, it was her Remus. Even if the girl knew it deep down, now she realized it with every fibre of her being. Before I die, I have to tell him!
“Remus… I know you are somewhere in there. I haven’t told you this, because I was scared, but there is no reason to be. I am in love with you. I know that you, Remus Lupin, would never intentionally hurt me, so I forgive you for everything that will happen.” A small smile graced her lips as she closed her eyes ready to take the hit.
Suddenly she could hear the breaking of bones – and she opened her eyes in horror. The werewolf in front of her was transforming back? How could this be? Sirius – aka Padfoot – James – aka Prongs – and Peter – aka Wormtail – transformed back to their human self.
All of them were littered in cuts and scrapes. But they didn’t care, they watched their best friend transform back, their eyes wide in shock. After finally being back to normal, Remus fell unconscious. “Moony!”, James and Sirius caught him before something could happen.
And while the boys were completely concentrated on the task at hand – which was taking care of Remus – Y/N left.
--
Madame Pomfrey was awaiting them – so were McGonagall and Dumbledore – but they didn’t think they would arrive so early. While the full moon was mockingly shining through the windows – the three adults were staring at the human Remus. “How did this happen? How has he already transformed?” It was an open secret, that the other three Marauders went with Moony – but for obvious reasons, they couldn’t say it.
“We don’t know – we looked out of the Gryffindor Tower and saw someone, so we headed down.”, James lied smoothly.
“There is only ONE way, how he could transform back. There is a myth, that if someone truly trusts and loves the werewolf, he will transform back – if called by his name.”, Dumbledore said – deep in thoughts. “You three – get back to your dorm – you can check upon Remus tomorrow – and because this was an emergency you won’t get detention – but don’t let it happen again.” McGonagall said – her motherly nature to all of the boys obvious.
“Thank you, Professor!”
--
The h/c haired girl arrived at her dorm – quietly but cursing she searched for something that would soother the pain in her ankle – which was already swollen. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she found something and with a quiet whisper, she said the spell that would help her heal. How should she face James, Sirius, Peter and Remus now? And with that thought, she fell asleep in her bed.
--
The following morning, the three boys visited Remus, who surprisingly was already awake. “What happened yesterday – I feel way better than usual after a full moon.” The three boys gave each other looks before Sirius grinned. “You have found your one – the little y/h girl. She was there yesterday – I have no idea why – you chased her and when u got to her, she confessed her love and you turned back. Sadly, she left, before we could talk to her.”
“You are telling me, that Y/N is the one, who turned me back? That’s absolutely impossible!” Remus's face was a little red and not only that, but he also was shocked. “Mr Lupin – since you are perfectly fine this night, I will let you go now. I hope your following months will be as comfortable.” Madam Pomfrey said. “And you lot - get out”, she said in the direction of the three boys.
--
Y/N successfully avoided all of the Marauders. She knew they tried to get to her before breakfast – the solution was to go earlier. Her friend crossed her idea though. She wanted to leave before they would enter, but she didn’t have any luck. Her friend asked her a billion questions about potions – this was the reason why suddenly someone tapped onto her shoulder.
Before her was the sandy-haired boy with the eyes she dreamed about. Suddenly her cheeks felt hot and before she could even process it, her body already knew what to do. A quick “See you”, was shouted to her friend’s direction before she ran off.
Remus just stood there – a little shocked and most definitely confused. Did he do something wrong?
--
The mission of avoiding the four troublemakers had been successful until now – in Charms, she was a bit late, so she sat far from them – in DADA she arrived early and sat next to her fellow y/h friends. But now would be the end of her luck: potions.
In potions, Y/N was paired with Peter – and Remus with her best friend. The worst of all was the potion they would be talking about today. Amortentia. She already knew what she would smell – books, chocolate and a faint smell of wood.
In other words: Remus Lupin.
--
Y/N even thought about not going to the class – but her stupid crush wouldn’t be able to stop her from learning new stuff. They all stood around Professor Slughorn – while he talked about the love potion. In the middle stood a vessel full of Amortentia. “Now, who could tell me a little about the potion in front of us? Y/L/N?” “It’s Amortentia, the strongest love potion in the world – it smells like the person you love and if you drink it, you will fall in love as well.” Y/N felt her cheeks tingle as Remus threw her a look.
“Very good, indeed – 15 points to y/h. Now, Y/N why don’t you come forward and tell us what you smell?” “Sorry Professor, but I caught a cold, and I kind of lost my sense of smell”, Y/N told him a smooth lie. “Well that’s too bad – what about you Mr. Lupin?” Remus only nodded.
He stood above the cauldron and took a smell of the potion. “It smells like a sweet kind of ginger, books and… and kind of like an early morning.” Y/N felt a shock surge through her. That was her smell, she was sure of it, but it couldn’t be.
The hour went by slowly and as soon as the class was dismissed, Y/N wanted to run for it again, but Remus beat her to it. “Can we please talk?”, he sounded absolutely desperate. The h/c girl wanted to say no, she truly did – but with this look in his green eyes, she couldn’t.
With a slight nod, she gave him her agreement and the two of them headed to an empty corridor.
--
“Listen, James and Sirius told me, that it was you. I know they lied, you don’t feel anything for me, so don’t feel bad for it – okay?” Y/N felt complete and utter confusion. “Remus, they weren’t lying, I am completely and utterly in love with you. I just thought you didn’t feel anything for me…” Remus wanted to tell her, that she didn’t need to lie, but before he could, he felt her soft lips on his.
“I only love you, Remus.”
Remus felt like he would cry because he was so happy.
Summary: You are a new professor at Hogwarts. Your students like you, and you are getting along with your colleagues, too. Especially Remus Lupin. The Yule Ball is rushing towards the school, and the competition of requests has begun...
Word Count: 1286
You’ve just had your fifth class today. After the lesson, a handsome 6th year Gryffindor came to your table, and shyly asked if you want to be his date to Yule Ball. „Uhm... Hey, Professor L/N. I was wondering, if you could maybe... come to the Yule Ball with me?” I liked the boy, he was active in my classes and respectful to me, but... I didn’t really support the idea of going to the Ball with a student. „Hi, James. Thank you for asking, you are very kind, but I am afraid I can’t go to the Yule Ball with one of my students.” He was the second person who I rejected today. I don’t understand, I am not that pretty… I never was. Is that I am younger than the avarage? But if they think like that, they would be asking students. Is it because of my kindness? Does kindness have that much power? But no, it makes no sense. I am not the only kind one in here. Something flat and hard woke me up from my thoughts. Something that I bumped into. I looked up, and I saw the familiar, beautiful hazel eyes looking at me in worry. „Y/N, are you okay???” I realized, I hit the huge back of Remus. „Of course. I am sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” I smiled. He smiled back at me. „Do you want to have lunch with me?” I nodded, „Yes, anytime.” We headed to the Great Hall. It was obvious for him that I am in a good mood. „Why is the big smile? Did anything good happen?” He knows me well. We have known each other since September, but he just knows me so well. „I would say surprising. It’s the 3rd of December, and two boys have already asked me to the Ball! Actually, they both asked me today.”
Remus POV
When she told me two boys have already asked her, I almost fainted. Is this going to be that hard? A competiton? I expected some of them trying… She is breathtaking… But 2 already?! I thought while I freaked out inside. „D-Did you accept?” She glanced at me. „I did.” I almost threw my food. „Really?!” I shot my head in her direction. „No, dummy, why would I accept a students request? They can’t be my date. I talked about it with Dumbledoor.” I calmed down immediately, and started eating again. „You are jealous.” She chuckled at the realisation. „What?” She knows me so well. We have known each other, for like, three months? But she knows me so well. „You are so obvious. Your words can deny jealousy, but your actions can’t.” „I wasn’t. I already have a date.” The joy in her eyes suddenly disappeared. „Oh. Okay then. Congartulations!” She went silent after that, and only fake smiled when she greeted someone. „Hey, you are jealous.” She looked at me, and rolled her eyes. „I actually don’t have a date.” Suddenly she looked back at me. „What?” „See, you are jealous too.” She formed a cheeky evil smile, like she is going to say the best comeback ever. „Too. Jealous, too. Seems like you can’t deny your words eighter.” Damn.
Y/N POV
The Ball is in a week! I am excited, but I am scared. A lot of students asked me to be their date, but it’s still a no. The point is, I may be a schoolboy crush, but I am no more than that. Right now, it looks like I am going to the Ball alone. It breaks my heart a little… First time as a teacher, and I won’t have a partner. Cool. To be honest with myself, it breaks my heart that Remus didn’t ask me. He probably has a partner. I was walking down the corridors, it was bedtime for the students. Only some prefects and teachers rushed there, due to their work. Then I met Gilderoy Lockhart. „Hey, Y/N! What’s up?” He had that big ’charming’ smile of his on. I don’t understand why it is so special. He is not ugly, but not the gorgeous prince I am waiting for eighter. A face came into my mind while I was thinking that… I have been thinking of my gorgeous prince all day. „Hi! I am just heading to my office. I have some tests to grade, but I am not late with them.” „I see…” He hesitated a little, but he got his confidence back just as soon as it went away. „So, sweetheart, I was wondering… If you have a date already to the Yule Ball?” Sweetheart, huh? Nice ways, Lockhart. „Oh, I actually-„ „She does.” Said a deep voice coming from behind me. „Y/N, please come with me right now. I need to talk to you.” I turned around, and it was Remus, for my biggest surprise. I didn’t recognise his voice… It’s usually not that deep. “But Lupin, what is so important? Don’t you see we are having a conversation? And anyways, how do you know if anyone has asked her, or not?” Said Gilderoy, with a little angry, or more likely bothered expression. „That’s none of your business, Lockhart.” With that, he dragged me by the arm and pulled me to his office. „What was that?!” I asked with a little too loud tone. „Oh, don’t tell me you want to be his date.” Did he rally drag me here just to make sure I am alone? Because Lockhart is not my type? Really? „Well, since no fucking one asked me to be their date, I do want to go with him.” I was shouting at this point. Then I lowered my tone and escaped his hold. „Now excuse me, I will search my date to tell him yes.” I went towards the door angrily, But Remus jumped between me and it. „I am sorry for my behaviour, Y/N. I didn’t know you mind if I steal you from Lockhart.” „Wait, what?” He looked up at me, because he has been staring at the ground. „Well, I was just hoping you would want to… be my date.” He was clearly embarassed. „Is that a question?” He nodded. „Then yes, I want to be.” I smiled at him, and actually, regretted yelling at him. He looked in disbelief, like he needs to make sure that he heard it right. So I nodded at him, giggling this time at how cute he was. He realised my answer and suddenly hugged me, half-picking me up. Then he realised what he’s just done, and let me go. „I am sorry, I just didn’t think-„ I hugged him and put my head on his shoulder. And he hugged me back. „I am sorry for the shouting. It’s not about Lockhart… I was just in a bad mood, because nobody asked me and it’s in a week.” He let me go from the hug and looked in my eyes, but I tried to avoid his gaze. „Look at me. It’s not true that nobody asked you. Literally almost the whole sixth year did. And a lot of fifth years were talking about you, in my class. What’s the matter? Because it’s not that.” Finally, I looked up at him. „Well… I actually wanted you to ask me, but I thought you had a date already.” I laughed a little in embarassment, that sentence was so childish. „Oh, honey.” He laughed with me. Then he continued with a flirty tone, „Who is the jealous one now?” „Well, who dragged me out of a conversation just to save his date, Mr. Jealous?” „Fine. But you were jealous all day because of overthinking that I had a date, Mrs. Jealous.” „Fine.” We laughed together…
When you and Remus went upstairs to his dormroom, you knew where things would end. It was just a party at the Gryffindor common room, you had a bit of a drink (but not too much, you were pretty sober actually), and you and him had been together for a couple weeks now. You never had sex before, but honestly, it was just a matter of time.
You were sitting with some friends when he grabbed you by the hand and slowly pulled you to a more private couch. You were talking about some random stuff, but he wasn't even trying to pretend being interested. He kissed your neck gently, his lips sliding in your skin. This kind of behavior was pretty rare when it comes to Remus, so you nicely asked:
"Did you drink something?" He sucked slowly a part of your skin in a specially sensitive spot, making you bristle.
"Of course I didn't, I don't need to drink to find you beautiful." You smiled with the corner of your mouth. "And possibly hot" he finished, blushing because of what he said (a shy boy, after all)
You raised an eyebrow: "Possibly?"
He only smiled, the red on his cheeks getting a little more obvious as your lips searched for his and you kissed. It didn't take long until he placed his lips on the other side of your neck. You could no longer resist after some time with him kissing your neck like that, so you searched for his lips, kissing him hardly, your hands pulling the fabric of his shirt closer. His hands were already under your shirt, holding your waist firmly. You felt as he pulled the fabric from your shoulder, kissing there, teasing you.
He only got happier as you reacted taking your hands to his back and scratching there, and looked for your lips again, your tongues colliding. You kissed all his jaw and started getting down on his neck. He held a small moan as you sucked the skin, and you were about to sit in his lap when he asked if you wanted to go upstairs. You didn't hesitate to answer. He locked eyes for a second with James (the only Marauder that could be seen, who was hitting on Lily) and got up, holding your hand.
He showed you his bed and the moment you sat in it you pulled him to you, you two laying with him over you. You started messing with his neck again and getting space under his shirt, that two minutes later was already on the floor. You knew he was ashamed of his scars, and he gave you that look that meant 'please dont look at me too much'.
You rolled over him, sitting on his hip, feeling him hard between your legs. Lowering your kisses, you made sure to kiss the scars he hated so much, and he enjoyed as you were on top to take of your shirt and a second later, your bra. The way he admired your breasts, then pulling you closer so he could kiss them, made you feel pretty.
He first kissed your collarbone, softly, his left hand getting to your nipple as he did that. He held it between his fingers and pressed it softly, but enough to make you moan for the first time. In the mean time, his mouth found it's way to your other nipple, where he kissed roughly, sucking it and circulating it with his tongue. Another moan escaped, and you scratched his chest softly.
His free hand went to your ass, and he pulled you, rubbing you against his hard cock, and this time he was the one who moaned.
-God, let me take these off. - you said, opening his jeans. You left his hip for only a second to pull them down, and he kicked them out completely. He was wearing blue boxers as you got on top of his hip again, now the underwear between you. He was pretty quick in turning you again, getting over you for the second time.
He kissed you in the lips hardly as his fingers went down from your belly to your panties. He kissed the one nipple he hadn't kissed yet as he lowered your underwear, exposing you for him. His fingers slowly touched you, feeling how wet you were. First, he rubbed gently your clit, making you almost lose your mind, because he was doing it so slowly. Then, you felt two fingers sliding into you, and finding a rhytm as he fingered you.
It took you a while to get back to what was going on because feeling him do that was a huge pleasure. You went straight to his underwear and got his cock out, starting to masturbate him too. He groaned against your nipple as he felt your fingers holding him and your thumb kindly rubbing the head of his cock. His lips sucked a little harder, and you felt the harmony between his mouth in your breast and his fingers inside you.
-Remus, please, now.
He didn't hesitate. His hand got a condom from the drawer and he put it on quickly, rubbing your clit one last time just to see you bristle before he got inside you.
-Babe, you're so warm, you have no idea. - he said, finally entirely inside you. You could feel your own walls pressing him as he slid in and out, first slowly and then, as you requested, a little more violently. Your hands were on his back scratching him and ocasionally pulling his waist against you, and you let your lips find their way to his neck, leaving behind some hickeys.
The feeling of him inside getting in and out of you like that, and his whole body above you, and his lips as he searched for your mouth, and oh god the rhythm
-I won't last much longer. - you warned. It made him smile and get inside you a little harder, his hips colliding with yours.
-Cum for me, then, love. Cum. - he said against your ear. You felt the pleasure slide out of you as it came, strongly. The warmth of your cum made you even more wet and Remus couldn't resist to that. Just a minute later, he came inside the condom, sliding in and out of you one last time.
-God, baby. - he said, laying with you and pulling you closer, as he kissed your cheek. - You're great
----- Classical Mischief
Ask me anything: imagines, oneshots, blurbs, smuts, whatever you want. Take any ship from HP.
The first time you came to Hogwarts you were 18, freshly graduated from a different school, and about to start a 6 month long artist residency. Not only did you learn how to paint portraits that move, but you also became close friends with the marauders. You would have never guessed that 15 years later you’d return to Hogwarts, commissioned to paint each faculty member’s portrait, and be reunited with Remus Lupin as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Read on A03 here!
||Word Count 6.5K ||
Warnings: PTSD
Story Chapters-
PART I - PART II - PART III - PART IV - PART V - PART VI - PART VII - PART VIII - PART IX - PART X - PART XI - PART XII - PART XIII -
Request Chapters-
PART I - PART II - PART III
|| Author’s Note || Make sure you got some snacks, some beverages, and a cozy amount of time cause this is a long, drama filled chapter. Tuck in! I hope you love it... because they drama train just started and it won't be stopping soon. Trans women are women. Though many people love the world of Harry Potter, J K Rowling has been making problematic statements for a long time and I am glad to see people taking her most recent ignorance seriously, as the gross, transphobic, hate speech that it is.
There is so much beloved content that contains problematic, dangerous or inappropriate elements. Or, the author sucks. If we don’t learn to accept the good content while learning to acknowledge, highlight, and stand against the problematic content, we are throwing away most of the creative stories in our world. And that’s a shame, I’d rather we reclaim it and make it better. So even though this is Harry Potter fan fiction, I stand up for trans people and specifically trans women. Any trans folks and gender queer folks who are here, reading, as I ramble on- Hi. You are welcome here. Thanks for giving me your time. <3
You couldn't let yourself finish Remus' portrait. Even though it was the first one you had started, even though you had already completed a handful of others, every time you went to add the final details you stopped yourself- wishing to preserve the satisfaction of finishing it until the very end, like the favorite part of a good meal.
"Neville! Where are you going?" You heard a voice call from the corridor.
You realized then that there was a boy peering in from your door way, watching you paint. "Oh!" You exclaimed, smiling. "Hello there!"
"Hello!" Neville replied, blushing. Neville glanced nervously back at the girl that had called to him.
"What are your names?" You asked, putting down your paint brush.
"I am Hermione." The girl replied as she walked closer to you, glancing around your room. "And this is Neville."
"It is nice to meet you both." You replied, entertained by how curious Neville and Hermione were. "Are either of you interested in art?"
They both took a few steps into your room to better look at the paintings. "It's not something I've learned much of yet." Hermione admitted as Neville jumped away from Snape's portrait.
"No?" You turned to her. "I suppose that's not surprising- magical trades aren't written about too much to protect the business."
"Then how do you learn?" She asked, distressed.
"You have to find someone to teach you, or figure it out yourself!" You replied, unable to help but smile as your answer seemed to fluster her even more.
"Like, an apprenticeship?" Neville asked as he nervously waved at McGonagall's portrait. "Do you have an apprentice?"
Chuckling, you shook your head. "No I don't! Maybe one day when I've learned enough." You watched as Hermione keenly studied your work. She smiled as her eyes fell on Hagrid's portrait, with Fang's head resting lovingly on Hagrid's knee.
"Are you friends with Hagrid?" She asked.
"Yes! You are too, right? I think I saw you leaving his home when I visited a while ago."
"I am but-" Hermione's smile faded into pout. "He is at the ministry right now, for Buckbeak's trial? I have been trying to help make a case, but I know Hagrid's really worried."
You were consumed by an urge to reassure Hermione that she shouldn't worry but you knew that Hagrid and Buckbeak faced many odds. Both she and Neville jumped as the final bell rang for class.
"Oh Neville! We can't be late!" Hermione called as she made her way to your door. "Thank you!" She nodded to you before pulling herself and Neville out of your room.
-X-
There was a knock on your bedroom door. It didn't matter that it was soft, it still caused you to gasp in fear and nearly fall out of bed. You righted yourself, taking a deep grounding breath before calling out, "Yes?"
Peter Pettigrew's mother opened your door, holding her wand over a floating tray that carried porridge and tea. "Good morning." She greeted quietly as she levitated the tray over to the corner of your bed. "Peter told me that you arrived last night. I am his mother, Enid. It is such a pleasure to meet you."
"Oh- this is so kind of you." You start, introducing yourself. "Thank you again for taking me in."
"Not at all!" Enid dismissed with a wave of her hand. You felt yourself brace as you fought the instinct to flinch. "Of course I am so happy to finally meet you. Peter has been telling me about you for such a long time! You really are very special to him."
Even though she'd just woken you up, you already felt tired. You hadn't realized that your hands had been shaking, you pushed them under the blanket and hoped Enid had not noticed.
Enid left you to your breakfast, closing the door behind her. The lock sliding into the door frame echoed in your ears as if a train had rushed past. You took in the simple, serene bedroom and felt annoyance rise up in you. Everything felt too still. The annoyance quickly turned to panic as you looked out the bedroom window into a vast expanse of green rolling hills and wildlife. It felt as if there were no walls around you, your skin prickled as you came to feel harshly exposed, vulnerable. Your heart rattled in your chest.
Your hand came to rest on top of Sirius' letter, instantly bringing you back to a calmer place. You sunk into the bed, hugging the crinkled letter as you looked out into the world beyond the window, teary eyed.
-X-
"-hasn't touched any food, hasn't left that room. I'm sure seeing you will make things a little easier, Peter!"
Peter didn't bother knocking on your bedroom door. He opened it with bravado, causing you to flinch as he wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug. "You're here!" He cooed, squeezing you tightly.
"Thank you for taking me in-" You breathed as Peter let you go, holding your shoulders at arm's length to get a better look at you. It was hard to meet him in the eye, self consciousness overwhelmed you, you couldn't stop thinking about how you would now always be looked at as someone harmed and marked by the war.
"Don't be ridiculous! Of course you are welcome here, right mum?" Peter glanced back at Enid, who nodded enthusiastically.
"Peter is our protector!" She chuckled.
A pang of guilt rang through you as you suddenly thought of Remus, James, Sirius and Lily and how much you missed them, how much more comfortable you might have been. Enid was kind, but it was hard to relax around Peter's anxious disposition, you hardly had the energy to interact as it was.
"Protector?" Peter laughed, a familiar nervousness coming into his voice. He glanced up at you several times, seeing if you would agree. All you could manage was a faint smile.
-X-
You watched the beams of moonlight pass over the grassy hills outside your window, lulled calm by the occasional owl song. It was easier on your nerves to sleep through the day and be awake overnight, it allowed you to be changed by grief gently. Your eyes were only half open as the moon rose high in the night sky, before something caught your attention. Over a distant hill you noticed a white deer flanked by two white orbs.
Rising from your bed, you walked over to the window as the deer came closer. Soon enough you could see that it wasn't a white deer at all, but silvered wisps of glowing magic woven into the shape and behavior of a deer. It glowed softly, as if magnifying the moonlight that bounced off of it. It took you until the deer was at your window to notice that its presence had calmed you so profoundly that you weren't shaking, breathing irregularly, or crying for the first time in days.
You smiled at it, pushing your fingertips against the glass. You were too enchanted by its serenity to be weary of the magic. The deer's nose met your fingertips on the other side of the glass. Then, the two orbs that had followed the deer passed through your window. You sat back on the bed, watching as the orbs whirled airily through your room before settling down beside you.
One of the orbs brightened. You could hear Remus' voice come from it. He said your name, his voice scratchy as if he hadn't spoken aloud in a while. "Dumbledore figured out that we can summon patronuses as a safe way of communicating with each other.” The orb flickered faintly as he spoke. “It is much safer than other forms of communication because it cannot be intercepted or meddled with. So you should expect to see these come to you from time to time. I wanted to tell you that-'' The orb wavered in the air, as if hesitant, “How much I wish- Seeing you again had been under better circumstances. I am grateful- so, so grateful to the Longbottoms for taking you in, but I admit that I wished it could have been me. I wished I could have been more for you, the other day, than a ferryman. I am sorry that our time together was brief… I am disappointed in myself for having been short with you. It’s just that if I had acted like I wanted to- I don’t know if I could have let you out of my sight… and my selfishness wouldn’t have helped you, or kept you safe and that is the priority. At least now you’re with Peter! You get to be with someone familiar, dependable. I hope you know how much we all miss you, how jealous we are of Peter, how desperate we are for the day when we can each share in your kindness, your radiance. Keep going. Don’t let yourself flicker out.”
You felt your eyes sting with hot tears as Remus’ patronus dissipated, ebbing away like the smoke from a newly extinguished candle. But you didn’t have time to think about everything Remus had managed to communicate, as the second orb flared brightly.
“Right, so I really twisted Moony’s pants in a bunch when I sent you that letter. He got so mad at me for compromising you and the Longbottoms that for a moment I thought he might… I dunno! Hex me? Duel me? Well, try to anyway! We all know who would win that. But I digress! I am ordained by our darling friends to speak to you however much I please as long as I do it this way. But I wanted to write you letters… I’m sure you have the one I sent you folded up in your sketchbook or something. I know you like that sort of thing."
As Sirius’s patronus continued to talk, you noticed it floated near where his eye level would have been if only he was there. It comforted you to feel as if there was really a part of him in the room with you.
"Sooner than you think," He continued, "I will see you again. Until then, these little... orbs of joy will have to suffice."
You closed your eyes, smiling to yourself as you let Remus and Sirius' words sink in. It was as if you had just realized that your friends hadn't forgotten about you- but of course they hadn't, they were the reason you were safe now.
You looked towards the doe, which leapt over the sill of the window soundlessly and stood in front of you. Its large silver eyes looked up into your face as a wave of calm affection washed over you. “Lily…?” You whispered, you reached your hand to touch the deer’s face. The patronus pushed into your hand lovingly.
You waited for Lily’s patronus to start speaking but it never happened. You pet the top of the doe’s head until your eyelids grew heavy with sleep. It was nice to feel properly tired, refreshing even. You fell to lay on your side, half covered by the sheets. Lily’s doe came to lay beside you, resting her head over your hip. Your senses blurred over as you fell into a dreamless sleep.
-X-
“Peter!” You called out the next morning, stepping out of your bedroom as you finished buttoning your shirt. “Peter!” You heard rushed footsteps from down the hall and then Peter appeared from around the corner, looking alarmed.
“Bloody hell you scared me-“ He wheezed, leaning on his knees. “What is it?”
You grinned at him, “Last night I got messages from Lily, Sirius, and Remus by patronus!”
“Oh-“ Peter wheezed, drawing himself back up to standing straight. "That's all?"
“Well I figured that it would be good of me to reply in kind? You know?”
“Brilliant.” Peter agreed, squinting at you confusedly, “Why not?”
“Well that’s just it-“ You start, stepping closer to him, “I don’t know how.”
“Oh right, you would like me to teach you?”
“Well of course!” You laughed, which caused Peter to shrink a little.
“Go on then.” Peter nodded in the direction of the kitchen, “Mum’s got breakfast cooking but after we can start.”
-X-
“You have to think of something… perfect.” Peter explained, as he led you out into the back yard. Leaves crunched beneath your feet as the wind swept through, causing the grass to ripple around you. “A memory, something precious, something that makes you smile, something important.”
“Oh, just that?” You teased, even as you began to get tense with nerves.
“You’ll think of something.” Peter shrugged. He didn’t make a very compelling argument. Peter seemed quite anxious himself, playing with the bottom button of his shirt in one hand and clenching his wand in the other.
You looked up to the swaying branches of a nearby apple tree, listening to the leaves as the wind pushed, pulled, and then pushed again. What was your happiest memory? The first drawing that came to life? Graduating? Being so cozy your first time on the Hogwarts express you fell asleep? You winced reflexively as you remembered the time you got bit by a coal mite and tried to hide it from James and Sirius.
Was it one of the many times Remus stopped by the gardener’s cottage by himself? The time he visited and, amidst the midnight sun, made you hot chocolate?
Was it dancing? The night James and Lily married? The relief you secretly felt in seeing them all again, reassured that your camaraderie didn’t end with their graduation?
Was it Sirius’s letter?
“Alright.” You nod to Peter, “I think I’ve got something.”
“Good! Um- hold on to that. Really think about it, all the details you can muster.”
“Okay.”
“Then you’re going to say, ‘Expecto Patronum’!” Peter flicked his wand out in front of him, almost as if drawing a sword. You mimicked the movement, saying the spell under your breath.
Silver light burst from Peter’s wand, pooling and forming in mid air into the shape of a rat.
-X-
Snape had avoided you since your confrontation in December. You did not know if that was because he was ashamed of how he behaved, disappointed in you, or a combination of the two. Part of you was curious to know his mind, but the thought that consumed you was how wildly inappropriate he had acted towards Remus. Any curiosity or sympathy you had for Severus died with the reminder of how he had conducted himself in front of you.
You remembered how, when you had first met Remus and his friends during your residency, they eluded to a time when their relationship with Snape was immature and contentious, but it had seemed by their graduating year, the most they wanted out of Severus was distance. You had always tried giving Snape the benefit of the doubt, not sharing whatever experiences they had undergone with him, but now you wondered if this was the same sort of behavior that had incensed Sirius, Peter, James and Remus in their adolescence.
Even Remus had noticed that you were less friendly around Snape. There were occasions during supper where you struggled to look Severus in the eye, or you'd be curt with him in the faculty lounge, and Remus would later tell you how miserable Snape seemed in his post, and how he often was harder on Harry than other students.
You were walking over to check in on The Fat Lady when you saw Snape walk urgently past you and down the corridor. You frowned, something in his expression seemed wrong, desperate. Your first thought that Sirius had been sighted again. You quietly began to follow him from a safe, unassuming distance. You stopped when you heard Snape speak.
"So," You heard Snape say, quietly, voice brimming with irritation. "Come with me, Potter."
You watched as Snape and Harry headed towards his office down in the dungeons. There was a sinking feeling deep inside of your chest... something about Snape's expression frantic, unhinged. It reminded you of how he acted the night you two fought. You checked your watch, Remus would be finishing up his work for the day by now.
"Remus-" You gasped, out of breath from rushing through the castle. "I need you to check on Harry."
"What? What happened?" Remus asked. He stood quickly from his chair, betraying the calm in his voice.
"I'm not sure... it's just that Severus brought him into his office and... I don't know exactly, I don't have a good feeling about it at all.”
Remus softened then, shaking his head at you with a reassuring smile. "You can't help but to fuss over young Harry, can you?"
Heat rose to your cheeks as you frowned, shaking your head. You were about to refute him but were interrupted by a voice coming from Remus’ fireplace.
"Lupin!" Severus hissed, "I want a word!"
"I suppose you're getting your way." Remus chuckled and leaned over to kiss the top of your head. Then he stepped into the fire and disappeared from his office.
As soon as Remus was gone you stood up, glancing to the door. Were you being fussy? Overprotective? You stood there contemplating your impulses and couldn’t help but think of Lily. She wouldn’t mind if you cared about Harry… right? She would want it. She would want people to look out for her son.
You rushed back out of Remus' office, down the stairs that lead to the dungeons, until you stood at the end of the corridor that led to Snape's office. Your heart pounded in your chest, you couldn't help but wonder why you were forcing yourself to race up and down the castle, why you were so certain that Harry needed help.
"Well? ...Well? This parchment is plainly full of Dark Magic. This is supposed to be your area of expertise, Lupin. Where do you imagine Potter got such a thing?"
You neared Snape’s office as quietly as you could, frowning at what you could hear. Was Snape inferring that Remus was giving Harry dangerous magical objects?
"Full of Dark Magic?" Remus repeated mildly. Unlike you, Remus reacted coolly, as if they were talking about next week's weather. "Do you really think so, Severus? It looks to me as though it is merely a piece of parchment that insults anybody who reads it. Childish, but surely not dangerous? I imagine Harry got it from a joke shop-"
"Indeed? You think a joke shop could supply him with such a thing? You don't think it more likely that he got it directly from the manufacturers?"
"You mean by Mr. Wormtail or one of these people?" Remus asked. Your eyes widened as shock went through you. Wormtail? You hadn't heard that nickname in so long, and for Remus to ask as if he really didn't know made your heart ache- "Harry, do you know any of these men?"
"No," You heard Harry reply quickly.
"You see, Severus? It looks like a Zonko product to me-"
Your head turned up in the direction of feet running down the corridor to see Harry's red headed friend push himself into Snape's office. "I-gave-Harry-that-stuff," He breathed raggedly, "Bought-it... in Zonko's... ages-ago..."
"Well!" Said Lupin with a highly amused tone, you could hear him clap his hands together. "That seems to clear that up! Severus, I'll take this back, shall I? Harry, Ron, come with me, I need a word about my vampire essay- excuse us, Severus-"
Lupin and the boys headed in the opposite direction from you down the corridor towards the entrance hall. You caught the young, triumphant grins spreading over Harry and Ron's faces. They didn't seem to notice that Remus's jaw ticked with anger.
"Professor!" Harry started, looking up at Remus, "I-"
"I don't want to hear explanations," Remus replied shortly. You ducked behind an open door as he turned to glance around the corridor. Although Lupin lowered his voice, you could still hear him. "I happen to know that this map was confiscated by Mr. Filch many years ago. Yes, I know it's a map, I don't want to know how it fell into your possession. I am, however, astounded that you didn't hand it in. Particularly after what happened the last time a student left information about the castle lying around. And I can't let you have it back, Harry."
"Why did Snape think I'd got it from the manufacturers?"
"Because..." You could hear the strain in Remus's voice, "because these mapmakers would have wanted to lure you out of school. They'd think it extremely entertaining."
"Do you know them?" Harry asked, impressed. You cringed a little bit as you saw Remus's whole body stiffen with the lack of severity Harry was giving to the situation.
"We've met," He replied curtly, "Don't expect me to cover up for you again, Harry. I cannot make you take Sirius Black seriously. But I would have thought that what you have heard when the dementors draw near you would have had more of an effect on you. Your parents gave their lives to keep you alive, Harry. A poor way to repay them- gambling their sacrifice for a bag of magic tricks."
Remus’s last words seemed to strike both Harry and Ron like a bludger. Lupin walked away swiftly, not looking back at them, in the direction of the faculty rooms. Ron and Harry began to make their way up towards the Hogwarts Dormitory heads bent down in shame.
You stepped closer to Snape’s office door and peered in. For a fraction of a second, you could see Severus sitting at his desk, massaging his brow, shoulders bent, but that vulnerability evaporated the moment Severus noticed that he wasn’t alone.
“Well,” Snape sneered, “if you’re here to save precious Harry Potter from the likes of me, you are too late.”
“Severus,” You start, your tone far more grave than usual, “You can’t keep doing this.”
Snape glanced at you venomously.
“You can’t treat Harry like that. You can’t treat him like James. He is a child, Severus, he doesn’t know- he doesn’t know anything.”
“I think this conversation is finished.” Severus hissed.
“No it’s not. You need to stop doing this. You need to treat Harry like every other student, you need to treat Remus like every other faculty member, or you’re going to-“
"Going to what?" Snape retorted bitterly, standing from his desk. "You think I need to hear your thoughts? The thoughts of a person who Harry Potter hardly knows exist? The thoughts of someone who knew his father and Lily for a fraction of their lives? I am his professor, a permanent faculty member of this school, which is spending a seemingly bottomless amount of resources and energy to keep him alive, despite his best attempts to throw it away. I have been witness to Harry's behavior for four years now, and you? Is that all it takes to become a guardian- seven months of proximity? Don't embarrass yourself any further and please, leave."
"Severus..." You shook your head, frowning. "Why do you always react as if- this isn't about hurting your feelings."
"LEAVE." Severus seethed, his dark eyes bright with emotion.
You leaned against the door to his office, watching his brow tremble with what you could only guess was fury towards you. Was there a point to continuing this? Snape glared at you as you took another step back, sighing. There wasn't any more for you to say.
You left the dungeons and headed back towards Remus's rooms slowly. You felt uncomfortable having inserted yourself so intensely into Harry's business, Remus's and Snape's too. Your throat felt tight as you wondered if any of it had been the right choice.
Falling onto Remus's bed with a sigh, your body relaxed as you watched the setting sun cast weak rays through the air. You closed your eyes and took a big breath. You couldn't stop thinking of Lily. A smile spread over your lips as you day dreamed of what a protective mother she would be, how she'd strike the fear of the universe into Snape if she could have. If she was here, Severus would have never started treating Harry like that.
The bedroom door opened then, followed by Lupin's light, slow footsteps. "Oh good, you're here." He said softly, coming to sit beside you on the bed. You turned your head to look at Remus, noticing that the parchment he had taken from Harry was still tightly clasped in his hand. When Remus saw your eyes fall to it, his hand relaxed.
"I couldn't help but go back down to the dungeons when Snape called you in." You started, voice soft in the quiet of the room. Remus lifted an eyebrow to you as you continued, "I was curious to see if I had been paranoid or if Severus really was overreacting."
"Yes and no." Remus sighed, he looked exhausted. He leaned his elbows to his knees, shoulders hunched. "I think Harry is still ignorant to how dangerous Sirius is and he is trivializing his safety. But-" Remus considered, shaking his head, "That's not why Snape is hard on him. He just finds Harry as intolerable as James, from what I can glean."
"How dangerous we think Black is..." You spoke your thoughts aloud before you realized you had. Remus's eyes darted to you.
"How dangerous... we think Black is?" He repeated incredulously. Remus turned to face you completely. "How could you say that?"
You sat up on your elbows, surprised by Remus' sudden change to you. He looked at you like how he had just been looking at Harry. "I've told you how I feel." You explain, working to keep your voice calm. "That I have doubts- that I feel unsure that we understand it all."
"Even so," Remus responded, his face reddening, "Even if you think that, is it truly worth the risk of being less careful?"
"Remus-" You start, wilting a little at his anger, but you couldn't get another word in.
"I'd like to know what gives you so much doubt." Remus continued, voice rough with emotion, "I'd like to understand how you and I could look at this situation so differently. It can't just be that your drawings contradict Black's behavior. You must have something better than that."
Your mouth fell open. You stuttered, trying to respond, but you were so taken aback with his ferocity that you struggled to think at all. "Well..." You swallowed dryly, "I think that Dumbledore empathizes with my doubt."
"Empathizes with your doubt?" Remus repeated critically. He spoke your name as if trying to conjure a more realistic version of you into being, "What is the other option? To tell you that you might be onto something? Did you really sit there and tell Dumbledore your conspiracy?"
You had to blink back a few tears, a mixture of surprise, shame and anger overtaking you. A tapping against the bedside window broke both yours and Remus's concentration as the two of you looked over to see a delivery owl waiting on the sill for one of you to open the window. Reaching over, you unlocked the window and held open your hand. The owl looked between you and Remus before holding its leg out to you. Gently untying the letter, you gave the owl a pat on the head in thanks before it flew up in the direction of the owlery.
Unfolding the letter, you frustratedly wiped some tears from your eyes before glancing at Remus, who's haughty glare was slowly beginning to soften as you allowed some time to develop in the quiet wake of his last words.
Taking a large, shaky breath you decided to finish your thought to Remus before reading the letter. "I never told you Sirius was innocent. I never told you that I was planning, in any way, to impede the protections built for Harry, or to give him any reason to dismiss the severity of this." You fought to keep your expression neutral as you continued, "No matter the reason, Sirius Black is here and he is doing a good job at putting all of Hogwarts's resources to rubbish in the attempt to find Harry, and that is very concerning. But it also seems that Sirius himself is not well, and I seem to be the only person on Earth who wants to know why a man who spent his life actively countering the bigotry and danger of pure bloods, Death Eaters and You-Know-Who would suddenly become a deranged killer. Even if Sirius Black is a spy, a traitor, and a murderer there is no worse, lazier reason than 'just because.'"
Remus listened to you, never making an attempt to reply. As you spoke, you saw color rise in his cheeks and his eyes turn bloodshot with tears. Despite this change, you did your best to press on with your explanation.
"The Sirius Black you and I knew would have rather destroyed himself than betray James, Lily, Harry and Peter. Sirius admitted to the crime, he was swept away to Azkaban, and that was… that? Doesn’t that feel convenient? We-“ you paused to take another shaky breath, “We both knew that the Ministry was full of Death Eaters at the time-“
Remus breathed your name, as if it was in itself an apology.
“You Know Who disappears with the death of our friends, the orphaning of Harry, and no one wonders? Wouldn’t it have made more sense if some had been skeptical? Yes? Everyone who had any say, unanimously agreed that Sirius was just evil all along? When has the Ministry ever fully agreed on anything?”
“You’re not saying he isn’t guilty,” Remus interpreted carefully, “You’re saying that what appeared to be true was not challenged, and, due to his erratic behavior now, you are curious what his intentions are, but you still fear him.”
“Yes!” You sigh, squeezing his hand back, “And I’d rather not be ridiculed for it by the man I-“ You stopped yourself from speaking, turning your attention to the letter still half unfolded in your hand. Remus seemed too bleary to notice, instead he climbed over to you, pushing his forehead against your neck.
“I apologize for losing my temper, for not accepting your answers with the same grace you show me.” Remus said, his breath tickling your skin.
You leaned your head against his. “Thank you.” You accepted quietly, your hand coming up to run your fingers through his hair. Remus closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around your middle.
“What does the letter say?” He mumbled into your neck.
You finished unfolding it and began to try to read what was relayed through the tear stained ink.
Hello you two,
We lost. I'm allowed to bring him back to Hogwarts.
Execution date to be fixed.
Beaky has enjoyed London.
Thanks for being there for me through this all.
Hagrid
It felt strange to be going to Hagrid’s after such a heated conversation with Remus, but he insisted on joining you. It was quickly becoming dark as the two of you crossed the grounds, heading for the light of Hagrid's home. With the curfew in place, there wasn't a student to be seen, and Remus held onto your hand tightly the entire walk over.
You knocked against Hagrid’s front door softer than you would have normally. You could hear Hagrid start in surprise before getting up to open the door.
"Blimey-" He said, looking down at you and Remus with a tear stained face, "Wasn't expectin' any social calls tonight."
"Oh Hagrid-" You start, wrapping your arms around his middle the best you could, you gave him a squeeze. "If you'd rather be alone tonight we understand."
"No! No no, Beaky likes company, as do I, of course." Hagrid patted your shoulder gently as you hugged him, before ushering you both into his home. Off to the side of the fire, Buckbeak slept on a pile of hay and on the opposite side of the cabin Fang laid underneath Hagrid's kitchen table, staring at Beaky. "Cowardly pup," Hagrid started, gesturing to Fang, "Hasn't gotten used to Beaky bein' in the house, not one bit. Anyways, I'll make tea."
You and Remus found seats around Hagrid's hearth and soon enough Hagrid came to join you, bearing tea and treacle tarts.
"You two don't look much better than I do." Hagrid squinted as he sat down. "What's wrong with you lot?"
Remus glanced at you, half smiling before answering. "Just the inevitable conversations about Black." He explained, "We never really got the chance to talk about it in all of these years."
"Pah," Hagrid shook his head, "Still boils my blood to think I helped him."
Both you and Remus reacted with surprise, jerking your heads to Hagrid. You nervously glanced at Remus, worried that he would disintegrate on the spot with emotional exhaustion, but you were surprised to see that he looked keenly interested. "Helped him?" Remus asked carefully.
"Not like that-" Hagrid quickly assured, waving his hand. "I met him though, I musta bin the last ter see him before he killed all them people! It was me that rescued Harry from Lily an' James's house after they was killed! Jus' got him outta the ruins, poor little thing, with a great slash across his forehead, an' his parents dead... and Sirius Black turns up, on that flyin' motorbike he use ter ride. Never occurred to me what he was doin' there. I didn' know he'd bin Lily and James's Secret-Keeper. Though he'd jus' heard the news o' You-Know-Who's attack an' come ter see what he could do. White an' shakin', he was..."
As Hagrid continued to share his story, you reached your hand over to Remus and squeezed his shoulder gently, you felt his hand come up to lace his fingers between yours.
"He says, 'Give Harry ter me, Hagrid, I'm his godfather, I'll look after him-' Ha! But I'd had me orders from Dumbledore, an' I told Black no, Dumbledore said Harry was ter go ter his aunt an' uncle's. Black argued, but in the end he gave in. Told me ter take his motorbike ter get Harry there. 'I won't need it anymore,' he says.
"I shoulda known there was somethin' fishy goin' on then. He loved that motorbike, what was he givin' it ter me for? Why wouldn' he need it anymore? Fact was, it was too easy ter trace. Dumbledore knew he'd bin the Potter's Secret-Keeper. Black knew he was goin' ter have ter run fer it that night, knew it was a matter o' hours before the Ministry was after him."
"But then why didn't Black attack you and Harry and finish the whole thing there and then?" Remus asked, frowning and leaning forward in his seat. You glanced at Remus, surprised by how quickly he followed Hagrid's story with a question.
"Huh," Hagrid frowned, looking up to think. "Can't give you an answer..." He said absentmindedly, beginning to wonder himself. "The whole business was odd, many people were bein' controlled by dark magic. There musta've been some darker, greater plan to it all."
Remus nodded though the inquisitive slant to his brow didn't fully relax. After a long pause in conversation Remus said, "We were all so scared then, so at odds..." With a disgruntled sigh, Remus ran his free hand through his hair and wiped his face, "We were trying to believe that the impossible situation we found ourselves in could be weathered so long as we all did what we could. But we were too naive, too hopeful."
You resisted the temptation to pinch yourself. You had been wondering if you and Remus would ever have discussions about Sirius, if you would ever get to talk about the night that James and Lily died, and now it was all happening within the span of a single evening. You had to remind yourself to stay present and take it all in while you could, as Remus continued sharing his story.
"By the time James, Lily and Harry had to go into hiding, Sirius and I were hardly speaking. We all had the sense that there was a spy in our midst... though you-" He nodded to Hagrid, "and Peter were never really suspected."
"I was?" You sat up a little straighter, turning to Remus.
"Most people were." Remus reminded you, squeezing your hand. "But people who'd suffered loss by the hand of Voldemort and his followers were vulnerable and easier to manipulate. They were often targets."
Hagrid sighed and shook his head. Fang whined, coming over to Hagrid's side to lay on top of his feet. Hagrid reached down at patted Fang's back, thanking him for the comfort.
"Sirius and I had been suspicious of each other for a long while." Remus continued, "It caused a rift between us, by the time James, Lily and Harry went into hiding, Peter was the only one I was really speaking with regularly, the only one who was still able to make himself available."
"May he be restin' in peace, poor lad." Hagrid said, nodding.
"At least despite Buckbeak's news, despite Sirius," You started, smiling to Hagrid and Remus, "at least we can all still sit here together, with Hagrid's treats and talk about it."
"Aye-" Hagrid said, "I am grateful to yer both, for comin' down 'ere and spendin' time with me."
You and Remus stood up then and, after taking a good, long moment to respectfully pet Buckbeak, the two of you began to make your way back to the castle.
The grounds were very dark by then, with only the shallow light of the crescent moon to light your way back to the castle. You thought that it should have felt tense to wander through the grounds late at night with Black at large, but you were surprised to find yourself relaxed. Maybe it was the exhaustion of the day taking its toll on you, maybe it was the emotional release of finally addressing so many things you'd held onto throughout the years.
"Are you scared Black will attack us out here?" You asked, looking up to Remus. He frowned and shook his head.
"Hell-" Remus sighed with a puff of air, "At this point I'd prefer it just to get the bloody business over with." He flashed you a dark grin, causing you to laugh. The two of you chuckled as you continued to walk. You knew it was an odd thing to laugh about but it didn't feel like there was anything left to do.
As the castle neared you couldn't help but think of Remus's story. It brought your thoughts back sheltering at Peter's, to that bedroom window. The wide, vast nature beyond the glass, which had made you feel so stark and vulnerable beneath the wide sky.
The first time you came to Hogwarts you were 18, freshly graduated from a different school, and about to start a 6 month long artist residency. Not only did you learn how to paint portraits that move, but you also became close friends with the marauders. You would have never guessed that 15 years later you’d return to Hogwarts, commissioned to paint each faculty member’s portrait, and be reunited with Remus Lupin as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Read on A03 here!
||Word Count 3.5K ||
Warnings: Drinking
|| Chapter Index ||
|| Author’s Note || I wanted to get this chapter out around Halloween and I am so happy I was able to! It's a little different than my last three, it focuses on a specific night! I am so surprised that people have been reading and enjoying this series- it makes me that much more excited to develop it. I hope that everyone who reads this had a good Halloween, and that you're safe and happy. Lately I've been non stop drinking this tea that tastes like blueberry pancakes with maple... its been heavenly. Grab a cup of something delicious and comforting and enjoy this new chapter! Trans women are women. Though many people love the world of Harry Potter, J K Rowling has been making problematic statements for a long time and I am glad to see people taking her most recent ignorance seriously, as the gross, transphobic, hate speech that it is.
There is so much beloved content that contains problematic, dangerous or inappropriate elements. Or, the author sucks. If we don’t learn to accept the good content while learning to acknowledge, highlight, and stand against the problematic content, we are throwing away most of the creative stories in our world. And that’s a shame, I’d rather we reclaim it and make it better. So even though this is Harry Potter fan fiction, I stand up for trans people and specifically trans women. Any trans folks and gender queer folks who are here, reading, as I ramble on- Hi. You are welcome here. Thanks for giving me your time. <3
The walls of your room were beginning to fill with portraits. Though some were still more sketches than paintings, the progress you had made filled you with satisfaction. Seeing them shift from static drawings to moving paint was your favorite part of the process. Snape's fingers had began to worry the edge of his sleeve and you could occasionally hear one of Remus' trademark heavy sighs.
It was already late October and you still hadn't started some of the highest profile portraits. You knew that working under a year deadline was going to test your ability, but you couldn't have imagined how much. You had tried to contrive a meeting with Dumbledore but he was so busy you felt foolish for asking for any of his time. Filch was the last portrait you had started. It was funny to you that Mrs. Norris was already beginning to move while Filch remained completely static.
Conscious of how ridiculous it must have looked to, session after session, fight the setting sun, you hurriedly mixed paint and tried to ignore Remus' amused smile. You were insistent about painting him at this time because, more than most Englishmen you knew, Remus was sun loving. Many memories from your residency included Remus finding the warmest patch of lawn to lay upon or the brightest window to sit beside.
"Are you excited for tonight?" Remus asked as he watched your hands. Giving in, you waved your wand at a few palette knives to mix paint for you, as you picked up a brush and turned back to the canvas.
"Are you?" you asked over the swing music softly playing from the nearby gramophone. You peeked over the canvas to see Remus painfully squinting up at you. "You can't scrunch your face that much or you're going to ruin the painting! Try to relax!"
"You do realize that you've been asking me to stare into the sun for the last two months?" Remus retorted. The light was becoming cooler as the season shifted to autumn. It meant that you had even less time in the day to get the right colors. You were left trying to compensate by rushing. "Well?" Remus hummed, increasingly entertained.
"Hmm?" you responded absentmindedly. His colors were so golden-—the warmth of Remus' skin made his scars look even more pale and bright in certain light. Light like this-
"Tonight? Excited?"
"Tonight? Oh! Halloween!" you popped up from behind the canvas, smiling. "Yes! I heard that Hogwarts puts on quite the feast for the occasion!"
"Oh that's right! You didn't get to see it during your residency. Yes, it is quite the feast. The ghosts put on a good show too, tend to be a little more animated."
You smiled at the idea, adding the final brushstrokes of paint for the evening. "You're free to move and squint all you like," you said, waving your wand over the palette knives, canvas, and easel to set everything neatly against the wall. Remus stood and stretched stiffly.
"May I see it?" he quietly asked, head tilted.
Heart fluttering, you nervously considered his question. No one had been given the chance to see their likenesses yet. You looked up into Remus' wide, inquiring eyes and shrugged. "Who am I to say no?"
As Remus moved to see his portrait you forced yourself to turn away. It was too much to watch Remus react to your work in real time. Fumbling with the record player, you took longer than you needed to turn it off and close the case. Your chest tightened with anxiety as Remus continued to stay silent.
"You don't approve?" you cringed, looking over your shoulder to peek at him.
"Approve?" Remus cleared his throat, "I'm stunned… I-" he shook his head, at a loss, "English will fail me in every attempt to describe how I feel about it."
The tension broke as you realized that he was being sarcastic. "Stop," you snorted, rolling your eyes. Walking past Remus to put away your smock, you didn't notice that you're reaction caused Remus to frown. You began to roll up your sleeves before catching his upset expression. "What's the matter?"
Remus didn't seem to realize that he had been pouting until you asked. With a tired smile he answered, "you." he closed the distance between you and absentmindedly began to roll up your sleeve. "I shouldn't blame you for dismissing me so quickly but you don't realize how… unusual it is for me to see how I look to others like… like this. I wasn't teasing, it truly is hard for me to find any words to describe the affect it has on me, other than that it is profound."
You shrugged, the grin that spread over your face hid the relief you felt at his words. "Still plenty of time for me to ruin it. But more importantly, there is a feast for us to get to."
The Halloween feast could be smelled through the corridors that lead to the Great Hall. Carved pumpkins glowed and hovered over the dining tables as large platters appeared, offering honey braised root vegetables, warm sugared almonds, and loaves of steaming bread. Hagrid and Remus sat on either side of you at the end of the faculty table, the three of you joyfully watching as students walked in slack jawed, amazed by the bounty.
"How're the two of ye?" Hagrid asked, reaching around you to give Remus a thick clap on the back. You heard Remus wheeze lightly under his breath.
"Just finished another painting session," you replied, smiling at Hagrid. "And how about you?"
"Oh! Excited for the feast, to be sure, to be sure." Hagrid reached into his pocket and pulled out two wine bottles, placing them on the table. He arched one bushy brow at you and Remus and winked. "Now listen," Hagrid started, "I don't often go sharin' this but since you two are good friends I thought I might get these an' share me mum's recipe for Harvest Wine. It's an old recipe… passed down from giant ter giant fer centuries."
You exchanged an incredulous glance with Remus and accepted one of the bottles. Hagrid handed the other over to Remus as you peered into the bottle and noticed a large root growing inside the dark glass. "What is it?"
Hagrid tapped his nose, "never you mind that." he chuckled. With a squeaky pop of the cork, Remus pulled open his bottle with a flick of his wand. He lifted the neck of the bottle to his nose and took in a deep breath. You watched as Remus' face darkened with curiosity.
"Ah, Wurzel- oh!" Hagrid sighed fondly, realizing too late that he'd given away the name. "You didn't hear that…" he murmured, glancing nervously to the rest of the Hogwarts staff.
Remus coughed dryly as he sniffed the bottle again. "Hagrid," he started, eyes watering. "How strong is this?"
"Only thing that really gets me giddy!" Hagrid grinned proudly. You glanced nervously to Remus, who was grinning and pouring you both small glasses.
"Oh, for Godric's sake…" you wheezed, raising the glass to Hagrid and Remus. "To your health, both of you." You took a light sip of the translucent, purple liquid. The first sensation you noticed was just how sweet Wurzel was. You had expected the acrid scent to bare a tannic flavor, but it was light and sugary. There was a faint earthiness, as if some herbs had been used or it had been fermented in wooden cases. "Oh!" you exclaimed, smiling up at Hagrid, "this is so smooth! It's so good!"
"I wasn't about ter give ya anythin' worse!" Hagrid laughed, nodding to Remus to try it. Remus squinted at it skeptically. Hagrid placed his napkin on his lap and continued, "It's not like I'd brew you Erdewein or nothin'."
It didn't take long for the Great Hall to become filled with chatter, the ghosts singing songs as the platters offered never ending amounts of food. Remus had hardly touched his glass of Wurzel, which you teased him about as it had hardly seemed to have affected you. You were working on your second helping of pumpkin au gratin and your third modest glass of Wurzel when you saw Harry Potter take a seat with his friends at the Gryffindor table. You couldn't help but glance at Remus, who was watching him with a soft smile.
"Have you… told him anything?" you asked quietly, without thinking.
Remus turned to look at you. You noticed his eyes focus on your cheeks and your ears, before he quietly replied.
"No, it would only confuse things, I think. He's done well despite it all. For now, I think the most appropriate thing for me to be is a decent teacher, if possible."
You were about to argue he was more than decent when Snape approached from behind the table and placed three small glass vials to the side of your plate. "Severus!" you exclaimed brightly, reaching over you squeezed his forearm lightly with one hand. "Happy Halloween!"
Severus drew away from you, fluidly resting both arms behind his back and pivoted slightly so he was only facing you, his robes brushing up against the side of Remus' face. "I had read," Severus uttered lowly, "certain…. pigments are only achievable through the employment of spell and potion work. And these enhanced materials may even offer more depth insofar as how the imagery behaves."
You picked up one of the vials, filled with a pink powder that glowed weakly. "You made these for the portraits?" you smiled up at Snape, impressed. "Thank you! That is so thoughtful."
"For the portraits," Snape echoed, stepping back to smile down at Remus as well, who returned the acknowledgement with his own, tight grin. Then, nodding and stepping back, Severus excused himself from the Great Hall.
"Blimey-" Hagrid remarked, watching Snape leave, "never known Snape to bear gifts."
"No?" Remus responded dryly, eyeing the vials, "He's never flung handmade goods at you?"
Taking the last bite of pumpkin pie you could handle, you folded your napkin to rest on the table and scooted your chair back. "Well!" you sighed happily, "I couldn't possibly eat another bite. I'm going to head up! Good night you two, stay out of trouble."
Pocketing the vials you stood up and immediately had to grab the back of your chair as your world tilted. You had been so certain the Wurzel hadn't affected you too much, and blushed with embarrassment as you righted yourself.
"Well that means I didn't brew a dud batch!" Hagrid chuckled. You gave both Hagrid and Remus hugs from behind, and then with great effort and care, managed to get to your rooms, where you climbed on top of your bed and immediately fell asleep.
Moments ago there had been a loud sound. You could feel your mind fight to wake, but you were separated from your awareness by disorienting, slow thoughts. You couldn't remember falling asleep. You slowly realized you were still fully dressed, your wand at your side, on top of your sheets. You were very, very thirsty.
Had someone just called your name?
Gentle fingertips pulled your shoulder, rolling you to lay on your back. Your brows came together in a confused frown, and you rubbed your eyes awake with your hands. You heard someone above you curse in relief under their breath. As you peeled your dry eyes open, you saw Remus' worried face staring down at you.
"Remus?" Your voice cracked. You sat up and noticed your bedroom door hanging crookedly, one hinge broken clean off.
"You're safe," Remus sighed in relief as he fell to sit beside you. He pulled his arms around you, all but crushing you against him. You stayed motionless, trying to gather any sense of what was happening. There was the scent of chocolate, the waxy smoke of a candle freshly blown out, and sweat- and you realized it was him. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to lean against Remus' chest as you woke up fully.
"He was here," Remus spoke low, his voice shaking slightly. He repeated your name into the dark, as if it would rid him of anxiety. "Sirius. Tonight."
You jumped away from him, scrambling to stand up from your bed. "Harry!" you questioned frantically, turning to the door. Remus stood with you, his hand closing around your wrist with a careful firmness. "Is Harry alright?" you demanded, eyes wide.
"He's safe!" Remus hushed, both hands holding one of yours. "They all are- sleeping in the Great Hall, we searched the entire castle." Remus guided you back to sitting on the mattress. Your ran your hands over your face and breathed slowly through your fingers, trying to calm your rapidly beating heart. Remus sat down beside you, his eyes falling to the sketchbook that rested on the bed. Picking up one of the loose sketches, Remus watched with surprise as his eighteen year old self skipped rocks across a lake with Lily and Sirius. He sat still, wordless for a spell before questioning, "you… you kept these?"
You pulled your hands away from your face, turning to see Remus cradling your sketches in his hands, the graphite fluttering silently over the paper.
You stared at his hands, shaking your head. This couldn't be the moment that would break the silence over the past. Not now, not the same night Sirius Black had returned to Hogwarts. You felt hot tears rise as you grasped for words that would faithfully explain all your reasons. Remus' thumb gently ran over Lily's smiling face as she laughed at his throw.
Closing your eyes and taking several deep breaths, you reminded yourself that you and Remus owed this conversation to each other. Despite everything that had been left unsaid, unexplained, and unexpressed, the two of you still valued each other. Even after thirteen years of nothing, your friendship had rekindled.
"I buy a new sketchbook at the beginning of every year," you began, trying to keep your voice smooth and calm. "It lasts me the whole year. I have a few extra pages I never get around to filling. But that year-" you touched the sketchbook, pushing your fingers against its frayed binding. "That year I filled this entire book by June. And," you reached under your bed to reveal another sketchbook without a date on its binding, "this is full of all the times after—few precious letters you managed to send when it was safe enough to… When you and Sirius would visit me by sticking your heads in the fireplace… some napkin sketches of Lily and James when they told me she was pregnant…
"When I graduated I thought that getting a residency at Hogwarts would be a highlight of my young life, and I know that it sounds silly Remus, but when you included me with your friends, I felt loved! An-and interesting! I felt entitled to the time and attention of these five people who were so golden to me."
Remus continued to look down at the drawing, watching as he and his friends continued to enjoy a lapse of time without end. He nodded along to your words, listening but unable to meet your eyes. After considerable pause he softly replied, "You were loved and interesting."
"I wished I could have kept us," you admitted, voice beginning to strain as you fought for control of your emotions. "I thought I could have this life where we would all be there." You wiped your face roughly, frustrated with how impossible it all felt to acknowledge. Remus said nothing, but surprised you by leaning down to rest his head on your shoulder. A sense of calm went through you at his touch, the weight of his jaw against your arm. Another long spell of silence passed over the dark room. "Now we're just these old sad people," you laughed, voice cracking.
You felt Remus chuckle against you, shaking his head. "You're not old," he cooed, pushing his cheekbone into your shoulder. "You're thirty-three. You have a lot of life ahead of you."
The air around you seemed to fizz dully in your ears before Remus' voice cut through the silence once more. "May I have one of these?"
Nodding, you pulled the sketchbook onto your lap, opening it to the first page. Your eyes strained in the dark as you and Remus flipped through page after page, quietly gazing at each memory. As you flipped the last page, Remus turned his head, his breath passing against your clavicle as you felt his lips come to rest lightly against the skin of your shoulder.
Your chest swelled as you silently drew in and held your breath, skin erupting with goosebumps. Every muscle tensed as you held motionless, waiting for Remus to laugh and pull away in jest, but he didn't.
"Can you manage it, Argus?" Dumbledore's soft voice came from just past the door. You could hear Filch grunt in response, and the small shimmering sound of a bell as Mrs. Norris sleuthed into your bedroom, eyeing you and Remus as the two of you jumped from the bed.
With a wave of Remus' hand, the torches and candles in your room all lit, illuminating the door just before Filch appeared, dragging a large canvas into your chambers. Dumbledore came through just behind him, wearing a sleeping cap knit from glittery purple wool. The headmaster eyed you both from his half moon spectacles, as Filch rested the Fat Lady's canvas against your wall.
"As I suspect Professor Lupin has just finished informing you," Dumbledore began, "the Fat Lady's portrait has been attacked." You glanced at Filch, who was squinting around your room as if expecting to find Sirius Black hiding under your bed.
Dumbledore gestured to the large rip running down the middle of the canvas demonstratively. "I'll have to beg your pardon for calling upon you so late, but I could not think of a better person to mend this."
"Oh," you responded dully, your shoulder still tingling with heat. "V-very well, Si- Headmaster. I'll have it restored as soon as possible."
"Now I'll have to return to the Great Hall. I know that Professor Snape wanted to share some words with me." Dumbledore gave Remus a lasting glance before asking Filch to follow him out. Remus waved his wand at your door, repairing the hinge as you took several old sketches and held them out to Remus.
"Can I ask you something?" you started as Remus accepted the drawings from you. He nodded in reply. "Well-" You fidgeted nervously, "Do you… do you really think that Sirius…?"
Remus didn't react much to your question. "Why?" he asked neutrally, "are you uncertain?"
"I know that this isn't a good reason," you qualified, "it's just that I've noticed something odd with my sketches. But I know- I know that this doesn't prove anything…" you grabbed your sketchbook from the mattress, pulling it open to a drawing you did of Sirius and Peter sleeping on a couch. "I made all of these sketches in front of you all… that is to say, they work the same way the paintings do. It is not only my magic, but the subject's magic that causes them to move, react, act the way the real person would. If I was to make a drawing of the Fat Lady, my sketch would only act the way I perceive her, but when you draw another witch or wizard from life, the outcome of the art isn't wholly controlled by the artist. In my sketches Sirius is… as he was, he is sweet. He's playful, rambunctious, loving… nothing like what he is portrayed as now."
Remus frowned, pointing to sketches of Peter that littered the other side of the page. "But that doesn't prove anything- look at Peter! He looks far more bitter in you drawings than he ever was."
"Yes!" you exclaimed, worriedly. "But I didn't draw him that way! I drew him like everyone else, but page after page of Peter— he looks so uncertain and unhappy. I don't know why."
"You didn't know Peter as well as the rest of us." Remus suggested, pocketing the sketches you gave him. "Perhaps this has more to do with your unfamiliarity with him?"
"Perhaps but that wouldn't explain Sirius looking so-" you struggled to find the right word, "Genuine?"
Remus looked into your eyes, sympathetically. It hit you then how late it must be as a wave of exhaustion swept over you. Looking up into Remus' face your gaze traced over the grey coming into his hair, the thin white scar that ran over his lips. You felt bad then, for resurrecting Peter and Sirius more than the night already had. Surely, Remus would have enough troubling him tonight without your provocations. "I'm sorry," you sighed, hugging him, "I don't want to know what hour it is… Please go get some rest if you can. It's important that we get sleep."
"Are you afraid of him?" Remus asked you, hugging you gently.
"Yes," you answered, "aren't you?"
"Yes."
The first time you came to Hogwarts you were 18, freshly graduated from a different school, and about to start a 6 month long artist residency. Not only did you learn how to paint portraits that move, but you also became close friends with the marauders. You would have never guessed that 15 years later you’d return to Hogwarts, commissioned to paint each faculty member’s portrait, and be reunited with Remus Lupin as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Read on A03 here!
||Word Count 5K ||
Warnings: Violence, Non Graphic Violence, Home Intrusion, PTSD, Knives
Story Chapters-
PART I - PART II - PART III - PART IV - PART V - PART VI - PART VII - PART VIII - PART IX - PART X - PART XI - PART XII - PART XIII -
Request Chapters-
PART I - PART II - PART III
|| Author’s Note || Hello everyone! We're finally making it towards the end of the Prisoner of Azkaban book! I have my childhood copy on my desk as I am needing to refer to it more specifically as we go on. Every single time I'm about to post a new chapter I get so worried that this will be the one you all are disappointed in, and it only gets worse! AAH.
Nevertheless, I do hope you enjoy it and I do hope someone is finding the secret links I mentioned in my last notes? Anyone?
Trans women are women. Though many people love the world of Harry Potter, J K Rowling has been making problematic statements for a long time and I am glad to see people taking her most recent ignorance seriously, as the gross, transphobic, hate speech that it is.
There is so much beloved content that contains problematic, dangerous or inappropriate elements. Or, the author sucks. If we don’t learn to accept the good content while learning to acknowledge, highlight, and stand against the problematic content, we are throwing away most of the creative stories in our world. And that’s a shame, I’d rather we reclaim it and make it better. So even though this is Harry Potter fan fiction, I stand up for trans people and specifically trans women. Any trans folks and gender queer folks who are here, reading, as I ramble on- Hi. You are welcome here. Thanks for giving me your time. <3
You were completely and totally occupied by the sensation of breathing. Your heart beat strongly against your temple as you looked around your childhood home, waiting to hear some kind of sound. The whistle of the tea kettle, a creaking door, but it didn't come. The quiet was persistent and seemed to grow with every breath you took. Was something wrong?
Your limbs trembled, your vision narrowed, as panic sharpened the sensation of soundlessness and emptiness that surrounded you. You took a small, withering step forward and flinched as the floorboard groaned beneath you.
It felt as if something had just happened before you arrived. Your instinct fought against taking another step, urging you to look away, to hide, to go back.
Perhaps it’s better to not know, you thought idly, it’s better to let yourself realize slowly.
But there wasn't anything to realize, you reasoned with yourself. Maybe they were just asleep?
Had you even called out to your family yet? With a trembling voice, you said hello to the empty room.
There was no answer to your call.
It was pristine. The dials on the television had some dust on them, the telephone cord was tangled, as always. Everything looked as it should except for the fact that it was all very wrong.
Your panic gave way to frustration. This could not be happening to you. Your family were muggles, they had nothing to offer Death Eaters, it didn't make sense.
It didn't make sense, you were being stupid. You were being silly and anxious. They'd be watching television upstairs, or making toast in the kitchen. Maybe they were just asleep.
Someone stepped out from the next room. The act in itself was so overwhelming that your mind made them appear larger than life, as loud as if they were right beside you. You felt your whole body cringe as if to scream, but you couldn't make a sound. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched the stranger turn in your direction. Everything seemed to slow to an impossible pace. His eyes fell upon you, your mind dilated his gaze to great, pale orbs, shining at you as you stepped back.
In one gloved hand he held a badge from the Ministry of Magic's Department of Mysteries. In the other, his wand, which caught the light blindingly as he turned to point it at you.
Your hand gripped your wand tightly, with an instinctive lurch and a rush of air, you were not there anymore.
You apperated, falling to your knees as James and Lily's home filled your surroundings. With a dry sob, you lifted your hands to cover your mouth, flinching as Lily ran over to you.
You woke up with tears on your face. Calmly, you wiped them away, staring up at the ceiling. Your bedroom was dimly visible in the hazy glow that came before sunrise. You focused on listening to the sound of your breath, rather than the memory of your own voice. They are gone, they are gone, they are gone. Inhale, 4,3,2,1, exhale, 4,3,2,1. He saw my face, he saw me see.
Inhale, 4,3,2,1.
Soberly you sat up, allowing your memories to ring and fade in your mind as you stretched. They would come to pass, you reminded yourself, they always did. My family is gone, you had sobbed into Lily's shoulder as she held you tightly.
"Missing" wasn't a descriptor, it was a lick of torture. You had to respond to situations that didn't feel certain. You had to grieve, had to forgive, and had to make peace without prompts. There was every temptation to wonder, to hope against years of impotency.
We need to get you to safety, James said, pulling you away from Lily. She flashed a look of anger towards James, but did not protest. You will be okay, she affirmed, voice unwavering, You will be safe.
In a flash you were somewhere else, somewhere you did not recognize. You could hear people on the other side of the wall, but they never seemed to hear you.
You dressed in nicer robes than usual, pinning a freshly cleaned painting smock to it. Against the side of your wall Remus's portrait watched you curiously.
"What's the matter?" His painting asked softly. You sighed, glancing over to it.
"Bad dream." You answered impatiently.
You made your way towards the gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's office, unable to pull your thoughts away. Even though you had been so grateful, that room had been terrible. Windowless, no doors to the outside world, completely alone. The days that you spent in there had felt like weeks. Your only relief was a letter that had somehow managed to arrive. You could still recite it from memory.
Painter,
In case this gets intercepted I cannot use names, but I needed to risk getting a letter to you for the sake of telling you how sorry I am. Prongs has told me of your circumstances.
It is thanks to you that we know Rookwood is a Death Eater. This also means much more of the ministry is compromised than we thought. One of us will be there in the next few days to bring you somewhere safe.
All my love,
Padfoot
Looking up into the gargoyle's face you smiled bitterly. Were you ever going to be able to go through a day of your life without thinking about Sirius Black? Even in Hogsmeade, you had caught yourself wondering- Did he know it was the New Year? Was he cold? Did he wonder about Remus?
You did your best to push these thoughts away, all your curiosity did was perpetuate some strange hope you retained that none of it was real, even as you were ashamed of yourself for hoping.
"Pavlova." You sighed, watching the gargoyle spring to life and step aside from the staircase it guarded. You reflexively nodded to it in thanks before making your way up the stairs to see Dumbledore.
The wonder of the headmaster's office was muted by your subdued mood. You smiled to Albus, who was standing near his desk, running one of his long fingers gently down his phoenix's beak. The phoenix cooed happily as he did so.
"Good morning!" Albus greeted, glancing at you over his shoulder.
"Good morning, Headmaster." You greeted, quietly placing your materials on the floor beside you.
With a wave of his wand, Dumbledore conjured a cup of tea on the side of his desk nearest you. He gestured for you to sit as he conjured himself a tea and sat down. Behind him, tiny magical contraptions whirred and spun catching the morning light as they moved. There was a healthy fire cracking under the Phoenix's perch and many portraits of past headmasters all sleeping soundly.You wrapped your hands around the tea cup, relaxing as the scent of cardamom and cream filled your senses.
You felt exhausted at the idea of exchanging pleasantries while in such a foul mood, even as you admonished yourself for considering acting less than your most professional. Even to painters far more esteemed than yourself, painting Albus Dumbledore's portrait would be a high honor.
"The Fat Lady was kind enough to stop by," Dumbledore began, peering over his half moon spectacles at you. "She said she is very satisfied with your repair so far."
"She is remarkable." You replied, sipping your tea. "Though I wish I was getting to know her over better circumstances."
The silence that followed your statement was vast but you hardly noticed, still so distracted by the memories your dream invoked. Dumbledore didn't seem uncomfortable, accepting your quiet mood with a level of grace you were relieved by.
As you balanced the canvas on your lap, the phoenix cooed, gliding from its perch to land on Dumbledore's desk, it rested in the crook of his arm. "I suppose Fawkes would like to be included in my portrait." Dumbledore chuckled, stroking Fawkes' wing.
"I think that is an excellent idea." You said more to Fawkes than to Albus. It was a relief to focus on art after such a rough start to the morning. As with the rest of the headmasters, Dumbledore's portrait would be painted at his desk, but you were eager to see how his portrait might differ from the rest. In the long line of Headmasters, it was only a few portraits back that marked a time when many pigments were not readily available, or invented. For so many headmaster portraits, the colors were limited to earth tones, and chromatic blacks- any vibrancy in them was a skilled trick of light.
The last portrait, capturing the likeness of Armando Dippet, had been painted twenty years ago in the early 60's. Though Dippet's portrait was just as respectable as the lot of them, it did have a greater sense of modernity. The lighting was bolder, the colors more vibrant and it was overall more theatrical than the rest.
Two headmasters ago, Brutus Scrimgeour's portrait was painted in the height of impressionism, which you could have guessed by the vibrant color that made up the background- Red Lake, a pigment that didn't survive past that era. It was enchanting to look at Scrimgeour's portrait, knowing you would never be able to use that pigment yourself.
"I remember accepting your residency proposal." Albus started, watching you draw. "I was very happy to see someone with interest in the trade... and I am very glad to see you still practicing it."
"Oh, thank you." You replied, feeling yourself blush self consciously. "I suppose I could say, in the same vein, that I am happy to see how you have maintained Hogwarts, it feels the same as when I first came so many years ago."
You wanted to lay in some base color. Eagerly, you began to put paint onto your palette- King's Blue, Raw Umber, Titanium White. You had prepped Albus' canvas with several layers of gesso mixed with powdered marble, sanded down and applied again so that the pigments would shine brightly.
"So many years-" Albus repeated in a teasing tone. "Time is amusing that way. It eludes all metrics, all senses... indeed, one who claims to have a decent understanding of time is in total delusion."
Smiling, you scoffed lightly and glanced up to Albus. "Are you saying that I'm wrong, that Hogwarts is very different than how it was?"
"No! Perish the thought." Dumbledore quickly answered, waving a hand. His rings caught the light brilliantly, and you noticed how intricately embroidered the sleeves of his robes were. "For many, Hogwarts' worth isn't as a school but as a fixed point. We both know a good number of people that utilize it in this way- whether as a refuge, a homecoming, a time capsule."
You could feel Dumbledore's eyes on you as you continued to mix paint. In your mind, the painting was slowly coming together. Red versus blue, the Alizarin Crimson of Fawkes nestled against Albus' silvery midnight tones. You could unite the two by adding a little cadmium red to Albus' highlights and a little cerulean blue to Fawkes'.
You didn't let go of Sirius letter from the moment it arrived until the moment you left that strange room. You had been trying to sleep when you heard the sound of someone apparating. Adrenaline filled you as you jumped up, Sirius's letter in one hand, your wand in the other. Your best guess was that it has been four days since you had apparated into James and Lily's home. You were still wearing the same clothes, as you hadn't had anything else.
It was Remus.
You felt yourself go limp with relief at the sight of him. "Remus-" You breathed, taking a step closer. At first, Remus' expression mirrored yours, but as you stepped close he rose his wand towards you.
"What creature unlocked your door at Hogwarts?" He asked, voice low.
"What?" You drew back, eyes wide.
"Answer me!" Remus hissed, tightening his grip on his wand.
"Um- A, a rabbit? A little jack rabbit on the ring?" Your voice shook. It had been 6 months since you had last seen him but what startled you more was having never seen Remus look so intense. You had never before noticed how easily he could fill a room when utilizing his full height, how much space he could control.
Remus lowered his wand with a relieved sigh. He closed the distance between the two of you and pulled you in to a tight embrace. Your mind was a mix of relief and despair, so grateful for the comfort while constantly being reminded of what had happened.
"Where are we going?" You asked, looking up at him.
Remus's face softened momentarily. You felt his hand come up to hold your jaw. He looked into your eyes, frowning slightly, before his gaze fell to the letter in your hand. "What is that?"
"Sirius wrote me." You replied, gripping the letter tighter. "To let me know that I should expect someone soon."
"Sirius?" Remus repeated, his voice hardening. He looked as if he was about to ask something more, but thought better of it and turned to the wall behind him. "Alice, Frank!" He called out, tapping his wand on the wall. "We're ready."
At the tap of Remus' wand, an archway appeared, opening the wall up to the living space you had heard around you the last four days. A man and a woman were on the other side, looking at you with a mix of sternness and sympathy.
"C'mon then-" Alice said, gesturing over to her fire place. Frank was grabbing a bag of floo powder.
Bewildered, you obliged. "Where-?" You asked again, voice shaking.
"Don't worry." Remus assured, "Peter is going to take you in for now. Alice is going to make sure you get there."
You turned back to Remus, eyes stinging. "You're not coming?"
You noticed that while Remus' expression was stoic, his chest was noticeably rising and falling with his breaths. "No." He started. There was a pause, in which Remus glanced at Alice and Frank while he thought of how to explain. It seemed as if it was becoming harder for Remus to look you in the eyes.
"What Remus means is that we're all doing our best to keep sensitive information known to as few as possible." Frank said in a gentle tone from near the fireplace. Alice nodded encouragingly. "For example, we knew we were protecting someone in that secret room, but we don't know how to access it."
"And I do not know where Peter is, but Alice and Frank do." Remus continued, fighting a tone of guilt in his voice.
You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could Remus gave Alice and Frank a nod and with a sharp popping sound, had disapperated.
"Headmaster?" You started suddenly, bringing Dumbledore out of his thoughts. "I was thinking about the Fat Lady-"
"Were you?" He asked, fascinated.
"You see we got to talking when last I showed her how the repairs were going. And I was curious if you believed Sirius Black might ever try to access the Gryffindor Common Room again? Because I know a few protective spells for paintings, charms that could make it difficult to touch her, that sort of thing?"
Dumbledore smiled, one of his hands coming to stroke his chin. "That is very thoughtful of you." He said, nodding. "I do not know Sirius Black's mind, but I would imagine that he will try once again, as perilous as it will be."
You bit your lip, debating how freely you could speak. "She told me that, um..." Dumbledore nodded, encouraging you to continue, "...she told me that he had apologized, that he seemed strange."
"Yes." Dumbledore confirmed patiently.
"Well-" You started, frowning.
"Well? Well, that doesn't align with your memory of Sirius?"
"No it's not that-"
"Because it does align with your memory of Sirius?"
-X-
"Alright." James said with triumphant bravado. He was behind you, covering your eyes with his hands. "Are you ready?"
"Common Prongs!" Sirius called impatiently. "I'm sure we've all seen a town like Hogsmeade before! Just get on with it!"
"There is no other town like Hogsmeade!" James retorted, pouting. You chuckled, trying not to move too much and bump your face against his hands. "Alright!" James repeated, removing his hands, your eyes opened to a cellar full of candy branded boxes.
"Oh?" You blinked several times, eyes adjusting to the dim light. "Okay, so the town of Hogsmeade is a cellar?" Your teasing won a large, sharp smile from Sirius and an exasperated groan from James.
By the time you, Sirius, Lily, James, Peter and Remus had sneaked out of Honeydukes' cellar and into the main street James had already explained everywhere there was to go. You had become particularly enthusiastic at the sound of a tea shop called Madam Puddifoot's, which made James, Remus, and Sirius all wince.
"What?" You demanded, as they all shrinked away from you at your enthusiasm.
"No, it's not bad." Remus tried to assure.
"If it's not bad, it's awful." Sirius retorted flatly.
You laughed, shrugging. "Well I love a tea! And if I have to go on my own so be it." You folded your arms, enjoying the looks of indecisive misery on Remus, James and Sirius' faces.
"I'll go with you!" Peter said brightly, but shakily.
"Peter will go with me!" You called to the three boys, who were now looking extremely self conscious.
"Ooh I love the biscuits there!" Lily chimed in, walking over to your side.
"Mmmmhm." You hummed happily, smiling to Lily and Peter as they grouped on either side of you. "This looks like a fine day to me. Let's go!"
The three of you set off up the street towards Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, as Lily told you and Peter about the various specials offered there. Only moments later, you could hear 3 familiar voices behind you, grumbling.
"Look at him- he thinks he can just go with them? Just go? Just leave us?"
"I feel abandoned. Betrayed."
"We can't allow this, lads. You know what will happen? They think they can go to this place and have fun but because we're not there it will all go to hell."
"Things usually go to hell because we are there, Prongs."
"Mooney, you are as observant as you are beautiful."
"And?"
"And, Padfoot, in this particular case, if things do happen to go to hell, we win! Don't we?"
There was a small line queuing out front of the tea shop, with a stout black haired woman taking in guests. You noticed that every group of visitors was no greater than a group of two.
"Welcome!" The woman called to your group as you approached the front of the line. She looked over your shoulder and also addressed the group behind you. "Welcome to Madam Puddifoot's! How many couples do we have here?"
Peter looked as if he was about to speak when Sirius walked up from behind and wrapped Peter in his arms.
"We are!" Sirius called out in his silkiest tone. Peter blushed brighter than you thought humanly possible as Puddifoot ushered them in together.
Puddifoot's eyes then fell to Lily, who she seemed to recognize. "Oh hello my girl!" She reached over, grabbing Lily's hand and pulled her closer. "This must be the young man you've told me so much about!" Puddifoot exclaimed as she also dragged James over by the hand and sent them inside together.
With a jolt of surprise you watched as Remus stepped to your side and tenderly took your hand in his. Your eyes widened as he flashed you a grin more malicious than you thought possible, and called to Madam Puddifoot for a table.
You were quickly whisked away to a small table in one corner of the shop that only had two chairs. As you sat down and took in the interior, you realized that every table only had two chairs each. You also noticed that every surface was either covered in pink velvet or lace, or both. Across the table from you Remus was trying not to laugh behind his menu.
You granted Remus a tight lipped smile as victory shined in his eyes. You did your best to look stern. "I don't know what you're laughing about." You warned, raising your eyebrows at Remus. "I still got to go to Madam Puddifoots, I'm still going to get myself some nice tea. Now I just have more of my friends here with me. It's a win win situation."
"Oh Sirius, James, and I have been out maneuvered by your enthusiasm." Remus assured, reaching across the table to hold your hand once again. "Absolutely."
You felt your face heat up as Remus, looking more earnest than ever, traced his thumb over your knuckles and made intense eye contact with you. Panicking, you glanced over to the table Sirius and Peter were at and watched in quiet horror Sirius propped his legs up on Peter's lap. The only scene that offered you any satisfaction was James and Lily, since Lily did seem genuinely happy to be there which caused James to struggle to committing to the joke. Every other occupied table was full of couples ignoring their tea and kissing instead. You held back a sigh as you returned to looking at Remus.
"We should come back for Valentine's day next year." Remus cooed, "They have little golden cupids that throw confetti into your face when you stop kissing long enough to breathe."
You considered his suggestion, shrugging nonchalantly as you replied, "Seems like you know a lot about this place despite your aversions to it."
A glint of excitement and interest grew in Remus' expression at your response. "Nothing like that." He chuckled, smiling more genuinely. "I just happen to spend a lot of time in Hogsmeade and there is only so long you can go before picking up bits of information about any of the shops. That's all."
"That's all there is to that." You agreed, squinting at him in mock suspicion.
"For example," Remus continued, "You can find many Hogwarts professors enjoying the offerings of the 3 Broomsticks of an evening. The Hog's Head Tavern is less family friendly. And this establishment is mainly used to traumatize first dates."
"Interesting then," You remark, squeezing his hand a little. "that you don't seem very traumatized?"
"That would be because I am un-date-able." Remus answered as he glanced down at your hand. "But for the sake of this afternoon we can pretend that I am."
"Have you decided what you would like?" Madam Puddifoot interrupted, looking at the two of you expectantly.
"I think so!" Remus smiled, "I will take a hot chocolate for myself, and for you, love?"
You blanched, flustered. "The Earl Grey, please."
Madam Puddifoot took down your order and with a flick of her wand, sent it off to the kitchen.
"So for this evening, you are not un-date-able, hm?" You murmured as Puddifoot walked away.
"I am sorry to have placed such a burden on you."
"It's quite a burden." You nod severely. "This is the only date you'll ever have and it falls on me to inform your impression."
Your orders arrived then, pushed on a trolley that squeaked as it wheeled itself over. Remus carefully lifted your teapot and his onto the table, opening the lid of yours and looking inside as the trolley pushed itself away.
"Something wrong with it?" You asked, tilting your head.
"Do you want me to ask for some maple syrup?"
By the time you were all walking back towards Hogwarts, the sky was bright with stars. Hogsmeade had been as fun as James had promised it to be, Puddifoot's and all. You had assumed Remus' mock flirtation would end once the two of you had finished your drinks, but all the way through Hogsmeade and to the Gardener's Cottage he walked closer to you than normal, though he kept his hands to himself.
The six of you ended up at the Gardener's Cottage, sitting near the wood burning stove, trying out all the candies purchased from Honeydukes and sharing Butterbeer.
-X-
"God I'm exhausted." You yawned, falling onto the side of Remus' bed. He smiled over at you as he untied his shoes.
"It was quite the match- I'm sure they will be celebrating in Gryffindor all night."
You chuckled at the thought. "Poor McGonagall." You sympathized, crawling under the sheets. "And that Firebolt? I can't believe how fast Harry is on it... he must have been ecstatic
Remus got under the sheets on the other side of the bed, massaging his brow as he considered your words. "There was nothing to be done... we couldn't keep it from him. We all tried to charm it, break any curses, anything we could think of."
"...You'd tell me if you had sent it, wouldn't you?" You asked, smiling into your pillow a little. Remus leveled you with a flat glare. "What!" You exclaimed, grinning. "I know you're very professional and his teacher and everything but I could see you being persuaded by your inner cool uncle..."
"Cool uncle?" Remus laughed. He dismissed your teasing with a wave of his hand, extinguishing the remaining light. You felt Remus's arms wrap around you as had become usual while falling asleep.
"Also," You mumbled, "That patronus was incredible... I hope you're proud of him, and yourself." Remus replied by pushing his forehead against your neck, his breaths becoming soft and slow as sleep overtook you both.
You started with a jump as someone banged their fist on the other side of Lupin's door. Remus shot up, already unlocking the door with wand in hand.
"It's Black." Came McGonagall's distressed voice from the other side of the door. With a nod, Remus grabbed his overcoat while you jumped out of bed.
You repeated what you had learned from the Hogwarts staff in your mind over and over, as you and Remus went through every corridor you had once explored with Sirius. "I rolled over and I saw him standing over me... like a skeleton, with loads of filthy hair... holding this great long knife, must've been twelve inches... and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and then I yelled, and he scampered."
Scampered?
You couldn't help but fixate on that word. Why would Sirius run away? Was he so far gone that his actions just didn't make sense any more?
As the sun began to rise over the forbidden forest, the faculty accepted that Black had once again escaped. All the staff instead pulled their focus to better enchanting the castle, securing it in every way they could think of. You had returned to your studio, where the Fat Lady sat nervously in her portrait.
"I think it is time." You told her as you approached, dipping your largest brush into some Dammar varnish. "I think you're all finished."
The Fat Lady watched as you covered her painting with a heavy coat of varnish and then pull out your wand and point it towards her. "Magmarta." You spoke, as your wand emitted a hazy light.
The varnish sealed immediately. You closed the distance between you and The Fat Lady, smiling softly. Looking up into her painted face, you held up your hand demonstratively and tried to touch the canvas.
Your hand was repelled as if it was an opposing magnet. The harder you pushed against the barrier, the greater the force pushed your hand off to the side.
"See!" You stepped back triumphantly. "No one is going to harm you again."
The Fat Lady clapped her hands together in relief. "Thank you!" She sang, before looking past you with widening eyes. "Oh, Professor Dumbledore!"
You pivoted to see Albus Dumbledore standing at the open door. "Hello Headmaster!" You called, stepping aside to welcome him in. Dumbledore stepped in, nodding in thanks before looking at you with a weighty gaze.
"You must have expected that I would call in on you this morning."
"I did a bit, yes." You answered as The Fat Lady looked nervously between the two of you.
"Then you know why I am here?" Albus continued, glancing towards The Fat Lady. Her eyes widened in suspense. "Sir Cadogan has been fired from his post and we need our best at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower."
"B-but," The Lady Lady's bottom lip quivered. "But Black!"
Dumbledore lifted a hand to quiet The Fat Lady's protest. "I am confident that you will not be harmed." Albus assured, nodding to you as he continued. "With all of the precautions that have been set in place." Albus then turned to the door of your studio and called, "Argus?"
To your surprise, Argus Filch appeared the moment he was called. You wondered if he had been standing to the side of your door for the entire conversation.
"Yes!" Filch said as he stepped into your studio. Dumbledore moved aside as Argus made his way over to The Fat Lady. "Don't you worry!" He said, patting the side of the frame. "I've hired some trolls to guard you. Finest trolls in the business I've been told!"
You and Dumbledore watched as Filtch then picked up the portrait, and half dragged it out of your studio. You and The Fat Lady shared one last, unenthusiastic look between each other before she vanished from your sight.
"Well done." Albus murmured, folding his arms behind him as he strolled the length of the staff portraits you had started. He stopped at Snape's painting, eyeing it coyly. And then, as if remembering something important, Albus straightened and began to head for your door. "Remember," He called over his shoulder, "Certainty is often more dangerous than uncertainty." And with a wink you were alone.
The first time you came to Hogwarts you were 18, freshly graduated from a different school, and about to start a 6 month long artist residency. Not only did you learn how to paint portraits that move, but you also became close friends with the marauders. You would have never guessed that 15 years later you’d return to Hogwarts, commissioned to paint each faculty member’s portrait, and be reunited with Remus Lupin as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Read on A03 here!
||Word Count 3.6K ||
Warnings: Drinking
Story Chapters-
PART I - PART II - PART III - PART IV - PART V - PART VI - PART VII - PART VIII - PART IX - PART X - PART XI - PART XII - PART XIII -
Request Chapters-
PART I - PART II - PART III
|| Author’s Note || I hope everyone who reads this had a happy holiday season! I am so surprised and happy that we've made it to chapter 6. I know it can be a difficult time of year for people, even in the best of years. This chapter is dedicated to the time between the northern hemisphere's winter solstice and New Year's, and I hope you're able to enjoy it from a safe and warm place. I'm also curious if anyone has found the secret links I've been putting in each chapter?
Trans women are women. Though many people love the world of Harry Potter, J K Rowling has been making problematic statements for a long time and I am glad to see people taking her most recent ignorance seriously, as the gross, transphobic, hate speech that it is. There is so much beloved content that contains problematic, dangerous or inappropriate elements. Or, the author sucks. If we don’t learn to accept the good content while learning to acknowledge, highlight, and stand against the problematic content, we are throwing away most of the creative stories in our world. And that’s a shame, I’d rather we reclaim it and make it better. So even though this is Harry Potter fan fiction, I stand up for trans people and specifically trans women. Any trans folks and gender queer folks who are here, reading, as I ramble on- Hi. You are welcome here. Thanks for giving me your time. <3
You hadn't been certain what you meant when you had said, "We owe each other some time together." You knew that if you hadn't tried to reconnect with Remus, you'd regret it all your life. You knew that revisiting your losses and pains would be worth the chance of having Remus' friendship again, or pursuing the romance you had wanted years ago.
Since that conversation, the castle had began to empty as students traveled away for winter break. No longer could you hear the patter of small feet up and down the corridors, the young, bright voices practicing incantations, the silly chatter you would catch from time to time. You came to sense an honesty between you and Remus that made you both feel eager, affectionate, and light headed. The two of you were quickly realizing how difficult it could be to ration your affection for each other and not attract the attention of the staff.
You felt like you were 18 again, delighted in every opportunity to see Remus, to learn more about him. Remus looked for any chance to stop by your rooms to talk, to catch you walking among a corridor and stroll alongside you, to sit beside you at the great hall. As the castle emptied and classes paused, your nights filled with adventures where Remus, younger and brighter looking than ever, would take you to parts of Hogwarts you would have never found yourself.
"I used to come here all the time-" he whispered, grinning at you before turning to tickle a painting of a pear. With a shiver of delight, the pear transformed into a green handle.
"What!" You gasped, tilting your head as Remus turned the handle and pushed open the hidden door, revealing the Hogwarts kitchens.
"They will make you anything you li-" He started, but you were still standing at the door, squinting at the painting.
"Why didn't you ever show me this? It is paint that turns into a door? This is the coolest-"
"The kitchens-"
"The painting turns into a door!"
Remus chuckled, wrapping his arm around your waist he pulled you through the door with playful force. "My sweet tooth is winning over-" He warned, pulling you over to a long kitchen table covered in cakes.
The two of you sat between a lemon meringue pie, spoons in hand. Around you, house elves quietly worked, occasionally approaching you to offer other sweets. They seemed to know Remus well- and referenced his habit of visiting them for midnight feasts.
"Soo-" You started, licking whipped cream off of your spoon, "do you have plans for the winter break? Going anywhere?"
"Well-" Remus began through a large spoonful of pie, "Dumbledore invited me to stay but I had another idea in mind... What of yourself? Going to visit family?"
You shook your head, "No. I was hoping to stay here and catch up on paintings."
"What about it, then?"
"About what?"
"You and I spend it in Hogsmeade? A classic wintry weekend, a room at the Three Broomsticks, snow, sweets, good tidings..."
You felt a swell of delighted surprise rise in you. "Oh!" You happily exclaimed, smile growing, "That would be perfect! I would adore it!"
Remus mirrored your enthusiasm. "Thank goodness." He breathed a sigh of relief. "To be upfront, I have been planning this and failing to ask for two months."
You choked on a sip of giggle water, "Two months?"
"Since Halloween." Remus admitted, "But it took you saying that we owed this to each other."
You frowned, all your questions and worries rushing back into your mind. After a long moment, you heard Remus gently call your name. You looked up to see him staring at you, eyebrows raised.
"What's the matter?"
You heaved a sigh, pushing your spoon into the meringue. "I've just been so happy, enjoying this... happy that I said what I did." You forced yourself to meet Remus's eyes. "I just imagine that this isn't easy for you? With everything that has happened, that is happening... I don't know how serious you take any of this, or if you take it very seriously. I-"
"Wait-" Remus interrupted calmly, "First let me say that this has been the easiest thing I've done in ages." He smiled at you. "And I appreciate how considerate you are, trying to do my worrying for me. However," He tapped your nose, "I hope you know, at the least, I do care about you. I wouldn't agree to take up your time, your energy, if I wasn't interested... or invested in something significant.
"But you can't let what you're worried I might be worrying about be a reason to protect me from your thoughts. That won't be fair to either of us, alright? Now." Remus took another large bite of pie, "What else have you been catastrophizing?"
-X-
You waited for Remus outside the castle. He had arranged for one of the carriages to take the two of you to Hogsmeade, as it was getting too cold to walk the hour there.
It was the time of day you would normally be painting him. The sun arched towards the westward hills, snow capped and glittering. The air was crisp and still, the better to see the earliest starlight pierce through the sun drenched sky, the highlands and forests beyond. Black forms moved along the castle's border like shadows untethered to their maker, wayward and striking. It took you a moment to realize they were Dementors. A shiver scraped down your spine as you counted their number- easily hundreds of black cloaks drifting and hunting.
Your attention was broken by the wooden clatter of carriage wheels approaching you. The large, skeletal, winged horse pulling the carriage quietly stopped in front of you. With a brief glance towards you, the Thestral bowed its head before continuing to wait patiently. You frowned, wondering where Remus was. You were about to turn before you noticed from the periphery that he was standing right behind you, grinning. With an exasperated groan, you turned to him, smiling. "I hope you weren't lurking behind me too long!"
"Lurking?" Remus repeated, grinning. "Do I lurk?"
He opened the carriage door for you, picked up his and yours weekend bags and placed them on the roof. Remus patted the Thestral lightly on the clavicle before climbing in after you.
Resting a hand on your knee, Remus smiled down at you as you leaned against his side. Hogwarts shrank beyond the glass window faster than you would have expected, leaving you gripped with excitement as you wondered what your holiday away with Remus would hold.
It began to snow, softly at first with little gusts of wind sweeping up the fresh powder back into the air. You were happy to see that the carriage windows fogged over, making the Dementors easier to ignore.
Madame Rosmerta was overjoyed to see Remus. With a gasp, she ran out from around the bar and hugged him tightly. You were shocked to see how well she had aged, as if every wrinkle perfectly added to each expression she made. She was still as beautiful as she had been the first time you came to Hogsmeade, so many years ago.
With a testy smile she pulled you into a strong embrace, "Don't think I forgot about you!" She giggled, releasing you and gazing happily at the two of you. "So good to see some familiar faces! Now, take your keys and be off! Go rest! You'll hear from me later with dinner and things!"
As you followed Remus up the stairs you felt your stomach drop as you realized you didn't know if you were sharing a room or not. You bit your lip as you watched the back of Remus' head, vaguely wishing you could read his thoughts. He stopped before a pair of double doors and smiled at you as he unlocked the door and pushed it open.
It must have been as close to a master suite as the Three Broomsticks could manage. The room was large, with an enormous fireplace that divided the bedroom from the bathroom. There was already a healthy fire crackling away, warming the bed from one side and the bathtub from the other. Rosmerta had decorated the pillows with boxes of chocolate, mistletoe, evergreen sprigs, and a bottle of sparkling wine.
Remus walked to the window and glanced down at the street, the outside sill already had a layer of snow building up, frosting the edges of the glass. You sat on the corner of the bed, placing your bag at your feet, and took in the room slack jawed.
Remus came to sit by you. "Will this do?" He asked, smiling.
With a roll of your eyes you grinned, pushing his shoulder with yours.
-X-
As stars overtook the sky, you could hear the pub below you fill with people. The scent of butter beer and pot pie wafted up from the stairs, carried by the playful tune of fiddles, tin whistles, and Uilleann pipes.
"Hungry?" Remus asked, rolling up his sleeves. You blushed as you looked up at him, surprised by how nice he looked. Remus had changed into new clothes, a crisp white button down shirt tucked into plaid trousers. After you continued to stare and not reply, Remus looked down at himself, frowning. "What? Ill fitting?"
"No!" You said all too quickly, standing up and closing the distance between the two of you. "Not even a little. You look so nice."
"No- I just look as nice as everyone else now." Remus replied wryly. He pulled you down to the pub and you were happy to see a healthy amount of people indulging in drinks, food, and music. Rosmerta was a shining host, visiting every table and guest to ensure they were as comfortable as possible.
Remus tapped your shoulder excitedly and nodded over to a corner table where you saw Hagrid helping himself to a salad bowl full of mashed potatoes.
"Hagrid!" You called, pulling Remus with you as you skipped over to sit beside him. "I'm so happy to see you here!"
Hagrid looked away from the mash potatoes to glance at you, eyes blood shot and face ruddy cheeked. "Oh!" He exclaimed warmly, "Fancy seein' you two 'ere! Sit down why don't you?"
You pulled out a chair for Remus and yourself, sitting between them. You had hardly settled in when, by the glance of Rosmerta, two glass flutes filled with sugared lemon peel, rosemary and sparkling wine appeared before you.Taking an experimental sip, you felt the bittersweet flavor tickle the inside of your cheeks, making you smile.
"No Hog's Head tonight Hagrid?" Remus wheezed as he survived another pat on the back.
"Ah... well yer know..." Hagrid shrugged, "Sometimes ye need somethin' a little more bright."
You and Remus exchanged concerned glances as Rosmerta flitted by and handed you both parchment. On it was a list of the foods available that night, as well as an ordering form for the breakfast the following morning. Above the food was a paragraph stamped with the crest of the Ministry of Magic.
-By Order Of-
THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC
Customers are reminded that until further notice, dementors will be patrolling the streets of Hogsmeade every night after sundown. This measure has been put in place for the safety of Hogsmeade residents and will be lifted upon recapture of Sirius Black. It is therefore advisable that you complete your shopping well before nightfall.
"I could already seem 'em on the streets as I was comin' up, so I just slipped in 'ere." Hagrid admitted. "An I didn't need anythin' to make me more... well..."
"What's the matter?" You asked, placing a hand on Hagrid's arm.
"It's Beaky-" Hagrid sniffled. "I've received a letter from the Committee fer the Disposal o' Dangerous Creatures. They wan' ter- want ter-" Hagrid heaved a dry sob and, taking a table cloth sized kerchief out from his pocket, wiped his eyes.
"Malfoy got his way then?" Remus asked flatly. You rubbed Hagrid's shoulder as he focused on calming himself down and Remus quietly excused himself to fetch supper. He returned with two pies, two pints of Butterbeer, and a large Firewhiskey for Hagrid.
"Buckbeak didn't hurt Malfoy on purpose!" Hagrid assured as Remus returned, accepting the Firewhiskey gratefully. "He isn't dangerous."
"No." Remus agreed, "Honestly Hagrid I don't know how this has happened to you and not me. I figured I would meet some resistance giving students a practical training, and you are far more capable of handling those situations than I am."
Hagrid blushed a little, shaking his head. "Am not-"
"Of course you are! Don't let the Malfoy's treachery go that far. You are good in your post, you belong there."
You nodded in affirmation as Hagrid glanced at you. "And right now you're with us! And there is music and good food." You hugged Hagrid's side tightly, "We can make plans and see if there is anything we can do to help Buckbeak, but not tonight. We don't know what tomorrow may bring and we shouldn't try to, right?" You noticed Remus' eyes widen at your words, as Hagrid chuckled wearily.
"Alright then," Hagrid relented, "But you'll need to try the figgy puddin' by the day's end."
Hours later, you fell onto the soft mattress in your room, face sore from smiling. Your feet tried to lazily kick off your shoes as your mind spun happily. The evening was a kaleidoscope in your mind, joyous, golden fragments of laughing against Hagrid's shoulders as you all swapped stories, of dancing around the bar with Remus, of bumping into dining tables as you danced with Hagrid, of buttery crust melting in your mouth to the tickle of bubbly wine as it fell down your throat.
Your cheeks and lips tingled with numbness as you stretched against the cool sheets beneath you. You giggled into the dark, watching Remus' silhouette as he sat at the bottom of the bed.
"What's so funny?" He asked, his low voice seemed to vibrate through you as you felt his hands gently remove your shoes.
"I'm just happy!" You correct, twisting and turning around until your head laid upon Remus' lap.
"Is that what you are, happy?" You could hear the grin in Remus' tone.
"Listen." You chuckled, "You're the one who kept getting me those drinks, and yes! I am happy. I might be other things, but I am happy."
"What else are you?"
You sat up, pulling yourself off the bed you clumsily made your way to your bag, rifling through it to find your pajamas. The floor was unpleasantly cold, and you made quick work of changing and tucking your pajamas into thick woolen socks. Remus didn't move, watching your shadow as he waited for you to reply.
You climbed back onto the bed, humming happily as you pulled back the blankets and found them warmed by the fireside. "I'm waiting for you to make yourself comfortable." You finally replied.
With a breath of laughter, Remus stood, moving to his bag to undress. Pulling on a sweater and pajama pants you could almost swear you recognized from 13 years ago, Remus returned to the side of the bed. He raised his eyebrows at you, "Well?"
Grinning, you reached over and grabbed Remus's wrists, pulling him over the bed. Remus lost his balance as you pulled, falling half over you. You both burst into hushed laughter as he failed to catch himself, knocking your foreheads against each other's.
"I'm sorry-" You gasped through giggles, hugging Remus to you. Remus rested his head on your chest, his cheek warm against your clavicle.
"I'm not."
-X-
Your kept your eyes closed as you woke up, hoping you would fall asleep again. Against your back, you could feel the rise and fall of Remus' chest as he slept on, breathing deeply and evenly. His arms were wrapped heavily around your middle, making it difficult for you to stretch for fear of waking him up.
Outside the only thing you could hear was bird song. The sunlight filtering into your room cast long beams of gold over the floors, with little shadows drifting from the snowfall. You watched the shadow play against the floors and the wall for a while, listening to the birds and Remus's breathing.
You caught yourself smiling as you took everything in. Never could you have imagined that you'd be waking up in Remus' arms after a night of feasting, merry making, and dancing. You closed your eyes, concentrating on memorizing how wonderful it felt.
"M-morning..." Remus slurred, pushing his face between your shoulder blades. His arms wrapped around you tighter, pulling you closer still.
"Good morning." You whispered back, reaching your arm behind yourself to run your fingertips through his hair. "Did you sleep well?"
Remus grumbled some abstract sound you took to mean yes, as he slowly detangled himself from you and sat up against the headboard. You laughed as Remus turned to smile at you, his eyes still half closed with sleepiness.
Giving him a moment to wake up, you unenthusiastically crawled out of the bed, pulled on one of Remus' sweaters from his bag, and walked to the door. You were happy to find two trays of breakfast waiting for you on the other side. With a flick of your wand, the trays came to rest at the bottom of the bed as you returned to the thick, warm sheets and began pouring yourself and Remus cups of hot tea.
"I have a favor to ask of you." Remus started, his voice sober. You tilted your head at him, curiosity gripping you as Remus reached over, picked up his wand, and conjured a small box from his bag. It was made of brown board and about the size of your palm, tied with festive red and gold twine and a red wax seal to keep it all together. With a small smile, Remus handed the box over to you. "Go on."
You placed your tea on the bedside table, accepting the gift with a curious frown. "You didn't have to get me anything-" You start, gesturing to the room, "You already did all this!"
"It's not a gift for you. If you accept, it will be a gift for me."
You squinted at Remus, unappreciative of his enjoyment to withhold context. "Alright-" You reply wearily. You removed the seal and twine, glancing at Remus once more before opening the lid of the box. He nodded at you with a teasing smile, as you uncovered a brass locket.
It was about the length of your thumb, large enough to fit something decently sized inside, but small enough to rest comfortably in your hand. With a pop of the brass, you opened it to find the inside blank.
"I want a portrait of you." Remus said, softly. You glanced up to him , causing Remus to wilt a little. "I know you have plenty of work right now, but this doesn't have a deadline. If you're alright with it?"
"I'm-" You cleared your throat, struggling to find words as the pad of your thumb pushed against the smooth brass. "I'm flattered. I would be happy to."
In response, Remus smiled so brightly you felt your heart skip. "Good." He said, victory ringing in his voice. "Thank you."
-X-
"Alright!" You clapped your paint stained hands together, pushing a mirror up to the canvas. "How does it feel? What do you think?"
"Oh marvelous!" The Fat Lady replied, voice wavering with emotion. "You can't even tell! I am better than new!"
You smiled in relief as you watched the Fat Lady take in her reflection. "I am so glad that you're happy! Now I just need to do a few paint overs and you'll be right as rain. I am going to charm the frame to repel anything touching you, too."
"Can you brighten up the background a bit?" The Fat Lady asked, looking behind herself to take in the streaks of sanded down gesso that filled in the gash left by Sirius.
"You know I can't." You grinned, "Besides, you're the focal point! You don't want anyone distracted by a pretty background anyway!"
The Fat Lady's eyes widened as she considered your answer, "Too true!" She conceded, smiling with satisfaction. Grinning, you pivoted to your palette to begin color matching the paint that made up the Fat Lady's background. "It was so odd." She muttered, as she turned to look at her reflection. "He apologized while-"
You felt as if something cold and heavy sunk into your chest as you turned back to the Fat Lady, "Sirius did?"
"He asked if he could come in, if I remembered him... In that moment I hadn't yet. Cadaverous, and so sallow." You walked up to the Fat Lady as you listened to her, sitting in front of her portrait as she continued, "...And when I said that I needed a password he looked so upset- I thought it was anger, but his voice sounded so remorseful. It was only then, when he looked so intense that I recognized him." The Fat Lady pushed the back of her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. "Oh, paint me a chaise lounge! Don't I deserve one?"
"Did you tell anyone else this?" You asked.
"Dumbledore knows." The Fat Lady sighed, starting to wonder out of her frame. You wanted to ask more, but you knew that the Fat Lady only did as she pleased, and for now that was strolling off to a different painting.
